'What I wanted?' Vicki's eyes widened with indignation. What on earth do you mean?'
I'm talking about what she obviously saw,' Wade retorted with harsh impatience. 'Now she'll stop wondering about our marriage, stop seeing herself as the second Mrs. McLeod and be able to concentrate on her job.'
Trembling, Vicki stared at him, her hot cheeks growing rapidly colder. The second Mrs. McLeod! So already he was letting her know indirectly that there was to be one!
'That's what you were in such a hurry to see me about last night, wasn't it?' he insisted dryly. 'You can't make me believe it wasn't important, not when it forced you to come into my bedroom.'
'Yes.' There seemed no point in denying it further. Only now it seemed possible she had been stupid to imagine a talk with him would have solved anything. She had been silly to allow Miss Webb to put her in such a wild panic. 'I did want to speak to you about Miss Webb, but it wasn't anything you could have known about.'
'No?' He didn't spare her. 'Don't you think I've seen the speculation in her eyes, the uncertainty in yours, every time she looks from me to you? I doubt it you'll ever be a match for the Miss Webbs of this world, but this wasn't your major problem, was it? Most of all you were scared that I was attracted to her, weren't you, and determined to confront me with the despicableness of my regrettable behaviour?'
If I was,' Vicki cried, her face burning with confusion, 'it was merely because I don't wantonly scandal, for Graham's sake.'
'For Graham's sake! Don't you think it's about time you faced a few facts, my dear? You soon forgot about your son last night, in my arms.'
'You're a fiend!' she choked, clenching her hands tight, pressing one unconsciously over her shaking lips.
'That—and perhaps other things you're not honest enough to admit,' he returned, grimly. 'I didn't anticipate your nocturnal visit, so you can't blame me entirely for what happened. When a man has someone like you in his bedroom it's maybe understandable that he should lose his head. Especially if the lady is willing!'
Vicki tried to ignore his hard sarcasm, tried also to ignore that he might be speaking the truth. Her only remaining comfort was that she surely couldn't have acted as shamelessly as he implied. 'What you did was bad enough,' she ·muttered bitterly, 'without taking it any further.'
'So!' His hands left the back of his head to shoot out and grip her averted shoulders. 'What if I did? The way your mind Works, madam, is sometimes beyond my comprehension. It certainly seemed to do the trick, sending Miss Webb up with your tea. You could thank me for thinking of it. It did away with the need for any embarrassing confrontation, if that was what you were after. Embarrassing for you and Miss Webb, mind you, not me. Women like Miss Webb never worry me, not one bit.'
'No,' Vicki swallowed, wriggling from his hold, 'I'm sure they don't!'
'Just what exactly do you mean by that?' His voice jarred in her ear, low and threatening with anger. I've taken about all I'm going to take from you. You mustn't realise whom you're getting at!'
'The great Wade McLeod! Oh ...' Her small, startled exclamation was rudely cut off as he pulled her backwards into his arms and his mouth came down swiftly to crush hers. She felt his hand sliding over her, reminding her sharply of the first time they had come here, but now his touch was different. It was full of a far more intimate knowledge of her than it had ever held then.
Mercifully, she felt, Graham's cry from the creek interrupted the deepening pressure of his lips. The glint in Wade's eyes, however, when he released her, spoke of ironic amusement at her obvious agitation—not of remorse. Graham wanted to catch a fish but couldn't find one. He wanted to take off his clothes and swim. Then he decided he was hungry.
Realising he was probably too tired for any of these things, Vicki went and put a loving arm around him while Wade poured him a cool drink. She felt strange.
As he went for their horses Wade said evenly, 'It won't have done him any harm if he did see me kissing you. I didn't plan it deliberately and I'm sorry it happened, but I hadn't forgotten he was there.'
'It doesn't matter,' she whispered, scarcely knowing what she was saying. 'I don't really care.'
'That I bloody well realise!' he exclaimed, with a low violence which almost frightened her.
