"Come on," Mara said, once Emma emerged from the bathroom. "Ben just sent us a couple of photos."
Emma's frustration and embarrassment faded away, and joy bubbled up from within her, making her heartbeat race. "Is she okay?"
Mara smiled. "More than okay. See for yourself."
As soon as Emma stepped into the kitchen, Rowan handed her her phone, and she and the other women piled around the phone. Emma's fingers shook as she scrolled through each one. They weren't of anything unusual. Just her mother going about her daily life.
"Seems like she's perfectly fine to me," Brooke said.
Emma grinned. "Yeah. Thanks for doing this."
Emma continued to scroll, then her finger froze over the next photo. In it, her mother was tilting a bottle of whiskey into her mouth. Emma's cheeks colored as she scrolled through the rest of them, ending with her mother passed out on the couch.
What would her friends think? She hadn't exactly told them about the extent of her mother's drinking problems. Would they still want to help Emma save someone that would bring a lot of stress their way?
"It's okay," Mara said, patting her shoulder. "No one has the perfect family."
"That's for sure." Rowan smiled. "We still want to help you both. I just wanted you to get some peace of mind. Ben's close by, and he can see everything."
Emma took a deep breath and handed Rowan her phone back. "Thank you."
For so long, she'd had to deal with other people’s judgment of her and her mother. After a while, it felt like she had something to be ashamed of too. Even though she only gave her mother money for rent, and bailed her out of the worst situations, she couldn't help but feel that she was still enabling her.
The women dispersed to get started on their days, but Mara hung back, her arms folded. "My brother's an addict too. So, trust me when I tell you, you have no reason to be embarrassed by your mother's behavior. Her actions are hers and hers alone."
Emma nodded. "It's just hard to get that separation. People judge me for helping her out."
"And they have no business doing so. It's a personal decision. Not everyone can handle staying, and not everyone can handle leaving. There's no wrong or right. It's just about doing what's best for you."
The sound of footsteps heading down the stairs interrupted their conversation. Jade quickly looked at Emma before her eyes darted away in shame. Emma wanted to talk to her so badly, but she didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to their relationship.
"Hey," Jade said to Rowan. "You ready to head out?"
"Yup." Rowan picked her keys from the kitchen table and stood. "I was waiting on you. Bye, honey."
Eva pouted. "I hate that you have to work this weekend. "
Rowan pecked her cheek. "Security's a twenty-four job, babe. We should be back by noon."
"You know, I'm glad Jade decided to open up to you," Mara said when Emma followed her into the kitchen to help wash the dishes.
Emma swallowed thickly. "What makes you think she's opened up to me?"
Mara smirked. "I may not have been in that bathroom, but something went on in there. Besides, Jade is particular about her personal space. All the touching you've been doing, tells me she feels safe with you. She needs that."
Emma piled the plates into the sink and ran water over them. "Do you know what it is she's struggling with?"
Mara packed the remaining food into storage containers and shrugged. "No one does. She's a great person, but she keeps everything to herself. I don't even know where she grew up. Only that it wasn't Falhurst." Mara sighed. "She's hurting. That's for sure. It's gotten worse over the last few days, but she seems to like you. Do me a favor. Be there for her. Right now, you're all she's got."
Emma nodded somberly, her guilt over changing the atmosphere in the bathroom rising again. She had Jade where she wanted her, and instead of doing what was best for Jade, she'd given in to her desire.
"I'll do my best," Emma promised.
Even if that means no kissing, she thought. Well, maybe with a little bit of controlled kissing. There's no way I can walk away from that kind of chemistry.
8
That afternoon, Jade sat in Rowan's truck, her mood decidedly having turned sour. Today was the anniversary of the day she'd lost her best friend Danny, and guilt was eating at her. Guilt at what she'd done ten years ago, and guilt about what she did this morning.
When Emma came to check on Jade, she came in as a friend. Then, Jade had allowed things to get intimate, something that should never have happened.
