by Tyler Grey
I was starting a new job soon, and I couldn’t wait. Not because I was looking forward to the job, but because I was desperate to have something to keep myself occupied. Olive had found me the job. It was to work as a clerk at her firm. With the money that I was getting from Henry’s company, I actually didn’t have to work. At least, not for a while. But I needed to keep busy, and I’d immediately said yes to the offer.
My new apartment was so different from the house. It was one of the reasons that I had chosen it. I intended to make new memories at this place, and for the old ones to slowly move out of my head.
The apartment was small, but it felt big right now because it was so empty. It was filled with my unopened boxes. I couldn’t bring myself to unpack. I hadn’t yet had the chance to go shopping for furniture, either, so although I had most of the essentials, I was still missing some key elements. Like a bed. I’d found an old sleeping bag in the basement, and I’d taken it with me.
I spent the day cleaning and mostly looking at my boxes instead of unpacking them. There was so much that I could be doing with my day, but I didn’t have any energy left. I walked to the café down the road and sat alone to eat, then I came back to the apartment, took a shower, and climbed into the sleeping bag. The floor was hard, and it wasn’t very comfortable, at all. I didn’t mind though. I was used to feeling uncomfortable now. I relished pain and discomfort now. I deserved it.
That night, I closed my eyes and dreamt about Henry. I woke up the next morning feeling groggy and sad. I wondered how he was doing, but then forced myself not to think about him anymore. It was time to stop thinking about my mother, my father, Duncan ,and Henry. They were from my past, and it was time to concentrate on my future. I needed to keep busy.
Although, I had a feeling that it was going to take me a very long time to stop dreaming about them. Especially when night time came around and I closed my eyes, it was very hard to hide from my true feelings.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Henry
“No! That is not how you do it!” I yelled.
Tammy, the new assistant, winced. Her face when bright red, and she apologized profusely before running away. I groaned. I’d gotten upset with her yesterday, too, and I had promised myself that I wouldn’t do it again. The poor girl hadn’t even done anything wrong. I was just being a complete asshole to her for no reason.
It wasn’t like me to get so upset at people, and I never used to snap so easily. But lately, I’d been pissed off at everyone and everything. I was constantly on edge and didn’t know what to do with myself.
I woke up every morning with the promise that it was going to be a new start for me. I would make coffee, have some breakfast, and assure myself that the day would be a good one. Then Shawn would pick me up, and I’d find something wrong with his driving or get angry at something he would say to me. Most of the time, I wasn’t even getting angry at about anything important.
Sometimes the silliest things could set me off. Just that morning I’d shouted at poor Jessica because the homemade cookies she had bought me were slightly burnt. I was still embarrassed about that. The poor girl had gone out of her way to make something for me, and I’d gotten upset because they weren’t baked to my liking. I’d apologized to her, but I could see that I had hurt her deeply. She had always tried so hard with me, and I’d never given her the time of day. And now, I was doing the same to Tammy. She was probably regretted the day she agreed to work here. And, she’d been so excited when we told her that she had gotten the job.
I stuck my head around the door and called Tammy into the office. I was only angry at her because she wasn’t Paisley, but that wasn’t fair to her. She wasn’t a bad assistant, and I was expecting her to know things that she couldn’t possibly know so early on. Things were a lot busier than usual, and she’d started at a difficult time. The last thing she needed was for me to get angry at her for no reason. One of these days, she would walk out, and I’d have to do all the work alone. I wouldn’t be that surprised if Jessica walked out, too. Although I probably deserved that.
“Uh, hi,” she said nervously. “I’m sorry about the mistake. I had no idea it was meant to be done that way. It wasn’t in the manual, and you were busy, so I took a chance and did it the way I assumed it should be done.”
“No, I’m sorry for snapping at you. You shouldn’t have to apologize to me, at all. I don’t know what has gotten into me lately. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that it’s not usually so stressful here, and I’m not usually so irritable. I promise I really am a nicer guy than this, even though it’s probably hard to see that right now. You’re doing a great job, and I’m very happy with everything you’ve done so far.”
She smiled, the relief on her face obvious. “Thank you so much for saying so. I’m sorry that you’ve been so irritable with me. Maybe it’s because of the cast on your leg. It happened to my husband once, too, and he got so annoyed after a while. He couldn’t wait to get it off. He was snapping at people all the time, too.”
I nodded. She wasn’t completely wrong. I was mostly upset about Paisley, but cast on my leg definitely wasn’t helping matters. It had been driving me crazy lately. “Yeah, you’re right. Well, hopefully, I’ll get it off soon. It’s amazing how much you take for granted. I guess I should be happy it was leg and not my arms.”
“Absolutely. Uh, do you need anything else? How about some coffee?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for offering. I’ll email you if anything comes through. For now, you can just continue working on the same project from before.”
I felt better now that I had made amends, but lately, all I was doing was apologizing to people for treating them badly. I thought about the way Paisley had treated me, and I knew how horrible it felt to have someone treat you without any respect. I was going to have to make more of an effort.
