Her face flushing, she had turned away, blaming him silently for the impossible images which had flashed through her mind. None of these things had happened, could happen now. Not even the children—as he was to re-emphasise, in no uncertain terms!
"Keep out of my room, Vicki, out of my life, in everything which matters. You understand?'
Everything might have been a lot different, Vicki thought miserably, if she had paid a lot more attention to what Wade had said, if she had tried to obey him strictly to the letter. For a few weeks she had, she supposed, done as he had instructed. She had been so unnerved by his continuing coldness and the Old Man's angry reactions to their marriage, that she had done everything possible to keep out of their way. Predictable as the pattern of their relationship had been, she hadn't been completely prepared to cope with the cold reality. The hurt she sustained she kept to herself. It was only noticeable in the paleness of her face, the haunting anxiety in her blue eyes.
She had been surprised, almost disbelieving, when old Mr. McLeod appeared to come round, and the earlier, cautious friendship between them had begun slowly to re-establish itself. Once convinced it was actually happening, that the Old Man was really beginning to smile at her instead of barking, she had thought Wade would be pleased. But to her dismay she found he was entirely the opposite.
While his grandfather was pleasanter, and gave the impression that he might one day accept her, Wade, on the other hand, had become gradually grimmer. He had ordered her to keep out of his room, but appeared to have no compunction about entering hers. Sometimes it occurred to Vicki that he didn't trust her and must keep her under constant surveillance. Ignoring any need she might feel for at least friendship between them, the attention he gave her amounted to nothing less than a land of indirect imprisonment.
When Jeff Curry offered to teach her to ride, Wade had demurred immediately and taught her himself. He had gone even further. As if determined to do the job properly he had bought her a beautiful little thoroughbred filly, which Jeff had whispered had cost the earth. In spite of the detached way Wade had handed it over, Vicki had been thrilled to tears with his gift. She had come to love the spirited little horse. Some of the tears she had wept on leaving Baccaroo had been for Firefly.
After the event of Firefly, he had taken to riding out with her occasionally and sometimes even to spending a little longer with her after dinner. Thus encouraged, she had hoped he would approve of his grandfather's partial change of heart and was almost bitterly disappointed that he did not seem to approve at all.
'Don't you see, you little fool,' he had snapped, his face dark with anger as he had paused in her bedroom, on his way to the chest of drawers on the far side of it, 'it might be nothing but a trick. He's just trying to discover exactly what sort of marriage we have.'
CHAPTER SIX
Somehow Vicki felt lacerated. She had wondered why a few Words from Wade, especially those delivered with stony indifference, could make her feel as battered as from heavy blows. 'You mean,' she faltered, her cheeks crimson, as she tried to look at him, 'You mean he would actually like to know if we're sleeping together?'
You get the general drift.' With a merciless regard for her embarrassment he had changed course and come to sit on the edge of her bed.
'I don't believe he would actually ask!' she had stammered, staring at him, discomfited.
Wade had returned her stare oppressively, as if he was suddenly more interested in the way she looked than in what she was saying. He frowned as his. eyes went over her. She was sitting up in bed in her pyjama jacket, a sheet over her knees, her arms wrapped around them to disguise the fact that she wore no trousers. The summer was beginning and the night had been hot.
Wade's brows had risen over her warm cheeks. 'You're the one who's being frank, but since you are the answer's yes. Once your friendship's assured he'll get round to it eventually. You don't know my grandfather. He's, almost as stubborn as you are. He never gives up.' . 'It's probably no great secret, anyway.' Shocked by the bitterness in her voice, she had added quickly, in an attempt to hide it, 'I don't suppose he'd be surprised.'
"No?' Strangely enough this seemed to give Wade food for thought. He had sat regarding her closely for a long moment. Vicki had found herself moving uneasily under his prolonged and calculating stare, but she hadn't been prepared for the disconcerting feeling which had shot through her as his eyes left her face to begin moving slowly over her again, just as they had done a few seconds ago, but his expression changed.
Taking her by surprise, he had leant over her, resting one hand across her as the other went to her head. Lightly he had tugged at a spiky tuft of the fair hair which she always kept so short.
Why don't you let it grow?' he asked curiously. 'It's thick and soft and a wonderful colour. I think it would suit you to wear it longer.'
She hadn't confessed that she continued keeping it short as, this way, it seemed to constitute a land of defence. Nothing she properly" understood or could explain, but, childishly short like this, her hair might form a barrier, protecting her from feelings which were rapidly growing far from adolescent. Dimly she had begun to realise this, especially when Wade strode, as he often did, shirtless through her bedroom. He might never appear very approachable, but that didn't prevent her being very conscious of him.
The feel of his hand on her head had really been the start of her undoing. Her eyes had clung to him, as if greedy to assimilate every inch of his broad, masculine strength, and the sensible reply she was thinking up had somehow failed to make it.
