I wished it was that simple but I the need to be sure was hardwired into my personality, a character flaw since childhood. And, as I realized when recalling an old vampire movie (yet another of my jumbled memories), there was another concern. In it, a man had tried to use a crucifix to drive off a vampire but it hadn’t worked. The vampire’s explanation: “You have to have faith for this to work on me!” Was magic like that? If I was a Summoner, did I have to believe in myself in order to use my powers?
By the time I lay down next to Esme that night, I was mentally exhausted. Samell hadn’t spoken to me much at supper or afterward, opting to give me the space he thought I needed. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a situation I could think myself out of. It came down to a simple choice: Was I more afraid of dying than not knowing? If so, then I could put the decision off indefinitely. If not…
The house was more active than usual when I awoke the next morning. It wasn’t yet light out, although one of the moons shone from its perch high in the sky, and everyone was getting ready for the day. The residents of Aeris normally rose early but this was atypical. As I struggled to shrug off the vestiges of an interrupted sleep, Samell explained. “Yesterday’s patrol hasn’t come back. Sometimes, like with us when we found you, a patrol is late, but never this late.”
“Could they have gotten lost?”
Samell shook his head. “Everyone who goes on patrol knows the surroundings well. Rengen is a long-timer. He’s been patrolling for more’n a half-generation, nearly as long as I’ve been alive. No, this is something else.”
He didn’t say what that something might be. He didn’t have to.
“Can you sense anything?” he asked. As if it was that simple.
But when I concentrated, I discovered it was that simple. My mind was like an elastic band and all I had to do was stretch it out. I didn’t sense any earth reavers - or at least I didn’t feel the way I had back in the Blight when one had been stalking me. However, to my surprise, I intercepted the feeling of anxiety that was seeping through the townsfolk. The patrol’s disappearance had everyone on edge.
“No earth reavers but I don’t know what my range is.”
“Good to know there’s nothing close to the town. A group of us are going out to search for Rengen and Elena.”
“I could go with you. If there’s something out there, maybe I could warn you…”
“Stay here,” said Samell firmly, slinging his scabbard over his back. “You’re too valuable to risk and we don’t know what we’re dealing with. If you want to help, keep checking the area to see whether there’s any danger. If you sense something, alert the elders immediately. They’ll get a messenger to us.”
The curt dismissal stung, even though I supposed it made sense, but it provoked another memory to resurface. It was of a recent event, perhaps no more than a year or two in the past. I was in high school and had been invited to a party. All my friends would be there. My parents, however, found out and forbade me to go, claiming they had “heard” that alcohol was going to be served (an inevitability considering whose house it was at) and that there would be no parental supervision (also true, which was one of the attractions). So, while everyone I knew at school was enjoying themselves, I was forced to stay alone, sitting in my room, texting with my friends at the party. I had felt humiliated and marginalized even though, in retrospect, I understood the reasons for my parents’ decision. My mother, whose image remained as unclear as my history, had said to me: “This isn’t to punish you, Janelle. It’s for your safety and well-being.” That’s what Samell was telling me now, although not in so many words. While the intention might not have been to impugn my trustworthiness, that was the result. I was unworthy of going on the expedition.
By the time I went to Father Backus’ house for my day’s training, the search party, which numbered ten (including Samell, Rickard, and Esme), had been gone for several hours. Activity in the village was subdued. Men and women went about their duties but everyone was waiting for word about the missing pair. I did as Samell had requested, occasionally casting with my mind to see if I could pick up indications of a nearby threat. The sense of worry throughout the populace was palpable but I could detect no immediate danger, at least not one similar to the earth reaver.
“I’m a little surprised you’re here,” said the priest after opening the door to my knock. He stood to one side to let me enter. “I thought they might take you with them.”
“According to Samell, I’m ‘too valuable to risk.’”
“I’d say he’s right but you obviously don’t agree.”
I didn’t answer, preferring instead to stand in sullen silence just inside his doorway.
“You’re not ready, Janelle. Seven days of sitting patiently through my lectures and doing chores doesn’t make you a trusted member of this community or a valuable part of a search party. Bringing you wouldn’t have been wise or practical. Aside from a few sessions of crude practice with Esme, what weapons training do you have? How would you defend yourself if attacked? You’re young, new to Aeris, and untried. I don’t mean to be cruel but you wouldn’t have been an asset. Everyone else in the group knows how to take care of themselves but, through no fault of your own, that’s not the case for you. Learn to walk before you try to run.”
I desperately wanted to contradict Backus but I couldn’t. He was right and that stung as much as Samell’s carefully framed rejection. I would have been a liability on the search. So I had been left behind.
Caught in the sudden grip of restless recklessness, I blurted out, “I want to take the test.” I think I surprised myself as much as Backus when I said those words, but they were out of my mouth before I could think better of it.
“I’m not sure you should be making that choice in your current frame of mind. Hurt feelings shouldn’t provoke a decision of this importance.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t dangerous? That it was a formality?”
