by Claire Cook
I pressed a little harder on the accelerator, didn’t say a word.
“And one more thing you can tell him is that he’s not the only fish in the deep blue sea. Dolly’s never had any problem attracting boyfriends from the male population.” I took a couple of deep breaths, tried to remember how June looked when she was meditating. Wished I’d thought to ask her for a few tips.
“And speaking of which, you’re no spring chicken yourself,” Dolly was saying when I pulled my car in front of her trailer. “You better get busy, girlie, or all the good ones’ll be gone.”
“Have a nice day,” I said as she climbed out of my car. I didn’t really mean it but figured it didn’t count as a lie because it was already night. A floodlight lit up as Dolly approached her door, and I noticed that the turkey wreath had already been replaced. Red and green spray-painted pinecones encircled a plastic reindeer with a shiny red nose. Rudolf, I presumed.
I had been brought up to think that if I couldn’t find something to like about a person, it was merely a reflection of the smallness of my mind, the coldness of my heart. Even when I threatened myself with these accusations, I still couldn’t stand Dolly. The best I could come up with was that the more my father brought her around, the better the rest of the family would probably get along, joined as we would be by our mutual dislike.
I knew it was silly, but before I left, I circled twice around the trailer park hoping to see Bob Connor. The second time, I pulled just past his trailer, put my car into park, turned off my headlights and stared into his dark, empty windows.
I felt as if I were in high school, on what my friends and I used to call a mission, scouting out a guy one of us had a crush on. We’d drive through his neighborhood, cruise past the place he worked. It was crucial not to get caught. These were fact-finding expeditions only. Parents home after school? Basketball hoop in yard? Afterschool job shift ends at seven thirty? Planning the eventual approach could take months. In retrospect, it was the most fun part.
My heart was beating as it had a couple of decades ago. I felt again the combination of the fear of getting caught and the thrill of invading the personal space of the ordinary boys we’d daydreamed into something more. Now, as then, I was propelled by boredom and loneliness and longing. And the fact that I happened to be in the neighborhood.
Headlights appeared in my rearview mirror. I scrunched down low and waited. The headlights stayed in my mirror. I heard a car door open and close, wondered why the lights were still on. I pretended to search for something on the floor of my car. A sharp knock on the driver’s side window made me jump. I banged my head on the steering wheel, swore softly.
“What a nice surprise,” Bob Connor mouthed outside my car.
“Hi,” I said, rolling down my window. “I just dropped Dolly off as a favor to my father. I was about to drive back.”
“With your lights out?”
“My lights are out? Gee, thanks, I didn’t even notice.”
“You might want to start your engine, too.” Bob smiled broadly.
Chapter 21
Why did I say yes? I wondered, as Bob turned the key in his lock. He pushed the door open with one hand, balanced a pile of foil-wrapped packages on the other. I could smell pumpkin pie for sure, maybe apple, too. “After you, Teach.”
A small black puppy bounded into sight, barking ferociously in a high-pitched imitation of the dog it would become. It stopped a few feet away from us, hindquarters wagging along with the upturned tail. “A puppy,” I said. “Aww. I didn’t know you had a puppy.” I knelt down to pat it and it licked my hand. Its face was a mass of wrinkles. “Wait a minute. I thought you didn’t like dogs.”
“I don’t. But I’m crazy about puppies.”
“What happens when it grows up?”
“I won’t let it.”
I thought for a moment. “Well, I suppose that’s worked pretty well for you so far.”
“Why, Ms. Hurlihy, how very witty. Any other assaults on my character before we move along?”
“No, but I do have a question about the puppy. Or, should I say, the other puppy. What is it?”
“Pretty much a mutt. A girl mutt named Wrinkles.” Bob put his face down to hers, rubbed her ears. The top of Bob’s head was inches from where I was patting. I could almost feel his curls against the backs of my fingers, the dark brown strands softer than the coarse grays. “Isn’t that right, Wrinkles? And we’re both going to ignore Sarah’s ‘other puppy’ comment, aren’t we?” He looked back up at me, smiled. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be that close, but I was afraid if I stood up my knees would crack. “The mother was a shar-pei. The father showed up, had his way with her and then took off. A real dog. The state is trying to track him down for child support.”
