Agnes rolled out some more dough and started to put the filling in evenly spaced balls. “My mother came over from Italy and married my father in an arranged marriage. I know they loved each other, but I don’t think it was that way at first. He was twenty-two years older than her. Anyway, she kept cooking a lot of Italian food growing up and I really wanted to learn. I have a bunch of old recipes that I wrote down. You know you can’t rely on my memory for too much longer and these have to be passed on to someone else who will use them to cook for their family.” She glanced at me, but spoke to Harper. “Maybe some day I’ll pass them onto you?”
I rolled my eyes. The Italian matchmaker in her was coming out. Ma wouldn’t be happy until she had a house full of kids running around. I hadn’t told her that I didn’t want kids. It would probably kill her.
“I would love to make some of these meals with you. We could have a big dinner once a week and make a new meal every time. It would be so much fun,” Harper said excitedly.
We finished making the ravioli and rolled out the dough for the fatties and fried them up.
“Jack, sweetie, why don’t you go put on the movie.” Mom was getting the plates out and pulling out another bottle of wine.
“What movie are we going to watch?”
Harper started filling her plate with fatties. She took a bite and moaned as the flavor hit her tongue. I loaded up a plate for myself. I usually ate about two plates of these because they were so good. Traditionally, we only ate them once a year, so you had to load up when they were made.
“We always watch It’s a Wonderful Life after we finish the ravioli. Harper squealed and made her way to the living room. I put on the movie and we all sat down to watch it and eat our fatties. Each of us got up several times to get seconds, thirds, or fourths. I relaxed into the couch with Harper leaning against my side. She was wrapped in my arms as we enjoyed the movie, but my mind started to wander to our earlier conversation and how Ma had pointedly looked at me when offering to pass the recipes on to Harper. Obviously, that was her way of saying that she expected me to propose, but I was way ahead of her. I had been thinking about it for a few weeks now, but I didn’t want to do it at Christmas. It was so cliché. I wanted it to be out of nowhere, when she least expected it. Besides, Christmas was her favorite holiday and I didn’t want to share this moment with anything else.
✯✯✯✯✯
The next day, Harper called me at work. “Hey, babe, um it looks like we might have a house guest for Christmas.” She huffed out a laugh and I could tell she was nervous.
“Okay, and who would that be?”
“My dad. He’s flying in from England for Christmas. I haven’t seen him in almost a year.”
“Alright, pretty girl. We’ll make sure the room is ready for him and we’ll have a family Christmas with Ma and your dad.”
“Really? You’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset?”
I didn’t think I came across as a jackass. Harper should know me better by now. I would never take away her time with her dad. She didn’t see him that often and Christmas was meant to be spent with family.
“Well, it’s just that, he won’t be leaving until after Christmas so, ya know, it kinda puts a damper on sex.”
She was using sex as an excuse to feel me out. I wouldn’t stop having sex with her because family was visiting. Besides, we lived together and shared a room. We were consenting adults and frankly, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought.
“Baby, do you really think I’m not gonna have sex with you because your dad is here? We’ll be quiet and if he doesn’t like it, he can stuff it. You’re mine and I won’t go around pretending we’re abstaining for him. You’ll just have to learn to control yourself for a few days.” She laughed on the other end, seeming relieved at my attitude.
Her dad arrived the next day and Harper picked him up at the airport. I left early from work to go to the store to pick up stuff for dinner. I wouldn’t say I was trying to impress him, but I did want her dad to feel welcome in our home. There was also a very important conversation that I needed to have with her dad at some point during this visit, so I wanted to have him on my good side.
Harper had texted me that they were on their way back from the airport, so I went down the hall to take a shower. When they walked through the door, Harper had her arm linked through her dad’s and was laughing at something he was saying. She was all lit up and a small pang hit my chest that I wouldn’t be sharing this holiday with my own father. However, this made her happy and that was all that mattered to me right now.
“Dad, this is Jack. Jack, this is my dad, Mark.”
I stepped forward to shake his hand. He had a strong grip and the vibes I was getting from him said that he was trying to intimidate me. He wanted me to know that he wouldn’t allow anything other than the best for his daughter.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”
“What exactly are your intentions with my daughter, son?”
Okay, so let’s get right to it.
“I love your daughter very much, sir.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s nice,” he waved his hand in front of his face, “but what are you gonna do about it? Is she going to be living here, out of wedlock, for the rest of her life, or are you going to man up and ask her to marry you?”
“Dad!” Harper looked mortified. Her face was bright red and she was wringing her hands. She didn’t need to be here for this.
“Harper, why don’t you go to the kitchen and get the steaks prepared for dinner. Your dad and I need to have a talk.”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stood with my legs spread. I wasn’t backing down from this guy and I wouldn’t be taking his shit. I was good for Harper and it wouldn’t take him long to see that. Harper huffed and went into the kitchen.
“How about I show you around the house.” I turned and walked away, not waiting for a response. A few seconds later, I heard Mark’s footsteps behind me.