Backus scratched his voluminous beard. “I don’t think those were my exact words. I implied that it shouldn’t be dangerous not that it couldn’t be. I could be wrong. I have been before, more often than I’d like to admit. This is your choice, your decision, and there’s an element of risk. It shouldn’t be made in a heated moment, driven by an emotional response.”
The impulse that had prompted me to make the declaration was fading, being crowded out by anxiety about the possibility of failure. “If I don’t do it now, I may never find the courage again. You and I both know I need certainty. If I pass, I can move forward without being tentative or timid. And if I fail, at least you’ll know that I couldn’t have fulfilled whatever destiny you think I have.”
Backus nodded somberly, as if something in my short speech had convinced him. He shuffled over to a trunk near the back of the room and, after rooting around in it for a few seconds, withdrew the burlap pouch containing his stash of Blight leaves. They were dried and looked similar to the brown oak leaves of my world that covered many lawns in the fall - except they were about twice the size.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, I wordlessly implored him, my resolve wavering. I knew I couldn’t afford to contemplate the action I was about to take or I’d back out. Do it and be done with it. Don’t think about it. Just act.
He handed me a leaf - whole, unbroken, and looking as mundane as any natural detritus. Hard to imagine that this was poison. Harder still to believe that, if Backus was wrong about me, it would be my executioner.
Taking a deep breath, feeling my heart racing, I raised it to lips suddenly dry with fear. My nostrils caught the faint perfume of dirt and mildew. The last moment arrived for me to stop this madness then passed as I put the leaf into my mouth and chewed.
The taste was slightly bitter but not so awful that I wanted to spit it out. The biggest challenge was manufacturing enough spit to moisten it. I gagged once but I don’t know whether that was because it tasted like earth or because fear had partially closed my throat. I swallowed once, twice, three times
- then it was done. Backus handed me a goblet of liquid that I accepted it, my hand shaking. I downed the contents in one gulp, gasping when I realized that what I had taken for was water was considerably stronger.
I didn’t collapse in a paroxysm of agony. My body didn’t undergo a transformation that left me feeling physically different. As I stood there, awaiting my death, it gradually dawned on me that nothing was going to happen. Backus was smiling like a proud parent.
The action had been commonplace but its implications were profound. I was a Summoner.
Chapter Eight: The Missing
“What now?” I asked. In the immediate aftermath of passing the test, I wasn’t sure how to feel. Confused? Elated? Relieved? All of the above?
“I’ll inform the elders. They won’t question me when I tell them we’ve tested you and confirmed without a doubt that you’re a Summoner. What happens then will be up to them. It changes nothing, however. You remain a newcomer to this world who’s woefully unprepared for much of what it has to offer. You have the ability to control magic but no idea how to access your powers. Like a toddler, you must crawl before you can walk and you’ll fall down many times along the way. Trying to do too much now is a greater danger than eating that leaf ever could have been.”
It changes nothing. Backus was a wise man but he was wrong about that. It changed everything. It changed how I saw myself. And it would change how many in Aeris perceived me. To this point, I had been a possible Summoner. Now, doubt had been removed. I had accomplished what no other person in this village could do and, through that action, had established myself as more than a lost innocent needing protection. Backus had known. Esme had known. Samell especially had known. Now I knew. Soon, everyone else would too.
In retrospect, it seemed foolish to have been so afraid. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, I chided myself. I might have died eating that leaf. But I hadn’t and now I was on the other side. I had crossed something mightier than the river that had once separated me from Esme and Samell.
By mid-day, word of my successful testing had spread throughout the village. I could tell by the way people were looking at me. Instead of the fey weakling girl they had been whispering about since my arrival, I was now a Summoner in their midst. They didn’t know what to make of it but condescension and pity had been replaced by awe and deference. Whatever information Backus had circulated, its effect had been immediate and substantial.
But the citizens of Aeris had greater concerns today than the sudden elevation of their resident stranger. Yesterday’s patrol had still not reappeared and there hadn’t been any word from the group of eight sent to look for them. Some of the communal anxiety was relieved a cycle past the sun’s zenith when Esme returned to let everyone know that the searchers were all right, although there was still no sign of Rengen and Elena.
She came to talk to me before heading back out. “The town’s all abuzz about your passing some kind of test. Good for you. Now maybe everyone will believe what we already know. We may need your help. It’s like they’ve disappeared. We’re doubling back, trying every trail they might have used but nothing seems out of the ordinary. There aren’t signs that anything bad happened but we haven’t found them alive, either. A few of us are wondering if your skills might reveal something we’re not privy to. Samell doesn’t think you should be exposed to ‘the dangers of patrolling,’ whatever that means. As a Summoner, you’re probably better equipped to deal with them than any of us.”
I sincerely doubted that but appreciated the vote of confidence. And if they needed me…
“Three agree with Samell, although not for the same reasons. Rickard thinks you’ll slow us down. But if we don’t find at least a sign of Rengen and Elena soon, their resistance will go away. If we have to go out again tomorrow, you’ll be with us. I’ll make sure of it.”
