She’d accused him of being a coward when she was the chickenshit. She’d been afraid of launching those three tiny words into the air and not hearing them reciprocated. And being fired for coming onto her boss.
If she’d been brave, today could have been about their love, instead of the farce she’d been about to bring to fruition.
Now … she’d be brave.
She turned and her eyes met the confusion on Jayson’s face. Her heart dropped to her stomach, causing it to pitch. Bile hit the back of her throat as tears spilled onto her cheeks. A small squeak of a gasp escaped through her fingers she’d pressed to her quivering lips.
No. No, she wasn’t brave.
Her entire body began to shake and she did the only thing she could. She ran. Although, whether she was running away from what could have been or toward what should have been, she couldn’t be sure.
The foyer was completely empty. The pins tugged at her hair as her head jerked back and forth, searching for the man who’d left her only a few moments ago.
“Nikolai,” she whispered, her throat tight.
“Gabby!” She heard Jayson’s distant shouts. “Gabrielle!” His voice was getting closer and her panic spiked.
She spun, pushing the veil back over her head. There had to be a hiding place somewhere. There was a door to her left and she darted inside, not even caring where she was, just grateful for the lock on the windowless room. With a click, the door locked and she allowed a long exhale of relief, her cheeks puffing with the breath.
Her fingertips patted the textured wall and suddenly light filled the tiny room; no more than four feet square with a doorless shower looking thing, mops, buckets, a vacuum. The janitor’s closet.
Perfect! she thought. So this was what her wedding day had surmounted to; A wet mop!
Her name echoed over and over on the other side of the door. Voices she recognized—Jayson, Marie—and ones she didn’t recognize sang the humiliating chorus.
Only a bright yellow, rolling mop bucket offered a place to sit, but it wasn’t really a choice at all.
She sighed, wiped at her tear-stained cheeks. This whole fiasco was her fault. She was truly an awful person. One stupid choice after another had brought her to this moment. Niko had come to her, given her the chance to tell him how she felt and she had asked him to walk her down the aisle.
She didn’t deserve him.
Like the coward she was, she opened the door and stuck her head out. Jayson and his best man were just exiting through the front door. Her mouth was as dry as the Sahara, she swallowed in preparation of calling after him, but as she opened it, no sound betrayed her location.
A true coward.
“There you are!” Marie yanked on Gabby’s arm, tugging her out into the foyer. “Come with me.”
A war waged in Gabby’s mind, in her heart, but she felt surprisingly numb. She knew her feet trudged forward, only because her body moved somehow. And Marie had a hold on her arm, steering her toward—somewhere.
It didn’t truly matter where because she was pretty sure Nikolai wouldn’t be there. Right now, she needed to talk to him. To hold him, kiss him … love him. Hell, she flat out just needed him in more ways than she could name. But what she needed even more was to hear him whisper those three little words again and again.
He loved her.
“He loves me,” she mumbled, more to herself than to the woman escorting her to solitude that didn’t include cleaning supplies.
“Of course he does, sweetie.” She tugged on Gabby’s arm again. “Come on.”
Gabrielle recognized this room. It was the one she’d vacated only a few minutes—or was it lifetimes—ago.
Marie gripped Gabby by the shoulders, shaking her. The world around her was fuzzy, like a fog had settled around her. She blinked at her friend through the haze.
“Stay right here.” Marie dropped her face into Gabby’s line of sight. “Don’t move. Okay, sweetie?” She paused, Gabby only blinked, still overwhelmed by numbness. “Nod if you understand.”
Her head felt oddly disconnected as it moved up and down all by itself.
Marie disappeared out the door, and before it closed she heard Jayson’s frantic question, “Did you find her?”
“Yes,” Marie confirmed, then the door clicked as wood met jamb.
Alone.
Completely alone.
Her thoughts, of course, shot right back to Nikolai. As if he’d ever left them. Ever. Where was he? Was he okay? Panic struck as she realized he’d have no way of knowing she hadn’t finished walking those last few steps without him. That she never would.
“He loves me.”
The phrase seemed to kick her brain back on track. She whirled around, knowing exactly what she needed to do, and came full circle before she found her purse on the floor next to the dressing table. Her fingers dug through the contests—a small, squishy package of Kleenex, a Coach wallet, a tampon—and wrapped around the focus of her quest.
She hit the speed dial and within seconds the phone started to ring—only once. Straight to voicemail.
Message or no?
Beep.
No message.
What needed to be said between her and Nikolai couldn’t be done in a message or even over the phone. She needed to tell him he was the only man she loved—the only man she’d ever completely given her heart to—in person. She wanted to see the look in his eyes when he heard those life altering words for the first time. And she wanted to be there to feel his arms pull her to his muscular body, to have his lips touch hers, and have him tell her he loved her, too.
Yes, in person was the only option.
A click signaled she was soon to have company and she quickly stuffed the phone back into her purse.
“I will,” Marie told someone, probably Jayson, on the other side of the door. She closed the door and sympathetic eyes met Gabby’s. “You okay?”
“I’ve made a mess of everything.”
