by Kate Sheperd
III.
Buck continued to stare at her without speaking while he watched her compose herself. The boiling anger that he’d had only minutes before had all but dissipated at the sight of her tears. Had the case meant that much to her? Had she fled the courtroom because she didn’t want anyone to see her crying? Maybe he’d gotten her all wrong.
“Have a seat, then,” she said, waving toward the leather sofa in front of the fireplace. It was more of a decorative piece, as was that entire part of her extensive office. She used it occasionally to take a nap when she pulled an all-nighter or wasn’t feeling well, but most of her work was done either in the conference room down the hall or at her desk. She didn’t see any need for either of those locations at that moment.
Buck still hadn’t spoken a word from his mouth, but his face was telling her plenty. He was confused by her tears. Evidently, he wasn’t sure how to react to them. How could she possibly explain to him what it was that was making them flow? In her mind, she had pictured the two of them celebrating a victory. Along with that vision, she had seen herself ending up in his arms. There was, of course, no way that he would know that she had gotten wrapped up in him as much as she had the case.
She’d visited the ranch several times and fell in love with the wide open space, the fresh air, the feeling of the horse underneath her and the quiet, easy, manly confidence of Buck Kaufman beside her. It wasn’t until the case was finished and they had lost, that she had equated the case and Buck as one in the same.
“You’ve been crying,” he whispered, moving slowly in the direction that she’d indicated with his hat in his hands.
“Yes,” she responded, moving toward the sofa as well. “I must apologize for running out on you that way, but, well, this isn’t exactly the type of behavior a professional demonstrates in public.”
“I got that,” he replied, still standing in front of the sofa, but not starting the motion toward taking a seat on it.
Karissa tried to force a smile onto her face as she watched the dumbstruck rancher. She reached for his hat and placed it, brim up, on the coffee table, just as he had instructed her at some point when she had moved his hat during one of their previous meetings. “If you place it brim down,” he’d told her. “It will ruin the shape of the brim.” He’d always spoken to her in that kind, yet authoritative manner when he gave her instruction. And, he’d taught her a lot. The stereotype that typically went along with his type, just like all stereotypes, wasn’t at all true. He carried a great deal of wisdom under that hat. That thought brought the tears flowing again.
She sat down on the sofa and tapped the space beside her as she drew the linen cloth to her face again. What she really wanted was to feel herself wrapped in his arms, just like she’d imagined. With the loss that they’d just endured, however, that didn’t seem to be likely. To be completely honest, Karissa wasn’t sure which loss hurt her the most.
Buck finally found some words that would come together into a sentence. He waved a hand toward her tearstained cheeks while he lowered himself timidly onto the sofa. Neither the motion nor the words fit his character. “Is this about the case?”
“Of course,” she responded, she tried to soften the words with a smile. How could he think that it was about anything else? After all of the time they’d spent together, had he not seen that she was getting more and more wrapped up into both him and the case? Men could be so blind.
Buck just nodded. In truth, he was just numb. He was still unsure about what feelings to have. On the one hand, the divorce was final and he wouldn’t have to worry over it anymore, but on the other, he’d lost everything. He was sure that once it all sunk it that he’d be a complete wreck. However, what was even harder for him to swallow, was trying to figure out why Karissa was so broken up over their loss. Had it really meant that much to her?
“I keep going over it in my mind again and again, trying to see where I made the mistake…” she started out.
“That won’t do you any good,” he broke in. Her words had penetrated through his numbness. “What’s done is done. It is what it is. We just have to figure out how to deal with it.”
“I don’t know how to deal with it,” she replied. “I screwed up. My screw up cost you what your family has passed down to you through three generations; the one thing you love the most. I don’t think I can live with that.” Her tears began anew as she made her confession.
“Ah, hell, Karissa,” he said, reaching out with a firm hand to grasp her shoulder. “That ole ranch has drawn more blood, sweat and tears out of me than it ought to have. Maybe it was time to get rid of the damned thing anyway.” He just spoken a boldfaced lie, however, with things being the way they were, then maybe it was time to start thinking differently. For the moment, he had to help her deal with it.
“That’s bullshit, Buck,” she countered. “That place means more to you than anything else in the world.”
“Yeah, well.” What else could he say? He wasn’t doing much to console her. He took his hand off of her shoulder and leaned back into the back cushion of the couch.
“Buck.” She placed a hand on his knee. “You can’t imagine how sorry I am.” She wasn’t sure what more to say, though she felt a thrill go through her as he placed his hand upon hers.
Though it took a moment, that touch was the spark that finally set the two of them aflame. For Buck, her touch had gone beyond words to let him know that she felt the same emotions as he did. For Karissa, that confirmation was all she needed to know that the two of them were in exactly the same place.
As odd as that moment was, it also felt extremely natural and Karissa moved her mouth close to his, hoping that he would respond. He looked up into her eyes as she paused, only inches away and he closed the distance, meeting her lips with his own.
