I finished packing, then carried my things outside to the car before going back to wheel my grandmother out. Xavier watched as I packed his trunk with our things and then helped my grandmother into the backseat, folding up her wheelchair and putting it beside her. He was in the driver’s seat by the time I got in the car and looked almost impatient when he looked over at me.
“You ready?” he asked. I smiled at him and nodded. He smiled back, and I was relieved that we hadn’t annoyed him too much with the burden of having to so delicately move my grandmother.
It wasn’t much later that we pulled up at Xavier’s house, which was also in the country. I looked up at it in wonder. It was enormous—tall and imposing, a gothic structure that looked like it belonged in medieval Europe. I stared at it as we pulled up and got out of the car. I felt Xavier’s eyes on my face as I helped my grandmother out of the backseat and into her wheelchair.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he said, though beautiful wasn’t the word I would use to describe the place. It was almost haunting, even from the outside, and I shivered to think what it would be like once we got inside the doors. The place felt the opposite of home when I looked at it, but I swallowed my anxiety and nervousness and forced a smile as I followed him up the walk and to the front door. He helped me pull my grandmother’s wheelchair up the steps and into the house, and I looked around with the same amount of awe as I had when I’d been outside. The place inside was sterile and sharp, all angles, nothing soft or warm or welcoming. The wood was ash-colored, cold, and almost everything in the place was decorated in white or silver.
I felt Xavier’s hand on my waist as he led me through the hallway to what was obviously a guest bedroom, one that was sparse and practical with little natural light.
“This is where your grandmother will stay,” he said, without looking at or addressing her. I glanced out of the window to see that there was no view save for a patch of spare lawn outside. I was about to open my mouth to argue but he was smiling so kindly I thought that it would be rude to be particular, at least at first. So I nodded and he left while I set grandma up in her room.
“I’ll come back and bring you dinner,” I told her. She stared at me for a long moment, then nodded.
“Be careful with that one, sweetheart,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
She put her hand on mine and squeezed it, but didn’t answer me. I got up and left the room to see Xavier standing outside.
“Want to see our bedroom?” he asked me. I nodded, though a feeling of discomfort flitted through me that made it hard to get as excited as he was. I had forgotten about the whole situation of living with someone—sharing a bed, a room, our lives together. I was going to have to sleep next to Xavier every night for as long as I was here, no matter how I was feeling about him in the moment.
He took me by the waist once we got outside the room and guided me forward inside. It was massive—even bigger than the living room, with a bed in the middle that had to be specially made. There were canopies on the bed, black silk, and the walls were a vivid red that made the whole room seem like the inside of some organ, dark and bleeding. He pulled me onto the bed then and pressed his mouth to mine, which I responded to without thinking although I wasn’t in the mood to be touched. I didn’t like the room, didn’t like this house or the position I was in. As we kissed in bed, I fought to stay present with Xavier, to enjoy the experience, but all I could think about was getting away.
I slid out from underneath him then, unable to take any more. When I got out of bed, he raised his eyebrows at me.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked. He was coming off as playful but I thought I saw something else in his eyes, heard something like frustration in his voice. He hadn’t liked that I’d gotten up instead of taking my clothes off with him. I swallowed.
“I’m just not really feeling well,” I said. He shook his head, holding his arms out to me.
“You’re fine. You just need to be kissed again.”
He wrapped his hand around my wrist before I had a chance to move and pulled me against him, taking my mouth in a fierce kiss that I didn’t respond to. When I didn’t, he nipped my lip in a way that made pain shoot through me. I pulled away, glaring at him, but he only grinned at my response.
“You’re cute when you’re sick, I guess,” he said, pulling me onto the bed with him. I allowed my body to go limp then, allowed him to do what he wanted with me so that we could get it over with. Just because I wasn’t in the mood, didn’t mean I didn’t owe him for letting me and my grandmother stay with him. I was attracted to Xavier and it wasn’t unpleasant to be with him, so I swallowed my current distaste and let him touch me before dinner. Afterward, we got up and I got dressed without looking at him.
“Let’s go out to dinner,” he said, putting his pants on.
“I can’t,” I said. “I have to feed my grandma. Don’t you have anything here?”
“You can bring her something back,” he said, although it sounded more like he was snapping at me than making a suggestion. I stared at him, trying to decide whether or not it was worth arguing. In the end, I smiled. There was nothing else that I could do.
“Okay,” I said to him. He nodded, looking me over before we left the room.
“We’re going to need to get you some new clothes,” he said, his nose curling up in slight distaste. “Do you have anything but that to wear right now?”
I looked down at my dress, which was plain but fine for going out. I took a deep breath so that I didn’t snap at him.
“I have—I have the dress that I wore to the party. The night we met.”
His lips spread into a wolfish grin. “Perfect. Wear that.”
I nodded, going over to my suitcase to unfold the dress from the bag. I started to go into the bathroom to change but he stopped me, putting his hand on my arm.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To change,” I said, gesturing at the bathroom.
“Do it in here,” he said, laughing. “There are no secrets between us, babe. Your body is my body.”
