by Janice Lynn
“So, what’s the verdict, Dr Jared?” she asked, never one to beat about the bush. “Is this old hip going to get better any time soon?”
Jared pulled out the wheeled stool and, sliding the metal seat next to Connie, sat down. “I’m afraid not.”
“That worn out, is it?” she asked, patting his hand. “Well, it’s not like I expected to go jogging down the beach, anyway. Just so long as I can get to Monday night bingo, I’ll get through. No worries.”
Jared took her wrinkled hand and squeezed it, wishing he knew how to soften his words but knowing he had to give her the facts. “The MRI showed a tumor on your left hip, Connie. It’s highly suspicious of cancer.”
“Highly suspicious?” Her face paled, then hopeful Siberian blue eyes lifted. “If it’s only suspicious, there’s a chance it’s not cancer?”
If only.
Jared flexed his jaw. He’d told patients in the past they had cancer without breaking down. For that matter, he’d told this woman. He could do it again. He steeled himself to do the job before him, strengthening his heart to carry on, all the while fighting the need to take Connie in his arms and just let her cry.
“I wish I could offer you hope, but I won’t when I believe it would be false hope. I talked with the radiologist who read your MRI and, although he didn’t say the actual words on your report, he’s confident the tumor is a sarcoma.”
Connie’s lips disappeared into her mouth as emotion overtook her. Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes watered. “I can’t go through this again, Dr Jared. I did once. I can’t do it. Not again.” She tugged on his hand. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”
Ignoring the tight squeezing in his chest, he held her watery gaze. “I spoke with a surgeon this morning and he reviewed your MRI films. He won’t consider operating until you’ve had chemo to shrink the tumor.”
Connie’s free hand lifted to her salt-and-pepper hair. She’d lost all her hair during her previous cancer treatments.
“I’m not doing chemotherapy again.” Shaking her head in denial, she twirled a short curl between her fingers as if she held something more precious than gold.
She did.
“I’m going to schedule an appointment with Dr Goodall—” he named her oncologist “—and let him review the MRI. He’ll discuss your options, but with the way the hip joint has deteriorated, your prognosis doesn’t look good.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Why indeed? Certainly not because he wanted to. There was nothing good about telling a woman cancer had taken hold so deeply her chance of survival wasn’t good even with the recommended treatment. Without the chemotherapy she wouldn’t survive more than a few months at most.
“I know you’re upset, Connie,” he began, wishing medical school had provided him with the right words to give comfort in times like these. Perhaps there were no words that comforted with dark diagnoses. Certainly he felt inadequate to the task. “But you’re a strong woman and you will beat this.”
She had to.
“I’ve already beaten it.” Connie’s words came out in a high pitch. “At least, I thought I had. Really, I was just fooling myself.”
Jared’s stethoscope weighed heavily around his neck, threatening to choke him. “You did beat your lung cancer. This is a new battle, but one you’ll also win.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you, Dr Jared?” Her intelligent gaze sought his, pinned him beneath her intent stare.
What could he say? At best, the cancer would be localized to her hip and, after eradication of the tumor, she’d need total hip replacement and months and months of rehabilitation. At worst, the PET scan he’d order would reveal metastasized cancer in other areas of her body. If that was the case, modern medicine would be able to do very little to preserve Connie’s life.
Connie remaining positive, believing in her chances of survival, would be the vital key to her overcoming her cancer. If he took all hope away from her he may as well shut the lid on her coffin and nail it closed.
Hope always existed. Miracles happened every day, and Connie was due a miracle.
“You will get through this.”
“If only Paul were here…” Her voice trailed off and she sighed.
“He’s watching over you, Connie. You know he is.”
Lowering her head, the woman nodded. “I miss him.”
Pain at Connie’s loss pricked Jared’s heart. If ever love existed, Connie and Paul Black had shared the elusive emotion.
“I know you do,” he said softly. He himself missed the man’s positive outlook and robust laughter. He could only imagine Connie’s loneliness and sense of loss.
Her hand trembled within his grasp. “Maybe this is the Lord’s way of bringing us back together.”
“No!”
Connie jerked back.
Jared hadn’t meant his outburst to startle her. Hell, his shout had startled him. He lifted Connie’s hand, holding the fragile fingers with care. “You have to fight. Paul would want you to beat this. For your daughter. Your grandsons.”
She patted his cheek with her free hand, then leaned her head against his shoulder and cried. Feeling awkward, Jared let her.
Although the delay put him behind with his other patients, he spent another thirty minutes with Connie, scheduling her PET scan to see if there were any other hot spots in her body. He prayed the scan would reveal only the tumor in her hip. Fortunately, she’d had a negative PET scan a little more than a year before as part of her routine cancer follow-up. Perhaps the disease really hadn’t metastasized outside the hip joint.
He’d hope for the best.
He moved through the rest of the day in a daze, seeing his patients but unable to focus on anything other than the defeated look on Connie’s face when she’d left the office.
In the past twenty-four hours he’d hurt two women who elicited powerful emotions inside him.
