by Tyler Grey
“Really? Hmm…” she said, and I could hear she was lost in thought. I wished she would tell me what she was thinking. “I guess I was just nervous.”
“I thought for sure it was because I was blind. Although, Hayden told me it might be because you just didn’t like me.”
She laughed. “What a good friend he is.”
“Yeah, and of course I told him that it was him that had scared you off. Anyway, we were both sure that you weren’t coming back. I felt so bad that he had asked you to cook for us that day. As if interviews aren’t bad enough as it is, he makes you cook.”
“Ah, I didn’t mind that. Actually, that was the part I found the easiest about the day. I am quite a shy person, but as soon as I’m in the kitchen, I feel like a different person. It’s where I’m the most confident. So I was more than happy to do it. Also, I pretty much figured I was going to cook for you that day. I mean, you were looking for someone to cook for you; I assumed you would want to try my cooking.”
“Yeah, I suppose so. Well, you’re not nearly as shy as I thought you were going to be that day. You’re…well, you’re very easy to talk to, Alice.”
“I am?” she asked. She seemed surprised.
“Yeah. I don’t find it that easy to talk to people, especially with my new disability, but you have made the whole process a lot easier for me. So, thank you. I know this can’t be that easy for you.”
“Nah, it’s not hard at all. In fact, I count myself as pretty lucky to have this job. Like I said, I wasn’t all that keen on working at a restaurant. Now I get to cook food that I like to cook, and I don’t have the pressure of doing what everyone else wants. Also, you’re a very appreciate guy when it comes to food. I couldn’t have asked for a better boss.”
“I’m a glutton. Let’s be honest.”
She giggled. “All the best people are.” She went quiet after saying that, and again I wondered what she was thinking. She had a tendency to go into herself quite often, as if she were deep in thought about something. Good thoughts or bad? I guessed I would never know. “Oh, we’re here. There’s a nice bench available. Let’s take that.”
We took a seat and made our way through some of the most delicious muffins I had ever tasted. Alice was very good at what she did, and I was grateful to have found her. Still, she’d gone a little quiet during our walk, and I wondered why.
I drew a breath. “Alice, look, I just want you to know that you really don’t have to go with me to the banquet. I feel a bit bad that Hayden asked you like that. I can’t actually believe he did that. But honestly, you don’t have to go with me.”
“Why do you say that? Is it something I said?”
“No. It’s just…I don’t want you to think that you have to go. I understand if you don’t want to be seen with someone in my condition. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go just because you work for me. I know this is over and beyond what you were hired for, so I won’t at all feel offended. I promise.”
Alice took my hand, and I was so surprised by the contact that I almost pulled away in shock. I was glad I didn’t. Her hand felt so good in mine that I didn’t want her to ever let it go. She squeezed my hand and then released it, and I resisted the urge to ask her to do it again.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I already bought a dress for the occasion. I’ll have you know that my life is a little bit boring. So I’m actually looking forward to the banquet. Also, I don’t feel like I have to do anything. If I didn’t want to go I would tell you, I promise you. Anyway, it will be fun.”
I smiled. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re coming. If it’s boring, we can sneak off and listen to a book instead.”
She laughed. “Uh-oh. Someone is hooked on audiobooks. Speaking of, should we go home and finish it? We’re almost done, and I’m dying to see how it ends.”
I sighed. “I want to finish it, but at the same time I don’t want it to end.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I have a long list of books lined up for us. We’re never going to run out of books.”
“You’re the best,” I said. “Let’s go.”
We walked off and chatted amicably the whole way home. Alice actually seemed genuinely interested in going to the banquet with me, so I was relieved about that. But there was still something about her that was holding back, I was sure of it. I got the impression that she wasn’t telling me everything about herself, and I wondered what it could be. She was a wonderful person, an amazing cook, and according to Hayden, she was also beautiful. What could she possibly be trying to hide from me? Perhaps I was just looking into things a bit much. I would try and keep my guard up regardless. I found myself liking her more and more with each passing day, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. I knew very well what could happen when you counted on someone too much. I was not going to get hurt again.
Chapter 18
Alice
I was looking forward to an evening at home. I’d promised Laurie that I would at least take a look at some online dating sites, so I spent about an hour scrolling through them. For the most part, I couldn’t look through anything without my own profile, so after phoning Laurie in exasperation, I eventually created one for myself. Once that was done I looked through some of the profiles out there. There were some really nice-looking men on the sites as well as some very dodgy-looking ones. I couldn’t believe what photos some people chose to use. Did they not see how weird some of them were? If those were their best photos, I shuddered to think what their worst ones were like, or what they were like in real life. I had many friends who had used online dating very successfully, and I had absolutely nothing against it. I just wasn’t too sure if it was for me. There was something about it that didn’t sit well with me. I just wasn’t sure if I was the online dating type. I wanted to meet a man the old-fashioned way. I wanted to feel a spark and a connection between us, and I wanted to build a relationship from a friendship. I still believed that friendship was the most important thing to have before a relationship could form. Of course, I also knew that I wasn’t doing much in terms of going out and finding this dream guy of mine. Laurie was right. I either had to get out there more or else I had to at least try to find someone online. A guy wasn’t just going to fall out of the sky without a bit of effort on my behalf.
