by Tyler Grey
“No, I promised the nurse I’d take you around the house to refamiliarize yourself first, and that’s what I’m going to do. Now, let’s start off in the kitchen.”
It took a while to get used to my surroundings, but I soon remembered where everything was, and I felt sure I would eventually get the hang of my disability. I had no choice, anyway. I was going to have to get used to it. Hayden made me walk to the bathroom, and to the shower, and to make coffee in the kitchen, and guided me throughout it. It was part humiliating and part hilarious. But mostly humiliating. He constantly made jokes, but every now and again something would catch in his voice, and I knew that he was feeling emotional about it all. I had always been this big, strong guy who believed that nothing in the world could get me down. It was hard to be someone else. But I had to accept that nothing would ever be the same again. This was my new life.
“So, I was thinking of doing some redecorating,” I told Hayden after a trip to the kitchen to make coffee for the two of us. It had gone mostly well, although I was sure that a lot of the hot water had spilled on the counter. I had joked about it being nice not to see what mess was in the kitchen. About how I was going to turn a ‘blind’ eye to it from now on, and we’d both chuckled at my joke.
“Redecorating? What do you mean?” Hayden asked.
“I could paint the house and put pictures on the wall. I could just go into a shop and randomly choose colors without knowing what they are. Then paint the wall without seeing what I was doing. I could turn this place into a house of horrors. Then when people came to visit, I could show them what I had done, and then everyone would feel so sorry for me. They’d tell me how beautiful it looked even when it didn’t, just to make me feel better.”
“Yeah! And you could have all the kitchen stuff in the bedroom, and the bedroom stuff in the kitchen. A complete mess,” he said, and laughed, warming to the idea.
We spent the rest of the time talking about how hilarious it would all be. How I should hang all my paintings on the wall upside down. We laughed and laughed, but I knew it wasn’t all that funny. I knew we were just trying to make ourselves feel better.
“Hayden, you don’t have to stay,” I said finally. “I know you have your own life to get to. Now, if you don’t leave, I’m going to kick you out.”
Hayden sighed. “I feel bad leaving, though. Are you going to be okay?”
“I’m going to be fine. I know how to call you if there’s a problem, remember?” He’d installed a panic button in the house that went directly to his phone. The whole thing was so cleverly designed, and I wondered how long he had been planning it. I’d laughed about it, but I was also grateful to have it.
“Okay, well, I’m going to leave you for the night then, but I’m going to find some help for you. Whether you want it or not.”
I smiled. “It’s okay; I do want help. I’m man enough to admit that I need it.”
When Hayden was gone, I felt the panic rise up inside me. I didn’t really want him to go, even though I had told him to. I knew he had to though, and I knew that I would eventually have to learn how to do things on my own. I was scared, though. I made my way to my room and climbed into bed without bothering to change my clothes. Hayden had helped me sort through my clothes so that I knew what I was wearing each day, but I was still nervous about it. The moment I got into bed, I felt a thud on the bed next to me and smiled. It was Tank. I reached out and put a hand on his soft fur. Just having him with me made me feel better, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was going to be able to do this. With Hayden gone, and Tank lying beside me, I felt a rush of emotion run through me. I knew what was coming. I could feel it. For the first time since I’d discovered my new blindness…I cried.
Chapter 4
Alice
I’d been out all day, and when I got home, I saw a bunch of mail lying on my doorstep. The new mail guy was starting to drive me insane. For some reason, he never put anything into my mailbox, but just dumped everything at my front door. There was one very windy day when I found my mail lying somewhere else. I kept telling myself to leave him a note, but I always forgot. I decided to do that now. I got out a piece of paper and wrote him a note, telling him to please use the postbox, and then I stuck the note on the front door.
