by Tyler Grey
Chapter 28
Alice
Well, it was bound to happen one day. I should’ve known that it would come out eventually. I had been hoping to be the one to tell him, though. I hadn’t wanted him to find out that way. I wondered if he was angry at me, or just embarrassed by the whole thing. I couldn’t tell, and I didn’t want to push. We’d have to talk it through eventually, but I hated that I was leaving him now when we’d planned to spend the day together. It had started out as such a good day too, and now he was going to be sitting all alone. I almost considered calling Hayden and asking him to go over, but I didn’t want it to look like I was meddling. Everyone dealt with issues in their own way, and Jacob clearly just wanted to be left alone.
I got in the car and called Laurie. She was at work, but she answered straight away. She was good like that. I was always terrible with my phone, missing calls and not seeing messages. Not Laurie. I could always count on her. Even though she hadn’t wanted me to get mixed up with Jacob in the first place, I still wanted to talk to her. She would always be the first person that I turned to. I was crying when she answered the phone.
“Alice, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?”
“I’m not hurt,” I sobbed. “Can we meet? Are you busy?”
“We can definitely meet. Should I come to your place? I can be there in half an hour.”
“Thank you. Are you sure? You can come later if you like.”
“I’m sure. I’ll be there.”
I drove home, and true to form, Laurie arrived exactly half an hour after the call. She came up to me, gave me a hug, and poured two glasses of wine for us. She handed me one and sat with me in the living room.
“Right, spill… tell me what’s going on.”
I took a sip of wine. “Jacob found out about me.”
Her eyes widened. “What? Really? How? Did you tell him?”
I shook my head. “No, we went out for lunch today, and the stupid waitress was a girl from our school. Mary Hutchinson. Remember her?”
“Mary! Of course,” Laurie said and pulled a face. “I never liked that girl.”
“Yeah, me neither. Jacob had been there the week before with Hayden so she had already seen him and caught up with him. But I haven’t seen her for years. I think I saw her once or twice out of school, but that’s it. She was so shocked to see me, and even more shocked to see me with Jacob. I mean, she knows what he did to me. She was laughing and joking and saying how she could not believe she’d ever see the day that I would be at lunch with Jacob. The whole thing was a disaster. We excused ourselves from the restaurant and went straight home. We didn’t say a word to each other the whole time, and then he asked me to go home.”
“What? Are you serious? So he didn’t apologize for anything?”
“No. I was the one that apologized to him for not telling him. I mean, I wasn’t exactly honest with him. I’ve been keeping him in the dark this whole time.”
Laurie groaned. “No. I’m not sure I can even hear this. Please don’t tell me that you really apologized to him. Please don’t say that.”
“It’s okay; he told me not to. He said that I should never apologize to him. I think he only wanted me to leave because he was ashamed. That’s all. I guess it was a lot to process. Oh, Laurie…I’m just feeling really upset about this whole thing. I—”
“Don’t say it,” Laurie said, and held up a hand to stop me.
“Say what?”
She sighed. “You’re going to say that you are starting to fall for him, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I think so. I’m sorry.”
“You know, you apologize too much.”
“You’re right. I do. I just know how much you don’t want me to be with him, and I totally understand why. If the roles were reversed, I’d probably feel the same way. But they’re not reversed, and I can’t help my feelings. I was just thinking that morning how good I was starting to feel about myself and how happy I was. I love working for him, and I really enjoy being with him. In a way, it has helped to heal a lot of the wounds for me. It’s messed up, I know, but I truly believe that he is sorry for what he did, and I also believe that he has changed. Call me stupid, but it’s how I feel.”
“But he shouldn’t have asked you to leave, Alice. He’s taking the coward’s way out, just like he always has.”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I see it differently than you.”
“Are you still going to work for him?”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, and then there’s that whole thing with the Belgian restaurant. You know I haven’t even checked to see what the email said. They’re going to be waiting for me to reply to them.”
Laurie frowned with confusion. “What Belgian thing?”
I gasped. I forgot that I hadn’t yet told Laurie about it. It had only happened that morning, but it felt like it had happened such a long time ago. This whole thing with Jacob had completely gotten in the way. I started by telling her about the conversation with my mom and how I’d agreed to let her send my resume out just to keep her quiet, and then explained how the restaurant from Belgium had called and offered me a job.
“What? Are you serious? You’re only telling me this now!”
“Sorry, Laurie. I only found out this morning. I was about to leave for work when I got the phone call. I was going to tell you as soon as I got home, but then this thing with Jacob happened, and I completely forgot about it.”
“Belgium!” she exclaimed and whistled. “That’s huge, Alice. This could be everything that you’ve ever wanted. Do they pay well?”
“Oh yeah. They also sort out my accommodations for a year.”
“What? That’s crazy! Please tell me you’re taking it!”
“Do you want to get rid of me or something? Won’t you miss me?”
