by S. M. Smith
“You look cold.”
“Mmm.” I take a sip of cocoa and smile satisfyingly at him. “I am. Was. Better now. Thank you.” He chuckles at my inability to construct full sentences and leads me back to the group. We make our way to the top bleachers, where I hand him the blanket and take his cocoa so he can lay the blanket over the metal bench and pull it up around our shoulders. His hand brushes mine when I go to hand him back his cocoa and I feel the warmth of his touch.
“Wow! Your fingers are freezing! Here.” He sets his cocoa down and takes up my empty hand to rub his hands over mine to warm them up. I switch my cup over to warm my other hand. I honestly can’t remember a time when his hands have grabbed one of mine that they haven’t been warm.
“Here.” He pulls one end of the blanket up around my shoulders and the other around his. We sit squeezed together, arms linked, through the entire third quarter where our home team falls prey to two touchdowns and a field goal. It’s pretty obvious that the game isn’t going to pick up by the start of the fourth quarter and many people start to pack up to head home.
“Do you want me to take you home now? I don’t think we can come back at this point and it’s probably much warmer at your dad’s,” he asks, squeezing my arm with his.
“You know, we have never left early during a game, especially when we were losing. I don’t think we should start now. Do you?”
He gives me a satisfied look and huddles back down to keep warm. The game doesn’t really get better, in fact the other team scores another touchdown, so I lean my head on his shoulder and let my mind wander.
What would have happened if we had done things differently? If I hadn’t gotten serious with Jake, and let myself go with someone else to homecoming? What about Stephen; would he be happily married with three kids by now if he had kept his vow to himself and God?
“Would you do anything differently? If you could go back and do it all over again?”
“If I could go back and do high school all over again?” He looks at me curiously. I nod my head. “Well, yes and no. I mean, I’m pretty proud of where I am now and most of that is because of everything that happened while we were here. But there are a few things I would have done differently.”
“Like wha-?” I ask. But I’m cut off by the buzz of the scoreboard indicating that the game is over and the Wildcats are looking at their first loss of the season. We instinctively get up to leave and fold up the blanket to walk toward the parking lot. “What would you have done differently, if you could go back and change things?” I ask as we approach the truck.
He stops with his hand on the passenger door and narrows his eyes on mine. In that moment I feel that there are a thousand things unsaid between us, but have no clue as to what those things are. He shakes his head before answering.
“It doesn’t matter, Jess. It’s all in the past and we can’t change the past. All we can do is move on from it and hope to do better should the opportunity present itself again.” With that he opens the door for me and waits for me to climb in before shutting it, signaling that he’s done talking about it for now. As he gets in and drives me home silently, I’m left to wonder just what opportunity it is that he is hoping would re-present itself.
Chapter Seven
I check the weather for the third time to make sure that I am dressed appropriately. What is it they say….”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Well I’m not getting fooled again, or at least not today. Each time I had checked, it was supposed to be in the high 70s most of the day so I opt for jeans and a t-shirt, but grab a hooded jacket just in case.
I’m just about finished pinning up the top half of my hair when my phone dings. Daphne has been texting me for a play by play for over an hour and she isn’t taking, “I’m getting ready now” very well. I snap a quick selfie and send it to her. Not ten seconds later it dings again.
Ur missing jewelry!
I’m not sure Daphne knows what going to a game means. But to appease her zealousness I grab some simple silver hoops and my silver bangle watch and put them on anyway. I send her a new selfie pointing out the changes with a less than enthused look on my face when my doorbell rings. I set my phone on my vanity while I answer the door.
Standing at my door in perfect splendidness was Caleb in tailored jeans and a tucked-in Chiefs polo, hair precisely styled to look like he rolled out of bed looking fabulous, with a dazzling smile on his face. He steps forward and greets me by kissing my cheek.
“You look great! Are you ready?”
“Um, thank you.” I look down at my bare feet and back up with a goofy grin. “Just about, but please come in. I just need another minute or so.”
I hear my phone ding again and make a mental note to turn my phone to Do Not Disturb. I rush back to my bathroom and double check my flat iron to make sure it’s turned off and grab my lip gloss to stick in my pocket. I grab my red Toms and hurriedly put them on and take one last look in my floor length mirror. Satisfied with what I see I check my phone to find Daphne’s final critique of me.
Much better. Is he there yet?
Just arrived. No more questions for u tho! I’ll call u later I text her back quickly, switch my phone to silent and stuff it into my pocket. I walk back through my small apartment making sure I’ve turned everything off.
Caleb is looking at the pictures on the TV stand when I come back into the living room. He picks up the one of me and Stephen at my college graduation, inspecting it. He hears me digging my wallet and keys out of my purse and turns with the picture still in hand.
“You look happy here. Is this-,“ he stops realizing he doesn’t know Jake’s name. I pull the cash and my license out of my wallet and stuff them in my back pocket and grab my jacket.
“No, that’s Stephen. We grew up together. Jake is my ex.” I give him a kind smile to let him know I’m not totally uncomfortable, but am ready to leave now. He places the picture back in its spot and guides me out the door.