All the way back to the base camp Vicki felt numb. Wade took Graham up in front of him for the return journey. Having to follow the two figures who meant more to her than anyone else didn't help Vicki feel any better. She even found it difficult to share in the men's amusement when, on being lowered from his father's horse, Graham muttered, 'Strewth!' in true Australian fashion. And when they asked what sort of day he'd had, he replied solemnly, 'Fair dinkum, thank you.' How she wished Wade's glance of amused tolerance had been directed at her! In spite of his attempts at adult nonchalance, Graham slept in her arms as they returned to the homestead, his rumpled dark brown head cuddled against her shoulder.
Wade said very little, but as he brought the helicopter gently to rest he turned to glance at them grimly. 'You both look about the same age. Sometimes I find it hard to tell the difference.'
The night wind was bringing a small measure of welcome coolness as they reached the house. They had been gone longer than Vicki had expected and Miss Webb gazed at her reproachfully as she saw Graham's tired face. Vicki, remembering in time Wade's sarcastic remarks about her being too meek to make a good mistress, felt guilty but didn't apologise. For such endeavour she thought she caught a glimpse of approval in his eyes, the eyes which only a few minutes ago she had been unable to read.
It didn't seem to make sense that she hadn't found an opportunity to speak to him about Sydney while they had been out. Or was it that the chance had been there, but she'd been too nervous to take it? Even now Vicki wasn't quite sure what she wanted to say, but for some reason she couldn't quite fathom, it seemed imperative she mentioned it. When Wade disappeared immediately after dinner she thought she would find him in the office.
After helping Misilgoe with the dishes and checking that everything was finished for the night she knocked on the office door. To her disappointment Jeff Curry was there alone and, after chatting for a short time, she returned to the house. Jeff was nice but, like Miss Webb, was obviously curious about Vicki and Wade, and this made Vicki uneasy. Especially when, in the past, Jeff had proved a true friend. Meeting his frankly anxious gaze as she left him, she felt positively mean.
As Wade didn't seem to be anywhere she decided to forget about Sydney. She still didn't know what she wanted to say about his trip anyway.
Old Mr. McLeod, she found, had retired to bed. Miss Webb, she already knew, having struck up a friendship with one of the stockmen's wives, had popped out to see her. As she had promised, Vicki looked in on Graham and found, as she expected, that he was fast asleep, tired out by the exertions and excitement of his day. Bending down, she kissed his flushed cheek, feeling the warmth of her love for him spilling over.
Then Miss Webb was there, but instead of going immediately to her own room, Vicki went along to Mr. Mc-Leod's. He seemed so alone these days. Vicki hadn't been back long before she" had realised he was really just a pathetic old man and, for all his grunts and .snarls, was more in need of love and pity than anything else. For her the past had not the same reality it still apparently held for Wade, but she could see no sense in keeping old bitterness alive, to the extent that it poisoned all their lives. In this, she realised, the Old Man himself was far from guiltless, but she found she could forgive him. Each night, now, she went to his room to see if there was anything she could do for him.
To her surprise, because he usually waved her away, he asked if she would get him a drink. Knowing nicely what he meant, but disapproving, she brought hot milk. For a moment she thought he was going to explode, then he astonished her by drinking it, almost meekly. After this he wanted his pillows straightened and his light put off. It was nearly half an hour later before Vicki reached her own bedroom.
Wade was not yet in his, or if h
e was he must have gone straight to bed, as there was complete silence. Vicki was tired to the point of weariness. It was only her body that felt curiously alive and restless. Knowing she might not sleep if she couldn't rid herself of the feeling of being deserted, she removed her long dress and took a shower. Afterwards she slipped into her silky pyjamas and got into bed. There was a tightness of tears in her throat, even though she knew she would be wiser to forget about the previous night. Wade, she was convinced, would never bother her again. Wasn't his hurried flight to Sydney a silent but very emphatic declaration of this?
The next minutes passed slowly. She tried to sleep, but found it impossible as she was so tense. Why she should be feeling so tense—and deserted—:she couldn't think. It made no sense at all, considering everything. When the door of her room opened and Wade walked through, as if he had every right to be there, everything inside her seemed to dissolve in a terrible turmoil. She wasn't surprised at it, but she found it almost impossible to bear the coldness in his eyes as he stood looking down at her.
