"We're not going near that river again," he said.
"Wild horses won't drag me there," she answered.
Nathan nodded. Abby looked so happy in this moment, swinging there like that. He sure liked to watch her. It was good to see how encouraged she was that Emma was going to get better.
Maybe I'll have to get used to trusting her, he thought. She's stronger inside than I could ever have imagined.
He sighed. "I guess this means were a true family now," he said.
Abby's brows raised. "What do you mean?"
"We've already been through a crisis and come out stronger. That's what families do. Isn't it?"
Abby swung back and forward for moment, thinking on what Nathan had said.
"They say you only really know someone when there's a crisis. I guess we know who we are now."
Nathan went to Abby and took hold of the rope, stopping the movement of the swing.
"I guess we do."
Nathan leaned in and kissed Abby, very gently. Floating on the seat with Nathan's lips on her own, Abby felt she was gliding on a wave of air.
Nathan leaned back and looked at her. "We have a very precious daughter."
Abby lowered her head. "She's my step-daughter."
"I think Emma's more than that now."
Abby frowned. "Why did it take something awful happening before we really came together?"
Nathan cocked his head to one side. "I don't know. All I do know is that we are closer now and that's all that matters."
Once again he kissed her with soft and tender lips.
"You must be tired," he said looking into her eyes.
"I'm okay. I'm not planning on lying down until I know for sure that Emma's okay,"
Nathan's eyes lit up. "Where do you get your strength from?"
"I'm not really that strong."
"I think you are. I don't think I've ever known anyone as strong as you," he said.
Abby lifted her gaze. "Not even Lucy?"
Nathan looked down. "She had a different kind of strength. Her soul was a made of iron. She was brought up on a farm. We met in Billings at a social. Love at first sight I guess. It can happen," he said giving her a knowing look.
He kicked the dirt with his boot. "We were married real fast. I was already well established with this spread. We settled down. Emma came along. Things were fine. For a while."
Abby reached out and ran her fingers down the side of his face. He smiled at her. "Then she went out one day. Went to Billings. Got caught in a storm. Drenched. Wetter than Emma was," he said and a darkness came over his face.
"Things went from bad to worse. There was nothing we could do."
Abby stepped off the swing. Nathan took her in his arms and they embraced there, under the tree, with the cool evening breeze rustling through the branches above.
They clung to each other for a very long time.
The night was falling when they got back to the house.
As Abby followed Nathan upstairs they heard the clinking noises of cutlery on plate. And the noises were coming from upstairs!
Abby moved quickly and this time it was Nathan who had to keep up.
Abby threw the door open and was greeted with a wondrous site.
Emma was sitting up in bed. She had the faintest smile on her face. Mrs.Wardle was seated by the bedside, with a plate of soup and a spoon in her hand. She offered a soup filled spoon to Emma. "Now then, young lady. You just take a little sip of this. You'll be as right as rain in no time," the housekeeper said.
Emma leaned forward and slurped a little of the soup noisily.
Abby went to the bedside. Nathan came up beside her.
"How do you feel, Emma," Nathan asked urgently.
"I feel funny. But I think I'm getting better. What do you think Mrs.Wardle?"
The housekeeper nodded vigorously. "More of this and you certainly will be getting better," she said.
More soup was offered and willingly taken.
Abby and Nathan sat down on the side of the bed.
"You still need to rest for a few days," Abby said.
Emma frowned. "Do I papa?"
Nathan nodded. "You just do what your mama says. She knows best. Doesn't she Mrs.Wardle?"
The housekeeper nodded once, emphatically. "She surely does."
Abby smiled and a dismissive hand. "You're both going to embarrass me. Never mind Emma. You and I are going to be perfectly busy while you're recovering. I think there are some stories you'd like to hear."
"Stories!"
"I've got one or two books with some very special tales in them which I know are going to speed your recovery," Abby said.
Nathan gave Abby a querying look.
"What?" Abby said. "My trunk didn't just contain clothes. I brought some of my books too."
Nathan smiled. "I look forward to hearing those stories. And a few other things besides," he said.
"Now. You finish that soup and get some more sleep," Abby said.
Emma slurped her last spoon of soup. Abby laid her down and touched Emma's forehead. The fever had dropped.
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Later that evening Abby went out of the house and across to the corral. Emma was sleeping. She'd stayed awake for a while, insisting that Abby be by her side. Finally she had run out of energy and closed her eyes.
Abby watched the ranch hands putting the horses into the stables. It was pleasant to watch the men at work. They looked like they truly savored work as a noble thing, an activity to be enjoyed for itself.
Lyle, the foreman, walked slowly by. He looked at Abby leaning on the rail of the corral and tipped his hat. "Evening Mrs.Grantly. Nice night coming."
Abby acknowledged Lyle's courtesy. "It sure looks fine."
"I hear Miss Emma's better," he said.
"She certainly is improving Lyle," she answered.
The foreman smiled. "That's great news."
He nodded. "Well. You have a good night."
"Thank you Lyle."
