Divided

by Rae Brooks

  “I think it’s alright,” Kilik answered softly. “Katt likes him, really. I think Katt really quite likes him—though, I haven’t the slightest clue as to your advisor’s thoughts on anything. He doesn’t reveal much.”

  Calis nodded his head. Lee never had revealed much, even when they were children. He’d always been the aloof child that sat over in the corner. Claudia had been none too happy when Calis had taken a liking to him. “Indeed,” Calis said, “he has always been that way. I think he likes her well enough, though.”

  Kilik nodded, as though he’d already known this. Perhaps he had—Kilik seemed more apt at reading people than Calis. Though, the fact that he might be better at reading Calis’s childhood friend was a little insulting. “Juliet is there, as well. And we won’t be gone that long—unless you intend to steal me away to some meadow of flowers again.”

  “You have no idea how much I want to do that,” Calis said weakly.

  Suddenly, Kilik stopped and turned to him. They were still in the middle of people that would not approve, but as Kilik didn’t know them as personally, he wasn’t nearly as reserved. He pulled Calis towards him, bringing their lips together in the gentle way that he always did. Regardless of the chasteness of it, Calis’s body buzzed with the feelings the soft lips created within him. Then, Kilik moved his lips to the forming bruise on Calis’s cheek. “I have never felt anger at anyone more than I do at your father, now.”

  Calis laughed, and then he very slowly pulled Kilik forward for another kiss. A few gossiping girls pointed, covering their mouths with their hands and looking positively devious. Just like noblewomen, always pretending to act offended, though they secretly loved every moment of it. “Good to know that I can affect you too, then,” Calis said.

  “You have no idea how much,” Kilik said weakly. There was that sadness that came up, without fail, every time they revealed how close they were. And it had not escaped Calis either, that Kilik had not returned the confession of love. He could see it in Kilik’s eyes, yes, but it had not been said. “He’s a monster,” Kilik continued, “but I… appreciate that you tried to stop it—the war. I don’t know how… I don’t know… if it’s even possible.”

  Calis grabbed Kilik’s arms, continuing their walk. The young girls seemed just a tad too interested, and intimacy always lost a little of its flavor when an audience nearby was enjoying the view. “The attempt was worthless. I don’t know why I thought, even for a moment, that it wouldn’t be. He has never listened to a word from me, or anyone else.”

  “But you tried for me,” Kilik said, and once again, his voice was haunted with some kind of internal conflict. “That is… evocative. You are engaged to a woman, and one that I hear is very beautiful—and yet you continue to put yourself in danger for me.”

  Calis laughed. There was no denying that Miss Avyon was beautiful in every sense of the word. She outshined any other noblewomen in her presence, though noblewomen had never done much for Calis, and while he could appreciate the beauty—he was not affected by Krystal Avyon in the least. “That beautiful woman means nothing to me. She never has, and she knows it—my father knows it too, which is why he keeps forcing this on me. He loves asserting that he is the one in control.”

  Another few steps were had in silence, and Calis found that he minded this silence even less than the ones with Lee. There was something about being with Kilik that required no words or actions, despite how furiously Calis’s body wanted Kilik—at all times. “Eventually, he will force a wedding, you know.”

  “I will have figured this out by then,” Calis said confidently. He was not going to be forced into a marriage with a woman he didn’t love. Not when there was somebody he did love waiting on the other side of it for him.

  Kilik smiled at the words. “So confident, your highness.”

  “Always,” Calis answered flatly. There was strangeness in Kilik’s demeanor, though. There was another level there that Calis had yet to break through. And they didn’t seem to be moving towards it, either. Kilik’s worry with his nightmares seemed to outweigh anything else, and Calis was not about to contest that.

  “You know that…” Kilik choked, as though speaking had suddenly become incredibly painful. For a moment, Calis stopped walking, worried that Kilik was in physical pain. But he resumed when he realized that was not the case. “You know that I… that my memories—I have them.”

  “I know,” Calis said gently.

  Kilik seemed distressed. His eyes lit with a strange emotion, and he stared at Calis with fervor that he’d very rarely demonstrated. “You never ask me about it, though. You never wonder. You never think that those memories—the ones that I am so clearly hiding—are dangerous to you?”