For a long moment he studied her stricken confusion, meeting the wide bewilderment in her eyes with harsh mockery. 'I thought to find you in my bed, not here,' he sneered.
'Why should I?' she gasped, his hardness acting as a brake to an impulsive inclination to throw herself into his arms. As always she longed for his tenderness. Since she had realised the depth of her love for him, the hurt of his imperviousness was almost more than she could take.
'I wouldn't have thought you need ask that, not after last night,' he said frostily. 'You met me more than halfway, but I see you still want to believe it was all my doing.'
Dropping on to the edge of the bed, he grasped her wrist. He wore only a light robe over pyjama trousers and as his hand gripped her every nerve in her body cried out in panic and she tried to avert her eyes. 'I don't have to answer that!' '
As if he was seeking to control himself, his gaze flickered narrowly, then left her to stare darkly around the room. The lines around his mouth etched deeply and his hard jaw set, as if he found nothing in the bare precincts of it to please him. I suppose,' he shrugged, 'I've lain here long nights, knowing you were next door. It takes a bit of understanding.'
Vicki turned sharply back to him, unsure of his meaning yet feeling it should tell her something. But what he said next confused and bewildered her even more.
'Vicki,' he said dryly, his attention riveted on her again, taking in all her fair young beauty, 'I didn't come here to quarrel with you, or to insist, if you weren't willing, on my marital rights. I came to ask if you would like to go to Sydney with me tomorrow.'
CHAPTER NINE
'Go to Sydney with you?' Vicki repeated, feeling stunned. He couldn't really mean it, or could he? Her startled eyes, searching his compulsively, met the usual coldness, which brought sudden enlightenment. I suppose you want me to come for fear I try to run off with Graham while you're gone? Now I know why you tried to be pleasant earlier this afternoon! You're frightened to leave me in case something like this happens and the shock proves too much for your grandfather!'
"Vicki!'
His leashed exclamation didn't warn her. It might have done, but her fevered brain wasn't listening. It was too busy jumping to more damning conclusions, rushing on ... 'Or did you plan to leave me in Sydney? Dump me, with no money to find my Way back? I always knew you were no good, Wade McLeod, but I never thought you would stoop to such great depths!' - 'Are you quite finished?' he asked frigidly, his eyes black.
She was, but only because she had no breath left to continue. It was as if every flicker of it had been drawn from her trembling body to leave her gasping.
Quite deliberately he lifted his hand and slapped her coolly across her face. It wasn't too hard, not as cruel— if the expression in his eyes was anything to go by—as he would have liked it to have been, but hard enough. It stung.
'Oh!' Wildly she flinched away from him, a cry of fright escaping her as he roughly took hold of her.
'I've never slapped a woman before, Vicki. With you, I believe it's the second time and it may not be the last. God help me, but you almost drive me to murder! If you despise me as much as you obviously do, you could be wiser to keep your thoughts to yourself. I have to go to Sydney on business, you little fool.'
'What about what your grandfather said?' she cut in sharply, anger now mingling with apprehension causing a fine recklessness. 'He didn't give the impression that you were going for any other reason than to enjoy yourself.'
Wade's smile was cruel, his eyes without mercy on the hectic colour in her cheeks. 'That I'm certainly going to do now. And as you don't want any more of my company, don't be surprised if I bring someone back with me.' His broad shoulders lifted as he pushed her away from him and rose from the bed. 'As for escaping with your son, madam, I shouldn't advise you to waste your time trying. You wouldn't get very far.'
Next morning Vicki saw him leave, but he never spoke or looked once in her direction; She didn't see the white ring around his mouth as he glanced at her briefly while she was speaking to Graham. Graham was tearful that his father was going but excited by Wade's promise to bring him something back. He had never been brought back a present before, he said. Then his small face fell again as Wade refused to promise when this would be.