I chewed on my lip, not looking at him as I pulled my dress over my head again. He was right that it was silly to be shy in front of him after what we’d already done, but I still didn’t know him very well, and changing in front of him felt strange and wrong. Still, I did it, slipping into the little black dress that reminded me so much of Julian and Eric. I remembered the looks on their faces when we had gone out to buy it, the desire in both of their eyes, their willingness to please. There was a different kind of desire in Xavier’s eyes tonight, one that made me feel like a sheep for slaughter. I turned around to glance at myself in the mirror and he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I’m going to make you so happy, princess,” he said, kissing the side of my neck. I managed to smile at him in the mirror, though I didn’t feel it in my chest. I followed him out the door then and out to dinner, taking a glance at the house as we pulled out of the driveway. Something wasn’t right—something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but this was the situation that I was in now and I had to make the best of it. Xavier wasn’t perfect, but he was handsome and kind and would take care of my grandmother and me until I could find a way to do it myself.
14
Julian
I sat with Eric in the living room of our house, leaning back and staring at the ceiling as he watched something dull on TV, something that we’d put on just to pass the time. It seemed like that’s all we had done since we got back a few weeks ago, though I wasn’t sure what we were waiting to happen. I thought about nothing but Ella in the meantime—when I drew, her face came into my artwork. The same thing happened when I dreamt. It was like she was everywhere and nowhere, and I wondered how she was getting along without us now that we’d gotten her kicked out of my mother’s house.
Eric flipped off the TV and I looked over at him. He shrugged.
“What’s
next?” he asked, his voice dull. Even Eric, who had always been the optimistic and enthusiastic one, couldn’t seem to muster any of those things since we’d gotten back to Washington. I knew it had been as hard for him as it had been for me leaving Ella behind after what had happened, though the two of us hadn’t talked about it much since we’d gotten back.
His phone rang then and my heart stopped. He froze and shot me a look, then pulled it out of his pocket. He turned the screen around to show me that Ella was calling and put it on speakerphone when he answered it so that I could hear her voice too.
“Ella,” said Eric. “Hello.”
“Eric?” she said, and I immediately knew there was something wrong. There was a shakiness to her voice that I didn’t like to hear, one that made me uncomfortable the moment I sensed it.
“Yes,” said Eric. “Julian’s here too.”
“I, um—I need…”
“What do you need, Ella?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice gentle but impatient to know what was wrong.
“It isn’t safe here for me or my grandma,” she said in a soft, hushed voice, as if she were whispering into the phone. “I don’t know what else to do—I didn’t want to call you, I know you don’t want to hear from me, but—”
“We’ve been waiting to hear from you,” I told her, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.
“Oh,” she said.
“Tell us what’s wrong, Ella,” Eric said, his voice intent.
“I’m with Xavier. I moved in with him, um—he was helping me take care of my grandmother. But he’s—he’s not who I thought he was. I think he’s going—I think he’s going to hurt me.”
My stomach twisted into a knot and I felt my fists clench in my lap where I sat.
“You’ve been staying with Xavier?”
“I had nowhere else to go,” she explained, although that wasn’t true. I had offered to pay for everything for her, to put her up in the lake house until we figured something else out for her. She had been too ashamed of our relationship to accept my help at the time, but now she was desperate. All of the anger I might have felt for her dissolved and I was filled with only concern and a yearning to be with her again, to protect and touch and kiss her.
“We’re going to come get you,” I said, exchanging a glance with Eric, who nodded. “Text us his address. We’ll come right away.”
“When do you think you’ll be here?” she asked in that small, helpless voice that made me want to ring Xavier’s neck.
“Tomorrow evening, at the latest,” I told her. I didn’t care if I had to rent a car and drive through the night without stopping.
“We’ll get on the first flight,” Eric said. “Can you be safe until then?”
“I don’t know,” Ella said, then her voice went even lower. “I have to go. Bye.”
She hung up the phone before we could say anything else. I was frozen for a moment, staring at Eric before we both went into motion. I gathered and packed the things we might need while he booked the flights—luckily, there were a couple leaving in just three hours. That would give us time to get to the airport and go through security so that we could be on the plane the minute it was boarding, ready to go as soon as possible. We hurried up and made our way to the airport. I couldn’t slow my heart down, couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if we got there too late, if Xavier hurt her. My jaw clenched just thinking about it.
We got on the plane and Eric didn’t seem nervous about the flight, only anxious in the same way that I was.
“I knew I should have wrung his neck in that bar,” I said to him darkly. He shook his head.
“That wouldn’t have done any good. She obviously didn’t know what he was like back then.”
“I did. You and I did.”
“There was nothing we could have done.”
I sighed and looked out of the window, impatient. There were still a few hours before we got back to our hometown, and in the meantime I knew I would be a nervous wreck. I knew that Eric was feeling the same way too, so by the time we landed we were the first ones up and ready to leave the plane, to move on to the next one.