“Are you kidding me? I’ll miss you like crazy, but I would never stand in the way of your dreams. This is huge. This is the big break you’ve been looking for. You’re very talented, Alice and an opportunity like this doesn’t come along all the time. I’ll come visit. It will be so much fun.” She stopped when she realized I wasn’t sharing in on her enthusiasm and groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re not going to take it because of Jacob.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Laurie. I really don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused in my life.”
“Did you tell him about the job?”
“Yeah, I told him before the whole thing with Mary happened.”
“What did he say about it? Did he try to convince you to stay and work for him?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, the opposite, actually. He said I should go and that he doesn’t want to be the one that holds me back. He said it would be such an amazing opportunity that I would be crazy to miss.”
“You know, for once in my life, I completely agree with Jacob. You should listen to him. Come on, Alice. I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but things are not going to work with Jacob. There is too much history between the two of you, and you’re fooling yourself if you think all of that can be forgotten about. Maybe it’s about time you remembered what he did to you and how it made you feel. Nobody deserves to feel that way. I spent so many years of my life worried about you and feeling sad for you. I hated what he did to my best friend. Now, I think you should take this job in Europe. It would be a chance for you to start over and to finally leave your past behind. You are worth more than this. Will you at least think about it?”
I sighed. “I’ll think about it.” But I wasn’t so sure. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to stay with Jacob. I had to believe that it was worth it. If I didn’t, I was sure that I would live to regret it. No job was worth losing out on the one person that could potentially be your true love. I had to fight for it. I had always stood up for what I believed in, no matter how much it sometimes hurt me, and I wasn’t about to stop that now.
Chapter 29
Jacob
I called Hayden the following morning. I wanted to call Alice, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had both her number and his on speed dial, but I ended up hitting his.
“Oh, hey, Jacob. Everything okay?” he asked. I knew he panicked slightly whenever I called, but he would never admit it to me. The pitch in his voice changed ever so slightly, though.
“Yeah, uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”
“Name it.”
“Could you please call Alice and tell her not to come in today.”
“Don’t you have her on speed dial, too?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah, but I’d rather you tell her.”
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah, something happened. It’s a long story.”
“I’ll call her and then I’m coming over,” Hayden said.
I frowned. “You don’t have to. I don’t…” What I wanted to say was that I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, but I couldn’t find the words.
“I’m coming.”
“Thanks, Hayden,” I said. Perhaps it was a good idea for me to have some company. I was a little crazy sitting by myself.
Hayden arrived later that morning, with coffee and muffins again. We sat in the living room to eat them. I was a lot hungrier than I realized, but I wasn’t surprised. I hadn’t eaten a thing the night before. Not because Alice wasn’t there, but because I couldn’t bring myself to do much more than sleep. And even sleep had been hard to come by.
“Thanks for this. I needed this.”
“Aren’t you eating?”
“I am. I just…I messed up. What did Alice say on the phone?”
“Not much, really. I was going to ask her what happened but I figured I’d rather ask you. She seemed a little sad, but when I told her not to come in today, she said she completely understands and that she hopes to hear from you soon.”
I groaned. “Man, how is she such a nice person? Seriously, she’s the best person I know.”
“And yet you didn’t want her to come in today?”
“Like I said. I messed up. Hey, any chance you want to go for a walk after this?” I asked. “I feel like getting out the house.”
“Sure, but will you tell me what happened then?”
“I’ll tell you.”
We finished our muffins and coffee, got Tank, and made our way outside. I didn’t realize what a cool day it was.
“It’s pretty cold,” I said as we walked.
“Yeah, it came out of nowhere. Do you want to go inside and get a jacket or something? I can run in and get it for you.”
“No, I’m okay. I like this.”
“Right, so, you want to tell me what’s going on? Because the last time I heard from you, things were going so well.”
I sighed. I felt so ashamed to tell my story. One of the reasons why I felt so secure in my friendship with Hayden was because he didn’t know me at school. He only knew the new and improved me. I’d always intended it to stay that way.
“I’m Jacob 2.0,” I said.
He laughed. “What? What do you mean?”
“I’m not the guy I used to be.”
“Okay, you’re not making any sense. What are you talking about?”
“Okay, so other than handsome and charming, how would you describe me?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Annoying.”
“Seriously, though.”
“Uh, okay, if we’re being serious here, I guess I’d describe you as kind.”
I smiled sadly. “That’s good to hear. That’s exactly what I want to be. The Jacob of my past was anything but kind. You know what a shit my father is. I’ve told you all about him. Well, I was exactly like he was. I was horrible, nasty, mean.”
“When was this?”
“Oh, I was like that for a long time. That’s a lot of years wasted as a horrible person.”
“No way, I don’t believe it. You were just a kid. You were probably just finding yourself. Kids don’t really mean it, though. No kid is perfect. You figure things out as you go along. I don’t understand what this has to do with anything anyway?”