I went inside and looked through the mail. For the most part, it was junk. I couldn’t believe how much trash actually came through the mail every day. Why on earth did people think advertising this way was still effective? Didn’t they realize that almost everything was online now? And anyway, all of this was such a big waste of paper. It drove me crazy that people didn’t think about what all of this was doing to the environment. Not that I was some big activist or anything, but I always hated to see waste.
I left the big envelope for last. I could see that it was from my culinary school and I was sure that my degree was going to be inside. Either that, or it was some booklet advising me what classes there would be next year. It had happened before, when I’d been expecting something and gotten something else from them. They also loved sending out unnecessary pamphlets out to their clients. I held it now, wondering what was inside. Good news or bad news? I tore it open and pulled it out. I immediately breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was my degree. I had done it. I ran my finger over the glossy gold emblem and smiled. I could understand why some people never wanted to stop learning. There was something so exciting about getting recognition for something that you put your heart and soul into. And I had definitely put my heart and soul into this. For the past few months, I had done nothing but study, and it was good to finally have this piece of paper in my hands. I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done if I had failed. Failure was not an option in my life, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t impossible, either.
The door opened, and I jumped. I turned around and saw Laurie enter the room. Laurie was my best friend, the one person who knew me better than anyone else ever could. We’d been friends since grade school, so she’d seen me at my absolute best and my absolute worst. There was something to be said for that sort of knowledge. Sometimes I felt like she knew me better than I knew myself.
“Don’t you knock?” I said with a hand to my heart.
“Don’t you lock your door?” she replied.
I laughed. “Okay, you got me. I was just sorting through this mail.”
She chuckled. “I saw the note on the door for the postman. You finally got around to putting up the sign, huh?”
“Yeah. Think he’s going to be annoyed with the sign? I’m worried he might stop bringing me my mail or spit on it or something.”
Laurie laughed. “Spit on your mail? I highly doubt that’s going to happen. Anyway, it’s high time that you stood up for yourself. You can’t let this guy do whatever he wants to do. He’s just lucky you haven’t reported him yet.”
I sighed. “I am sticking up for myself.” It was very important for me to stress this point to her. Laurie knew better than anyone how important it was for me to always stick up for myself. She’d been there when I’d been bullied, and she knew how much those memories still clung to me. Those times had made me stronger in some ways, but in other ways, they’d also turned me into a very self-conscious person. I couldn’t help myself. I was always second-guessing myself, and I was sure that I would never be as confident as Laurie was. No matter how much I tried.
“Of course you are. That’s why the sign is up,” Laurie said. “Now, what’s that in your hand? Looks important. Oh my God, Alice, is that your degree?”
I beamed and showed it to her. “It sure is. I’m so glad I got it.”
“Of course you got it. I never had any doubt. Anyway, how many degrees do you have now anyway? Ten?”
I laughed. “Ten? I wish. No, this is my only degree.”
“What about all those other awards you got?”
“I did a whole bunch of short courses in between, but they weren’t degrees,” I said with an air of modesty. I worked hard for all of this, and I was
proud of it, but I wasn’t one to boast.
“Oh, what’s the difference really?” Laurie said. “You’re amazing, and this just proves it.”
“No, I’m not. Now, can I get you something to drink?” I wanted to change the conversation to something other than my awards.
“I’d say wine, but I suppose it’s too early for that. Hmm, just a cup of coffee would be great.”
I made the coffee and took out a Tupperware container from the fridge. The moment I opened the lid, Laurie sighed with happiness.
“I was so hoping that there was going to be cake.”
“Well, technically, they’re muffins. But they’re chocolate chip, so I guess they’re pretty much the same as cake. I made these yesterday, so they should still be quite fresh. I’ll pop them into the oven to warm them up.”
Laurie wrinkled her nose. “Put them in the microwave. Nobody has time for the oven.”
I laughed. “No, the microwave will make them go funny. The oven won’t take long. It’s worth the wait, anyway.”
She groaned. “That’s the problem with you. Everything has to be done perfectly.”