“This is your daughter’s new room. We had it designed specifically for her so she had a place to write or relax. It was just finished recently. She spends a lot of time out here.”
Mark looked around the room, seemingly impressed. He caught sight of the tree and walked over to it. It was decorated with ornaments that she had bought when we went to Michigan, but I had also taken her back to Walmart to get some ornaments in bulk to fill in the tree. We would build her ornament collection over time and soon the tree would be filled with memories we made together.
“It appears you’re taking care of my girl. This room is something else. I have to say, I’m impressed.” He turned and looked at me with an intensity that reminded me of a tiger before he pounced. “I still need to know that she isn’t just some piece of ass to you, that you’ll be there for the long haul.”
She does have a nice ass that I thoroughly enjoy.
“Christ, son. I don’t need to hear that shit about my daughter.”
“Shit, sorry sir. Just comes out sometimes. Look, you need to stop talking about this stuff around Harper. I have every intention of proposing to her, but I wasn’t going to do it for a few more months. If you keep talking about it, it’s going to get awkward between us and ruin what I have planned.”
“Good to know son, but let me tell you something. My baby deserves the world. She deserves a man that cherishes her, a big family, kids, friends, all of it. If you can’t provide her with all of that, walk away. She didn’t have all that growing up and I won’t have her missing out on it for the rest of her life. We understand each other?”
“Yes, sir.”
Mark nodded and walked away. I hadn’t really considered kids being a deal breaker with Harper, but Mark was right. I needed to be sure that I could give Harper everything she desired, but for now I needed to get through this visit with her dad. I went back into the kitchen where Mark and Harper were discussing how her writing was going. She was telling her dad how I had pushed her to give up her job and wr
ite full time. Her dad nodded and told her he was proud of her.
We sat down to dinner and had a pleasant evening, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what her dad had said to me. I had every intention of proposing to her in a few months and now I was doubting himself. What if Harper really wanted kids and that was a deal breaker for her? Would I be able to give her that? I liked kids, but I had other things I wanted to do in life. I wanted a wife to travel the world with. Kids had never been in my plans.
When we went to bed that night, I shuffled through my routine of getting ready for bed and Harper had to ask me three times to turn off the light before I heard. When I got into bed, I stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking Harper had gone to sleep.
“Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all night. Did my dad say something?”
“Huh? Oh, no. Everything’s fine. I’ve just been thinking about something for the garage and I can’t get my mind off it.”
Well, it was sort of true. I had been considering expanding the garage to take on custom builds. It would be a huge expansion that would mean building a second garage and hiring more employees. I had the money to do it and there was a market in their area for it. I just had to bite the bullet.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I was thinking of expanding the garage to do custom builds. It could be very profitable for us. It would mean a lot of extra hours for a while, but once it’s up and running and profitable, we could go traveling every year and see the world. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”
“If expanding is what you want to do, then you should go for it.”
We were talking about the future, so now seemed like as good a time as any to talk to her about it. I just wasn’t sure I wanted the answer.
“Harper, do you…” I took a deep. Once this was out there, I couldn’t take it back. “Do you want kids someday?”
Harper sat up and looked at me. “Yes, I want kids. I didn’t have a big family growing up. I can’t imagine not having a house full of kids to love.”
“But, wouldn’t it be enough, just the two of us?”
“Jack, it’s not about whether you are enough or not. I want to carry a baby, feel it kick, hold it in my arms. I want that feeling of being the most important thing in the world to a child.”
My stomach sank. This was not going to go how I wanted.
“You’re the most important thing in the world to me. We could have a great life together, exploring and experiencing the world together. That’s a great life, too.” I was practically pleading with her to see it my way.
“You’re right. It is a great life.” Harper glanced away and when she turned her eyes back to him, they were shimmering. “It’s just not the life I want. I’m sorry, Jack. That’s what I want out of life.”
We stared at each other in sadness for a few minutes. Both of us realized what the other was saying. Neither wanted to give up their dreams for the other.
“Come here.” I pulled Harper down to me and the silence was deafening with all the things that needed to be said.
“We don’t need to think about this right now. We have a few days before Christmas and I plan to enjoy every minute with you. The rest we can figure out later.”
I knew it was an empty promise. How could we figure it out later when neither wanted to budge? I was going to have to do some soul searching over the next few days and decide if I could give her what she needed, but deep down, I already knew the answer. Having kids would mean giving up my dreams of traveling. We would still be able to travel, but traveling with kids came with restrictions. It just wasn’t something that really interested me.
I was finally able to fall asleep around one in the morning. I got up early and went to work, still having two days before Christmas Eve. I needed to finish up everything I could before then so all the guys could enjoy the holidays with their families. Luckily, Harper already knew this and didn’t mind at all. She explained it to her father so he didn’t feel like I was trying to get away from him. I came home around nine that night and the two of them were having a nightcap. I went to the kitchen to eat and then went to get cleaned up. Luckily, her dad had turned in for the night so I didn’t have to go put on a happy face. I was beat after my long day at work and my lack of sleep the night before, so I headed to bed and was up by four the next morning.
