After leaving Sloan’s, I head back home to change my clothes, and Sloan leaves to go to the bar. I don’t plan on showing up there until a bit later. I haven’t seemed to be able to get my mind off my situation with Sloan. It’s difficult to sort my thoughts when no one knows about us. We still haven’t told Vada and Colton what’s going on between us, and I’m not entirely sure they would understand.
Colton already told me how he felt about the way I handled things with Kylie. Even though I know it’s somewhat different between me and Sloan than it was with her, a part of me still doesn’t think he’d get it.
But I also need someone to talk to. Normally, I don’t go out of my way to talk to others about what’s going on in my life. Hailey used to be the one person I could go to about anything, but ever since she’s been gone, I keep most everything to myself, even with Vada. I never told her about Ellie to begin with.
I can’t sort between what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to telling Sloan I knew her mother. One day I will have to tell her, that much I know. It’s only a matter of when and if I have the guts to.
Before meeting Sloan at the bar, I decide to stop by Colton’s apartment. It’s been a while since I talked to my best friend, and I owe it to him. I’ve been a terrible friend lately and an even worse business partner.
I bound up the stairs to Colton’s second-floor apartment. When I reach his door, I knock a few times before he answers.
“Dallas.” He’s surprised to see me. “I didn’t expect to see you until later.”
“I should have texted you, but I figured I’d just stop by. Do you mind if we talk for a minute?”
“Sure.” He holds the door open for me. My boots hit the tiled entrance as I step into his living room.
Colton walks into the kitchen and opens his fridge. He pulls out two water bottles and hands me one. If it wasn’t so early in the morning, he’d hand me a beer. It’s been a while since I’ve come over, but that’s always the first thing Colton does when anyone walks in the door. He always offers them a drink.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asks, sitting in the large brown chair in the corner. I sit down on the couch and look up at the TV. He’s paused it in the middle of a soccer game.
The coffee table is covered in sheets of lined paper and thick books all about statistics. I move one of the papers aside, clearing a space to set my bottle down. I lean back on the couch and run my fingers through my hair, pushing it off my forehead. A heavy, long-winded breath releases from my chest.
“Do you remember when we couldn’t decide whose name should be on the bar and we were arguing about it outside my house with Hailey?”
“Of course I do.” Colton nods, his eyebrows knitting as he tries to understand where I’m going.
“Ellie was outside checking her mail when she saw the three of us standing at the end of my driveway. She walked over, pulled a penny from her pocket, and told us to flip for it.”
“Yeah.” Colton laughs. “She couldn’t catch it after she tossed it, so it landed on the ground. You’re the asshole who lied and said it counted even though it bounced off the concrete. Which it doesn’t, by the way.”
He’s eyeing me over his glasses. Hard to believe he’s still bitter after all this time.
“Whatever, man.” I wave him off.
Colton pauses and sits back in his chair. He takes a sip of his water. “Why are we talking about this?”
I sit back the same way Colton is, but I close my eyes with a sigh. “I lied to Sloan.” I open my eyes after my confession and roll my head on the back of the couch to face Colton.
“Um, okay. Must be a big lie if you’re coming over here to talk to me about it. Plus, you kind of look like shit over it.”
“Thanks,” I deadpan, unamused. “I can’t really talk to Vada about this because she never knew Ellie, and she’s Sloan’s best friend.”
“Makes sense.” Colton shrugs in agreement.
“I lied to Sloan about knowing Ellie,” I confess. “When we first met, she asked if I knew her, and I said I didn’t. At first, I didn’t give a shit whether I lied about it or not. I didn’t expect to ever really talk to her again, maybe in passing outside of our houses, but never more than that.”
“Why did you lie about knowing her?”
“Because I figured Sloan only showed up after Ellie’s death because she chose not to be in her life when she was alive. I knew if I told her about Ellie, she wouldn’t stop asking questions about her.”
“What does that have to do with you now? For the record, I don’t see why you lied in the first place. We were pretty close to Ellie, especially you.” Colton stands from his chair and heads back into the kitchen. He tosses his water bottle into the trash. He doesn’t come back into the living room, instead leaning his back on the counter dividing the kitchen and the living room. He crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m sure having Sloan work at the bar doesn’t help with the guilt, but it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Did something happen that made you reconsider telling her the truth?”
“Well, Sloan and I are kind of…” I allow my words to trail off, hoping Colton will get where I’m going with this. I’m validated when his eyes spring open and he pushes himself off the counter.
“Shit, Dallas. Please don’t tell me she’s your next Kylie.” He takes a step forward, and I can see the sliver of anger starting to simmer. He’s worried for Sloan. “That’s fucked up for so many reasons.”
“It isn’t like that.” I sigh, hating that he brought her into this conversation. Sloan is not Kylie, and I’ve never thought of her in that same way.
“Oh.” His body relaxes and his interest is piqued. “So, you guys are dating?”
“Not exactly.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. I don’t plan on telling Colton about the rules I set between me and Sloan, or about Sloan’s own personal rules against relationships. He doesn’t need to know the details. “Don’t worry. We’re both on the same page about what we want out of this.”