  “If you are asking me if I think you are dangerous to me, then other than the fact that you render me entirely helpless, no. Nothing in your past could change how I feel. I hate that you can’t tell me the truth, and I am still coping with the fact that one person can control my world so completely—but I am not the least bit worried about whatever you feel you have to hide from me.” He took a breath, looking into those infinitely blue eyes. “I want you to tell me, but I will not force you.”

  The younger male jerked his head to the side and let out a frustrated sound. “You won’t force me? Why is it that everything you say makes me want to be with you more? In every moment, I am…” He gasped for breath, and Calis thought he saw the beginnings of tears in the blue eyes. “I never wanted this. I never wanted these feelings—to have to lie to someone that meant so much to me. I wanted to stay away from it all, but then you-you were there, and I couldn’t resist you—I still can’t!”

  Calis moved forward, grabbing Kilik by the shoulders. His eyes burned with desperation as he stared into Kilik’s own. “I will not forsake you, Kilik. I do not care what happens. I promise you.”

  “Forsake me,” Kilik offered a weak laugh as he repeated the words. “Dramatic as ever, your highness.” The good humor was a relief, but it also meant that Kilik was not about to disclose whatever his past held. The sooner he did, though, the sooner they could put it behind them. And the sooner Calis could remove that sadness from Kilik’s face permanently. First, though, they ought to focus on removing whatever was ailing Kilik in the present.

  Calis laughed again, and then he shrugged his shoulders at the dramatic statement. He had never been known for underplaying anything. “Just promise me that your past—that it has nothing to do with what is happening to you now.” He spoke with a choked desperation that he hadn’t meant to put into his voice. “Promise me you wouldn’t let this thing hurt you, just because you’re afraid of what I’d think.”

  “No,” Kilik whispered, “no, no. I… I don’t think so. It’s…” Calis’s grip on Kilik’s shoulders tightened so that their eyes were so locked on one another that it felt like a battle was raging between the two of them.

  “Promise me, Kilik!”

  “I promise!” Kilik cried warily. The words were sincere enough, and in the short time that he’d known Kilik—Calis got the feeling that the young man wasn’t actually very good at lying. Though, he had no way of knowing that for certain.

  Their eyes flickered about one another, as if trying to see who could find the hidden detail in the other’s eyes first. The process must have been more interesting for Calis, as the blue that looked uniform from a distance was filled with so many different shades—appearing deep and bright in the same glance—that Calis’s head spun. “I love you, Calis,” Kilik finally whimpered. “No matter my past, that will remain true.”

  “I know,” Calis whispered gently. Finally, he pulled Kilik forward, brushing a thumb along the boy’s cheek tenderly as their lips found one another again. This kiss was less chaste, and Calis eased his tongue into Kilik’s mouth. The area was familiar, or it should be, but the taste—the feeling, it seemed new every time. His tongue moved across every crevice, and finally Calis’s teeth bared down on Kilik’s lower lip with gentleness.
/>   When Calis pulled away, his mind had eased a little further. He thought for a moment of bringing Kilik back to that meadow—away from all this. He wanted nothing more than to make his lover forget everything bad that was happening. Kilik would never accept that, though, and thus Calis would do what he could. So, he took Kilik lightly by the hand and urged him forward.

  They walked a little further, and they talked about less pressing matters. They could talk about the most mundane things, and Calis found that his attention was entirely centered on Kilik and everything he had to say. “If you go there—to that… thing… you cannot touch it. You have to remember that. No matter what you hear, or think—you cannot touch it!”

  “I have no intention of sharing that rock’s fate, Kilik. And I will make sure Lee is aware of it, as well. He is brilliant, though, and I think that he could help in figuring out what that… thing is.” Kilik conceded this point, as there was no denying, even to the most objective of spectators—that Lee was intelligent.

  “We should return,” Kilik stated firmly. “If you are going on this sun, then I’d prefer you go and leave before darkness falls.” His voice was one that meant there was no debating the issue. Calis let out a sigh.

