by Rae Brooks
The statement, however, seemed to confuse Taeru more than anything else. He flinched a little, and exhaustion flickered through his eyes. Without waiting for Taeru to speak, Calis did, moving forward to kiss the top of Taeru’s head again. “You need to rest, Taeru. Your injuries will take some time to heal.”
This frustrated the Cathalari, and he squirmed at the words. Calis said nothing, hoping that this conversation didn’t lead to what had happened to Juliet and Aitken. “I can’t rest,” Taeru said. “There are too many things I’m supposed to do. I already almost failed before—don’t you understand? I have to stop this war. I can’t rest…”
Steeled resolve entered into Calis’s face, then. Taeru would not care for himself, and so Calis would have to do so in all things. “You have to rest. You are in pain. You bore a beating that could kill a lesser man—and if you don’t rest, then I will make you.” This seemed to startle Taeru into silence. “You have earned rest,” Calis said.
“I haven’t,” Taeru disagreed vehemently. “I have done nothing. I got captured and nearly killed—I only didn’t die—didn’t die because of you. If I had died, then I would have completely failed to stop this war.”
“You have brought hope to a land where there was none,” Katt interjected. Her eyes were burning with emotion as she stared at Taeru. This was the first time Calis had taken true notice of another person since he’d seen Taeru. Everyone else seemed dim, as though they were without color, when Taeru was in the room. “You have saved my life many times over.”
This didn’t seem to reach Taeru, and he just stared away in contempt—contempt that was surely directed at himself. Calis wanted to grab the boy’s hands and look at him, but as they were injured, Calis just tilted Taeru’s chin up with his fingers. “Stop ignoring the good you’ve done. You are braver than anyone I’ve ever met,” he whispered.
“I’m not. I just—I have to do this, and I’m afraid that if I wait…” Taeru’s eyes widened, as if recalling something else. “The messenger? Did your father send a messenger to Cathalar—has it arrived? Was there a response?” His words were heartbreaking to Calis. There was no way Taeru would be truly happy with the response, for even Taeru would feel pain of being ignored by his family, and yet—a response to help him would mean to initiate the war.
Still, Calis felt a swell of pride as he spoke. “Yes, the message was received.” He fidgeted for a moment. This was the easier bit of news. Telling Taeru of Juliet’s fate was what Calis feared the most. “A Cathalari messenger was here a few suns ago.”
For a moment, Taeru looked genuinely shocked, as though he didn’t understand the words that Calis was saying. Then, his eyes widened, and he leaned forward. “Do you know what the message said, then?” he asked.
Rather than allowing Calis to answer, Lee answered in his stead. “Yes, we know.” Calis was torn between grateful and annoyed. Grateful at the fact that Lee could relieve him of his burden, and annoyed that Lee had taken a priceless moment of speaking with Taeru. Those moments had become more and more valuable to Calis recently. “The message was from your father. He informed… ah, he was angry. He informed Lavus that he had his war. That he would regret any harm that came to you.”
Oddly enough, Taeru’s face turned an interesting shade of red. Calis tried to keep his face from smiling at the appeal of it. Blushing seemed to suit Taeru—in some ways, anyway. “M-my father said that?” Taeru was glad, for a single instant, he was happy. Then, he lowered his head in anger. “No! Why would he? I renounced the Lassau name so that I couldn’t cause this. I never expected him to…” Taeru squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ve more than failed. I’ve sabotaged my own goal.” His words were pained.
“You haven’t,” Calis interrupted. “They aren’t here yet, and Lavus is dead. From what I can tell, your family cares much for you. We just have to wait for them to arrive, then we can explain… after all, I’m sure the situation in Telandus will have been resolved by then. I will ensure that there is no war.”
There was the tiniest spark of hope in those tired, blue eyes. Calis offered a reassuring smile, and Taeru returned a tentative one. “Thank you so much, Calis,” Taeru breathed.
“No matter what happens, please know that Lavus did this—that Tareth did this, Taeru… not you.” Alyx’s voice was hesitant, like a child doing their best not to cry in front of an adult. Calis’s eyes moved to her warily, and he wished that she hadn’t spoken. Not that she hadn’t a right to speak, but because she would bring forth forbidden questions into Taeru’s mind.