Firstly, because Jade felt like she was dishonoring her friend's memory. After the role she had played in her friend's death, Jade thought she didn't deserve to have a romantic morning with the woman that she had started to fall for.
Then, there was the fact that Jade knew she was no good for Emma. She'd been down this road before. In her last relationship, Jade had fought past her fears, but things quickly got ugly.
Jade's ex got tired of all of her quirks. Like the need to find a chair where she could see all the exits. Then there was the fact that Jade could never correctly share a room with a woman. It didn't matter that they'd made love. Jade was a light sleeper, and every movement woke her up with a start.
Jade swallowed thickly as she relived those days. One time, her girlfriend had woken up to get a glass of water. All Jade heard was the creak of the door, and she panicked. She got her girlfriend in a choke hold, but soon released her when she came to her senses.
That night had ended their relationship and shown Jade that it didn't matter how hard she tried. She wasn't mate material, and she shouldn't try to force herself on anyone.
"What are you thinking about?" Rowan asked.
Jade looked out the window. "Nothing," she said, her voice flat.
Rowan sighed. "You've been saying that a lot lately."
"Because you keep asking," Jade snapped.
"Alright. I'll get it out on the table one last time. This time last year, you were in a similar mood. I know because that was the first time we rented a house together for some weekend training. All through that weekend, you were sad and snappy. Then a week or so later, you were back to normal."
Jade pursed her lips. It seemed she hadn't been that great at hiding her feelings. Now, she had to deal with Rowan wanting to talk about things she wasn't ready to. Not with her, anyway. Jade couldn't handle her team seeing her in a different light.
The day she lost control of her bear, she'd been with Jason. If Rowan had been there, Jade knew she'd have been pulled off the assignment and possibly the team.
That was one of the reasons Jade preferred to fly on Rowan's dragon's back when in combat. When she shifted, things would get dicey. Telling Rowan the truth about what had her so upset every year, would only add fuel to the fire. A fire she didn't need.
"Okay," Jade said, straightening in her seat. "I'll admit I do go through something difficult this time of year. It's because I lost a friend today, but, I don't want to talk about it."
Rowan's eyebrows shot up so high that Jade burst out laughing. "Didn't expect that, did you?"
"From you? No." Rowan smiled. "Thank you for at least clearing that up with me. Can I share that with the team the next time someone asks? That should afford you more privacy to mourn."
Now it was Jade's time to be speechless. "You won't ask me what happened?" she squeaked.
"No." Rowan faced the road. "That's for you to decide to share. But, I think you should open up to Emma."
Jade's eyes bulged, and her heartbeat raced. "Why her? I've known you guys longer."
"Yeah, and we love you, but for some reason, you feel comfortable around Emma. You let her touch you, which is something that you never do with us. I won't go deeper into what I think is happening between you two," Rowan turned to wink. "But I will say that you should open up to her. To someone. Holding stuff in, only makes it worse."
And saying it out loud could make me lose everyone I care about, Jade thought. No t
hank you.
"I'll think about it."
"Good." Rowan pulled into the house, then hopped out of the vehicle. "I'm calling a team meeting, so don't run off."
Jade followed Rowan into the house and settled on the couch, waiting for her team members to join. One by one, they did, and Jade made sure to ask Mara to sit by her so that Emma couldn't take that seat.
As much as Jade wanted to steer clear of Emma, she couldn't trust herself to do so. All her resolve seemed to melt around the younger woman, and all she wanted to do was protect her. Even from herself.
"Alright, guys," Rowan called, settling into her favorite armchair, with Eva perched on her lap. "Ben is in Conventon, doing an excellent job of protecting Emma's mother. Now, it's time we figure out a way to deal with the Derek situation. The floor is open."
"Well, you better close it because I have a killer solution."
Giselle rolled her eyes. "Now look who’s growing a big head."
Brooke stuck her tongue out. "You're just jealous ‘cause your ideas suck."
"Ladies," Mara warned.