With Connie, he’d had no choice. And with Chelsea, well, there really hadn’t been a choice there either.
He glimpsed her from time to time in the hallway. Although he’d felt her gaze on him, he’d carefully avoided looking at her. Each time he thought of her hurt look the night before, he pushed his guilt aside, letting the fresh keep company with the old. Guilt was something he had an overabundance of.
Two weeks later, frustration plagued Chelsea. Despite their working similar schedules, Jared managed to ignore her almost completely. Oh, there were the occasional glances when he thought she wasn’t looking, but the moment their eyes met he’d get busy or disappear.
At times his rejection felt like salt poured into the wounds of her childhood. Into the wounds of his rejection when she’d been seventeen. She still wasn’t good enough.
Perhaps that was for the best because there was no place for a relationship between her and Jared to go, and she’d only end up hurting even more.
“Hey, sis.” Will popped into her office and caught her daydreaming. “Why the long face?”
“No long face.” She immediately stretched said long face into a smile. “Just thinking.”
“About?” He plunked himself down in the chair across from her desk.
“Your birthday,” she covered. Actually, she and Leslie had discussed his birthday earlier. They’d decided to throw a party. “This is the first year in some time that we’ll be together. What are your plans for the big day?”
He shrugged. “Just another day in my book.”
“Another day?” This coming from the man who’d always made a big deal of her birthday? Perhaps he’d been trying to make up for their parents who’d repeatedly failed to acknowledge the day as anything out of the ordinary. Even while she’d been away at medical school, Will had always found a way to make her day special. “Ha, don’t try to fool me. You live for birthdays.”
He gave a disheartened sigh. “That was before I was turning thirty-five.”
“Thirty-five on a man looks good.”
“There is that
.” He grinned devilishly.
“So, can I take you out for the big night, or do you have other plans you wouldn’t want a little sister tagging along on?”
“As you live with me, you know what a dull life I lead. I’m free.”
“Why is that?” Surprisingly, Will went out in the evenings less than she would have thought. Not that working the hours he did was dull. Just that he’d always been a social bug and now, well, he wasn’t. She’d come to Madison expecting to spend a lot of evenings home alone. Instead, with the exception of the nights he worked in the emergency room, Will almost always kept her company.
Not that she minded. Spending time with her brother had always been one of her favorite things.
“Parties and such don’t hold as much appeal as they once did.” Her brother sounded like he was ready to settle down. If only she knew a nice girl to introduce him to. Unfortunately she hadn’t done much socializing since moving to Madison. Other than the girls at the office, she didn’t know anyone.
Then again, she had picked up on vibes between Will and Leslie every time the two had been within ten feet of each other. Although, honestly, she wondered if they weren’t avoiding each other, the way Jared was ignoring her.
Did Will even know Leslie was attracted to him? Maybe not because men could be so blind at times. She smiled, thinking Will’s party would be the perfect time to help him see the jewel under his nose.
“I hear you.” She was agreeing with his comment about parties, while in her mind she continued to plot on what a fabulous event his party would be. The grandest birthday ever. Will deserved that and more.
“When were you a party animal?” He had the audacity to laugh. “All I recall is a little girl too determined to prove her parents wrong for her to ever actually have any fun.”
Ouch. She had been too busy studying to party.
“I have fun.” Not recently, but who was counting? “And our parents have nothing to do with why I became a doctor.”
“Don’t they?” Will’s question was low.
Did he think she’d spent all those years training for a profession she didn’t love?
“If anything, Mum and Dad should have turned me off medicine. I’m here because it’s where I want to be. I love taking care of people.”
Will sat silent for a few minutes. “I talked to Jared,” her brother commented dryly.
She met his gaze, trying to keep her interest to a normal level. “About?”
“Just wanted to make sure the record was clear.”
“On?” she asked, although she had a horrible suspicion she knew exactly to what he referred.
“You.”
“A total waste of your time, but if it makes you feel better.” She waved her hand dismissively, picking up a lab report off her desk and pretending to study it.
“It does.”
“Fine. Makes no difference to me.” Liar, liar, pants on fire. She initialed the lab report, indicating she’d seen the results, then placed the paper in her out basket.
She busied herself with shuffling through the mail, trashing numerous pharmaceutical advertisements without bothering to open the brightly packaged envelopes, anything to keep from having to meet her brother’s intense gaze.
“Right.” He got up and headed toward the door.
“Wait! What did he say?” She shouldn’t ask, but when it came to Jared she didn’t seem capable of resisting.
Will paused, turned, met her eyes with mischievous brown ones. He’d set her up. Given her slack on the line, then hooked her good. “I can’t recall. Good thing it makes no difference, eh?”
Brothers!
“Tell me.”
Will’s eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. “I suggested he bring a date to the surprise party you’ll inevitably throw for my birthday.”
“A date?” she choked out, ignoring that he’d guessed what she had planned for his big day. The smug fink.
“As in someone other than you because you, my dear sister, are off-limits.”