The subject was unavoidable, though, and Calis knew that. He’d only wanted to have the conversation when Taeru was healthier. Taeru’s eyes widened when they saw Alyx. “Y-you’re… Alyx! You’re okay!” Calis could see the questions flashing across Taeru’s mind as he stared at the blonde girl. “And Katt,” he murmured, as if reminding himself. “Where is everyone else?” Then, a twisting panic. “Where are Aela and Leif? Aela—ah…” Taeru flushed.
The words made no sense. Calis wasn’t sure who either of those people were, and when he stared at Taeru with a blank expression, the younger male stuttered. “Oh—you don’t… ah…” His fear had returned. “The boy… Aelic—that was… my sister… in disguise. She… she came to Telandus, I think to…” Taeru’s voice floundered. So they had come to spy—well, that was fair. Aelic hadn’t been very boyish to begin with.
Still, a rather disturbing thought occurred to Calis as he thought back on the events with Aelic, or Aela, rather. A sour look took hold of his face. Certainly, Aela’s deceit had been a more severe one than Taeru’s, but that seemed alright. For some reason, Calis found himself entirely on the side of Cathalar. After all, Veyron held back for as long as he could—and he had leapt to his son’s defense so quickly. Calis couldn’t help but like the neighboring ruler.
Therefore, any spy attempts felt justified. Still—there was that thought. That horrifying thought that continued into Calis’s mind and nested there. His mouth twitched into a frown that deepened further and further with the passage of time.
Taeru looked horrified, and to Calis’s dismay, there were tears beginning to spring into his eyes again. “I… Calis—I’m really sorry. She was… Aela is… really important to me, I just…” His voice was anguished.
At once, Calis’s eye twitched, and he realized he ought to explain Taeru’s worry away. “I was… jealous,” Calis murmured flatly, “I was jealous of your sister, then. Because… you showed her… around.” The thought was entirely humiliating. Taeru’s eyes widened, and there was an awkward pause between the two of them.
“Oh,” Taeru pursed his lips in thought, “don’t be embarrassed—I didn’t know it was her at that point, either.”
“You said that she reminded you of someone you knew, remember?” Calis asked. The conversation was perfectly vivid in his mind, just like everyone that he’d ever had with Taeru. Calis couldn’t forget a single detail about his interactions with Taeru, and he found that he liked it that way. Though, he was sure he’d want to forget these injuries—but perhaps he ought to remember as an incentive to keep Taeru safe.
Taeru blinked. “Yes, but I was being honest. I just thought there was a resemblance. You aren’t angry that…?”
“No,” Calis answered. He gestured to the amulet around his neck, and Taeru nodded.
“Your sister and Leif are fine. They have been avoiding the guards for some time, and Leif seemed to be quite skilled at it. I wouldn’t worry.” There was something about the way Lee spoke that made Calis believe him. That tended to happen when Lee believed himself.
Taeru offered a quick nod and sigh of relief towards Lee.
Calis attempted to get Taeru to return to sleep, wanting any other questions to wait until he was in a better state to manage their answers. “Taeru…” Calis whispered.
Abruptly, Taeru turned back to Alyx with worried eyes. “Are you alright, Alyx? You don’t look well. Where are Juliet and Aitken?” His words tried to sound confident,
but the fear was there—already anticipating the inevitable. Calis could feel his heart constrict and snap.
The silence in the room seemed to become louder. Where people had only been listening before, they were now not speaking. There was nothing to listen to but the sounds of the darkness outside. Alyx’s eyes welled with tears, Katt closed her eyes, and Lee exchanged a worried glance with Calis.
Taeru was not a fool, and he knew from the change in atmosphere that something was amiss. His body twitched, and a slight tremor began to run through him as the silence continued. No one could speak, and he knew why they couldn’t. “Please,” he whispered. “Please… say something… Alyx…” So much pain.
“I-it wasn’t… there was nothing we could do…” Alyx tried to offer her support, but she had to know that it would do no good. Not to mention, she was in no condition to be consoling anyone over the loss of her own family. “I-it wasn’t your fault! Please!” Tears spilled from her eyes, and she dropped to the floor without any further attempts.