That first, tender kiss between them lingered for some moments and then, as their passion began to grow, the two of them became more aggressive. The tension and the hunger that had built up between them over the past months began to flow out of them. The stress of the day multiplied passion’s effect and their mouths eagerly explored each other. Within moments, Karissa’s hands were on his chest, caressing the muscular form beneath his shirt.
One of Buck’s hands was on the small of her back pulling her against him while the other caressed her smooth, firm thigh. His touch pushed her beyond rationality. She wanted him with the deepest passion that she’d ever possessed. Her fingers left his chest and began working at the buttons on her blouse, suddenly wanting to feel his caress directly on her skin.
The moment her blouse was laid open and his hand slipped inside of it, she gasped. The thrill of him touching her skin was nothing compared to the kisses that began to travel down her neck and work their way along the lace edge of her bra, only inches away from aching nipples. To her great relief, he had worked the hooks of her bra loose and she slipped the lavender, lace bra from her shoulders.
His hunger consumed him and he could no longer contain himself as he began to devour every exposed inch of her. Her shapely breasts, which had only been a part of his imagination before, were even better in reality. Her smooth skin and her scent was even more intoxicating to him. With their passion raging, it was only moments before she was slipping out of her skirt and wore nothing more than the lavender, lace thong over delicately curving hips. He hurried out of his shirt and pants to catch up with her.
Karissa was out of her mind with a savage desire for the strong, confident man before her. With her nearly naked body exposed to him and his reaction to it, there was no stopping her. Reaching for the waistband of his briefs, she pulled them past his knees in one swift move, setting a thick erection free. She began to devour him as though she had been starving in the desert for weeks.
The way that Karissa was consuming him had Buck reeling for a moment. He had never expected such a wild response out of the reserved attorney. Who could have guessed that beneath that well-dressed, conservative and business-like exterior
was such a savage woman waiting to be set free. He reached down, grasped her shoulders and guided her to her back on the sofa.
His strength, as he forced her onto her back on the sofa only excited her even more than she had already been. With her hips in the air, she put her fingers under the waistband of her thong, passing it toward his eager fingers who slipped it the rest of the way from her legs. He was wasting no time. With her naked before him and eagerly awaiting him, he grasped her knees and pulled her to him, guiding the thick head of his swollen member inside of her.
IV.
Having been ordered to be off of the ranch within 72 hours before officers appointed by the court would begin to carry out the division of property, Buck had spent about as much time in his neighbor Charlie’s bunkhouse as he had wanted. A bottle of Tennessee’s finest whiskey, several of them, actually, had been his sole company during most of that time. Though Charlie had made attempts to console him and to try to take his mind off of what felt like nothing less than virtual sodomy to Buck, there wasn’t much of anything that could help him swallow the bitter pill that Denise and the courts had given him.
That afternoon with Karissa had turned into a night of passion that went far beyond any fantasy that he’d ever had. Like wild savages, they had ravished each other, giving way to pent up tension and raw emotions. Once those passions had been spent, however, there was only an awkward silence left between them, as rationality returned and each began to wonder if what they had just done had been a bad idea.
For Buck, the fact that he was losing his family’s spread and the hard work of four generations had finally hit and it fell onto his shoulders with the weight of a freight train. When he left Karissa’s office as the sun was dawning, his world was still dark. It stayed dark as he returned to the ranch and gathered the few things that the court had allowed him to have until the settlement orders were carried out. It hadn’t taken him 72 hours, but less than 12. The gut-wrenching sickness that hit him, simply wouldn’t allow him to linger any longer.
A thick wall went up between him and the world around him as he started up the pickup and drove out of the ranch yard. He hadn’t dared to look back and rub salt into the already raw wound. He’d gone directly to Charlie’s and crawled into his hiding place, keeping himself pleasantly unaware of any sort of feelings by use of a bottle.
The few times that he had actually answered the calls from Karissa had been too painful for the both of them to endure. The awkward silence between them hurt nearly as much as his loss. In time, even the playing out of that delicious fantasy that the two of them had fulfilled began to fade into dark oblivion along with every other happy moment his life had ever known. In time, even Charlie had given up on his attempt to bring him out of the funk that had overtaken him. Others, who had made a halfhearted attempt at cheering him up had also fallen short. Losing the most precious thing in his life had ripped the heart right out of him and there was no putting it back.
Karissa guided her Mercedes into the ranch yard of Charlie Sammons place, parking it in front of the house, opening the door and stepping out, scanning the numerous buildings in the hope of seeing someone to address, rather than simply snooping around the place until she found Buck. She knew that Buck was staying there, but she didn’t know much beyond that.
She understood, in a way, the reason that there was such a profound awkwardness between the two of them, but she simply couldn’t put off speaking to him any longer, especially because of the newest development in her life. As she was considering going up to the front door of the house, a voice called out to her from the direction of the barn. As she turned toward it, she saw Charlie strolling toward her.
“Miss McCall,” he said, extending his hand toward her.
Karissa accepted his hand. “I don’t mean to just barge right in.”
“It’s alright,” Charlie smiled. “I’m going to assume that you’re here to see Buck.”
She matched his smile, nodded, and then turned serious as she whispered. “How is he?”