  The intense aversion that he had to leaving Kilik, for any reason, was almost enough to make him forget that he had obligations to uphold. Things were so much easier here, and they were so much happier. He might know that he had to protect Kilik, and that something was happening around them, but he had Kilik—and if that held, then he could handle anything. In the castle, though, Kilik was not there, and he was forced to pretend. Since meeting Kilik, the act of pretending was demanding of Calis. “I suppose we should,” he admitted, though. “And Lee will be angry if I leave him for too long. He is very needy.”

  Kilik laughed quietly. “Somehow, that doesn’t seem to suit your advisor very well.”

  As they walked, Kilik seemed more animated. Perhaps the walk had done him as much good as it had done Calis. “What is it, Kilik?” There was a very specific look in Kilik’s eyes when he wanted to speak, and Calis saw it there.

  “Take care of your bruise,” he whispered. “I don’t… I don’t like seeing you hurt. I know you think it isn’t anything, but you should take care of it. I can’t explain why. Just—do not let him hit you again, okay? Especially for my sake. No, for anyone’s sake. Ah, bloody… I can protect everyone in Dark District, and yet…”

  “No,” Calis snapped. “I will tend to the bruise, though after what I have seen you go through—I can’t believe you are so worried over it. You have cared for everyone in Dark District. You are the one who seems to constantly take the fall for this nonsense, constantly getting hurt for others’ sake. If I want to take a blow for your sake, then I will do so. I will do so because I love you.”

  Kilik flushed. They were nearing the healer’s house again, though Calis could just make it out in the distance. They had a little ways to walk before they would be back. The sun had shifted several times, which meant that if Calis was to uphold Kilik’s wishes—he ought to hurry.

  “You are impossible,” Kilik said.

  “Then, I must suit you well, as you share that attribute.” A quirk of a smile eased onto Kilik’s face. Once again, as they were nearing the end of the time they had, Calis pulled Kilik to him—kissing him another time, softly.

  “Oh, you loathsome, sniveling, pathetic excuse for a man! You… dishonorable, worthless, guileless rat!” The words came from a little down the road.

  Calis pulled away from Kilik, trying to comprehend the amount of insults that he was hearing. For a moment, he and Kilik blinked at one another before they glanced towards the sound of the insults.

  A boy, not just any boy, the one that Kilik had been kind enough to show around Dark District was walking towards them. His eyes weren’t for Kilik, though, they were quite obviously directed at Calis. “Why am I not surprised?” Kilik said, a bit more dryly than he addressed most things.

  “You fly-bitten, knave! You churlish, errant, foul, vain, rank…”

  Kilik, having grasped that the insults were not directed towards him, reacted accordingly. He stepped forward, with an unprecedented amount of authority. To a person of Dark District, he would have looked frightening. Calis had never seen him behave so powerfully, except perhaps as the Phantom Blade. “Watch your mouth,” he snapped. “You ought to name the reason for your insults before spewing them. Surely someone has told you that in your life, child.” His voice was low, threatening. How odd.

  The boy’s eyes widened, for some reason, and Calis speculated that it was from more than Kilik’s strong presence. Calis worked desperately to suppress his smile. That was quite the arsenal of insults, he thought. Almost impressive. He wished he’d written them down. “I am not a child anymore!” They were addressing one another with a degree of familiarity that Calis didn’t quite understand. “And perhaps you ought to determine the identity of the lips you kiss before you kiss them!” the small, apparently not-child, growled in response.

  From the side, Calis could make out the mean smile on Kilik’s face. He was so in control, at this moment. It was alluring, though Calis made sure that his look remained bemused as he watched the scene unfold. “Oh, you are very clearly a child. State your reason, then, sir.”

  “This person—this man is a liar!”

  Kilik growled, and the sound was deep—or as deep a sound as Kilik could make. This really was quite comical. Calis felt a little guilty, after all, the not-child had apparently worked hard on those insults, and he didn’t feel the least bit insulted. Perhaps he was too busy being flattered by Kilik’s defense of him. “You continue to insult without reason!”

  The boy choked on his words, glaring at Kilik and taking a step forward. He looked a little as though he had just been dared to do something absurd. “This miscreant you are kissing is not who he says he is.”