Taeru stared blankly at her for a few moments. “Dead?” he asked, and the word seemed to reverberate off the walls. Alyx didn’t respond, but she didn’t need to. The way Taeru’s body convulsed, Calis could do nothing but respond to his urge to lurch forward and take Taeru against his chest.
All at once, Taeru let out a scream between his gritted teeth. The sound was oddly muted, but the pain in it cut to a place so deep within Calis’s heart that he had been scarcely aware of it. No, Taeru should never be in this much pain. Then, Taeru began to struggle against Calis’s grip, and Calis tried to manage his body so that his injuries remained undisturbed.
Naturally, Taeru fought harder than he ever had before. His hands flew up, trying desperately to pry himself away from Calis. “No, no,” Taeru growled. He screamed, and as tears ran down his face, agonized cries escaped him. “No! Don’t—don’t! I don’t…” He fought, and as Calis wrestled with the fighting boy in his arms, he became aware of the pain he was causing. “Let me go!”
Taeru was crying, screaming, and despite everyone’s efforts to calm him—save Alyx’s, as she seemed to have lost herself—he would hear none of it. “Taeru!” Calis shouted. Still, no response, just more wailing, more desperate cries. More guilt. “Taeru, stop!”
Taeru just pushed against Calis’s chest all the more forcefully. His teeth were gritted together, and his eyes were unfocused. The fight continued, seeming to stretch on forever, until Taeru’s exhaustion finally seemed to be getting the better of him. Calis continued to bring the form to his chest, only to see it tear away again. “You should—you should have let them hang me! Why didn’t you just…?” Then, Taeru’s shoulders squared as he seemed to realize something. “No—I should have… I should have just… let him…” Taeru quivered.
The only one who seemed to understand the statement was Lee, and Calis’s advisor sucked in air immediately. Calis glanced back at him, but rather than dwelling on it, Calis took Taeru’s face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet. “Stop, please…” Calis realized he was crying again, or perhaps he’d never stopped crying. “Please, don’t say those things. You have no idea how badly that hurts. The thought of anything happening to you… and I feel as though my soul is being ripped apart.”
One last scream tore from Taeru’s lungs, and he shook his head. “I don’t deserve you, I don’t,” he choked. Nevertheless, he seemed to give in, slumping against Calis’s shoulder like a marionette cut from its strings. “But, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m… I don’t… I’m sorry.”
“Then, please, stop blaming yourself. Please…”
Taeru’s body shook against Calis’s shoulder. His forehead was pressed against the front of it, and Calis wrapped his arms around the tangled body. “She took care of me, and because of me… she died…” He sucked in a breath, a sort of hiccup that split with pain. Calis’s face twisted into a grimace as his arms held Taeru a little tighter. “I’m… so sorry… Alyx,” Taeru managed to say.
“No,” Alyx pleaded. “No, no, no…” Still, she couldn’t seem to force any other words from her mouth. Her eyes burned with her desire to ease Taeru’s pain, just as he burned to ease hers, but neither of them was in the condition to go through with that wish. Calis held Taeru a little tighter as Katt knelt to console Alyx.
Taeru’s voice was distant, as though he were in a dream—speaking to someone that wasn’t in the room. “My mother… took care of me, and she died… Juliet… took care of me… and she… died. And now… you… you are… taking care of me,” he whispered. Was that why Taeru fought so hard against the observance of his own well-being? That was why he was so self-sufficient? Fool. Stupid, little fool.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Calis whispered, kissing Taeru gently on the temple another time. “You took care of Juliet too,” Calis said. “You know you did, somewhere deep within that thick head of yours.”
Then, a response choked—riddled with cracks of pain. “Not you…” Taeru whimpered. Perhaps not physically, but Calis could think of a number of ways that Taeru had saved him. In almost every way a person could be saved. “Please, don’t… don’t leave me. I can’t… do this… anymore.”
With that, Taeru’s entire body slumped again, and this time, he didn’t move. He didn’t speak, and all that Calis could feel was his weakened, shallow breathing. Calis held him still, though. “I won’t, Taeru—just don’t leave me, either.”
And yet, despite the apparent sleep, Taeru answered. “I won’t…”
“He was a hero, but he was not the only hero.”