With that Lyle strode off toward the accommodation buildings.
The relief Abby felt at Emma's recovery was palpable. The knot of anxiety which had settled in her stomach down at the river had faded.
Replacing the awful fear she'd felt was a feeling of true connection to the two people who had so quickly become the foundation of her life. It was as if a chord had been wrapped around all three of them. Abby hoped they would never be separated.
Along with the bond with Emma there was now a growing bond with Nathan. She'd come to see him as a fine man. He'd been through do much and fought to maintain a future for his daughter. It was a future Abby was central to. Nathan had staked his and Emma's future on Abby.
She was both flattered and concerned.
She hoped she wouldn't let them down. She'd done as much as she could do to save Emma.
Had she convinced Nathan? Did he trust her?
The only thing which stood between them now was her unspoken knowledge of the one thing she was fearful would ruin everything.
Why had she kept it from Nathan?
Fear.
It could only be that.
Fear of losing him; losing Emma; losing a future in Montana; being trapped in Boston.
She thought of the day she'd received the news. The crushing feelings she'd felt that day would never be forgotten.
Should she tell Nathan?
Could she tell him?
She sighed and looked at the darkening sky. Again she was amazed how wide and expansive it was. It looked like it would never end as it stretched away to the horizon. The full moon had risen. It would cast it's ghostly glow across the landscape. It was large. Abby had never seen the moon so big.
What a privilege it is to be living here, she thought. I cannot allow anything to spoil this.
"Well good evening ma'am," a voice said behind her.
It was Nathan.
&nb
sp; She turned and smiled, trying to disguise the obvious worry written on her face.
Nathan was smiling mischievously at her and she was sure there was a wicked glint in his eye.
"Are you thinking of taking up ranch work?" he teased
Abby wrapped her arms tight against her. "I think I know the work I have to do around here," she said.
Nathan came right up to her and slid an arm around her shoulders. "And what would that be?" he asked.
"I think you already know the answer to that question Nathan."
Abby felt a quiver of emotion. She tried to disguise it but she didn't quite manage. Nathan saw right through her effort.
He frowned and ran a finger down her cheek. "What's wrong?"
Abby tried to turn her head away but Nathan gently guided it so that he could see into her eyes.
Abby's eyes widened. His gaze penetrated right into the core of her soul.
"Something's worrying you," he said quietly.
"It's nothing."
"Abby. Don't do this."
"Do what?"
"You know what I mean. Don't shut me out. Tell me what it is that's bothering you."
Abby tried to lower her head but Nathan was in control and wouldn't be denied.
"I can't Nathan. I don't want to spoil today, what with Emma getting better and all the good things we've said to each other."
Nathan's eyes narrowed. "Look, Abby the time is now. You saw how easy it is for us to lose everything . Don't hold back. Tell me."
Abby sighed. She looked at Nathan. He looked like he wouldn't budge until he'd had an answer.
"Okay. You remember when you were writing all those letters to me, trying to persuade me to become your bride."
Nathan nodded. "How could I forget. I sat up half the night writing them."
"I loved getting them," she told him. "I'd run to the post and spend the whole morning reading them. They were wonderful and made me so happy."
A faint smile of satisfaction flickered at the corner of his mouth.
"I'm glad."
"It was like being courted by mail. It was the most romantic thing in the world. Nothing like the stories I'd heard about mail order brides."
"To me you were much more than a mail order bride, Abby."
She felt the color rise to her face when he said that.
"When you sent us that likeness and we saw how beautiful you were, there was no way me and Emma were going to let you go."
Abby tried to turn away but Nathan held her firmly.
Briefly, suddenly, she didn't think she could go through with telling him.
But, she pressed on in spite of the tightness in her chest.
"Things seemed to be going so well. I thought I was the luckiest girl in Boston. Then one day I fell ill."
Nathan frowned.
"We were getting so close through our letters. I was sharing them with Florence and she was so excited. I was excited beyond thinking too, and waiting to make the final decision to come to Montana.
Abby glanced at Nathan. He was unmoving, eyes locked on her.
"But. Something happened. A terrible thing for a woman. Especially for one hoping to...start a family."
Abby paused. She didn't know how to say the words. She hoped Nathan would have the sensitivity to understand what she was referring to.
Nathan frowned. "I don't think I follow, Abby."
"I had what the doctors called a hysterical episode."
"What!"
"One day I fainted and could not be roused. It was on the day I was going to tell my family about my decision to come to Montana. I'd thought long and hard about how I was going to tell them. I had everything worked out. I knew they'd understand. But on the day when I was going to tell them something happened. I became hysterical. The doctor told me it was a nervous disorder brought in by my worries about becoming a bride."
"But you're better now. Aren't you?"
Abby sighed. "That wasn't the end of it. During the course of the care the doctor gave me something else came to light."
Abby felt Nathan's grip around her shoulders become tighter. Nathan's eyes narrowed and his lips became thin. He seemed to be preparing himself and finding it hard to do so.