  Calis was sure he knew where this was going, and he worked to keep the smile off his face. He really ought to try and save this boy the embarrassment, but after being called so many rude things—he was disinclined to help. “Oh? Are you sure?” Kilik asked.

  “Yes. He is a Tsrali! He is the crown prince of Telandus!” the boy was nearly shouting, and Calis winced. Though, he was proud that he had predicted that up to the last syllable. Kilik didn’t seem amused, though.

  In fact, he drew back and glanced to Calis. This was not a very romantic end to their walk, Calis thought irately. This was the second time this little child had left Calis with a bad taste in his mouth. Though, the jealousy of the first time was not the kid’s fault. “Oh, well, I’m confused,” Kilik threw his hands in the air.

  “You ought to be! You can’t just…” The boy paused, and the brown eyes did not look like they were getting the expected reaction. Kilik did not appear shocked at all, though he had said he was confused.

  Kilik offered another of his irritated smiles, and then he spoke. “I am confused because you say that this individual is not who he says he is, and then you say he is the very individual that he says he is,” he said crossly.

  The boy’s eyes widened noticeably. Kilik kept an entirely impassive look on his face, which despite its nonchalance, was a bit odd on Kilik’s face. He was ordinarily so expressing, and yet in this moment he seemed entirely uninvolved. “You know? You know that you are kissing a Tsrali?”

  Kilik sighed, as if he’d expected this reaction. Honestly, Calis hadn’t. Most of the people in Dark District didn’t hate him. Though they may have hated the name Tsrali, they did not hate Calis. Yet this young man seemed to loathe him immensely. “Yes, I do.” Kilik glanced across to Calis, who offered him a smile.

  “And he knew before we kissed,” Calis interjected. The glare he got from the boy was not very intimidating. It reminded Calis a little of the glares Kilik gave when he wasn’t overly angry at anything. So, rather than glaring back, he simply smiled at the boy. “I thought it was worth noting,” he said as he looked to Kilik.r />
  The boy’s teeth clenched together as if he was fighting off some urge. Then, he took a breath and narrowed his eyes. “Then, did you know that he was engaged to a lady back at the castle?” His eyebrows rose, though he did not smirk the way someone who was trying to make a point ought to smirk. In fact, he didn’t smirk at all. He looked unhappy.

  Kilik sighed. “This is very personal information, you nosy little brat. But yes, I did. I am wondering how you acquired all of this enlightening information.” When Kilik took a step forward, the boy took a step back and a gasp escaped his lips. He was clearly misinformed about the nature of Calis and Kilik’s relationship. Though, it was impressive that he seemed to know so much about Calis.

  “Y-you are kissing a Tsrali prince with full knowledge that he is engaged to another woman?” The boy choked and his voice rose an octave. “Why?”

  Kilik and Calis stared at each other for a moment. Calis decided that the look was enough to permit his own interference. “That isn’t your business, boy. Why are you so worried with this matter, anyway?”

  The boy snarled upon being addressed by Calis. “Don’t talk to me, you vermin!” he shouted. His voice was getting progressively higher. He really must be upset. Calis’s eye twitched. “You may have disarmed T-T-Kilik with your obnoxious charm, but I won’t be so foolish.” Had the boy forgotten Kilik’s name? Odd, considering how much he was pretending to care about Kilik’s love life. “You twisted, deceitful imp!” More with the insults… “You think it’s alright to play with people like this? What is it you intend to do? Are you going to try and lead him off somewhere and kill him—or are you just doing this for the merriment of hurting him emotionally?”

  Kilik began responding when the words finally reached Calis. They cut deeper than any singular insult could have. For this random, foolish child to imply that Calis would lay a hand on Kilik—or hurt him without doing so—tinged his vision red. He stepped forward and seized the boy’s color, speaking in a low, primeval growl. “You insolent child. Do not presume to know me or my relationship with Kilik. You speak things that you know nothing of—if you knew the impossibilities you spoke—you would hang yourself for your lies. Kilik is in more danger by your flagrant speech than of me—the idea that I would hurt him is so abhorrent that I should strike you for speaking it—for thinking it!”