I smiled at Esme, happy to have her as an advocate.
“Could you check?” she asked, wiggling her fingers in what I guess she assumed was a “wizardly” way. “See if you can sense anything from here?”
I didn’t tell her I had been trying all day and reached out again with my mind. The more often I did this thing, the more natural it felt. I didn’t know if I was actually using magic but it wasn’t something I had done before coming here. I wondered if this was how clairvoyants and telepaths felt in my world and belatedly realized I had perhaps done them an injustice by dismissing them as charlatans.
The foremost thing I sensed was the overwhelming concern for the lost patrollers. The town’s collective grief and anxiety was overpowering and I was about to “disconnect” when I caught a whiff of something else. It was faint, almost too faint to be sure, but it felt disturbingly like what I had experienced during those nights alone in The Verdant Blight. I concentrated, trying to filter out the closer, more immediate sensations, but I lacked the experience to do that, and the distant impression vanished. Had it been my imagination?
“There might be something. I can’t be sure and can’t pinpoint a direction. But be careful. If what I felt is real - and I only sensed it for a moment - there could be another earth reaver out there, somewhere beyond the village.”
Esme thanked me, advised me to be patient, and left to rejoin the others. A part of me wanted to follow her but, for once, I heeded my rational impulses. Eating the Blight leaf had represented enough suicidal impulsivity for one day.
The search group returned just before nightfall when the sky was turning a deep purple. Tonight would be a “darker night” - a time when only one moon traversed the firmament. Knowing little about astronomy, I assumed it was because the other moon was “up” during the day but the residents of Aeris had a long story about why Ire was hiding from Concord (or the other way around). The upshot was that the possibility of continuing the search at night had been rejected. The weary, frustrated searchers returned home to eat a meal and get to bed so they could leave at the earliest possible time in the morning.
Samell was dejected. I sat next to him in silence at the supper table. Rickard had come home and grabbed something to eat before leaving with Lissa to confer with the elders. An exhausted Esme had skipped her meal and gone straight to bed. She lay on the floor in the next room.
“They’re dead,” he said finally, his voice thick. “I know it. We all do but no one will say it. If they had been able to get home, they would have been here by now. I couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter with the earth reaver and what would have happened if you hadn’t been with us. Rengen and Elena didn’t have you. And, as competent as they are with their weapons, that might not have been enough.”
I didn’t say anything. During my short time in Aeris, I had met Rengen only once or twice. He was a gregarious man at least twice my age with a wife and two children. Elena, on the other hand, was maybe a year or two older than me and we had spent several evenings together along with Samell and a few of their other friends. In that short time, I had realized there was something between Elena and Samell, although I didn’t know whether it was “official” or not. They liked each other and there was a mutual attraction but no one had mentioned them being engaged or intended for one another.
I thought about taking his hand in mine but decided against it, unsure whether such a gesture of simple comfort and support might be misinterpreted or unwelcome.
“Esme said you took the test.” His change of subject surprised me.
“It was impulsive but it felt like the right thing to do. Now at least I know.”
“Not just you. The search patrol is going to ask you to come with us tomorrow. No one would think less of you if you refused.”
“Why would I refuse?”
“Because it’s too soon.” His words echoed Backus’. “Being a Summoner doesn’t guarantee that you can access your powers or use them properly. When you killed the earth reaver, you admitted you weren’t sure what you were doing or whether you could do it again. You had a crippling headache that prevented you from traveling for the afternoo
n. Going on the search might not be the best thing for you. There will be expectations of you as a Summoner that you might not be able to meet. And there could also be danger out there.”
“Samell, your people took me in when I didn’t have anywhere else to go. How can I turn them down if there’s something I might be able to do to help? I may not understand what it really means to be a Summoner but I can sense things and maybe that’ll make a difference.”
“What do you sense now? Esme said you warned her that there might be something in The Verdant Blight.”
I had struggled with that all day, trying to rediscover the elusive presence I had so briefly brushed against earlier. No matter how hard I concentrated, there was nothing, making me wonder if it had really been there. Jumping at shadows, running from the wind - was that what I had become? Knowing that I was a Summoner made it all the more important that I be able to validate the impressions of my “sixth sense.” In this case, I wasn’t sure. I had urged that Esme to be cautious but anyone with an ounce of common sense could have given the same advice. There might be more earth reavers in The Verdant Blight. An earth reaver might have killed Rengen and Elena. It didn’t take a Summoner to make those deductions and there was nothing I could add to them.
“It could have been something. Or nothing,” I said. “I’m not sure. It’s like if you see a blur of motion far off in the distance out of the corner of your eye. Then you turn to look directly at it and there’s nothing. You don’t know whether the movement was real or whether you imagined it. That’s how it was this afternoon. Before I met you in The Verdant Blight, the presence was near and constant, impossible to miss even if I didn’t understand at the time what it represented. If there’s something out there and I can get closer, maybe I’ll be able to identify it.”
Lingering Haze (The Elusive Strain Book 1) Page 8