We make small talk as we make our way to the game. Once we get to the stadium, I realize, a little too late, that we are in his BMW. His car isn’t really tailgating material, which kinda bums me out because you can’t start a game right without a pre-game hotdog. I start to shake if off but then realize that he’s headed for Valet parking and I really start to panic. I apparently have no clue as to what going to a game with Caleb really means.
He gets out of the car to hand the valet his keys and I’m given a moment to collect myself and let what is really happening sink in. Valet parking? At a football stadium? Just who am I with?? I try to recover quickly as he makes his way over to open my door. I take his arm and let him guide me through the appropriate gate still trying to wrap my head around what is happening.
“Have you ever experienced a game in a suite?” he asks excitedly. He’s now showing the excitement I was feeling, and I, well, now I’m just nervous.
“Um, no. I can’t say that I have.” He must sense my anticipation.
“Don’t worry. It’s just going to be some of the guys from my firm and their families. Nothing too formal, I promise.” He guides me through a series of walkways and through a set of doors labeled Signature Suites. I walk in and can’t believe the scene before me. Every bone in my body screams that this isn’t the proper way to watch a football game and I physically freeze up. With his hand on the small of my back, Caleb gently guides me into the room.
I first notice the leather lounge chairs and the enormous TV they face. A long counter is set up with an elaborate array of finger foods and an attendant is busy making sure everything is stocked to perfection. He gives us a welcoming nod and turns back to a tray of sandwiches. Further into the room are plushy theater seats that face the field and another set of TVs. The view from these seats is actually pretty good, but they aren’t true stadium seats.
Only one other couple and their children had arrived before us. Caleb introduces them, and after pleasantries are exchanged I grab a bottle of water t
o give my hands something to hold onto. I am way out of my comfort zone here, but I decide to not let that get the best of me. I am going to have a good time regardless, so I stand tall and smile as brightly as I can while Caleb welcomes and introduces me to everyone.
Everyone buzzes around the room and settles into friendly conversation until the National Anthem starts, during which everyone stands quietly and faces the field. Conversations return promptly after the music finishes. I do my best to keep up the small talk, but I get bored quickly and settle myself into a cushy seat closest to the windows.
Kickoff comes and the Chiefs start out strong, better than the last few games of theirs that I have watched. I catch myself checking out the stadium seats below and across the field, yearning to be out there with the crowd. All this, the extravagant seats and the personal waiter just seem too rich for me and I wonder just how much of this mirrors Caleb’s everyday life.
I get up to stretch during half time and find Caleb mid-conversation with a couple of gentleman who I’ve already forgotten their names. He looks up to find me watching him and smiles. He starts to get up, but I wave as if to say I am fine and turn to look for the attendant.
“Excuse me, where are the restrooms?” I ask the kind looking attendant mixing a drink for a woman I believe is named Nancy.
“Through that door on the right. Women’s are on the left side.”
“Thank you.” I excuse myself to the appropriate room and stand at the mirror and check my phone. I have 5 missed messages from Daphne, one from Stephen and one from Jake. All but one of Daphne’s messages are questions about what our date is like so far, each with at least two exclamation marks. The last one is a comment on a horrible pass from the Chiefs quarterback. I just shake my head at her randomness and ignore her for the time being. Stephen’s message asks me how I am enjoying the game. Jake’s message simply says he misses me.
What am I supposed to do with that? Here I am trying to move on, and doing a horrible job I might add, and he is sending me messages that say he misses me? I start to feel tears welling up, so I straighten up and wipe them away before they can fall. I grab a paper towel and double check my makeup to make sure nothing is out of place, dab my eyes and check my hair. I am not going to cry anymore. Especially when I am on a second date…sort of.
I make my way back into the suite and am on my way back to my seat when Caleb pops up beside me. He startles me and chuckles lightly when I jump.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” His smile beams and I can’t help but return the look.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“I’ve also been a horrible date.” His strong façade falters a bit. “Are you enjoying the game?”
“Yeah. This is definitely a unique experience.” I’m not sure if my words or my face gave away my uncomfortableness, but he deflates a little bit as his suspicions are confirmed.
“You’re not really enjoying this, are you?”
“I am, really. It’s just not what I was expecting, that’s all.”
“Hmm. Well what all were you expecting?”
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful. This is great, really.”
“I know, but if we could make some changes, what would they be?’
“Honestly?” I give him a look that asks if he is really willing to help. He counters with an encouraging look so I let him have it. “Well, my favorite part of the game is the atmosphere.”
“And this one’s a little stuffy, isn’t it?”
I suppress a giggle as he looks around with his nose wrinkled. We had made it back to my seat by then so he leans over and messes with a couple of buttons on the window pane. Within a few seconds, the window in front of us opens and a cool breeze blows in the sounds of the fans below us. I lean forward, close my eyes and take it in, starting to feel a bit better.
“How about some snacks? You know we can get whatever your heart desires. Daniel can get us whatever you want, even if he has to make a special trip.”
I hesitate because I don’t really want to be a hassle, which he sees right through. “Really. Anything you want.”
