Esteban was well aware of what the attack on the Garavito hacienda represented. It had been in response to his failure to obey Pacquito and return to his camp. The day would come—he always knew it would—that he would have to kill Pacquito so that he could finally be free.
Civilized conversation went on around the table, as if nothing had happened. But then his father would warn him that it wouldn’t do well to upset the women. After supper, he would no doubt suggest that he and Esteban retreat to his study for a drink. Only then would their discussion continue about Pacquito.
He didn’t intend for it to be a long conversation and the chances of it turning disagreeable were high. Whether anyone liked it or not, he had to bring an end to Pacquito’s evil. He had thought he had left the band of renegades behind, but it had been a foolish thought. There had been those who had warned him that death was the only way of being free of Pacquito.
“You’re not eating,” his wife said, her hand going to rest on his hand that held a fork but hadn’t used it.
He stared at her hand. Did she touch him out of concern? Out of duty? Out of Love? He almost laughed aloud at the ridiculous thought. She did what she had to do to survive just as he had and continued to do. And yet her hand rested so easily on his and her voice was so tender that he wondered if perhaps...
He yanked his hand away. “I’m not hungry.” He didn’t need to complicate matters by believing that she could possibly fall in love with him. And what good would it do her? He had already placed her in harm’s way by marrying her.
Esteban had delayed long enough. He stood abruptly. “We need to talk, Father.”
He was surprised when his father didn’t disagree and the two men left the dining room with nothing more than a nod to their wives.
Dona Valerianna sighed. “I am sorry, Rosa, but I regrettably must retire.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Rosa asked concerned, the woman looking paler than before.
Dona Valerianna stood, tears filling her eyes and said, “Yes, please don’t let Esteban be taken away from us again.”
Rosa sat staring at the retreating woman. Why did Dona Valerianna think that she could stop that from happening? She had no sway over Esteban... no one did. He lived by his own rules. Rules she imagined that had helped him survive. The problem was that he was still trying to survive. He had yet to fully return to his life here at the hacienda. He was still part renegade and he couldn’t seem to let go of that.
She feared for him—and of him—at times, and she understood why Dona Valerianna feared losing him again. He could step back into that world and never return, and it upset her to think that she would never see him again. She felt her breath catch and her hand went to her chest.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized how in love she was with her husband. He certainly didn’t make it easy to love him. She recalled her mother telling her that love rushed in and grabbed the heart and senses, leaving one blind and giving thought to nothing else. But when love finally settled, it was then that you found its true worth. She intended to find its true worth.
She left the dining room and wandered through the hacienda, thinking of how her life had changed so suddenly. And unlike the last time her life had taken an abrupt twist, this time it was for the better. She hadn’t thought so at first, but Esteban had been much different than she had expected and the more she had gotten to know him, the more she realized she favored what she was discovering about him. And the more she wanted to protect him as he did her.
Anything.
The word had slipped easily past her lips as soon as her husband had asked her the question, though now that she had time to give it thought... she shivered. Would she do anything to keep him at the hacienda?
She finally arrived at her bed chamber and her hand paused on the door latch. She shook her head. Esteban was talking with his father, he wouldn’t be waiting here for her. She felt her stomach catch at the thought. Was that disappointment she felt?
With a hesitant step, she entered the room to find it empty. One glance at the bed and her cheeks glowed red. She pressed her cool hand to one and smiled at the memory that stirred her senses and the thought that she wouldn’t mind making more memories with him.
Her smile faded slowly. She wondered if he wished to make memories with her. Did he even think of a life with her or did he simply regard her as a convenience, a woman whose legs he could slip between whenever the urge struck?
She shook her head. No, Esteban was not like that. He couldn’t have made love to her as he had if he didn’t have some feelings for her, could he?
She blushed again at the intimate memories last night had stirred. She hadn’t acted very proper following him outside, almost demanding he make love to her. But what was or wasn’t proper when it came to the intimacies of marriage? In the throes of passion, it didn’t seem as if anything would be improper between a husband and wife.
Anything.
Again the thought crossed her mind and again she wondered if there truly wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to keep Esteban from leaving and taking the chance that he would never return to her. Or was she simply grasping for the impossible? Was he too much of a renegade to ever truly return home?
“Thinking twice of your offer?”
Rosa turned with a flourish, her thoughts having been so occupied that she hadn’t heard her husband enter the room. She stood speechless and breathless. He was once again garbed as a renegade and that persona always managed to startle her, though this time there was no sheathed knife and he wore no hat.
“Are you leaving?” she asked worried over his response.
“That depends on what you’re offering,” he said, waiting.
Rosa stared at her husband for a moment. There was something about the way he looked at her. It wasn’t a plea. She doubted he ever pleaded for anything. She thought, though she could be wrong, perhaps crazy was more accurate, but she thought she saw a spark of hope in his eyes.
Was he hoping that she would give him a reason to stay? That she would be the reason he stayed? The thought that it was even a possibility had her turning her back to him, lifting her long hair out of the way and saying, “Help me undress.”