I laughed, stayed where I was, kept patting. “Good, I hope they get him. She looks like a wrinkled black lab to me. That’s who I’d go after first, all the good-looking labs in the neighborhood. Where did you get her?”
“She’s June’s.”
I pulled my hand away. The puppy followed it around to my back, started licking it again. “How nice for you both,” I said.
“It’s payback for watching Austin. June’s helped me out a few times.”
“I bet.” I stood up, coughing to cover the sound of my knees. Wrinkles stretched out across my feet, started sucking the toe of my shoe.
“She’s been a good friend, someone to talk to. It gets a little lonely around here sometimes.” He looked around the room and I followed his gaze. A solitary sofa was the only substantial piece of furniture in sight. An old green nylon sleeping bag was draped over it, worn plaid arms peeked out on either side. Strategically placed safety pins kept the sleeping bag from sliding off.
“Were you a Boy Scout?”
“Yeah, why?”
“My brothers had the exact same sleeping bags.”
Two lawn chairs sat across from the couch. Woven mesh strips in brown and orange were attached to tubular metal frames. A clothesline was tied around the arm of one chair. I followed it to the other end, a dusty paddle fan with plastic blades molded to look like wicker. Socks, T-shirts and underwear were clothes- pinned to the line. Boxers, I noted. “I hate the Laundromat,” Bob said. “Really, really hate it.” He picked up Wrinkles, tipped her back in his arms like a baby. “Have a seat. I’ll grab us some beer.”
I sat in the chair not attached to Bob’s underwear. In shorts, this type of chair might leave an imprint on the backs of my thighs. I was glad it was fall and that I was wearing a long skirt. I could see the twin of Dolly’s kitchen through a doorway. “I can only stay for a couple of minutes,” I said to Bob’s back as he reached into the refrigerator.
Bob handed me a Sam Adams. I decided not to say anything about compatible taste in beer. I took a sip, couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. Maybe I’d have to mention Sam Adams after all. I looked around the room again. Looked at Bob. Light blue shirt tucked into chinos, sleeves rolled, tie loosened. Casual prep. His aversion for Laundromats must not carry over to dry cleaners. “What exactly do you do for work?” Iasked. I couldn’t seem to remember from Austin’s parent-teacher conference.
“I’m trying to finish my doctoral thesis.”
“In what?”
“History. Civil War period. What Austin’s mother affectionately calls glorified toy soldier play.”
I decided not to touch that one. “What do you do for money?”
“Teach history courses at any college that will have me as an adjunct. And when I’m really broke, I work on my brother’s lobster boat.”
“And your wife, uh, Austin’s mother, does something at a bank?”
“She divides her time equally between making more money than I do and telling me to grow up.”
“Oh.”
“Listen, Sarah, okay? The story about June is that there is no story about June.”
I made my face neutral, reached down to pat Wrinkles. She squeezed between my ankles and watched B
ob while I watched her.
“Okay, we had one date.”
I put my beer on the speckled linoleum, brought Wrinkles to my lap. She stood up on her hind legs to lick my face.
“But nothing happened. June’s a little bit scary, actually. From another planet or something. I couldn’t talk to her. Plus, she’s just a kid. She’s a babe, though. God, that hair. It was the hair that did it. But we’re friends now and she and Austin have this mutual love affair going.” He reached over to pat Wrinkles, his hand brushing mine. “You’re great to talk to, Sarah. You really are.”
It was hard to think while sitting this close to Bob. I had to get away for a minute. “Excuse me,” I said, handing him the puppy. “But may I please use the bathroom?”
*
The bathroom in Bob Connor’s trailer had a cracked porcelain sink with a ring of shaving cream around the inside of the bowl. Two kinds of toothpaste balanced on top of the rim. Most likely the bubble gum flavor belonged to Austin. A crocodile mug held a big and a little toothbrush, and a pump dispenser of antibacterial soap took up the only other available space on top of the sink. I turned on the water and looked at myself in the small mirror of Bob’s medicine cabinet.