When Shawn came around to take me out to lunch, I promised myself that I would be nice to him. We made it all the way to the restaurant without me being a dick, but I snapped as we arrived. Again, it was something stupid. I wanted to try and sit down by myself, but Shawn was trying to help me.
“I’ve got it! Geeze! I’m not a total idiot, you know. You don’t have to get my chair for me, too.”
“Whoa! I’m sorry for being a friend,” he said and let me figure it out on my own.
I took a seat and groaned. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I snapped at Tammy before you arrived, too, and this morning I snapped at Jessica. Want to know why I got upset with her?”
“Why?”
“Because the cookies that she got up early to make for me were slightly burnt. Yep, I actually got upset with her for that. Can you believe it? I think I lost my personality in the accident. I keep getting angry for no reason. Then I feel guilty because it usually means that I have said something horrible to someone who was only trying to help me. Which means I move between anger and guilt all day long. It’s a lot of fun being me right now.”
“Yeah, you really have been an ass lately,” he said.
I laughed. “Well, at least you’re honest.”
“You know why you’re snapping like that, don’t you?”
“Because of the cast on my leg,” I said.
He gave me a look to say he wasn’t buying it. “No,” he said. “It’s because of Paisley.”
“I’m trying to move on. It’s just not that easy. It’s driving me crazy. I mean, I keep asking myself what I did wrong. How can she suddenly change her mind about me like that? And to not even give me a reason? It’s the worst feeling. I’m trying so hard not to think about it, but I can’t help myself. Then I get annoyed with everyone else, simply because I don’t know what to do with my anger.”
“You need to talk to her.”
“No, she made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want anything more to do with me.”
“I still think you need to talk to her. You are never going to move on from this if you don’t. Look, I was never a fan of t
he two of you together. You know that. Then I got to meet her, and it was under the worst circumstances. I can’t help but hate the girl. Especially after what she has done to my best friend. I hate her for it.
“But I know that you are miserable and that you need to fix this. You’re stubborn, but I think you have met your match in her. Something has happened, and you need to find out what it is. She’s not going to come to you, for whatever reasons that may be, so you need to go to her. You need to talk to her.”
“Talking to her is not going to make her come back to me.”
“Maybe not,” he agreed, “but at least you’ll finally have some closure on why she left. You will never be able to move on if you don’t at least find out why. You have to talk to her.”
I nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right. But how am I supposed to speak to her when I don’t even know where she is? Anyway, even if I did, I couldn’t get around. I can’t drive still while I have this damn cast on my leg. I don’t see her at home or at work anymore. I don’t even know what she’s doing with her day.”
“I have an idea,” Shawn said.
“You do?”
“Give me a second. Oh, and order me something to eat while you wait. I’m starving.”
I waited while he walked off, and I wondered what was going on. I signaled for the waiter and placed our order. I had no idea what Shawn wanted, so I just chose the burger for the two of us.
While I was sitting there, I thought about what we had spoken about. He wanted me to speak to Paisley, and he was right. I kept hoping that she would come back to me and that she would be the one to tell me what was going on. With every day that went by, though, I knew there was less of a chance of her coming back to me. Every day that passed put more distance between us.
My biggest worry about talking to her was that she still wouldn’t tell me what was going on. What if I went through all this effort and she simply slammed the door in my face? Then again, since when was I the sort of guy to go out without a fight? Wasn’t she worth fighting for? Didn’t I deserve to know the truth?
When Shawn returned he had a big grin on his face. “Did you order?”
“Yeah, burgers. But enough about that, what just happened? Where did you go?”
“Good. That is just what I feel like actually. I would’ve ordered the same thing. Did you order mine without tomato?”
I groaned. “No.”
“Why not? You know I hate them.”
“Well, take them off yourself. Are we really talking about burgers now? What happened?”
He laughed. “I called Olive.”
“Olive? How on earth do you have her phone number?” The last person I had expected him to call was Paisley’s best friend.
“Olive gave me her card that time at your house. We both stepped out to get something from the kitchen, and we got talking. It was very brief; we both didn’t want to upset either of you. Anyway, she gave me her card and said I should call her if I ever want news about Paisley for you, and I gave her mine in case she ever wanted to find out about you. She’s a nice girl, that Olive.
“Anyway, we haven’t been in touch. I guess we both thought the two of you would figure things out yourself. She says Paisley has started working at her firm as a clerk. She also told me exactly where Paisley lives now.”
My eyes widened. “You have her address?”
He nodded. “I have her address. And this evening, when we can be sure she’ll be home, I’m taking you there.”
I gulped. “You are?”
“I’m taking you there and then I’m driving off. She won’t be able to turn down the opportunity to talk to you if she knows you don’t even have ride get home. You can call me whenever you’re ready to go home. You’re going to talk to her, and you’re going to stop being a grumpy ass to everyone you meet.”
I burst out laughing. “Sorry, Shawn. I haven’t been nice to you. I appreciate this.”