“Well, I did just get my degree from culinary school, you know. If I used the microwave all the time, then something would surely be wrong.”
“Yeah, but that’s when you cook for other people. When you’re just making something for yourself or for me, you can use the microwave. Anyway, what was the occasion?”
“Occasion? What do you mean?”
“Don’t tell me that you just baked these for no reason?”
“Of course I did. I wanted to try out a new recipe.”
She groaned. “Who even does that? Also, how are you not fat?”
I giggled. “Thank you. I was counting on you coming over, actually. I wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of these. I’m definitely not giving them to the mailman, that’s for sure.”
“Oh, I’ll gladly help you out. You can give me a few to take home. That way I don’t have to cook tonight.”
“You’re going to eat chocolate chip muffins for dinner? Really?”
“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
We sat together in the living room with our coffee and muffins, and I was pleased to see that Laurie devoured them within minutes. Laurie was my favorite person to try recipes out on because she always told me the truth. She wasn’t the sort of person who would worry about my feelings. If she didn’t like something, I would know about it. These muffins were definitely a winner.
“So, you must be feeling happy now that you have your degree. That’s a big weight off your shoulders, I’m sure.”
I sighed. “Not really. I mean, I’m obviously very happy about it. Of course I am. I’m also, however, drowning in debt from all of the schooling. Getting your degree does not come cheap these days. I’m going to need to find a job, and I’m going to need to do it soon, otherwise I’m going to be out on the streets. You don’t by any chance want me to be your personal chef, do you?”
She chuckled. “Oh, a girl can dream. I wish I could afford that. I do have some news for you, though. It’s why I came here in the first place. I just forgot to mention it because I was too enthralled by these muffins.”
“News?”
“Yeah, I spoke to my friend Hayden the other day, and he told me that his friend is in need of a personal chef. Apparently, this guy has quite a bit of money and is willing to pay quite a lot to get you to cook for him.”
“Seriously? So people actually do that? They hire personal chefs? I thought that only happened in the movies.”
Laurie laughed. “Yeah, it happens. Imagine having that sort of money? Crazy, huh. Anyway, I know you mentioned before that you wanted a job so I put your name forward and he’s pretty keen to give you the job.”
“He is? But he doesn’t even know me, and he hasn’t tasted my food. For all he knows, I’m awful in the kitchen.”
“But you’re not. Anyway, I told him how good you were. He’s willing to at least give you a try. I told him that you would take the job. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Laurie! But what if I don’t want it?”
She raised her eyebrows at me. “Don’t you?”
“Well, I mean…of course I do. I just…”
“There you go. You need the money, and he needs a cook. Voila. The job is done.”
“Do you know anything about this man? I’d love to know what I’m getting into. I’ve never done something like this before. This is very different from cooking at a restaurant. In a way, it’s a lot more pressure.”
“Which is probably why the pay is so good. Sadly, I don’t know anything about the guy. I guess I should’ve found out more, but it was such a rushed conversation. Anyway, you might as well meet the guy. If you hate the job, after a month, you can just quit, but there’s no harm in at least trying, don’t you think?”
I nodded. She was right. I was tired of being in debt, and I hated that I was constantly broke. If I didn’t start working soon, I was going to find myself with a degree but nowhere to live. Also, Laurie was always telling me to grab opportunities when they came, and this was certainly one big opportunity I didn’t want to miss out on.
“Okay, I’ll take it. Thanks, Laurie. This is nice of you.”
She grinned. “You can thank me by giving me another muffin.”
I laughed. “Another one? Wow, I should be asking you how to stay so slim.”
“I’m sure once I reach my 30s it will be all downhill for me. Somehow my metabolism is still my friend. Anyway, I’d way rather be fat if it meant getting to eat these every day.”
I laughed and headed out to the kitchen to get some more. I wasn’t sure what I would do without Laurie. All these years after school and she was still my biggest supporter. I warmed up the muffins, made some more coffee, and headed back out.