Jade smiled and caught Emma's eyes as she did so. She quickly looked away from the blue pools. Jade knew she was blowing hot and cold with Emma, but it was all she could do to remedy a dangerous situation. Besides, if all went well, Emma would leave in a matter of days.
Jade's throat went dry at the thought, and she felt her eyes moisten.
Come on, she thought. You've only known her a few days. You can't be that sad about her leaving.
"Here's the plan. Based on everything I've heard and seen, we've forgotten one key factor, Derek is probably working alone on this."
"What makes you say that?" Eva asked.
"He's an Eboncloak. Panthers are lone hunters by nature. Add the fact that the Eboncloak have such high standards for their members, and I'll bet he hasn't told anyone about how he messed up."
Jade scooted forward. "I agree, and it makes sense because no contracts have been put out for Emma."
"So what's the plan?" Mara asked.
"The plan is for Emma to go into town with one of us this Saturday, and get seen by as many people as possible. Those sightings will alert Derek to our location. When he comes with a couple of goons, we'll be ready for him. With traps, and the whole nine yards. Giselle, you may even get to use your guns for once. We're pretty far away from the humans here."
Giselle pumped her fist. "Yes. I knew you had a great plan."
Everyone burst out laughing except for Jade. She felt a wave of anger begin to boil inside of her. Why was no one putting Emma's safety first?
"This isn't a good plan, guys." Jade raised her chin, determined to stand her ground despite Giselle's murmuring that she was a party pooper.
"Why do you think that?" Rowan asked, diplomatically.
"Because we tried this last time. We holed up, and let the enemy come to us. Then we got overwhelmed. What's to stop that from happening again?"
Mara nodded. "Jade does have a point."
"But Derek is working alone," Brook insisted. "He wants to keep his mess up on the down-low. That means he won't put out contracts, or have his clan’s money and power behind him."
Jade folded her arms. "Fine. Let's say that's true. Derek still has a lot of money. He could come to Falhurst and hire a small army here. His clan would never know, and we'd be overwhelmed."
Brooke threw her hands up in the air. "Why are you so against this? We have Tyler and the Bravehearts now. A pride of lions will fight by us. We have no reason to worry."
"Why are you so hung up on this?" Giselle asked. "I miss the days when you were quiet and moody."
Pin drop silence filled the room except for Mara's growled directive for Giselle to apologize. Jade didn't have a chance to hear the young woman's response as she was out the door in a matter of seconds. She tore across the land in front of the house as her bear beckoned her to the woods.
Jade wanted, no, needed to shift. Her bear was clawing to get out, and if she kept her caged, then Jade honestly might do something stupid in human form.
"Wait," Emma called running up behind her.
Jade stopped and clenched her fists. "Not now, Emma."
The younger woman walked in front of her and stood with her feet planted wide. "Yes, now." Emma's face softened. "You're upset."
"It happens." Jade shrugged. "Doesn't mean I have to talk about it."
"How long have you been doing that? Brushing stuff under the carpet?" Emma took a step forward and placed a hand around Jade's neck, letting her fingers play with the hair at her nape.
Jade moaned. "Stop that."
"Why?" Emma's eyes twinkled. "Does it feel good?"
"Yeah." Jade felt her anger begin to melt back under the surface where it usually hid, and her bear stopped asking for an out. Acting on instinct alone, Jade took a step forward and rested her head against Emma's shoulder. "You're making it hard for me to be mad right now."
"Good."
Jade turned her head to smell the intoxicating scent that was all Emma. "You're also making it very hard for me to stay away from you."
"Even better." Emma wrapped her left arm around Jade's waist and pulled her close. "I don't want you to stay away. I like you."
Jade's muscles tightened. Here she was breaking her resolve again. The problem was that she felt too good in Emma's arms to even pull away.
"What is it?" Emma asked.
"I like you," Jade mumbled.
"And that's a bad thing?"