Plump lips disappeared into a thin line. “I should disagree with you—” She laughed without humor. “—but I’ve never lied to you and I’m not going to start now. Everything was a bit of a train wreck.” She shook her head; wide, dark curls swung loosely from the crown. “What happened out there?”
Gabby relayed the conversation she and Nikolai had shared, the argument. “Then he stopped, told me he couldn’t give me to another man because he loves me.”
“Oh Gabby!” she squealed, then groaned, “Oh Gabby.” She began to pace. “So, what now? You have an anxious groom on the other side of that door and a totally heartbroken man who is only God knows where.” She bit on her bottom lip and was silent for what seemed like an eternity. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Honest, yet completely useless. “I can’t marry Jayson today. I do know that much.”
“You need to tell him.”
“I know,” Gabby groaned and dropped onto the couch, where she’d sat next to Nikolai. If only he’d said he loved her then, she never would have set foot in the chapel. An irritating fact she’d have to speak to him about.
“Better sooner than later, Gabby.”
She smoothed her dress with the palms of her hands. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
“It’s a little late for that, Gabrielle.” The corners of Marie’s mouth lifted into a forced smile. “You know I’ll always be here for you, but you have to tell him.” Another smile and she left to go get the groom.
Gabby dreaded the moments that were sure to follow. None of this was fair. She’d really screwed things up. She should have called things off weeks ago. Hell, she shouldn’t have ever said yes.
Would Jayson hate her as much as she hated herself right now? As much as Nikolai must despise her?
Her eyes burned and as she closed her eyes hot tears descended over her cheeks. She inhaled and controlled the slow exhale. She swallowed hard in an attempt to wash the bitter taste of guilt from her tongue.
“Gabs?” he as
ked quietly.
She hadn’t heard the door open, but somehow Jayson was standing inside the room. She managed a grim smile for the man who loved her.
“I’m—”
“Shh.” He rushed to sit beside her, taking her hands in his. “Please, Gabs, don’t say anything you’ll regret.”
“Jayson, I—”
His fingers gently silenced her by pressing against her lips. “Gabrielle, I love you and have since that first day when I saw you jogging in the park.”
She shook her head. “I looked horrible.”
“You were beautiful. Are beautiful. Always.” He slid a folder of paperwork onto her lap.
“What’s this?”
He tapped the hibiscus-patterned folder. “This is where I’ll be for the next week.”
Butterflies assaulted her stomach. “Jayson—”
“No, I—” Emotion seeped into his voice and she felt another wave of tears sting her eyes. He cleared his throat. “Gabby, I don’t know what happened just now. I thought this is what you wanted. That I was what you wanted.” He sighed then sucked in a deep breath. His fingers roughly tugged at the tie of his tuxedo like he suddenly couldn’t breathe. “Honestly, I can’t handle having you tell me goodbye. So, let’s just say that if you use that ticket to come to me, I’ll be the happiest man on God’s green earth.”
“If you don’t…” He paused, took her hands in his and waited. When she looked into his eyes, he continued, “Well, the why’s don’t really matter. Because I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the sick look on your boss’ face.” He shook his head, pain reflecting in his hazel eyes. “And then I just don’t want to know.”
He kissed her cheek. “I love you, Gabrielle.”
Sadly that wasn’t the first time she’d heard those words today.
Jayson squeezed her hands, then stood and walked slowly to the door. Just before he closed it, he turned and smiled, yet his eyes were still sad. “I hope I’ll see you in Hawaii.”
Chapter Ten
Nikolai stalked along the Hawaiian beach, brooding. The beautifully romantic setting only added to the sourness of his already bad mood. Three stories up was the balcony that belonged to Gabrielle and her new husband. The thought turned his stomach and he refused to even entertain the idea of what activities were happening this very moment just above his head.
The location of her honeymoon destination had been easy enough to figure out. A phone call to Jayson’s idiot secretary and a few pointed questions had given him all he needed to know to track them to Oahu, Hawaii.
His hand rubbed at the silent ache in his chest—one that would never leave, never ease or know relief. He cursed under his breath. What had possessed him to follow her here, he couldn’t be sure.
A glutton for punishment? A masochist? Maybe he was just a sick bastard who had to see one more time how happy she was in the arms of another man.
Soft whistling from above caught his attention and his head jerked toward the sound. There, three stories above, standing on Gabrielle’s balcony was the man Nikolai now hated more than any other male on the planet. Maybe his hatred was irrational. Maybe he should hate Gabby for her choice. But that wasn’t an option.
No matter how much she’d hurt him, he couldn’t ever despise her.
He could, however, allow his revulsion for her husband—Oh, Goddess!—to seethe.
Jayson stood in a casual stance, arms extended from hands clamped around the railing. The damn human dared to wear a soft trace of sadness on his face Nikolai didn’t understand, but it torqued his animosity to a nuclear level. And that his wardrobe choice consisted of only a towel hung on his masculine hips made the thought of ripping his throat out a pleasing one.
Nikolai watched in silent agony as Jayson’s head whipped up. His eyes met Niko’s and his lips curved into an arrogant smile. He lifted his hand and raised one finger before turning to strut back into the room he shared with his bride.