“Now I get why you came in here looking the way you did.”
“I honestly forgot I told her I didn’t know Ellie until I was at her place yesterday. She found a box in her attic, and I’m afraid it might lead her to find out about me, and Hailey. I just wanted to come over here and talk to you about it because I’m so confused on what to do. I don’t know if I should tell her now before she opens the box or leave it.”
“Do you know what’s in there?”
“I’m not sure.” I frown, thinking of a few possibilities. “I have a few ideas, but it could be anything really.”
“Honestly, I would just tell her, man. Better to tell her than her find out some other way.”
I nod, standing from the chair. Colton is probably right. I know telling Sloan is probably for the best, but I can’t help the way my stomach twists. My second rule was that Sloan was to never ask about my past, and Ellie was definitely part of my past. If I tell Sloan about knowing her the way I did, I’ll be breaking my own rule.
Rules can be bent, not broken.
And I’m not about to start now.
Chapter Twenty
“It’s absolutely awful, Vada.” I look down into my margarita glass and stir the large chunk of ice sitting in the bottom. My squished lime is sitting on top of the green slush. I poke at it with my straw. “Listening to Gareth play is torture.”
“Why are you still bothering?” She lifts the pitcher off the blender and pours the slushy mixture into her glass. It’s her third one since she showed up at my doorstep with all the supplies in hand. “Didn’t Colton say it was on a trial basis anyway? I’m sure he’d understand if you wanted to back out.”
“I don’t want to do that to him.” I frown, standing up from my couch. I grab my empty glass and head into the kitchen to make another margarita the same way she did. I’m only on my second. “Do you remember how thrilled he was when I told him I would do it? Plus, he really went out of his way to
ask Gareth to play.”
Vada dramatically rolls her eyes over the rim of her margarita glass. “Don’t get me started on what I think about that.”
I leave my glass on the counter and stare at her, holding back my laughter. I don’t know the depth of her dislike for Gareth, but he must not have done anything too serious to her considering the bit of humor hidden behind her cynical stare.
She blows out a heavy breath between her lips. “He started flirting with me one night when I was working with Dallas. It didn’t bother me really since I was more focused on serving than listening to him ramble on about these amazing dates he could take me on.”
As she continues telling me her story, it reminds me of the nights Gareth would come and talk to me, asking if he could take me out or if I could give him advice on what ski resorts to hit up the next time he was in Minnesota.
“Anyway, he was talking about taking me back to his place and how he had this hot tub we could hang out in. He said bathing suits were optional then asked if I could bring any of my friends.” She shrugs, scrunching her nose. “I don’t know. It wasn’t a huge deal to me since I wasn’t really interested. It was only awkward because Dallas was standing next to me the whole time. Gareth claimed he didn’t know Dallas was my brother at the time or else he wouldn’t have talked like that.”
I pick up my now full margarita glass and head for the hallway closet upstairs. I invited Vada to come over and sift through the pieces of clothing and furniture I didn’t want to keep. After letting her pick through, I was hoping Dallas would let me borrow his truck so I could make a trip down to the donation center. She’s been here for the past two hours, and up to this point, I’ve been content sipping on my margarita and spending time with my new best friend. As much as I’ve been hesitant to put a label on us, I know Vada has become my best friend. Without her, I wouldn’t have a summer job, and without her, I wouldn’t feel as at home as I do now.
“Gareth did the same to me when we met.” I glance over my shoulder as we walk upstairs. Once we reach the closet, she leans against the wall and takes another sip of her drink. I lean against the wall opposite her and do the same. “But that’s not what bothers me about him.”
“You mentioned something about the way he played, your first day of practice. Has it not changed?”
“No.” I step into the closet and place my glass on one of the shelves. I pull on the string hanging down in the middle of the room. A subtle yellow light fills the large space as Vada steps inside. She starts absentmindedly scanning the room for anything that catches her eye.
“We’ve been practicing for over a week now and we still haven’t played through a whole song. He only wants to play certain ones from the binder Colton gave us, and I’m having trouble with those. They just aren’t me. We’re supposed to play several songs over the course of our set, but none of them stand out to me. It feels like something is missing. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah.” She nods and bends down to pick up a red sweater. She places it against her chest, looking down to see how it looks on her. She frowns and tilts her head to the side then tosses it back into the box. “Makes sense to me. I’m not a singer, but I feel like it’s one of those things where you have to sing the right song in order for it to show in your performance. It should be in your heart, and it sounds like it’s not.”
“Exactly.” I point to her with a sly smile. The tequila in my margarita is starting to settle in. My heart flutters and my movements are more relaxed. I sit on the floor of the closet and continue sipping on my margarita.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I pull it out to find a text from Dallas.
Dallas: Let me know if you’re free later and I can come over. Or you can come over here. Doesn’t matter to me.
I smile. Since we set up our arrangement, I’ve learned he’s horrible when it comes to messaging me. I’m smiling due to the fact that for the past six days, I’ve gone over to his house. I figured it would be the same today.
Me: I’ll head over later after Vada leaves.