There should be a rule someplace that a man who is coming on to a woman must never, ever, under any circumstances, call another woman a babe during the come-on conversation. I checked my face in the mirror for signs of babeness. I mouthed Bob’s exact words, etched forever in my brain. She’s a babe, though. God, that hair. I mean, it’s not that I thought I looked like June. I just thought I had other redeeming characteristics. Like a sparkling personality and a good sense of humor. Nice brown eyes. Shiny dark hair with hardly any gray. Hairdressers always told me I had a great head of hair. Maybe not babe hair, but great hair. I had great hair. Bob Connor was an asshole and I had great hair.
That much solved, I left the bathroom. I scooped up Wrinkles for something to do, and just kind of stood there holding the puppy and scratching behind its ears.
It took Bob only two steps to reach me. He placed his hands over mine. Wrinkles dangled between us. “Sarah, what I’m trying to say is that I made a bad choice. I was attracted to you. Then I got sort of sidetracked by June. But I’m back now.”
I slid my hands out, leaving Wrinkles to Bob. “What makes you think I’m still available?” I asked. I was going for a light, flirty tone of voice, but it fell a little flat. Practice flirting came to me in Carol’s voice, as if she were hiding over my left shoulder and coaching me on technique. Or lack thereof.
“Come on, Sarah. I’m all yours now.” Bob’s eye contact was intense. My heart was doing a fight-or-flight dance, an up-tempo little number with an occasional extra beat thrown in.
Fortunately, Bob chose that moment to put Wrinkles down on the floor. It was enough time for me to, if not come completely to my senses, at least take a couple of steps back. “You know, Bob,” I said from a safer distance, “I don’t think this is such a good idea. Austin is a student in my class….”
“So we’ll be discreet.” He closed the distance between us and put a hand under my chin. “Okay, just one little kiss, then promise me you’ll think about it?”
It was slightly bigger than a little kiss, but I promised him anyway.
*
I kept telling myself that Lorna would know what to do. We were splitting a bottle of champagne, not that there was necessarily going to be anything to celebrate, along with an order of lobster ravioli at the Harborview. It seemed particularly festive after my odd Thanksgiving. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d missed a holiday dinner with my family, though maybe meeting Mrs. Wallace would inspire me to find my own itch. I thought about Bob Connor and took a sip of champagne. Lorna and I were using one of my gift certificates and Lorna believed it was psychically important to spend gift certificates from parents wantonly and with abandon. “Or is that redundant?” she asked, taking another sip of Moet & Chandon. “Maybe I should say ‘frivolously and with abandon.’ My point being that it’s important to just blow them. Enjoy a little bit of luxury because basically we deserve it.”
I didn’t tell Lorna about the three other gift certificates I’d thrown away because I wasn’t so lucky on their expiration dates. It would be too embarrassing to admit that going out to a restaurant, even when it was paid for, had felt like too much work. “Thanks, Lorna, for meeting me here. Mattress Man didn’t mind?”
“Not so you’d notice. He said he’d warm up some leftover turkey. Now, back to you and whatever it is that got you up off your butt and out of your house. Not,” she said, wiggling back into the cushiony booth, “that I’m complaining.”
“Well, I was just wondering. Do you think it’s unprofessional to date someone who’s, um, associated with the school?”
“Ooh, ooh, this is gonna be good. Do tell.” Lorna actually rubbed her hands together in anticipation.
“Okay, but can we keep it theoretical, you know, not name any names?” I’d spent the drive over working this part out in my mind.
Lorna shook her head vigorously. “Absolutely, unequivocally not. I want the three D‘s — dirt, dish and details. Not because of any vicarious interest on my
part, believe you me, but because it’s the only way I can give you accurate, state-of-the-art advice.” Lorna paused for a bite of lobster ravioli, washed it down with a sip of champagne.
I took a deep breath. “All right. It’s one of the parents.”