“I ain’t gonna lie to you, Miss McCall,” Charlie responded with an equally serious expression spreading across his face. “He ain’t good.”
“I didn’t suppose that he would be,” she muttered.
“Well, maybe you can pull him out of it.” Charlie shook his head. “Lord knows that I’ve tried. A lot of people have tried. He just sits in there with a bottle. Once in a while, after dark, he’ll come out and sit on the porch to drink, but that’s about it. He drove to the liquor store a few times to resupply. My wife has taken food out to him pretty regular. Sometimes he eats it and sometimes she brings it back untouched. Most of us have just gone to leavin’ him be and hopin’ that he’ll snap out of it.”
Karissa didn’t know how to respond to what Charlie had just told her. If he was treating people that he’d known since birth the way that he was, what chance did she have of bringing him out of his funk? Especially, since the reason for his burden had been because of her failure in the courtroom. She had to talk to him. Had needed to talk to him for several days, but she hadn’t been able to summon the courage to make the trip out to Charlie’s ranch to see him until that morning. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
Charlie shrugged. “Being as you drove all the way out here, you might as well give it a shot.”
It was hollow encouragement, but it was enough. What she needed to talk to Buck about was important and Charlie was right. She’d made the trip, so she might as well see it through to the end. “I’ll give it a shot,” she whispered.
“He’s right there, in the bunkhouse,” Charlie waved toward a small, log cabin with a board porch extending across the front of it about a hundred feet away.
Karissa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, Charlie was already striding back toward the barn and leaving her to the task at hand. That first step in the direction toward the bunkhouse didn’t come easy, neither did several the several dozen more that it took to close the gap. The hardest ones, however, were the ones that she took to place her foot up onto the porch and make her way across it to the door. By that point, she had worked to block out all other thoughts and feelings and focused all of her attention on tending to the reason that she’d driven out to the ranch to see him. She turned the knob on the door and pushed it open.
Karissa lingered in the doorway a moment as the foul smell of booze mixed with sweat assailed her. The odor was so powerful that she had to fight down the bile rising in her throat. Bottles, clothes, dirty dishes, boxes, wrappers and any other item that one could possibly imagine being there, was strewn in every direction. The mess spoke volumes of what had happened to Buck Kaufman. It took some moments for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, when they did, she made out the lifeless form of what she had once known to be a proud and confident man. She forced his name out of her throat. “Buck?”
Only half aware of his surroundings, Buck had heard a car drive into the ranch yard, heard voices in conversation and even heard the footsteps approaching. It wasn’t until he heard his name being whispered inside the doorway that any of it began to register fully. He looked toward the voice and saw the shapely form of Karissa in silhouette inside its frame. He was trying to work out if he was fantasizing or if she was real, when she spoke again.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, barely above a whisper.
“Ah, Karissa,” he moaned. “What is there left to be said between the two of us?”
“A great deal, actually,” she responded. His words and actions spurred her on. She decided to put the reason for her visit right out in the open and have it done with. “I’m pregnant.”
V.
Karissa’s words brought reality rushing into Buck’s foggy mind like the bursting of a dam. He sat up on the bunk and stared at her, unsure of how to respond. When he finally did, it was the only words that would form on his lips. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” she answered simply.
Buck
closed his eyes and shook his head in an attempt to clear away the effects of several weeks of drunkenness. With reality rushing in upon him rapidly, he was forced to try to regain some semblance of rationality. He looked around the cabin, suddenly embarrassed by its condition. She shouldn’t have had to see him like that. His mouth was dry and he glanced toward a half empty bottle on the table. He licked his lips and tried to force the thought of picking it up out of his mind. He had to get out of there. He had to get her out of there.
“Let’s go out on the porch,” he said, rising up from the cot and starting toward the door.
Karissa backed out of the doorway and waited for him to cross the small room. She had watched his foggy mind clear within the space of a minute. He hadn’t questioned whether or not he was the father. He had too much respect for her to even suggest anything different. The embarrassment in his eyes had registered next, as did his glance toward the bottle on the table. In that moment, she saw the first steps of his spirit returning to his empty shell.
Buck hadn’t spent much time in the sun since he’d buried himself inside the bunkhouse. Its bright rays had burned him as they contradicted the darkness that lingered around him. Stepping out onto the porch was a force of will, the likes of which he hadn’t seen in several weeks. He motioned her toward one of the two chairs on the porch and then lowered himself into the other, squinting against the light.
“How have you been?” he asked, trying to put a bold face on things. No doubt, she had moved on with her work and her life while he had been working at trying to erase and destroy his own.
“How have I been?” What the hell kind of a response was that? She had just announced that she was pregnant and he wanted to know how she had been. “You heard what I said, right?”
“Yeah, I did,” he responded. He knew that he’d gotten under her skin with his question. It had more or less slipped out. Maybe he ought to have asked another one, but his mind was still working on catching up. The truth of the matter was that he really wanted to know how she’d been. It was obvious how he’d been. He motioned with a thumb over his shoulder toward the door of the bunkhouse. “You can see what I’ve been doing. I hope you’ve been doing better than that.”