I shove my phone back into my pocket before Dallas responds. It doesn’t really matter what he says in response. I’m enjoying my time with my best friend, but I can’t help the way my chest flutters at the thought of seeing Dallas. My chest aches to be with him, and I crave his touch.
When I look up from my phone, I catch Vada staring at me with a smile on her face.
“What?” I ask her.
“Nothing.” She shrugs. “I’m just wondering who you’re talking to that has you smiling the way you are right now.”
“No one,” I lie. We have yet to tell her about us. I’m not entirely sure what Dallas’ reason is other than the fact that she is the closest person I have since moving here. Maybe he’s worried she won’t take it well, or maybe it has to do with his past. I wonder if Dallas has a reputation for jumping from one woman to the next and never committing. If that’s the case, it doesn’t bother me since commitment is the furthest thing from my mind. Or at least I think it still is.
The thought of hurting Vada tugs at my chest. The thought of Dallas deciding to break off our arrangement tugs even harder. Each day I am finding it harder to leave his bed. I like the way I feel wrapped up in his sheets with his mouth pressed against me. I’ve been enjoying our arrangement, but everyday it’s getting more and more difficult to stick to my own rules. I’ve been wondering if Dallas feels the same way about his.
I swallow down the thought with my margarita and pretend it never occurred to me in the first place.
“You’re lying,” she says, pointing a stiff finger at me. She’s still standing near the front of the closet, flipping through a box of CDs. “But it’s okay. I figure you’ll tell me at some point, when you’re ready to share your secret with me.”
I sigh with relief. “Thanks.”
“Did I tell you I talked to Colton about going back to the newspaper full time at the end of the summer?”
“No, you didn’t.”
“He wasn’t too thrilled with the idea at first. I think he forgot I only started working there because they needed the help after the bar opened.”
“I mean, I can’t blame him. I’m sad to think about you leaving too.”
“Well, you aren’t going to be there much longer either, right? Doesn’t school start in a few weeks?”
I pick up a small notebook from one of the boxes beside me and flip through the pages. They’re all blank. It hasn’t even been used. “The first day isn’t for another month and a half.”
I can’t explain it. I should be excited for school to start. It’s my career.
“You’ll be great. I’ve always admired teachers. I could never do it.” She gives me a tight-lipped smile.
“It’s like any job really. You love it if it’s your passion.”
“Do you love singing?” she asks.
I consider her question, having never thought of it myself before. It’s always been a hobby, something I play around with in my free time. I’ve never taken it seriously, but now that I’m working with Gareth, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. Truthfully, I haven’t even started thinking about my class or the supplies I’ll need to start setting up my classroom.
“I’ll get back to you with an answer once Gareth and I can figure out what we’re going to play this weekend.”
“I love my job at the newspaper. I can’t wait to get back to it. I just have to talk to Dallas about it first. I don’t think he’s thought about the prospect of me going back to work full time. I mean, he knew it wasn’t permanent to begin with, but still…” Vada’s words trail off as she sits down across from me and crosses her legs.
“How does Colton feel about it?” I ask her.
She sighs and swirls her drink around in her glass. The ice has partially melted and most of the liquid sits in the bottom. “I’m not sure. We haven’t talked in a few days—not because we had a fight or anything. We’ve just both been super busy and haven’t really h
ad the chance.”
“Were you guys ever really dating?” I ask her, tilting my head to the side. “I never really understood whether you two were or weren’t.”
She scrunches her nose. “That makes two of us.” Her shoulders fall as she blows out a heavy breath and frowns. “I don’t really know where we are sometimes. It’s like there are times when he’s fully invested in trying with me. Then there are other times when he acts as if he barely knows me. Like I said before, he’s working on his degree, which I totally get, but sometimes I don’t need an excuse, and I get tired of waiting for him to put in one hundred percent. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I do.” I swallow, rubbing my finger along the rim of my glass. “I’m sorry it’s so confusing.”
“That’s okay. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” Vada plays off her feelings about Colton and changes the subject. She leans forward and taps me on the knee. “Hey, remember when I was talking about checking out a few festivals this summer?”
“Yeah.” I nod, taking another sip of my drink.
“Well…” Her mood has changed substantially since our talk of Colton. She grins. “There’s one next Saturday I thought we could all check out.”
I frown.
Vada glances over and reaches for the glass bowl I placed on one of the lower shelves a few weeks ago. “What are these?” She sticks her hand inside and sifts through the sheets of paper. Most are folded, some are torn.
I lean back on my hands, watching her as she reads through a few of them. “Those are the poems I was telling you about, the ones my mother wrote.”
“Really?” She reads through another one then stares up at me with widened eyes. Her curly brown hair frames her face, her big blue eyes standing out. “She was an incredible writer.”
“I haven’t read all of them, but I think they’re pretty good,” I say. “I put them in this bowl because I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do with them. I’ve thought about organizing them in a pretty binder or something. I know they were haphazardly shoved into a drawer, but it isn’t exactly surprising. She wasn’t the most organized person. I may be wrong, but it feels like even though they were stuffed into the desk, they meant something to her.”
The Rules of Heartbreak: An Enemies-to-Lovers/Next-Door Neighbor Romance (The Heartbreak Series Book 1) Page 19