'Come here!' Quite suddenly, with this short exclamation, he had reached for her, pulling her completely into his arms. When she had gasped in genuine surprise, stiffening instinctively, he had thrust hard fingers around the tenderly curved chin she turned away from him, forcing her back. His movements had been deliberate but unhurried. There was no suggestion that he didn't know exactly what he was doing; it had been as if this was something he had contemplated for a long time, a notion, until now, perhaps unformed at the back of his mind, but he had no intention of spoiling the final moments of anticipation. When, eventually, he had sighed heavily and lowered his mouth to hers, she had known complete devastation.
She had never forgotten, although she liked to believe she had, the first time he had kissed her, when she had bumped into him coming from Miss Morris's room in the middle of the night. Yet this seemed much worse. Crushed against the hard muscles of his chest, she found the masculine scent of his body proved an overpowering stimulant. Within the exquisite cruelty of his grasp every bone in her long, slender limbs had seemed to melt. She had been stunned by the depth of his passion which had wrung a too swift response from her own thudding heart.
Had she tried to resist him? Her heart, even now, beat unevenly when she recalled that scene, and she thought not! In his arms, with his mouth breaking down her defences as he explored hers, there had been everything to entice her, nothing to repulse. He had moulded her to him with his hands and arms and she had been powerless against such physical expertise. It had been like entering an. unknown world, seared by sensations she had not known existed. She had only wanted to explore further. Clinging to him shamelessly, she had let the hardness of his demanding mouth deepen on hers until she had stopped thinking and the room began to whirl.
Then she had been freed so quickly she had felt deprived, betrayed. She hadn't been conscious of how she had looked, her skin rose-flushed, her blue eyes heavy with - awakening desire, bewildered tears. It had been like being suspended. She had felt as she fancied a star might put in the dazzling galaxy, caught in a scintillating world of the senses before being flung unexpectedly down to earth.
Wade's arms had left her and, as he moved back, she waited numbly for him to get up and walk away. But to her surprise he hadn't. He had remained sitting on her bed but not touching her. When she had brought herself to look at him she had detected something unusual about him—a mixture of satisfaction, a certain cold-bloode
d excitement. The latter was maybe crazy as she didn't think Wade McLeod had ever been excited about any tiling in his life.
What he had said next had shaken her to her very foundations.
'Vicki!' He had made her look at him again, for all she shrank from doing so. He had read in her strained face all the aroused feelings which so confused and frightened her. Feelings, nevertheless, torn by an almost compulsive desire to surrender to them.
'Vicki,' he had repeated, as her breathing had become painfully shallow, 'Doc Evans is calling tomorrow on his way back to Alice. I want you to see him.'
Doctor Evans?'
'Yes.' Wade's voice had been clipped. From the look in his eyes as they had held hers implacably, she might have been a stranger, but she did notice a definite tension in his jaw. 'God, you're surely old enough to understand without me having to put it into actual words? It appears we might be more vulnerable to human weaknesses than we imagine. And it's no use believing you can leave it all to me. For the first time in my life I'm not sure I can handle everything. You're a very potent combination of innocence . and sexuality. You are also, unfortunately, my wife. So-do I have to spell it out? One of these days I might just conceivably lose my sanity and I want to be sure there are no repercussions. Do you follow?'
All that night Vicki had fretted. She would have had to be very dim indeed not to have realised that Wade had been referring to the family he didn't want. The one he refused to have, no matter what his wife's feelings. And she was his wife, Vicki thought hollowly, despite the fact that this was the first time he had kissed her since they were married.
Vaguely she understood the dangers he had mentioned regarding their feelings, aware, for the first time, how easily they could get out of hand. Especially when she loved him. Like a bolt from the blue she had suddenly become conscious of this. It caused shock waves to sweep her again and again. Love wasn't a thing she had given much thought to, although she remembered feeling guilty about it, when she had first agreed to marry Wade. But she hadn't really believed such a thing existed. Now that the actuality of it hit her, she felt horrified. There was none of the pleasure which such an emotion must usually bring; only a harsh hurt because Wade would never love her. She recalled his detached tones, which had reduced any attraction between them down to frightening, harsh basics. She had known what he was about. He didn't want children and was taking no risks, but it was the totally-unemotional way he alluded to it that tormented her terribly. It could only happen by accident. Never intentionally would he come near her. He had never intended kissing her that night; it had been one of those things which just happened.
Vicki, in spite of her apprehension, had rebelled. She remembered being determined, that night, that she would never see Doctor Evans. Never would she ask him for help she didn't intend making use of.
How she had found herself in the study alone with Doctor Evans next day, she never knew. She had felt horribly embarrassed as the door had closed softy behind Wade and furious that, for all her resolutions, he seemed to have outwitted her. He also seemed to have explained to the doctor exactly what she wanted, as he hadn't kept her long. Frank Evans couldn't have been nicer, or more diplomatic, but all the same she had hated it!
She had felt trapped after that, caught between her resolve to keep Wade at a distance and her love for him— a love which brought an increasing desire to be in his arms again. Yet he had never attempted to so much as touch her for a very long time, and when he did she was sure it hadn't been premeditated. Afterwards she had thought perhaps he had been trying as hard as she to see that nothing happened to disturb the emotions which seemed to have settled down, if uneasily.
