by Diana Palmer
Those words echoed in her mind long after they’d dressed and gone downstairs to announce their engagement. Allison couldn’t decide if she believed him or not; if she dared to believe him. Because it sounded very much as if more than physical need was the basis for the proposal. About that, only time would tell.
Chapter Ten
“I just can’t believe it,” Marie said later, smiling at Allison. “I never thought I’d live long enough to see Gene married. Imagine that, my footloose, fancy-free brother not only willing, but anxious to tie the knot! And to someone I really like!”
“I’m glad of that,” Allison said, but her eyes were troubled.
Winnie was upstairs with Dwight, and Gene had gone back out to work after a brief lunch. Marie was still getting over the shock of what Gene had announced so matter-of-factly.
Marie stared at her for a moment. “There’s some thing more, isn’t there?” she asked gently. “Forgive me for prying, but I know my brother very well and I’ve learned quite a bit about you. Something happened that night that Rance gossiped about, and you think Gene is only marrying you to appease his conscience. That’s it, isn’t it?”
Allison started to deny it, but there really wasn’t any point. She stared down at her hands folded in her lap. “Yes.”
“Gene has a conscience,” Marie continued. “But nothing could make him marry a woman in cold blood, not even that. You’d better believe that it isn’t guilt on his part.”
“There could be a baby,” Allison said painfully, amazed that she could talk to Marie this way when she couldn’t bring herself to tell Winnie about it.
Marie smiled. “Gene loves children,” she said simply. “So do all the rest of us. A baby would be the sweetest kind of surprise.”
Allison fought tears and lost. She put her head in her hands and wept bitterly. “I’ve trapped him, all because I got in over my head,” she moaned. “Whatever his motives, inevitably he’ll hate me!”
Marie hugged her warmly. “No, I don’t think so. Not the way he’s been acting since you’ve been around. You’ve changed him. All the bitterness and mockery are gone. He’s gentler, less volatile.”
“Mr. Rance wouldn’t agree with you,” Allison said with a watery smile.
“Mr. Rance deserved what he got,” Marie said shortly. “I don’t feel sorry for him. Now you cheer up,” she told Allison. “No more regrets. You’re the first sister-in-law prospect Gene’s ever presented me with, and I’m not letting you escape!”
Marie’s enthusiasm was catching. Allison went back up to sit with Dwight in a brighter mood altogether. If she had doubts, she kept them to herself.
Gene led her off into the study later that night, after they’d had supper, and closed the door.
She was nervous, and he smiled gently at the expression on her face.
“Don’t look so threatened,” he said, his green eyes twinkling at her. “The couch is too short, and the desk would be hell on your back.”
She blushed, her eyes like saucers as they met his.
He moved toward her, indulgent and smiling. “How can you still blush?” he asked, drawing her gently to him. “You wide-eyed little innocent.”
“Not so innocent now,” she said quietly.
He bent and kissed her softly. “It won’t do much good to ask you not to beat your conscience to death. But try not to go overboard. God made us human, little one,” he said, his voice deep and caressing as he searched her eyes. “He gave us physical pleasure to ensure the perpetuation of the species.”
“And He gave us responsibility not to make a mockery of it, or twist it into something bad,” she replied miserably.
He framed her wan face in his lean hands and studied her. “You believed in me when no one else did,” he said. “You weren’t put off by my reputation or intimidated by my temper. You gave yourself to me more than any other reason because you knew how desperately I needed you.” He sighed heavily. “Allison, what we did, that night at the cabin and today, was as natural as breathing. It isn’t hateful to want someone, especially when it goes beyond a physical need.”
“Did it, though?” she asked sadly.
He nodded. “Yes. This afternoon, it most certainly went beyond desire.”
“You were…so tender,” she whispered.
He drew her against him and enveloped her in his arms, resting his cheek on her dark hair. “It’s going to be that way every time, from now on,” he said. His arms tightened as he felt her warmth and softness so close to him. His body reacted predictably and he laughed. “My God, feel that,” he whispered at her ear.
“Stop,” she protested in a flutter.
“You’re a nurse. You should know that I can’t stop it.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.” She buried her face in his chest and felt him suddenly go stiff and catch his breath.
His hands moved slowly into her hair. He drew her mouth against him, through the shirt, and his breathing became ragged. “Allison,” he whispered huskily. His eyes closed. He’d never felt so vulnerable, or minded it so little.
“You like that?” she whispered hesitantly.
“I like it a lot.” He eased a lean hand between them. “But I’d like it on my bare skin more, sweetheart,” he said, unfastening buttons as he spoke. “Push my shirt out of the way and put your mouth on me,” he whispered sensuously.
“We shouldn’t,” she protested weakly. “What if…”
“We’re going to be married,” he said at her forehead. “A piece of paper and the right words aren’t going to bind us any closer than our bodies already have. You’re mine now. I love being part of you, feeling you share my pleasure. Is it really so frightening to let me love you now?”
“It isn’t…frightening,” she confessed. She rubbed her hands flat against his hair-laden chest, up and down in a sensual pattern.