We spent the rest of the night traveling, landing early in the morning at the airport closest to Xavier’s house. He lived out in the country at a place I had never been before, though I knew where to find it easily enough. While we were renting a car, I noticed how exhausted Eric looked. I had managed to sleep a bit on the last flight but he had been wide awake and wired, and now he was crashing. I offered to drive and he allowed me to gratefully, falling asleep in the passenger seat as soon as I got on the road. A couple of hours later, I woke him, pushing his shoulder as I turned onto the road toward Xavier’s house.
“We’re here,” I told him. He sat up straight immediately, awake and alert. I pulled up to the front of the large, imposing house and we both got out of the car. I didn’t know what I was going to do before I got to the front door, but I ended up pounding on it with my fists. No one answered. I put my ear to the door and I could hear noises inside—whimpers, the sound of struggling. I knocked on the door again, more panicked this time.
“Open the fucking door, Xavier,” I demanded, still listening to the other side. The whimpering stopped and there was a loud sound like a slap, followed by a cry that I knew was coming from Ella. I kicked at the door then, over and over, and when I couldn’t get it down Eric came over to join me. Together, with one kick, we knocked the door off of its hinges and rushed inside, where Xavier had Ella pinned to the floor with his body, his hands around her throat. Her face was turning blue already as she struggled beneath him. I rushed over to him and yanked him off of her, throwing him as hard as I could against the wall. He hit it firmly, causing the whole place to shake, and fell to the floor. I picked Ella up while she coughed, trying to catch her breath, and Eric went over to where Xavier sat on the floor.
“Get up,” Eric said in a cold voice. I had never heard my brother sound like that before, so deadly and dangerous. He was the amicable one, the kind one who got along with everybody. But right now, he sounded every bit as angry as I felt. I put my hands to Ella’s cheeks, looked into her eyes. They were rimmed with tears but she wasn’t crying, only looking at Eric as he stood over Xavier.
When Xavier didn’t get up, Eric kicked him. It came out of nowhere, surprising me.
“Eric—” I said, though I wanted to do the same thing. Eric shot me a look over his shoulder that was absolutely deadly. He knelt down and lifted Xavier from the floor, slamming his back against the wall.
“What did you do to her?” Eric asked, his voice cold.
“I was punishing her,” Xavier said, shooting a look at Ella. I pressed her behind me, not even wanting him to look at her again. I wanted her to be free of him completely.
“For what?”
“For calling you two over. I should have known that she was involved with you both. Just look at her.”
I had noticed that Ella was wearing a tiny dress, one that didn’t flatter her in any way but to present her body to dine on.
I shook my head. Eric kicked him again and he went down. I watched as my brother knelt down then, lifted his arm, and knocked Xavier Hayes out completely cold on the ground. Eric shook his hand as he stood up and I could see that his knuckles were bleeding, but there was a satisfied look on his face.
“Let’s go,” he said. “Where’s Ama?”
Ella stared at him. “Ama?”
“That’s her name, right?” he asked. While Eric and I had been bringing Ella’s grandmother to her at the motel, she’d spoken to us at length about Ella, about their lives together, how sweet Ella was. We had gotten to know the older woman better than we had when she was living in our house years ago.
“Yes,” Ella said, then we followed her into a plain, sterile back room where her grandmother was sitting, a concerned look on her face. When Ama saw Eric and me, she beamed at us both. “I knew you boys would come back,” she said, looking over at Ella, wh
o blushed. Ella and I went upstairs to pack her things while Eric got Ama ready to go. We were in the bedroom when she started crying finally, putting her face in her hands, her body shaking.
“It’s okay,” I said, wrapping my arms around her without even thinking, wanting to make everything better. “It’s over.”
She pulled back and looked at my face, then tilted her head up to kiss me softly on the mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. And you’re about to make it up to us.”
She raised her eyebrows, a small smile playing on her lips.
“How’s that?” she asked.
“You’re coming to live with us in Washington,” I said to her, wrapping my arms around her hips and pulling her against me. I kissed her lips, her cheek, below her ear. “And you’re going to let us love you as much as you need. You’re not going to be ashamed because there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
She nodded after hesitating for only a moment, then kissed me again. It was a few minutes later that Eric appeared in the doorway, grinning at seeing us locked together.
“Ama’s in the car,” he said. “We’d better get going.”
I nodded, then set to work with Ella packing her things so that we could leave. She didn’t have much, but what she did have she looked at in distaste as she looked through her closet.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“He made me buy these dresses,” she said, pulling one out and holding it up. It looked even shorter than the one she was wearing and was something that I knew Ella would hate. I grimaced.
“We’ll get you something else when we get to Washington. Just bring what you need.”
She stared at me, then nodded. We finished packing her things and met Eric outside, noting that Xavier was still passed out on his side on the floor, a puddle of blood draining out of his nose. I didn’t care to check on him or move him at all. If he drowned in his blood, that was fine with me. Ella saw that I was staring at him and put her arm on mine, guiding me out of the door and into the rental car. She sat in the back next to her grandmother and when I looked back they were holding hands, looking at one another tenderly.
Dirty Ella: A Fairy Tale Inspired Stepbrother Romance Page 11