He was at her side so fast and spun her around even faster to face him that she grew dizzy.
“Not necessary.”
He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her several feet off the ground. And as he walked her to the bed, his mouth swooped down to overpower hers with a penetrating kiss. His tongue demanded she respond, though it needn’t have, she was as feverish to taste him as he was to taste her.
Her eyes widened in surprise when he unceremoniously dropped her on her back on the bed, then spread her legs and positioned himself between them. But what he said next stunned her the most.
“Show me how much you want me to stay, free me.”
Did he mean what she thought he meant? Or did his words have more meaning than he even realized? She gathered her courage, sat up, prayed her hands would not tremble, and reached for his belt buckle.
Her hands betrayed her, not that they trembled, but they didn’t have the strength to pull the leather far enough back to unbuckle the belt. She startled when his hand settled over hers and with the strength of his hand wrapped around her small one, helped unleash the buckle.
She glanced up at him with the foolish thought to thank him, but her words died on her lips when her eyes caught with his. They smoldered with a fiery passion that sent her senses soaring. She pulsed between her legs and felt herself grow wet with the want of him. She had never thought that she could desire this man with such intensity. And her need to touch him, to place a loving hand on him, had her reaching out to touch his face.
He locked his hand around her wrist and with a roughness in his voice said, “It isn’t there I want your hand.” Then he pushed her hand down to rest against the bulge in his pants.
Why she startled, she didn’t know. She was fami
liar with his impressive size, having seen and felt it, and yet the thick bulge stunned her for a moment until she realized it was the anticipation of knowing he would soon be inside her once again that had startled.
The thought, along with the image of him driving into her over and over, had her fingers eagerly slipping down into his pants to hurry and free him.
“Anxious?” he asked with a sinful smile.
His smile disarmed her since he rarely smiled and she couldn’t help but return it as she whispered, “Yes.”
His smile vanished and he stared at her as if he didn’t believe her.
She pulled her hand out of his pants and his breath caught as if disappointed. Then her hands eased his pants down over his hips and it took only a moment for him to spring free. She stared at the full hard length of him and she had the sudden urge to taste him.
Could she? Should she? Would it be improper for her to dare place her lips on his... the image fueled her desire to do just that. And without thought or consequence, she leaned forward and slipped him into her mouth.
She heard him gasp and she smiled before her tongue began to lick him. She was surprised at how much she enjoyed the taste of him and how natural it felt to be so intimate with him. She soon became lost in play, teasing and tasting, and not being able to get enough of him.
Esteban shut his eyes against the exquisite pleasure she was bringing him. Her licks and tugs had been hesitant at first, though they had certainly grown him larger. It was seeing that she had wanted to, and dared to, taste him that had enlarged him all the more. Of course that he was the only one she had done this with—and he would be the only one she ever would do it with—also managed to grow him thicker. And damn if she didn’t learn fast and seem to enjoy it.
He wished she was naked so that he could reach down and cup her breasts in his hands, squeeze them and enjoy the feel of them. The thought nearly had him exploding, though it was more the fact that his wife’s mouth had become much too eager and much too talented in such a short time. And then there was the sudden thought that she belonged to him and only him. He had never had a woman that hadn’t been used and abused by other men. He never had a woman as innocent and caring as Rosa.
Damn, what had he forced her to do with his demand of anything?
“Enough,” he yelled as he pulled away from her, yanked up his pants, and moved off the bed, turning away from her.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.
He turned and the sincerity in her eyes felt like a punch to his gut. He had to get out of there fast or he’d be dragging her to the edge of the bed to taste him again. And he’d be damned if it would only take a few seconds for him to come in her mouth and he doubted she would like that.
“I’m leaving,” he turned again.
“You can’t,” she demanded so adamantly that it had him turning around slowly to glare at her.
“What did you say?”
“You can’t leave.” Her tone softened as did her expression. “I need you.”
Esteban fought with himself. If he took one step toward her—one step—he’d be finished. There would be no turning back... unless. But that would be heartless of him, but then he had no heart so what did it matter.
Rosa mattered.
The thought angered him. He couldn’t let her matter, he couldn’t. If he did she would suffer for it. And he would die before he would see his wife suffer for the likes of him.
His anger fueled his decision and with quick steps he was on the bed, his body forcing her on her back and with quick hands he freed himself and tossed her dress up and was inside her in one hasty thrust.
He took her fast and hard, both their passions so close to the surface that they exploded in unison, in climaxes that left them breathless and more than satisfied.
Esteban didn’t wait for his breathing to ease. He was up and off his wife in a flash and fastening his pants just as quickly. He then walked to the door, though he ached to stay with his wife, hold her, stroke her, fall asleep with her in his arms and wake with her the same way. He almost hesitated, turned around, and returned to her. But then he would only place her in more danger and without looking back, he walked out of the room.
Rosa stared at the closed door. She had thought for certain her husband would have stayed with her. It was as if she could feel his want to do so. It shocked her that he left her there alone. It also made her wonder if she would ever get passed the barrier that he seemed to keep between them.