He drew her mouth to his warm skin, feeling her lips search through the mat of hair to the hard muscles of his chest and he caught his breath, tautening involuntarily.
It was intoxicating, she thought dazedly, smoothing her hands over him while her mouth lifted and touched. He smelled of spicy cologne and the touch of his body was all of heaven.
Her hands smoothed down to his belt and his lips brushed her closed eyelids. “Lower,” he whispered. “I want you to touch me.”
She hesitated. She was curious, but all her inhibitions were protesting.
“I belong to you as surely as you belong to me,” he said quietly. “Aren’t you curious about the differences between your body and mine?”
“Well, yes,” she confessed hesitantly.
His lips parted against her eyebrows. “Then find them out for yourself.”
She lay her cheek on his chest and slowly let her cool, nervous hands trespass past the wide belt. He jerked a little at the unfamiliar touch, and she hesitated, but his hands trapped hers when she tried to pull them away.
“It’s all right,” he whispered against her temple. “I’m no more used to this than you are.”
“You’re experienced…” she protested.
“Not in this, I’m not,” he replied, surprisingly. “What we’ve done together is totally new for me, up to and including this. Haven’t you realized that I’m not playing some sophisticated game with you?” he asked. “Allison, I’m as helpless as you are when we make love. Your touch is just as exciting and potent to me as mine seems to be to you.”
“I didn’t realize that,” she whispered. Under her softly questing hands, his body was powerfully male and very, very responsive. He gasped and she felt his body shudder. “Did I hurt you?” she breathed.
“No,” he said, his voice faintly choked. “I’m sensitive there.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t stop,” he whispered, searching for her lips with his mouth. He opened it to a slow, deep kiss that seemed to have no end, glorying in her tender exploration of him. He guided her hand to the zipper and groaned helplessly when she touched him under the
fabric. They wound up on the couch in a tangle of arms and legs, fighting their way into each other’s arms through a sea of uncooperative clothing.
She shivered, her breasts flattened in the thicket of hair on his warm chest, swelling as he traced them with his thumbs while they kissed.
“When are you going to marry me?” he whispered into her open mouth.
“Whenever…you like,” she managed unsteadily.
“Friday?”
“That’s only three days away,” she said huskily.
He smiled against her mouth. “I know.” He lifted his head and looked down where her body was lying across his lap, her torso bare against his. “And not a minute too soon.” He tugged at her lower lip with his teeth, in a sensual throbbing fantasy that made him dizzy. “Make a baby with me, Allison,” he whispered, easing her down onto the sofa as he lifted his head to hold her hazel eyes in thrall. “Here. Now.”
“Gene…!” she exclaimed when he moved.
But it was already too late for second thoughts, because he joined them with a minimum of fuss and smiled gently into her shocked eyes as he began to move sensually and with expert knowledge of her body.
“Yes, that’s it,” he whispered when she ground her teeth together and gasped. “Only don’t cry out when I satisfy you,” he added with a slow, sensual smile, “because the walls aren’t that thick and the door isn’t locked. Do you hear me? Bite my chest or kiss me when it happens, so that the sound doesn’t penetrate the walls. God, you’re noisy,” he whispered as she began to bite back the sounds. “One day I’ll make love to you deep in the woods and you can scream for me. Yes. Yes. That’s it, lift up to me.” His hands gripped her hips and pulled her to him in a ragged, rough rhythm. “Yes. Yes!” His eyes closed and he began to shudder, then they opened straight into hers and his body impaled her fiercely. She felt the spiraling rhythm explode into ecstasy and rocked her slender body.
“I want a son!” he bit off in her ear, and his hands clenched on her hips and ground her into him as he shuddered against her.
It was the most unbelievable pleasure she’d ever shared with him. He collapsed against her and she clung to him, trembling in the aftermath.
“God, that was good,” he whispered hoarsely at her ear. His arms contracted, riveting her to him. “Did you hear what I said, just at the last?”
“Yes.” She drew him closer. “You whispered that you wanted a son,” she said, shivering.
“I meant it. A son. A daughter. Our child.” He lifted his head and searched her eyes, his sweaty hair hanging down onto his broad forehead, his green eyes glittery with spent pleasure. “It’s exciting to make love like this. I never wanted children before. But it’s all I think about when I’m with you.”
She reached up and touched his mouth. “I can never say no to you,” she whispered. “It’s…frightening.”
“It’s your inhibitions,” he corrected. He kissed her softly and moved away, smiling indulgently at her embarrassment as she rearranged her clothing while he fastened his own. “Feverish, isn’t it?” he asked wickedly. “Hot and wild and out of control. You’re every dream I ever dreamed. I don’t know how I lived this long without you.”
“Are you sure it isn’t just physical?” she asked after a minute, really worried.
He brought her face up to his and kissed her gently. “If it was only physical, why would I want to make babies with you?” he whispered tenderly.
She smiled, her heart in her eyes, and laid her head against his chest. “Then I’ll marry you whenever you say, Gene.”
He hesitated. “There’s something I have to tell you, before you commit yourself,” he told her a minute later. “A secret I’ve held back. I should have told you before we ever got involved. I can’t ask you to live with me unless you know it.”