This was such a delicate subject and Abby was struggling to find a proper way to say it.
Abby swallowed and took a deep breath.
"Nathan. It appears I may not be...quite able to...have children."
CHAPTER TWENTY
Nathan looked shocked. His mouth opened and his brow furrowed. "Can't have children?"
"That's what the doctor said. I hadn't been having the usual things a woman has every month for a while. I was going to have it checked out but the excitement of hearing from you and then the shock of my illness stopped me. When I told him he assessed me and came to the conclusion that, most likely, I'd find it next to impossible to conceive," Abby said, her voice fading. "Oh Nathan. I'm so sorry I didn't tell. I didn't know how to."
Abby put a hand to her throat. She found it suddenly difficult to breathe. How was Nathan going to react? He had every right to be angry. She'd kept something so important from him. Something that could have made the difference between them being a couple or calling the whole thing off.
Nathan stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. He sighed loudly and leaned against the rail.
When he spoke it was with a quiet steady tone. "Why didn't you tell me Abby?"
"I didn't know how to Nathan," she answered.
"Is the doctor sure about it?"
"He said he was as sure as he could be. And with the anxiety brought on by my collapse it could be permanent."
"Permanent?" he said with a gasp.
"I haven't had my woman's monthly for quite a while. And I'm not pregnant. If that's what you might be thinking," she added quickly.
"I wasn't even thinking that at all Abby."
"You know that there has only been you, Nathan. No-one else has been close to me."
Nathan nodded wordlessly. He lifted his head and gazed off into the distance. She wondered what he was thinking. She'd have preferred it if he'd have railed at her, or even clutched her in his arms and held her tight and told her he understood, that it didn't matter, that things would be alright.
But he didn't do either of those things. He was silent for what seemed like a very long time. Then she could bear it no longer.
"Nathan. This doesn't change anything between us. Does it?"
She touched his arm. He looked at her arm on his and looked at her. "Why didn't you tell me before. Why did you hide this?"
"I didn't lie to you. I was going to tell you. It's just that with things being the way they are I didn't get the chance."
"There was the time before we left Boston. The long journey to Montana. You had plenty of chances to tell me."
"I know and I'm sorry." She leaned in closer to him desperate to get more out of him. "It doesn't change how you fell about me. Does it."
Nathan sighed quietly. "The feelings I have for you are real. They've been getting stronger by the day. What I told you still stands. It's just that this is such a big thing. For you, me and for Emma. It means she's not going to have any brothers or sisters," he said his voice trailing off.
"We could always adopt. Or maybe there's an orphan train."
Nathan frowned. "I'm not adopting any orphan. I won't put Emma through that," he said firmly.
"Okay. That was a bad idea. But we still have each other."
Nathan looked down. He went quiet for a long time. Abby thought it best to give him time.
After a while he spoke: "Are you really feeling better now. Are you over your troubles."
Pleased that he was showing concern for her Abby pressed closer to his side. He didn't try to move away.
"I am better. I was almost recovered when you came for me in Boston. Now?" She gestured toward the land around. "In a place like this. Montana? How could I not be recovered. It has filled me with health and vitali
ty. It's made me feel more alive than I ever could have hoped."
Nathan smiled slightly. "I'm glad. I'm happy for you. It's important that you're well. For your sake and for Emma's"
Abby gazed at Nathan's eyes. "And for you Nathan? Can't I be well for your sake too?"
Nathan nodded and sighed softly. "I guess so," he said not sounding convincing at all.
"This doesn't change things between us. Does it Nathan?"
Abby saw Nathan swallow. The man seemed to be in a quandary about what to say to her. And she didn't like it one bit. She wanted him to come right out and say what he felt. This reluctance was starting to drive her crazy.
Finally Nathan stepped away from the corral railings. "I'm tired Abby. I need to lie down for a while. We can talk later."
Abby stiffened. "No Nathan. I want to talk about it right now. I need to know what you're thinking."
Nathan shifted awkwardly on his heels, rubbing the toe of his boot in the dust of the yard. He shook his head. "I can't right now Abby. I just can't."
He turned and started to walk toward the house.
"Nathan! Please. I need to talk about this," she shouted at him.
But Nathan kept on walking, his shoulders hunched, his head down. Abby wondered just how long she'd have to wait for an answer.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
How could she do this? How could she keep such an important thing from me, Nathan thought.
He'd made his way up to the spare bedroom at the far end of the house and locked the door behind him. He lay down on the single bed. He wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not right now. His mind wouldn't let him. He had to figure this out.
No more children!
The very thought made a knot curl in his stomach and his heart sink. His mouth felt suddenly dry and he couldn't swallow.
He'd clammed up down in the yard. The words had literally stuck in his throat. Getting away from Abby for the moment had been the only thing he could do.
He wasn't angry or sad. The truth was he was numb. He couldn't feel his legs properly and his mind was racing.
Nathan’s Montana Bride (Sweet Historical Mail Order Bride Romance) (Montana Ranchers Brides series) Page 9