“Thank you, Laurie,” I said. “Seriously, for everything. You’re the best.”
“I do it all for the muffins,” she said, and grinned at me.
Chapter 5
Jacob
I woke up once again covered in sweat and groaned when the reality of my new life sunk in. Was I ever going to wake up without feeling this way? I wasn’t so sure. I craved nighttime more than anything else now. I was never blind in my dreams. But waking after those blissful dreams was hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. Nobody ever thinks that being blind will happen to them. It’s never something you really think about. You figure you might get sick one day, but being blind is something that happens to other people, not to you. That’s what I always thought. It had never crossed my mind that it would one day be my life. I wished that I hadn’t taken my sight for granted. I wished I could go back and study all the beautiful things in the world. Every day I thought about what everyone looked like, what everything looked like, trying not to forget. But what was the point? Sometimes I wondered if it wouldn’t be better to just forget. Knowing that I would never see all those things again was heartbreaking.
I lay in bed, thinking about my day ahead. I wanted to stay in bed, but I knew that Hayden would be back that morning to check on me. I didn’t want him to see me lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I felt around the bed for Tank, but he wasn’t there. Tank was my dog before all of this happened, but he’d been trained as a seeing eye dog while I was in the hospital. He was the right dog for it, and he’d taken to the training so easily. He’d been a stray dog at the navy. A dog that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. But I’d taken a shining to him and immediately called him my own. The whole thing was rather strange. I was not the sort of person who believed that things happened for a reason, but it was hard not to believe that I had found Tank on purpose. I hadn’t even had him for long when I’d been sent to the hospital, and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be with him again. Hayden had taken care of that, though, and had sent the dog in for training. Now he was mine, and I needed him now more than ever.
“Tank,” I called out
.
I heard the patter of his feet on the wooden slats as he made his way to me. I smiled the moment I felt his body near mine. Having Tank was a great way for me not to walk into anything. I still had my hand out, and I still felt around the room when I moved, but he gave me the confidence I was sure I would not have without him.
“I wish you could talk,” I said to him as we moved around the house. I made my way to the bathroom and took my time with the shower. It wasn’t easy, but I somehow managed to do it. Afterwards, I went back to the bedroom and felt around for the clothes. For a brief second, I forgot where everything was, and I almost panicked, but I took a few breaths and tried to calm my mind before trying again. Finally, I found a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, and I put them on. Getting through this simple task made me feel like I was going to be okay. No matter how much Hayden and I liked to joke around, I also knew that he wouldn’t have messed up my wardrobe for me. I knew that the clothes I was wearing matched and that I wasn’t going to be walking around dressed like a fool.
I smiled when I felt Tank by my side. I sat on the bed to put on my shoes and couldn’t believe it when Tank pushed them towards me. How on earth did he know that I wanted my shoes?
“You know, Tank, I’m starting to think that dogs are far more superior than humans. You’re amazing.” I held my hand out and felt his wet nose on the palm of my hand. I felt like he was telling me that he agreed.
Once I was showered and fully dressed, I made my way to the kitchen. I wondered what the time was and how long the whole process had taken me. There was no longer a way to wake up to an alarm now, no way to get to places on time. No matter how good I got at maneuvering myself around without aid, there were simply some things that I would never be able to do like everyone else. I was going to need a lot of help and knew that I was going to have to accept that. This was not the time for stubbornness.
I needed to make something to eat, but the thought of making breakfast for myself seemed so overwhelming. I hated that everything was now going to take me such a long time. I tried to remember where everything was, and my mind immediately went to the dog food that Hayden had left out for me. I filled up Tank’s bowl and placed it on the floor for him, and then smiled when I heard him eating away. I made sure to fill up his water bowl too. This was going to have to be something that I added to my routine because I wasn’t going to be able to see when the bowl was empty. Although, judging by how smart Tank was, he would probably find a way to tell me.