At lunch, Harper stopped by to drop off some food. “Hey, babe. I brought you some lunch.”
That was one of the things I loved about Harper. When she wasn’t busy or if she needed a break, she would bring me lunch. All the guys were jealous of my homemade lunches and every once in a while, she brought in enough for everyone. I walked over to her and gave her a kiss, then brought my food to the office.
“Thanks, baby. I’m starved.” I sat down and started eating. When I looked up, I saw a strange look on Harper’s face and she was fidgeting with her purse.
“Is everything okay, Jack? You seem a little distant.”
“Everything’s fine, pretty girl. I just have to finish stuff up so the guys can take off for Christmas. I don’t want to have to come in to work tomorrow.”
She gave me a smile and walked over, plopping down in my lap. I gave her a hard kiss to reassure her that everything was fine.
“I get it. I just wanted to be sure.”
“It’s all good, pretty girl. Just getting shit done.”
She left and I went back to work. I got home after eleven, but all the work was done and I could take the rest of Ch
I slept in the next morning until nine and decided today was going to be a great day. I followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen and saw Harper had just finished making breakfast. I walked over to her and gave her a big hug and kiss.
“Merry Christmas Eve, baby.”
“Merry Christmas.”
She was glowing this morning. I was determined to give her the best Christmas ever. We all ate breakfast together and I talked a little about my plans for the shop with her dad. He seemed impressed by my aspirations. By noon, we were ready to head over to Ma’s house for our Christmas Eve feast. We snacked on finger foods all afternoon and around five, we sat down to dinner. We had ravioli, salad, and homemade bread. Everything was delicious.
After dinner, we opened presents. Harper’s father gave us plane tickets to come visit him in England. Harper had special ornaments made for her father and Agnes. Ma gave her the best gift of all. She had a recipe book made for her with all the family recipes inside. Harper was so excited, she ran over and practically barreled over Ma with a hug. After opening presents, we all played Mexican Train until late in the evening.
Mark had a nine o’clock flight the next morning. It was the only one he could get since he booked at the last minute. We drove him to the airport and as I shook his hand at the drop off, Mark leaned in and reminded me in a low voice to remember what we had talked about.
Harper and I went to the kitchen and made some hot cocoa when we got home. Then we headed into the living room where the presents were under the tree. Harper had gotten me an ornament of a car. On the bottom it said Jack 2016. I smiled and hung it on the tree. She handed me another present in the shape of a book. It was her newest book that hadn’t been released yet. I opened it up and read the dedication.
For Jack. You are my inspiration and the reason I have been able to chase my passion. I will always be grateful for all you have given me.
“Thanks, baby.”
I leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. She was one of the most thoughtful people I knew. I wasn’t much for presents. I could buy most anything I wanted and she had done something that let me know how much she appreciated me.
I pulled out my presents to Harper from under the tree. Harper opened the first present and saw a car ornament for when her car broke down. Next, was a door for the door we broke down the first time they had sex. I gave her an ornament that said First Christmas In Our New Home. There was a turkey, for her getting arrested because of
hitting the woman with a turkey. I also gave her a football because of her getting hit in the face on Thanksgiving.
The last ornament I gave her was two penguins holding each other. Above the penguins was a banner that said First Christmas Together. Below, our names were printed. Harper gave me a kiss and I felt her tears on my face.
“I just wanted to fill your tree with special ornaments,” I said.
“Thank you, Jack.”
She looked away and wiped her tears. I knew she wasn’t crying because of the gifts, but what they meant. They were a memory for her. They were meant to be on our tree every year and we would hang them when we decorated together. Now they were a reminder of what we had. We both knew this would be our last Christmas together. She really wanted kids and that wasn’t what I wanted. I tried to wrap my brain around it, but I couldn’t make himself want to be a dad.
“Jack, I want you to know that I love you so much and I wish I could give you what you want, but it’s just not who I am.”
“I know, baby. I love you too. We had a good run and I’m gonna miss the shit out of you. I wish I could give you what you need.”
My emotions were getting the better of me. I did my best to steel myself and leaned forward to kiss her, but she pulled away from me.
“I think I need to go check into a hotel room. Staying will just make this harder. I don’t think I can stay knowing I don’t get to stay forever.”
I looked down and stared at the carpet. I couldn’t look into her sad, beautiful eyes right now because it would be my undoing. She was everything to me, but she was leaving and I knew I couldn’t stop her. My throat felt thick, but I swallowed it down so she wouldn’t see how much I was hurting.
“If that’s what you need.”
A kiss was pressed to my cheek before I heard her leaving the room. I sat on the floor trying to figure out how things had gone so wrong. One minute we were decorating for Christmas and celebrating with family, and the next, she was walking out of my life. I was going to ask her to marry me. We were supposed to be planning a wedding in a few months. If only I hadn’t brought it up the other night, we would still be going about our lives without a care in the world. If I had waited though, it would have been harder on both of us. I heard her walk into the room a while later.
Jack (For The Love Of A Good Woman Book 1) Page 13