Fury burned through Nikolai, threatening to reduce him to a pile of ash—from the inside out. If not for the flame red clouding his vision, he was sure it would have been a vivid shade of jade.
Jealousy was a bitter emotion, one that could easily consume and force a male into doing things his better judgment could normally talk him out of.
But these were not normal circumstances.
With the loss of his heartmate, he no longer had a chance for life to be normal again.
A knock startled Gabby to consciousness. The second, more insistent, rapping made her sit straight up on the couch. The clock in the corner of the muted television said 7:02 am. She rubbed at the crick in her neck, cursing the fact that she’d fallen asleep on the couch again.
Sleeping in her bed just didn’t have the appeal it did before. She knew Nikolai hadn’t really been there, but it’d sure seemed real. Not that it mattered anymore.
Nikolai had fallen off the face of the earth. She’d called—and called—and only received voicemail. She’d gone to his house but nobody was home. His office looked the same as it had prior to the disastrous wedding day—with one very painful conspicuous exclusion.
She’d even tried Vincent, who claimed he had no idea where Nikolai was. Whether or not the guy was telling the truth, Gabby couldn’t be sure. But why would he lie? What did the Vice President of Voinea Enterprises have to gain from keeping the President lost? A company maybe?
An interesting theory she didn’t have time to entertain right now.
Another knock and Gabby stood, hurrying toward the door with more than a little curiosity, and a whole lot of hope. She finger-combed her rat’s nest of hair and prayed it would be the man who’d been MIA since he’d walked out of the church—and seemingly out of her life. But the strange tingly sensation she always experienced when he was near was uncomfortably absent.
She opened the door, pulling the chain taut.
Two men wearing dark slacks, white shirts and ties stood on the other side.
“May I help you?”
“Miss Ryan?” the blonde asked.
“Yes,” she croaked, then cleared her throat and wiped at her sleepy eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m Gabrielle Ryan.”
They each held out a gold badge and the dark-haired one spoke next, “I’m Detective Silva and this is my partner, Detective Gallant. We’d like to talk to you about Jayson McDade.”
Goose bumps formed on her skin and a shiver shook her entire body as if ice water trickled down her spine. She wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed.
“Jayson? Is he okay?”
“May we come in?”
She closed the door and liberated the chain before opening the door again. “Please come in.”
One of the officers strode around her living room, dragging his finger over the coffee table. He picked up a picture of Jayson from the box she’d yet to tape up and return to her former fiancé.
“When was the last time you saw Mr. McDade?”
An annoyed possessive streak ripped through her. She crossed the room and all but yanked the photo away from the prying detective.
“Why don’t you just tell me why you’re here?”
“Answer the question, Ms. Ryan.” The blonde officer glared at her from under narrowed brows.
She huffed an irritated breath. “The last time I saw Jayson was—” Her voice broke and tears stung her eyes. She cleared her throat. “—on our wedding day. Three days ago.”
“You never did get married, right?” Detective Silva asked quietly.
“No … we didn’t.” Her shoulders rolled, straightening her spine. “Please just tell me what this is about. Is Jayson okay?”
Detective Gallant snorted and Detective Silva shook his head, disapproving of his partner’s actions. “It seems that there was an accident in Hawaii. Mr. McDade fell from his balcony.”
Her mind swam with worry. “B- but he’s okay, right?”
The officers who stood in front of her blurred as tears filled her eyes and slid do
wn her cheeks.
“Tell me, Ms. Ryan, why did you call off the wedding?”
“I didn’t. I just didn’t get married.”
“Semantics, Ms. Ryan.” Detective Gallant was the bad cop in this interrogation and his insinuation would have really pissed Gabby off if guilt hadn’t been eating her alive.
“Miss Ryan,” Detective Silva said, his voice gentle as he stepped closer to her, “we’re sorry for your loss. We need to get some information from you.”
She looked up into the kind eyes. “If he was … hurt in Hawaii, then why are you here? Talking to me?”
“We need to—”
“What was his mental status when you last talked to him?” Detective Gallant interrupted.
“Fine.”
“They think he jumped.”
“No!” This was not happening, couldn’t be happening. Jayson was a strong man. He wasn’t suicidal. Was he? Had she really driven him to end his life because she’d called off the wedding?
Because she was in love with another man?
Her heart hammered in her chest and her stomach rolled. Guilt snaked up from her toes to the tip of her head, slithering and consuming as it constricted her. She was on the verge of falling apart—much like her life—and didn’t want an audience.
“Listen, I’d really like some time alone. Thank you for coming by, for telling me about Jayson, but you really need to go. Now.”
The officers looked at her as though spoken in a language they didn’t understand. Detective Gallant didn’t hide his hard expression, but Detective Silva’s face smoothed and he even smiled.
“One more question, Ms. Ryan, and we have ways of checking—”
“If you can check, then why ask?” she snapped.
He smiled tightly. “We just want to know if you’ve been to Hawaii in the last month.”
“No.” She crossed the room to the door and opened it as wide as it would go. “Goodbye.”
Gallant shook his head, skepticism in his narrowed eyes. Silva stuck out his hand and when Gabby just looked at it, he shoved it into his pocket.
Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1) Page 10