This marriage was nothing like she thought it would be. She had believed she had no choice but to accept her fate and make the most of it, especially in her marriage bed. But now she realized she wanted more, and she knew that she would fight for it.
Chapter Twenty-three
Rosa empathized with Dona Valerianna. The woman was torn between happiness that her daughter Crista would soon return home and worry that her son may not return home, Esteban having been gone two days now.
Rosa refused to believe that Esteban would abandon his family, not after the horrors he had suffered while with the renegades. She hoped that in time he would confide more in her, though that took trust and it was obvious that Pacquito had robbed Esteban of trusting anyone. Pacquito hadn’t only robbed Esteban of things, but he had also robbed Esteban’s parents of their son in so many more ways than any of them realized.
Rosa wished she could do something to help Dona Valerianna through her worries that Esteban might not return and she realized that the most helpful thing would be to take the woman’s attention off her children. She thought a visit to her old friend Dona Elena would be good. But Dona Valerianna reminded her that she was not allowed to leave the hacienda without Esteban’s permission, and that Don Alejandro would not go against his son’s wishes.
Rosa had tried asking Esteban’s father for permission but as Dona Valerianna said, he would not go against his son’s orders.
With her plans thwarted for now, Rosa slipped into her skirt and blouse and hurried off to the orange orchard. She planned to collect the succulent fruit and bask in the beautiful sunshine.
She, too, was worried about Esteban, but he had yet to heal and forgive, though she doubted that he realized he needed to forgive himself for doing whatever he had to do to survive his ordeal with Pacquito. She knew how survival could take its toll. She had thought that her nightmare with the Curros would never end and after so many years she had simply learned to deal with it, though she kept hope alive. It was the only thing that truly kept her going day after endless day. She wondered what had kept Esteban going and how he had finally managed to escape his nightmare.
She chased the many thoughts and concerns away, wanting to enjoy the beautiful day. She would continue to pray and hope for her husband’s speedy return. She missed him, all of him.
Rosa blushed at the memories of him naked and hard, and shook her head. She had never imagined that intimacy with her husband could be so—she smiled—unforgettable. And she wouldn’t mind sharing many more unforgettable moments with him.
She shook her head again. Now wasn’t the time for such intimate thoughts. There was the day to enjoy and with luck perhaps her husband would return today and tonight they would...
Rosa silently scolded herself and hurried to the orange orchard to keep her thoughts and hands busy.
She grabbed a basket as she entered the orchard. She had stopped by the kitchen before leaving and had asked Dolores if she needed oranges and though the woman had scolded her about doing a servant’s chore, she had finally admitted that she could use some. So Rosa intended to fill the basket, keeping some for herself and Esteban.
The sun grew hot as she toiled at her task, though it didn’t bother her. The thought that she had her freedom to do this at her leisure made it all the more enjoyable. And the quiet surroundings made it all the more appealing. It was as if she was lost in her own world for a couple of hours and that was a priceless gift to her.
“May I have an orange, nina?”
Rosa was so startled by the unexpected male voice that she had to grab the top rung of the ladder so that she wouldn’t fall. She was familiar with only a few of the vaqueros on the hacienda, and she hoped this man did not mistake her for one of the servants since he addressed her more as a servant.
She turned and her words died on her lips. Not far beneath her stood a renegade. It wasn’t hard to recognize one now that she had seen a few on the ridge that day, though up closer he was much more intimidating. And the stench of him almost had Rosa gagging. His dark, narrow eyes settled over her, as if inspecting every inch of her body and sent a shiver through her. His grin and a quick lick of his lips made it seem that he was ready to taste her. Where just moments ago she had embraced the quiet solitude, she now felt trapped by it. No one would hear her if she needed to cry out for help.
She had to get off the ladder and give herself a chance to run. She nodded and pointed to the basket a short distance from the ladder. “Help yourself.” And as he did, she scurried down. Before she could put distance between them, he stepped so close in front of her that he forced her back against the ladder, trapping her.
Fear prickled along her skin as his stench assaulted her nostrils and turned her stomach once more. That he had been riding hard and long on the trail was obvious, though she wondered if perhaps it was his natural state as some men seemed averse to washing.
Though fear continued to sting her perspiring skin, she kept her tone firm. “Take a few oranges and be on your way. I have work to do.”
“I’ll take my fill,” he sneered and her fear grew as he inched closer.
Rosa raised her hand to push him away when he was suddenly snatched away from her, and sent flying through the air. She was stunned to see him flat on his back a few feet away, her husband’s boot jammed against his throat.
“I warned you, Carlos, now you pay,” Esteban said.
The man’s hands frantically tore at Esteban’s boot, trying desperately to dislodge it, his breath trapped.
Rosa almost felt sorry for the struggling man, Esteban showing him no mercy, but then he wouldn’t have showed her any. The next thing she knew, Esteban yanked his boot away from the man’s throat, reached down and grabbed him by his shirt while his other hand pounded him in the face. He repeated this several times before he effortlessly tossed him to the ground again.
Renegade Love (Rancheros) Page 18