“Well, I was worse than that. I was the biggest bully in school. People were scared of me. I remember being 13 and walking around like I owned the place. I was a lot taller than all the kids then, too. I think I looked older than all of them, so that helped with the fear.”
Hayden chuckled as if he still didn’t quite believe me. “The fear?”
“Hayden, I’m being serious. Kids were scared of me. I got through school by barely doing any work because I just let everyone do my work for me. I was called into the principal’s office a handful of times, but I managed to stay out of trouble for the most part because the kids never told on me. They knew what would happen if they did. The thing is, it was more than that. I was a very insecure kid. I hated my father, and I wanted nothing to do with him. Of course, the only thing I knew how to do was to be like him. He used to encourage me to be that kid. He loved it. I hated myself for it, but I didn’t know how to change. I didn’t want anyone to see how weak I really was. I was a nasty little shit, Hayden.”
“But you’re not like that at all now,” he said.
“I know. The navy changed me. You changed me. I learned morals and kindness. I figured out who I wanted to be. I changed, and I don’t feel like the old Jacob at all anymore. I feel like a brand new person.”
“Well then, that’s good. Isn’t it? What’s wrong with that? There’s nothing greater than a person who has changed. I think it’s great. You should be proud of yourself.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s hard to be proud of the things I used to do and say. There was one girl in particular that got the brunt of it. Everyone else just did whatever I said, but she dared to stand up to me. I hated that she didn’t run after me like everyone else. So I teased her relentlessly. I bullied her. I made her life a living hell at school. I literally turned the entire school, except one girl, against her. I hurt her more than anyone because she was the only one that knew how to make me feel guilty for what I was doing. She was this small little girl with brown hair and green eyes. Her hair had a reddish tint to it, so subtle. I remembered it only glowed red when the sunlight hit it. It was lovely. Of course, I decided to tell everyone that it made her look like a clown. To this day she is the one person that I feel the worst about.”
“Ah shit, I’m sorry, Jacob. I know you’re not that guy anymore.”
“I’m not, but every now and again something from my past crops up and reminds me what a shit I was. I’m glad you don’t know the person I used to be. You would never have been friends with me, Hayden. I’m so lucky that I ended up with a good friend like you. From the outside, it looked like I had tons of friends when I was a kid, but none of those people were actually friends. None of them knew me, and that was nobody’s fault but my own. I was a horrible person. I deserve to be blind.”
“Don’t say that. Of course you don’t deserve to be blind. Nobody deserves that, especially not you.”
“So, I took Alice out for lunch the other day.”
“She found out what you were like as a kid?” Hayden said. “Oh come on, Jacob, she can’t surely be upset with you for that? I mean, you’re not like that anymore, and you know that. She knows that.”
“It’s not that…” I choked. “She’s the girl with the reddish tint in her hair. She’s the girl I bullied throughout school. Alice Bozeman. I had no idea.”
“Oh my God. Are you serious? That’s…”
“It’s crazy, I know. I’m still in shock. I know I should see her and talk to her about it, but I can’t stop thinking about the things that I did to her. I made her life a misery.”
“But did she know who you were?” Hayden asked.
“Yeah, she knew. Which is why I can’t believe she took the job. No wonder she was so quiet that first week. She was obviously trying to figure out why the hell she had decided to work for me.”
“You know, I rememb
er a look of shock that came across her face when she met you for the first time. I didn’t think much of it, though. I figured it was because you were blind. She recognized you immediately. So that’s why she was so weird about it. But…she obviously forgives you. I mean, she’s been working for you for a while now. She’s been nice to you. She’s…she’s slept with you.”
“What if she’s only doing those things so that I fall in love with her or so that I start to heavily rely on her, and then she leaves me? I mean, let’s be honest: that would be a pretty impressive thing to do on her part. That would be the ultimate story of revenge, don’t you think?”
“It would be, but do you think that’s what she’s doing? Do you honestly believe that she is doing all of this because she wants to get back at you?”
I sighed. I’d thought about this so much. I’d run through different scenarios between us to try and figure out if what she was doing was out of spite. I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. I think she’s just a genuinely nice person who has given me a second chance.”
“I think so too,” Hayden said.
“You know, in a way, that just makes me feel worse. I don’t deserve someone like her in my life. I deserve to be blind and lonely forever.”
“No, you’re an amazing guy. You did some shitty things in the past, but you’ve done everything you can to change who you are. I think that’s something special. Not everyone can do that. You proved everyone wrong, including your father. I would never have pegged you as a bully, Jacob. Never. Why? Because you’re not that guy anymore. I’m not the only one who sees that. Alice sees it too. She would never have been with you if she saw you as the old Jacob. She gave you a chance, and she fell in love with Jacob 2.0. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You need to talk to her.”
I nodded. Hayden was right. Alice was an amazing woman, and she deserved to be happy. I had to do what was right. I had spent so many years being nothing but a bully, being selfish and making her life a misery. It was now time for me to step up and to finally do the right thing. I needed to talk to her.