Jared skimmed over the faxed consultation letter from Dr Goodall. The specialist had seen Connie Black in a follow-up of her PET scan yesterday. Connie’s cancer wasn’t confined to her hip joint. The disease had invaded her liver, pancreas, and colon. She was scheduled for chemotherapy in three weeks. Dr Goodall recommended immediate therapy but according to his letter, Connie had asked for the extra time before starting treatment.
He wished she hadn’t delayed, but thank God she’d agreed to undergo chemotherapy again. The harsh medicines were her only hope of surviving her cancer.
Over the years he’d been practicing medicine, he’d lost numerous patients. All doctors did. But Connie was different. The feisty older woman touched his heart deeply, and he’d foregone all professional detachment where she was concerned.
Perhaps it was because she’d taken everything life had dished out in her stride. At least, she had until Paul had died. Her husband had been her rock and had stood by her side throughout her struggles. Other than his parents, Jared had never known two people to be closer, so connected.
He and Laura had shared friendship, had grown up together, and had always thought they’d spend their lives together. But if he was honest with himself, he’d admit that although he and Laura had shared a connection, it hadn’t been of the same intensity that the Blacks had shared, that his parents shared.
He stood, raked his fingers through his hair. God, it had been a long day. He was ready to work out his frustrations at the gym.
Speaking of connections, the moment he stepped into the hallway he bumped into Chelsea, a pretty breath of fresh air who was also calling an end to her day. No matter how many times he ordered his eyes elsewhere, he drank in the sight of her trim figure.
She wore dark slacks, a soft chenille blouse, and a nervous smile.
Why had he had to bump into her tonight? When he felt vulnerable. When he was thinking about couples like his parents and the Blacks. Couples who embodied something real.
He’d wanted that once upon a time. A connection that would last a lifetime. Beyond a lifetime.
He met Chelsea’s warm brown eyes and saw everything he’d ever wanted but had quit believing in.
Something he didn’t deserve.
Not after what he’d done to Laura.
He couldn’t—shouldn’t—want Chelsea, and he couldn’t believe. Not in her. She was Will’s sister and his coworker. Totally off-limits in the only way he allowed himself to get close to a woman.
Sure, he was attracted to her, always had been, but that didn’t mean he had to have her.
“Jared.” She moistened her lower lip and the sight of her pink tongue punched him in the gut, flooded him with memories. She hesitated, but only for a moment. “Do you have a minute?”
“If this is about the other night…” he began. He’d said everything that warranted saying. Nothing had changed. Chelsea deserved better than anything he could ever give her and he wouldn’t risk his friendship with Will, risk a career he enjoyed, for a quickie with a coworker.
A quickie with Chelsea would never be enough, anyway. From the beginning he’d wanted more than that from her, which was what had led to the domino effect straight to hell.
“It’s not,” she quickly denied. “You made yourself clear. You aren’t interested in me.” She took a deep, heart-tugging breath. “I accepted that a long time before I came to Madison.”
She had?
That was quick. Easy. Too easy. Which irked. Irked even more that he cared it irked. He didn’t care. He didn’t.
She toyed with the zipper on her purse. “This is about my brother.”
“Will?”
“I only have one. Thank God.”
But the way she said the words made him think Chelsea would have welcomed a dozen such brothers. Jared wouldn’t know. His mother had had problems with his delivery and never conceived again. Having a brother like Will would have been fun. Certainly, they’d had a good time in med sch
ool. Will had been his best friend for over ten years, had seen him through the hell with Laura.
“I’m throwing a surprise birthday party for him.”
Surprise? Should he tell her Will knew about the party?
“Maybe not so surprise. I know he knows.” She gave a sheepish look and sighed. “He told me he asked you to bring a date.”
“He specifically requested my date not be you,” he told her just in case there was any doubt in her mind about where her brother’s intentions had been. Will knew his history, and he couldn’t blame his friend for wanting him to stay away from his sister. If he’d had a sister, he wouldn’t want her with a man like him either. Not after Laura and how he’d broken her heart, basically killed her.
“He told me that, too.” She curved her full lips into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, hinting that she forced her pleasantness. “I was hoping I could ask a favor.”
“A favor?”
Standing across from him, she looked calm, but the heightened color in her cheeks told another story.
“I love my brother very much.” She toyed with the zipper again. “With medical school, I haven’t been able to spend as much time with him as I would have liked over the past few years. In the process I hadn’t realized how cut off he was.”
“Cut off?” Jared wasn’t sure he was following her train of thought.
“Socially.”
He didn’t like where this particular train was headed.
“Uh-uh. I don’t like where you’re going with this and will have no part in it.”
She frowned. “But you’ve not heard what I wanted to say.”
“I don’t need to. You want me to set Will up with a date.”
“Yes. Sort of.” She sounded surprised. Did she think he couldn’t see the thoughts so plainly broadcast in those gorgeous eyes?
“Will’s a big boy. If he wants a date, he’ll bring his own.”
Chelsea scowled. “Tell me, was my brother dating before I arrived in Madison? Is it my fault he’s home every night?”