Despite this, I ended up giving up after some time. I sent Laurie a message and assured her that I now had a profile and would look for some potential dates in due time. She told me that I would more than likely be approached anyway so I didn’t have to worry about that. The thought of some man approaching me based on my photo didn’t appeal to me. I wanted a man to fall in love with me as a person, and not based on some photo I happened to think showed my best side. I sighed and shut down the computer. Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for it right now.
The phone rang, and for a brief second, I thought that someone had just viewed my profile. Then I remembered that I hadn’t included my telephone number and breathed a sigh of relief. It made me think that I should take the profile off soon if this was the reaction I had to the idea of a potential date.
“Hello?” I said into the phone. I was always surprised when someone phoned my home phone and not my mobile. It was either going to be my mother on the other end or some salesperson. It never seemed to be anyone else.
“Hi, darling,” came my mother’s voice.
“Hi, Mom. How are you? Sorry I didn’t phone this week. I’ve been meaning to.” I had actually been avoiding calling her, but I knew that she would call if I didn’t. I loved my mother to bits, but she was always trying to sort my life out for me. She seemed to think she knew what I wanted a lot more than I knew myself, which was quite frustrating. Our conversation always ended up focused on me.
“That’s okay. I’m good. I just came back from tennis with the girls. What a lovely day out,” she said. I resisted the urge to chuckle. My mother was always going out for a game of ‘tennis’ when I knew that all they really did was play for h
alf an hour and spend the rest of the afternoon drinking gin and tonics together. I was happy that my mother had found such a great group of friends, though. Ever since my father died, she’d been quite lost and had shut herself off from the world. But she seemed to be a whole new person now. She seemed more relaxed and definitely happier. The girls were great, and they had shown her how to live again in a way that I could never do for her. The only person she really seemed to worry about now was me. I don’t think she ever fully recovered from finding out that I was bullied at school. I’d kept it hidden from her for as long as I possibly could, but it had come out one day. She didn’t know who it was that had bullied me though, so at least she would never find out that I was now working for the same guy. Or if she knew, she certainly wouldn’t put the two together. Laurie still wasn’t happy with the whole idea, but my mother would’ve reacted a whole lot worse. I knew that she was only looking out for me, but sometimes I wanted her to understand that I was adult enough to look after myself.
“That’s great, Mom. You’re right; it’s the perfect day out for it. How are the girls?”
“Oh, you know, they’re fine. We had such a giggle about things today. I swear sometimes I forget that I am the age I am; I still feel like a teenager around them.”
“Did something happen?” I asked. I loved hearing all her stories, and there always seemed to be some sort of story. It was like they were living in a soap opera.
“Oh yes, there’s a story, and this one is bigger than usual. Want to hear about it?”
I giggled. “Of course I want to hear about it. Tell me everything.” The more we spoke about the girls, the less chance there was of the conversation turning to me.
“Eloise has a new boyfriend. He’s 15 years younger than her. It’s quite a scandal, really. I think it’s great, though. Why shouldn’t she have a younger boyfriend? Why is it always the men that can get the young girls? Between you and me though, I don’t think it’s going to last. From the sound of it, this boy really gets around, and I think he’s quite enjoying having an older woman. I’m sure he’ll move onto someone else. He probably has a checklist that he’s going through. But while it lasts at least she’s having a lot of fun. And from the sounds of it, it really is a lot of fun, if you know what I mean.”
“Eloise? Really?” I couldn’t imagine my mother’s mousy older friend with a younger man. I could barely imagine her with a man at all. I loved it when people surprised me like this. To me, there was nothing greater than people showing the world that judgments are wrong and unnecessary. Why couldn’t the Eloises of this world get the good, young guys?
“Yeah, and he’s gorgeous. I saw the picture. Other than that there’s not much news to tell. I mean, there’s the usual stories, but Eloise sort of trumped all of that.”
I chuckled. “That’s brilliant. Tell Eloise I’m impressed!”
“Eloise is even beating you in the dating department!”
I groaned. I knew we would eventually get around to talking about me. It was only natural that the news about Eloise would progress to me not having anyone at all. “Well, that’s not all that difficult. Funny you should mention that, though, I just spent an hour looking for potential dates online.” I wasn’t going to tell her, but at least it would get her off my back a bit. She’d been wanting me to get out and date for a while now. She’d even tried to set me up on a date, but I had refused. My mother and I had very different taste in men, and I couldn’t imagine who she would think was suitable for me.
“You did? I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that,” she said. I could hear the excitement in her voice, and I was glad to at least give her that. Between my news and Eloise’s news, she was certainly having a good day.
I laughed. “You and me both, Mom. It was Laurie’s idea. She is desperate to get me out into the dating scene.”