Old Mr. McLeod was restless all the time Wade was away, and Vicki, intensely unhappy, found him difficult to bear. He took to demanding that Graham should be with him continually, but fearing this wouldn't be good for either of them, Vicki put her foot down. She decreed that they should go on as usual and, when the Old Man fretted, took to spending quite a lot of time with him herself. This way Miss Webb's careful curriculum wasn't too interrupted by his constant demands.
Graham had been with him that afternoon and Vicki sent him out to get some fresh air with Miss Webb. She would have liked to go with them, but contented herself with sitting with Mr. McLeod on the verandah. Wade had been gone for almost a week. Bleakly she wondered what he was doing.
'He's probably gone to Nooanda.' The Old Man might have guessed her thoughts and she felt her face pale. Nooanda was another cattle station the McLeods owned. It lay on the Macdonnell Ranges, due west of Alice Springs. Vicki had never been there, but she knew it was a part of the country which Albert Namitjfra had often painted.
As she stoically nodded her head, the Old Man went on, 'On the other hand, he knows a lot of people in Sydney.' Suddenly, to her surprise, his eyes were troubled, rather than malicious. 'Does it worry you, Victoria, that Wade might be chasing other women?'
It took Vicki a moment to steady herself sufficiently to speak. Both his question and his use of her full name un nerved her. It was the first time she had heard him address her as anything and, while conscious it might not mean much, she felt strangely moved. His question, she sensed, held none of his usual spite. He seemed aware of the pain it caused and oddly sympathetic. It astonished her that he was prepared to unbend even this much. She was even more confused by her own willingness to forget how much he had wounded her in the past. For the first time she could remember she felt they were seeking to comfort each other because of Wade, yet she couldn't restrain a peculiar desire to defend him.>
'I've been away for over four years, Mr. McLeod. It seems logical to suppose he might have formed other attachments.'
'If you can't speak in plain language, Victoria, don't speak at all!' the Old Man muttered querulously. Then he looked at her, his old face sad with shame. 'I'm sorry, my dear,' he took a deep breath, making an almost visible effort to go on, 'I think I should maybe be sorry for a lot of things—concerning you, concerning Wade. Sometimes I feel I've detracted from the extra years that have been given to me.'
Vicki smiled at him gently but had more sense than to comment on that. Something warned her to be cautious, not to take too much for granted straight away. He was a wily old fox at the best of times and, as with Wade, she -must guard herself from further hurt, 'Maybe,' he shot an anxious glanc
e at her under bushy white brows, 'maybe it was my fault you ran off as you did? Wade never said so—well, not exactly, but I've often wondered.'
'No, it wasn't. It had nothing to do with you.' At least this was the truth, she didn't have to prevaricate. 'You didn't make my life any easier, but I probably understood better than you think. But no, you didn't drive me away.'
'Perhaps,' he grunted, his crinkled old eyes keen for all his advanced years, 'I've a good idea what did, which makes it my fault, if only indirectly.' Vicki bit her Up.
'I'd like you to know, my dear, just what it means to me that Wade has a son and how much I appreciate having him here.'
Again she could think of nothing to say. He glanced at her, with a faint return of the craftiness she feared. 'I only wish Graham had a brother. Probably in time-?'
'I'm afraid' Vicki began, then halted, flushing pain fully. She had been about to tell him sharply that it wasn't possible. That he must know nicely Wade meant to divorce her. Now she wondered why she couldn't go on. She did manage to say briefly, 'I shouldn't bank on it.'
'Never mind,' the Old Man's unsteady hand came out to pat hers almost kindly, 'I'm content, and I'm grateful to you, Victoria, that I'll be able to die that way.'
Partly because of this conversation with his grandfather, whenever Vicki thought of Wade in the days which followed a deep confusion beset her. She knew an unbelievably deep regret that she hadn't gone to Sydney with, him. All that night, after he had asked her, she had lain awake wishing she had the courage to go to him and ask his forgiveness, tell him she had changed her mind. This she had found impossible, but she had resolved to beg him to take her with him in the morning. This, of course, proved equally impossible, after one glance at his implacable face. Now, as she wondered if he would ever come back, she realised there was little joy in anything, for her any more, when she was apart from him. Not even Graham's lively, lovable presence could make up for Wade's absence.
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