“Well, that’s a relief. I was afraid it might be one of the preschoolers. Come on, Sarah. Tell me.”
I giggled as if I were still in junior high. Took a sip of my champagne. “Bob Connor,” I whispered.
“Oh, yeah. Curly hair, sort of a flirt, kid who talks a lot?”
I giggled some more. The lobster ravioli was amazing, especially the gingery sauce. “I guess you could describe him that way.”
“Is he divorced?”
“Separated.”
“What’s the wife like? You must have met her at the parent-teacher conference at the beginning of the school year.”
“She seems nice, I guess. Pretty with auburn hair. Sort of dressed for success. She has some big job with a bank in Boston.”
“Did it seem like there was still chemistry between them?”
“I don’t know. It was Bob and his estranged wife and June and me all sitting in kid-sized chairs talking about Austin. It was hard to tell whose chemistry was whose. I was mostly hoping they wouldn’t start fighting about who was the best parent.”
“Bingo. Just one of several potential problems. Soon- to-be-divorced parents have been known to kiss up to teachers, no pun intended, with ulterior motives.” Lorna paused for a sip of champagne. “Maybe get the poor unsuspecting teacher to say something about what good parents they are, or how the other parent was late picking up their kid one day. And then before you know it, the poor unsuspecting teacher is dragged into a divorce, asked to give a deposition, the whole mess. Then, of course, there’s the chance the parents could get back together, or the wife could take it upon herself to tell Kate Stone about her husband’s extracurricular activities with her son’s poor unsuspecting teacher, or Austin himself could….”
I gulped down the rest of my champagne and buried my head in my hands. “Never mind,” I mumbled. “It was a stupid idea. Pretend I never said anything.”
“I’m not saying forget about him. Just be careful. Maybe dabble a little, but don’t put all your eggs in the Bob Connor basket.”
*
Michael was sitting on one of my front steps when I got home from the restaurant. Mother Teresa was sprawled across the step below, her furry body draped across his feet, but he was shivering anyway. “When the fuck did you start locking your door?” he asked.
“Michael, you’re the one who’s always yelling at me for not locking it.” I stepped around the two of them, leaned in to unlock it.
“Well, when the fuck did you start listening to me?”
; “Coffee?” I asked. Michael never said “fuck” unless he was drunk.
“Got any beer?”
“Nope. Sorry.” I walked straight to the coffeemaker, put in a fresh filter and started scooping in espresso roast liberally.
Michael sat down in one of my kitchen chairs. He wasn’t quite centered on it, but didn’t look to be in any immediate danger. He crossed his arms over his chest. His hazel eyes glistened. “Jesus, Sarah, what the fuck am I gonna do?” he asked. A tear rolled down his cheek. Mother Teresa stood up from where she’d settled on the linoleum beside him. She lapped his face. “You big lug,” he said. He buried his face in her fur.
I stood waiting for the coffee to brew. In our family, you didn’t hug a person who was crying, especially one of the boys. You gave him some space until he stopped. When Michael sat up and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, I handed him a mug of coffee. “You wanna talk about it?” I asked.
“Nope. Maybe later.”
“Okay.” I waited to see if he’d change his mind.
“What’s new with you?” Michael enunciated each word carefully.
I smiled at Michael. Whatever had happened must have been all Phoebe’s fault. “Well, I actually went out tonight.”
“With a guy?”
“No, with a friend from school. But she was giving me advice about a guy.” It couldn’t hurt to get a second opinion from Michael. With luck, he wouldn’t remember the conversation tomorrow.
Michael sat up straighter. Mother Teresa nudged his hand for a pat. “Advice? Why didn’t you ask me for advice? Come on, ask me anything. What the fuck do you want to know?”
“Remember the night Dolly was here? Remember Bob, the guy with the curly dark hair? His son is one of my students.”
“What about him?”
“Well.” Now I was wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. I mean, what a stupid thing to talk about with your brother. “Let’s see, he’s getting divorced from his wife, and I was sort of wondering whether I should go out on a date with him.”