“She’s right. Good for her. I’m glad that she’s been on you about this. You’re young, beautiful and talented, and you deserve a nice boy. And, of course, a nice boy deserves someone like you. I’m not just saying this because you’re my daughter, but I happen to think you’re quite the catch.”
I chuckled. “Thanks.”
“So, did you find anyone?”
“Nah, it was a bit overwhelming, if I’m being honest. And nobody seemed genuine. Hard to tell online, I guess.”
“That’s why you need to go on actual dates. Pick the three best and give it a try. What have you got to lose?”
“Yeah, I’m sure I will,” I said, just to get her off my back. “I’ll keep you posted.”
“Good. Send me photos!”
I groaned. “What they look like is not important!” Hadn’t she told me that looks were not important so many times in my life? Now she was saying the complete opposite.
“Darling, of course not, but you still need to be attracted to the guy. Lust first, then love.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“So, other than dating, how is the job hunting going?”
I groaned. I wasn’t surprised that we were having this conversation again. My mother was not at all happy when I told her that I was working for Jacob. She didn’t know who he was, but she was adamant that it was not the career for me. I shuddered to think what she would say if she knew the whole truth. In a way, the more she hated me working there, the more I wanted to stay.
“Mom, I have a job! Why would I be hunting for another one?” I asked her as I struggled to remain patient.
“I thought this was just a part-time thing? Something until you found something else. Isn’t that what you said to me when you first got the job? I thought you were only going to stay there for a week or so.”
“Not really. I mean, I don’t think I’ll work there for a long time or anything, but I’m going to stay there for at least six months to make some money.”
“Six months!”
“Yeah, why not? I’m not going to make much more money than I would in a week or two. What would’ve been the point in taking the job then? He pays well. After that, I’ll figure out what I want to do. It’s a good job, Mom. And no late hours or anything like some chefs have to do. I think I’m quite lucky. Any other job would’ve seen me working late and hardly having anything to show for it. This is a great job to have.”
“Darling, this is not the job I want for you. You need to get a real job.”
“How is this not a real job? I’m getting paid real money for it. Good money. That sounds like a job to me.”
“No, this is not a real job, and you deserve better than this. Anyway, you have spent too much money and time on your education to waste it like this.”
“Mom,” I said with exasperation. “Why is this wasting it? I’m cooking, aren’t I?”
“You’re someone’s maid! That’s what you are. I thought you wanted to do something big with your career? Isn’t that what you’ve always told me? What’s the point of all those studies now when you’re just cooking for one man every day? And, no offense or anything, but he can’t even see your beautiful food.”
I sighed. “Mom, I’m doing what I love. I’m cooking, and I’m making a difference in someone’s life. Also, I’m enjoying the job, and I’m making some good money while I’m doing it. I don’t see why that is so wrong.”
“It’s wrong, darling, because you have so much talent and I want you to do something with it. Don’t feel like you have to settle. Anyway, I’m glad you are enjoying yourself, that is good. In the meantime, I’m going to put your application out there to see if I can find you anything better.”
I rolled my eyes. I wanted to tell her to please let me alone and to just be happy for me, but I knew she meant well. Also, I so desperately wanted to get off the phone and to get her off my back. “Fine, Mom. Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Alice,” she said, and I realized she completely hadn’t heard a trace of sarcasm from my voice even though my ‘thank you’ had been rife with it. “Now, I better get going. I’ll let you know if I fin
d anything. Keep an eye out yourself too, okay? If we both put our heads together, I’m sure we can find something amazing for you. Something you’ll be proud of.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“And send me photos if you find a nice man.”
“I will.”
I was so grateful to end the conversation with her. The moment the phone was down, I flopped down onto the sofa and groaned. My mother and Laurie were the two people most dear to me, and yet the two people who seemed to want to control my life. They’d seen me through so many bad times, and I knew they just wanted me to be happy. But I was happy, and I really did like my job.
I got up and made my way to my room, where I lifted the dress off the hanger and placed it against me. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. I wasn’t going on a date with Jacob, but I was still looking forward to getting out a bit. I was also looking forward to wearing this dress. It had been a long time since I’d dressed up like this, and this dress was so beautiful. I had decided on the green dress. It was silky to the touch, and I knew it looked good on me. I wasn’t very good at showing myself off, but for once I was happy with how I was going to look. I had plans on going to the hairdresser too, and hoped I made Jacob proud. He might not be able to see me, but everyone else was going to be looking at the woman he had chosen as his date. For some reason, that felt like a lot of pressure, and I wanted everyone to think I looked good. I shook my head at the thought.
“Why do you care so much?” I asked my reflection in the mirror. I knew why. I knew even though I barely wanted to admit it to myself. I liked Jacob. I found him attractive, and most of all, I enjoyed his company. He made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time. But how could I like the one man that had made my childhood a misery? What if the old Jacob was still lurking inside? What if I was just setting myself up for disappointment? I couldn’t stand to go through all of that hurt again. Especially after I had promised myself that I would never let anyone make me feel that way again. I couldn’t back out of the banquet now, but I had a feeling I was going to have to leave this job soon. If not, the hurt would surely come.