She lifted her head. “It won’t matter. What is it?”
“My father,” he began slowly, watching her face closely, “my real father, I mean…is in prison.”
Her eyes didn’t waver. She smiled up at him. “I’m sorry about that. But what does it have to do with my marrying you?”
He let out the breath he’d been holding. “My God,” he ground out. He caught her up roughly and held her close enough to bruise her, his eyes closed as he rocked her against him. “My God, I was scared to death to tell you…!”
“But why?” she asked gently.
“You might be afraid of our children inheriting bad blood,” he said curtly. “My father is a thief. From what I’ve been able to find out, he’s been in trouble with the law all his life.”
She nuzzled her face against him, feeling warm and safe and secure. “Environment plays a big part in shaping a person’s character,” she said drowsily. “I get sleepy when you love me. Is that natural?”
His breath caught. “When I love you,” he repeated in a slow whisper, feeling the words to his bones. His eyes closed and he held her closer, shivering. Love her. Love her. It was loving. Why hadn’t he realized it? “My God.”
“Is something wrong?” she asked, her voice puzzled.
“No. Not a single thing.” He drew back and searched her eyes, holding them while he looked for more secrets, hoping that he’d hit on the right one. “How do you feel about me, sweetheart?” he asked gently.
“I…I want you,” she stammered, embarrassed.
He shook his head slowly. “Sex wouldn’t be enough for you. Even good sex. Not with your background. Try again.”
She hesitated. It was hard to lay her heart down in front of him, but clearly that was what he wanted.
He brushed his thumb over her soft lips. “It takes a lot of trust, doesn’t it? But I trusted you enough to tell you the most painful secret I have.”
That was true. He had. She was the one lacking in trust, not him. She drew a slow, steadying breath and looked up at him. “I love you, Gene,” she said simply.
“Do you?” he asked huskily.
The expression on his lean, hard face made her confident. “With all my heart,” she whispered.
He traced the soft contours of her mouth with fingers that were faintly unsteady. “Forever, little one,” he breathed, bending to her mouth.
Tears stung her eyes as she closed them. “Forever!”
He kissed her with aching tenderness and picked her up in his arms, sitting down in an armchair with her in his lap. He tucked her face into his throat and sat just holding her close for a long, long time before he finally leaned back with a heavy sigh, still cradling her close.
“Now, you’re going to tell me about your parents.”
She shivered. “I can’t.”
“You can. We’re part of each other now. There’s nothing you can’t share with me. Tell me about them.”
She lay quietly for a minute. Then she began to speak. She told him about the countries where they’d lived, the conditions of unspeakable poverty they’d endured.
“They never let it get them down,” she told him. “They were always sure that things would get better. If we ran out of supplies, they were confident that new ones would come in time. And they always did,” she said wonderingly. “I’ve never known people like them. They really lived what they believed in. And then, one day, it all came down around our ears. The regimes changed so quickly.” She hesitated.
He pulled her closer, sensing her feelings. “I’ve got you. You’re safe. Tell me what happened.”
“We were arrested for giving comfort to the enemy,” she said, giving in to the terrifying memories. She pressed closer. “They locked us up overnight. Even then, my parents were sure that we’d be set free by the government troops when they arrived. But the next morning we were marched out of the village along with some other political prisoners and stood up against an ocotillo fence.” She swallowed. “We could hear firing in the distance. I kept thinking, if we can just hold on for a few minutes, they’ll come, they’ll rescue us. Just as I thought it, the guns started firing. My father, and then my mother, fell beside
me. I closed my eyes, waiting.” She shivered and he held her close, bruisingly close. “A bullet whizzed past my head and I knew the next one was going to get me. But before it hit, gunfire erupted around the three of us who were still alive. I was taken out of the village by a priest we knew. He got me to safety, although how is still a blur. Of all the people I knew, Winnie was the only one I could trust, so I called her and she brought me here.”
He thanked God that she was with him, that he was holding her, that the bullets had missed and the soldiers had saved her. “So that’s why you came here.”
She nodded, staring across his broad chest toward the window. She sighed heavily. “It was a nightmare. Sometimes I still wake up crying in the night.”
“If you wake up crying from now on, I’ll be there to hold you,” he said gently. “Starting tonight.”
“But, Gene…!”
He put a finger over her lips. “I’ll leave you before morning. No one will know except the two of us.” He searched her soft eyes. “God, honey, it’s going to be hell being separated from you even while I work, much less at night, do you know that? I don’t want you out of my sight!”
Her lips parted on a rush of breath.
“Are you shocked?” he asked huskily, searching her rapt face. “I thought you knew by now that I’m hopelessly in love with you, Allie.”
“Oh, Gene,” she whispered, shaken.
“I never knew what love was,” he said softly. “I’m not sure I was even alive until you came along.”
“I feel the same way,” she whispered. Her fingers touched his hard mouth tenderly. “I’d die for you, Gene.”
His eyes closed and he shivered. He’d never felt anything so intense, or so special.
Allison kissed him softly, again and again. He looked as if he needed comforting. Incredible, for such an independent, self-sufficient man.