Jeff had cut his hand, his right hand, and the cut had been deep. Mrs. Clover hadn't been well and had gone early to bed; the Old Man, too, had retired. There hadn't been anyone else around and, rather than waste time looking for someone, Vicki had gone to the office herself, and got the nurse on the transceiver which was connected to the Flying Doctor radio network in Alice Springs.
The Royal Flying Doctor Service began early each morning with a doctor and nurse sitting in front of a microphone giving medical advice to people in the Outback who came on the air and described their symptoms. When someone was too ill for treatment a nurse or a doctor would fly out to the cattle station or perhaps an aborigine settlement and fly the patient back to the hospital in Alice Springs. The radio network was also used to organise the routine trips during which clinics were held in the various settlements and smaller towns..
Vicki, nervous because she wasn't yet. entirely used to it, had been relieved to find her call went without a hitch. She carried out the nurse's instructions on a sickly-looking Jeff successfully. Afterwards, because he had still appeared dazed, she had walked with him to his bungalow and got him a drink. She had waited until he had recovered sufficiently to get himself to bed, and had just been leaving when Wade found her.
Wade had been to Sydney on business but had declined to take Vicki. She hadn't decided whether or not she had wanted to go but had felt hurt because he hadn't asked. He had just flown in from Alice and suspicion had flared with what she had thought unreasonable anger in his eyes. "Why, you little tramp!' he had exclaimed brutally, coming to a sudden halt in front of her, his voice like steel. 'Can't I leave you for a few days without this? This, I presume, is why you wouldn't come with me?'
He must have forgotten he had never invited her. Although feeling angrily indignant she had tried to keep calm, warning herself that Wade must be tired, not really aware of the terse insults he hurled at her. Steadying herself, she had begun telling him about Jeff's hand, but he hadn't listened.
Curtly he had cut her off before she could even get started. 'I've seen the way Jeff looks at you.'
'Well, I haven't!' Instinctively she had tried to appease him, although she didn't perhaps frame her words wisely or get quite the right inflection in her voice. Maybe the resentment inside her had been too strong and she had been too tired. What with one thing and another it had been quite a day. 'You're letting your imagination run away with you, Wade. I was anxious about Jeff because ...' 'I know why you were worried,' he had broken in sarcastically. 'Don't all women pretend to worry when they know a man's fallen for them? They worry that the poor devil might feel hurt, when they've done their damnedest to see that he is. You're probably ready to weep tears of anguish over Jeff, but I don't have to listen. I don't want to hear you mention Jeff Curry again.'
'Oh—but Wade,' her blue eyes, rounding with distress, had given the very impression she sought to avoid, 'you don't understand!' 'Be quiet!'
The tightness to his mouth stunned her. His scorn began hitting her in waves and she had flinched. I must...'
Again, as she tried to mention Jeff's hand, he choked her off. 'Vicki! Will you please shut up and get out of my sight, before we both say things we might be sorry for.'
Reduced to an unwilling silence by the sheer force of his strong personality, Vicki had stared up at him. If he was happy to believe the worst of her why should she tear herself apart trying to enlighten him as to what had really happened? Wade, at his best, was inclined to be sceptical about most things and, in the mood he was in this evening, it didn't seem likely he would trust anything she said. In the morning, though, he would have to face the facts he refused to listen to. Vicki dwelt sullenly on the apology he would be forced to make. However repentant he might be it would be a long time before she forgave him!
With a contemptuous lift of her chin, which was to prove her undoing, she had turned from him to run into the house. She was aware that he stalked furiously behind her, but as his anger was usually controlled, she hadn't felt unusually frightened. She would go straight to bed. If he wanted something to eat he could get it himself! Along with everything else, she didn't have to put up with his bad temper.
Hurrying upstairs, she had had a quick shower and tumbled into bed in a trice, not even stopping to run a comb through her still damp hair. Her heart f
elt sore with a weight of wounded feelings. She loved Wade, yet all he ever did was abuse her. He didn't seem to think she was capable of anything, least of all integrity! With a small sob she groped-for the switch, and turned off the light. Another day gone, she remembered sighing, little dreaming this one was far from over, and that the end of it would be much more devastating than the beginning.
She had heard Wade in the bathroom, the faint noise of the shower. The slight silence, then doors closing, hers opening.
She had kept her eyes tight shut, pretending to be asleep. He had been out and in a lot lately, always looking for something, seeing if she wanted anything before wishing her a cool goodnight. But, after the way he had just spoken to her outside, she hadn't thought he would have the nerve to come near her. Quietly she turned her back on him, huddling beneath the sheets.
When the same sheets had suddenly been ripped off her she had been shocked, frightened almost out of her wits. 'Wade!' Her eyes, after that first paralysed moment, shooting wide open, she had made a frantic attempt to grab something—anything, to cover herself with. 'How dare you!' she had cried, fright giving strength to her trembling voice, as he had towered above her, surveying her near nakedness with cold, stony eyes.
'I thought as much,' his mouth had curled as she had struggled frantically to wrap herself in a blanket. 'Does Jeff know you sleep with next to nothing on?'
She had been kneeling, almost upright, on the bed, very near to him. It had merely taken the lifting of one tightly clenched fist to hit him across his coldly insulting face.
Boomerang bride Page 10