Jade finally pulled away and sighed. "It is. I'm not relationship material, Emma. And I don't just mean that in an 'I'm not perfect person' way. I mean I'm literally not relationship material. I can't even sleep in the same room as another woman. Every sound make's me jump up."
Jade lowered her head. It was time to take Rowan's advice and level with Emma. At least a little bit.
"My last relationship ended because my girlfriend got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I panicked when I heard her and thought she was an intruder. I put her in a chokehold."
Jade looked up into Emma's eyes for a reaction. She got none.
"Okay." Emma squeezed Jade's hand. "So you have some PTSD issues. Is that from the military or something else?"
"Something else." Jade cocked her head. "You don't think that's the kind of thing that would be hard to deal with?"
Emma shrugged. "I have an alcoholic mother that I take care of. I've left a girlfriend in the middle of the night to go to the hospital and pay the medical bill for her overdosing. We all have baggage. Besides, we can work through your sleeping problems. It'll take time is all."
A fluttering feeling went through Jade's stomach. She had underestimated Emma. The younger woman had seen a lot of ugly. Perhaps she could handle the darker parts of Jade.
But not your murderous anger, a voice said. No one wants to worry about a woman shifting into a bear and possibly killing them.
Jade squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes and stared at Emma. Could she tell Emma her deepest secret? That she'd murdered her best friend at the age of seventeen in a blind rage. Could Emma handle that kind of news? Would she look at Jade the same?
"There's more, isn't there?" Emma said, her voice low.
Jade nodded. "The worst."
"It's okay." Emma pulled Jade into another hug. "I'll be here whenever you're ready to tell me. Until then, please stop avoiding me. It hurts."
Jade pulled her head back and kissed Emma soundly. The kiss wasn't about passion. It was a promise to Emma and herself that Jade was going to make an effort to try and open up.
If she was going to do it for anyone, then why not the one woman that had strutted past her defenses and taken some of the news that had ended entire relationships in her stride?
Emma wasn't any type of woman. She was the type Jade needed. One who wasn't scared to walk on the dark side and fight her way back for those she loved.
Jade broke the kiss and rested
her forehead against Emma's. "I'll stop avoiding you, but I'll need time to open up about the other thing."
"That's all I ask. Neither one of us are relationship people, but maybe we can make something work."
Jade nodded. "I'd like that. But, can we keep this between us for now?"
"Of course. The last thing I'd want is for Giselle to start teasing us about being girlfriends."
Jade smiled. "Girlfriend's huh?"
Emma looked down sheepishly. "Uh, yeah. What else would we be?"
Jade quickly pecked her lips. "Secret girlfriends it is. We're going to have so much fun sneaking off to find make-out spots."
Emma rolled her eyes. "And here I thought you were interested in more than just my body."
The younger woman winked, and Jade laughed out loud, feeling lighter for the first time in a long time. There'd be plenty of time to beat herself up for what happened ten years ago, but for now, she was with her girlfriend, and when they were together, the darkness couldn't get to Jade.
I'll save that for Derek when he gets here, she thought.
9
"I still don't understand why you had to come," Jade said, side-eying Giselle.
Emma bumped shoulders with her girlfriends. "Be nice."
"Yeah, Jade," Giselle said, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "Listen to your new girlfriend."
Emma watched Jade huff. "I'm only going to say this one more time. We're not girlfriends. And if we were, I sure as hell wouldn't share that news with you first."
Giselle stopped and gasped. "Seriously? After all we've been through?"
Emma watched Jade shove the wolf shifter aside before heading into a busy restaurant. As per the team's earlier plan, Emma had finally gotten out of the house and gone to the center of Falhurst. She, Jade, and Gisele had made sure to pop into as many public places as possible, ranging from a grocery store to a retail store.
At first, Emma had been a little scared. For all they knew, Derek might have sent out a contract for her. Jade had reassured her girlfriend that wasn't likely because he didn't know her exact location. Then she'd promised Emma that she wouldn't let anything happen to her.
Wounded Bear (Whiteheart Clan Book 2) Page 7