He grinned. “No problem.”
“What if she won’t let me in? What if you drive off and she just kicks me out onto the street?”
“Then you can call me, and I’ll get you. But she won’t do that, Henry. You know she won’t.”
I could barely concentrate on the rest of the lunch or the rest of the day at work. All I could think about was the fact that I was finally going to see Paisley again. I should be angry at her for leaving me, but the thought of seeing her again was clouding my judgment. Life without her simply wasn’t the same. I just only hoped she finally talked to me and told me what was going on. I hoped she finally told me the truth.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Paisley
I wasn’t really enjoying my new job, but I was grateful for the distraction. Olive told me that I only had to stay there for as long as I felt was necessary, but I didn’t see any reason to leave. The work flowed easily throughout the day, and it helped keep my mind off everything.
I once overhead someone asking Olive what was wrong with me and wondered how I was coming across to people. I normally made friends quite easily, but I’d obviously not been putting in the effort. I didn’t hear what Olive said in reply, but ever since then people had been very nice to me.
Today, Olive was acting very strange at work. She kept smiling at me, and every time I asked her what was going on, she said nothing.
“Have you met someone?” I asked her when the day had come to a close.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’re acting strange today. Look, if you’ve met someone, you have to tell me, okay? Don’t feel like you can’t tell me things just because of what I have been through. Just because I don’t want to be in love, doesn’t mean I don’t want it for anyone else. I’ll be so happy for you. Anyway, you’re my best friend so if you want to talk to me about something, you should.”
“I promise you, I haven’t met anyone. I don’t know why you think I’m in a strange mood.”
“You’ve smiling more than usual today.”
She laughed. “You’re only noticing it because you’re the one not smiling. This is just my normal face. I promise.”
I took her word for it and made my way out of the office. She had an afternoon meeting to attend to, but I was free to go. Maybe she was right. Perhaps I really was just being overly sensitive to everything because of my own unhappiness.
Today was a big day for me though, and I hadn’t told anyone about it. Today was the day I was taking a whole bunch of boxes of my mother’s belongings to Goodwill. I’d already sorted through things that I wanted to keep, but there was a lot of stuff that I wanted to give away. Part of me wanted to hold onto them forever, but I knew that wouldn’t be good for me. It also wouldn’t be what she would want me to do. I knew that by doing this, I was doing something good. She wouldn’t be happy about me walking away from Henry, but she would be proud of me for doing this.
I gathered the boxes into the car and made my way over to the Goodwill shop down the road. I had already told them I was coming, and when they saw how many boxes I had, they gasped and rushed to help me bring them all inside.
“Oh wow, we weren’t expecting so much. This is incredible. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure,” I said. “I actually have a few more boxes, but they wouldn’t all fit in the car, so I’ll make my way over here again tomorrow or sometime this week.”
“Oh, wow, thank you. You won’t believe how many just throw away their things, rather than giving them away to those that are less fortunate. This is going to be very helpful for a lot of people.”
“That makes me happy to hear.”
“So, why are you giving all this away? Moving?”
“Uh, yeah, but it’s not my stuff. It’s…uh, they belonged to my mother. She passed away.”
The woman’s eyes widened, and her cheeks went pink as her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry. That was very insensitive of me. I should’ve thought about that before asking you.”
“No,
that’s okay,” I said to placate her. “I need to get used to people asking me questions like that. I’m sure the more I say it, the easier it will become. Anyway, I kept some stuff for myself. The more sentimental things, but I knew she would be happy with me giving the rest away. She was the kindest woman I knew, always putting other people before her.”
“What a good role model to have. Well, she’d be proud of you. That’s for sure. I appreciate you bringing this all over.”
“My pleasure. I’ll be back soon with the rest.”
“Sorry again for your loss.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
I got back into the car and made my way back to my apartment. It felt a little airier without all the extra boxes. I thought it was going to make me feel sad but giving them away had actually made me feel better. The decision to give them away was a good one. It wasn’t just about moving on, but rather the process of doing something good for a change. I’d done so many things lately that hadn’t felt like myself, and it felt so good to do something good.
Seeing the apartment looking so bare made me realize how much I needed to finally start making it into a home. I sat on the floor, with my back against the wall, and opened my laptop. There was no point going into a store when I could just order things online. I didn’t care as much as I did before. As long as I had a bed and a few other key pieces of furniture, I would be fine.
I scrolled through a few sites, picking out some things that looked fine, and ordered. Olive would be horrified to know that I had ordered furniture this way. Especially after we’d once been shopping together to plan my future apartment. But that was before all the accidents — before my life had completely turned upside down. If she told me I shouldn’t have ordered online, I would retort with an, “It’s better than no furniture at all.” She couldn’t argue with that.
I rolled out the sleeping bag and lay down. I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of me in a sleeping bag. I had a lot of money now. In fact, with the money from the company and the money my mother had left me, I was rich. I was a rich girl who was now lying on a sleeping bag in a small studio apartment. Like they always said, money was not the key to happiness.