“Some nachos would be good.”
“Nachos it is! Anything else?”
“And a bottle of Coke?” His grin grows and he calls Daniel over.
“Daniel, would you be able to smuggle us in some nachos and a bottle of Coke, please? And a bottle of Bud too, please?”
“Absolutely, Mr. Mathis. I’ll be right back.”
Caleb turns back to me grinning a smug grin. I settle back into my seat feeling much more at ease.
“Thank you,” I tell him timidly.
“No, thank you. For coming. I really am sorry about earlier. Sometimes these guys forget that we have an office for a reason. But I’m all yours now. How is the game? I haven’t really been able to keep up with it.”
“They’re playing really well. Although they’d be better if Beaumont would run the ball more.”
“You know the players’ names?”
I flash a guilty smile.
“I wasn’t kidding when I said I love football. There isn’t a team in the league I couldn’t tell you something about.” He looks a little intimidated, causing me to chuckle at him. “Seriously, ask me about any team.”
“Hmm…okay. What about Carolina?” he asks, pointing to the field.
“Well, today they’re struggling with their defensive line. They’re having difficulty watching plays and adjusting to last minute changes.” He looks impressed and asks me about the Redskins and the Texans before Daniel returns with our snacks. I thank Daniel profusely and turn back to the second half kickoff.
Caleb and I watch the game from then on as if we are sitting in the seats outside and get some wild looks from other members of our little group when we get a little loud. That makes me giggle, but I quiet down a bit to not disturb the others. I catch Caleb watching me fondly a couple of times and I blush and quickly return my attention to the game. Sometime during the game I shift toward him in my seat and him toward me, both of us relaxing in our presence with the other.
The energy of the game dies a little toward the beginning of the fourth quarter as the Chiefs’ lead over Carolina exceeds two touchdowns, but the atmosphere is still electric as they score a field goal and the diehard Chiefs fans roar in celebration of their impending victory. By the time the game is over, the stadium is louder than when the game began.
Caleb and I get up to notice that most of the other guests have left to evade the rush of the leaving crowd. Having missed our opportunity to do the same, we lazily make our way back to the valet. As the crowds start to pour through the walkways, Caleb takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. I feel butterflies in my stomach as I realize that this is what it feels like to start anew. I’m slightly shocked when I realize I kind of like this feeling.
The valet returns with the car and Caleb steps forward and opens the door for me. I climb in and buckle up in a bit of a daze. We’re quiet on the way back, but not in an awkward way. Once we are back on the highway, he reaches over and takes my hand and rubs small circles on the back of it. I kind of melt into the seat, setting my head back and just letting the moment sink in. My mind starts to drift, in a daze of amazement that I have successfully managed not to totally bomb our date. I think I can do this. I think I can date again. I think I’m going to be okay.
All too soon, he pulls up in front of my building and gets out of the car, leaving it running, to open my door for me. Offering me his hand, I take it, but don’t let go as I get to my feet.
“Thank you for today. It turned out to be a pleasant surprise,” I tell him. He smiles kindly at me.
“I’m glad you had a great time.” He hesitates before going on, “I’m having a dinner party at my place this Friday. Just a casual get-together. I would love it if you would come.”
“I’ll have to check my schedule, but if I’m not already scheduled, I would love to.” We stand there a few mo
re moments, not really wanting it to end, but not really sure what to do next. I start to panic a little. I haven’t really thought about how today would end. I enjoy the feel of my hand in his, but am I ready for him to kiss me? I am ready to date again, but kissing? These questions run through my head so quickly that I start to get a little dizzy, losing my balance.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice laced with concern. He lets go of my hand and steadies me by placing a hand on the small of my back. I try to shake the dizziness off and decide I should probably go inside.
“Yeah. Yes, I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all. I’ve had a pretty eventful weekend. I really did have a great time.” I give him a guiltily satisfied smile.
“Me too.” He leans in and gently brushes his lips across my cheek. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay.” I feel bad about not giving him a firm answer about his dinner party, but am oh so thankful that he didn’t try to kiss me yet. Apparently I still need to figure some things out.
First things first, how to block someone from being able to send unwanted “I miss you” messages.
Chapter Eight
The week flies by fairly uneventfully and before I know it, it’s Friday morning. Daphne has drilled me nearly every day about what Caleb said about his dinner party and what I plan on wearing. Every time I try to avoid the subject, she pouts and tells me that she is living vicariously through me. I really wish she would start dating again so that she would leave my love life alone, but she has her reasons not to do so, so I don’t push the matter. When she brings me her black platform sling-backs, which she swears scream “make out with me now”, I finally tell her she is overdoing it. She is thrilled for me, and I get that, but I am still confused as to what I want right now and don’t need her pushing things into uncomfortable territory.
Caleb and I have talked several times throughout the week and to be honest, I am ready to see him again. It takes me three days to get him to stop apologizing for the game, but he did say he would make it up to me. So when five o’clock comes on Friday afternoon, I am ready to get out of the studio and get ready for his dinner party.