-A Hero’s Peace v.ii
Chapter lviii
Calis Tsrali
Calis stared at the sack of fruits that they had managed to accumulate over the past cycle. Katt had even thought to bring a few provisions of her own, and yet they were still running out of food. Moreover, they were running out of time—somehow, they had yet to be found, and Calis had yet to allow anyone to return to Telandus to determine the state of affairs. Lee was pacing the floor in front of him, informing him of the assortment of reasons why they needed to check the city.
Taeru had been up and down for the past few suns, clinging to consciousness intermittently, and when he came to long enough to communicate—the agony of what had happened was all too present in his eyes. Calis had spent most of his time by Taeru’s bedside, holding the injured form and willing sleep upon it. Despite his guilty conscience, Taeru was recovering physically. Katt had done an excellent job of treating him, and occasionally, she would wake him and have him chew a healing leaf.
Juliet had obviously taught her well, as she knew every matter that she ought to attend. Taeru muttered his thanks when he was awake enough to do so, but the pain that he was experiencing didn’t seem to be relenting. Alyx, for her part, seemed to be trying to cope with the loss of her family—though she had broken into tears unexpectedly a few times, as well. All in all, things had to change soon, and yet, there was something oddly soothing about being secluded in the cabin with Taeru so close and so easy to protect.
Taeru was hurt, but Calis was able to soothe him into submission at even the worst of times. Happiness was not something Calis should have been experiencing through this time, but he was, solely because he was with Taeru. His body ached to be able to communicate with Taeru freely, but in the Cathalari’s current state, it wasn’t possible. Especially since the longer they were outside the city, the more Taeru began to worry about his sister. Not to mention, the nightmares had returned in full. Even when Taeru wasn’t conscious, he would scream out desperately to someone who couldn’t hear him.
The dreams’ reappearance could only mean that the war that seemed to be approaching would certainly seal some sort of fate for Taeru. Calis’s heart twisted at the fact, and he knew that he had to relinquish this happiness. Taeru was worth it—he was worth anything. “The Cathalari army will be getting closer—and they aren’t going to just stop. That isn’t how war works,” Lee informed Calis for the thousandt
h time.
“I don’t intend to allow them to reach Telandus without first informing them of the situation. Taeru is alright—and we know that their response was in order to keep him safe. Surely, there will be a man reasonable enough in that crowd to realize that I killed my own father for their prince. I would do anything for Taeru.” His words were soft, and Lee was staring at him, as though trying to break through some barrier.
Then, though, Lee nodded his head in agreement. “I don’t doubt that. I just want to make sure you understand that you will have to stop the Cathalari before they breach the walls. Someone will have to meet them.”
“I am not a fool, Lee, I do know that,” Calis answered. His fingers moved over a piece of fruit that he took from the bag. “Has Taeru eaten this sun?” he asked no one in particular. Lee’s face was blank, as he wasn’t to be bothered with that sort of thing.
An answer surfaced a moment later, though. “Calis, you gave him part of your food earlier,” Katt reminded him exasperatedly. Calis’s mind flashed back to the scene, and he shook his head. Perhaps he had known that, and he had simply been looking for a reason to go back in and check on Taeru. Though, Katt had insisted that Calis needed to spend at least some time away from the injured boy. She said it was bad for Calis’s welfare to see Taeru in such a state.
Moments later, Calis spoke, aware that his desire to go into the other room and be with his unconscious lover had not lessened. “He had another dream this last moon,” Calis whispered. “I think they’re getting worse.”
“I’m sure they will stop once we put an end to this war,” Katt said, though she seemed to speak in order to convince herself. Perhaps everyone had an ominous feeling that there was more to this than stopping the war. Why was Taeru being plagued so constantly? Calis would have faced the Magister himself if he had been able to stop whatever caused it.
Calis closed his eyes, ensuring himself that Taeru would be alright, when a thud and a whimper alerted him to something far more pressing. His body leapt from its perch, disappearing into the other room more quickly than ought to have been possible. And there he was—Taeru—in the center of the floor, with a disgusted expression on his face. “Taeru!” Calis yelped, and he moved to hold the young man. “What are you doing?”