That evening, Joseph was at last able to write to Shirley, to explain about Dolly and the marriage that never was.
* * *
Shirley had been disturbed by Joseph’s kiss but she was unable to talk to him. He came into the shop several times but she ignored him until he left. When a letter arrived and she saw his name at the end of it, she replaced it in the envelope unread. When she felt able to return to the dance hall with Janet, she looked out for the farmer, Silwyn Davies, and asked him to accompany them. He hesitated at first then stipulated that he would take them and walk them home.
Shirley agreed. ‘No coming in for a cup of tea, mind,’ she warned. ‘I have to get up at five a.m., remember.’
‘So do I! Cows don’t have a lie-in on Sunday mornings any more than newsagents do.’
Silwyn called for Shirley then they walked to Oldway Street where Janet was waiting for them. They each bought their own ticket as arranged but when the manager of the hall saw the two girls walk in he immediately gave them a refund.
‘I hope you’ll sing for your supper,’ he told them. ‘You’ve been missed these past weeks.’
They sang two numbers and included their dance routine to much applause. Afterwards, they were approached and asked to perform at two other venues during the coming week. Silwyn walked them home proudly, talking about their success as though he were a part of it and agreeing to escort them whenever they had a booking.
Throughout the rest of July and the beginning of August, they went out regularly, earning small sums of money which they used to buy more stage clothes and Leichner make-up as they began to feel more and more like professionals.
* * *
Eirlys went to see them perform several times, and once when Ken was in St David’s Well with Max Moon, staying with Ken’s grandparents, the five of them went out for supper afterwards. She had still not given Ken an answer and he never gave any sign of expecting one. She was beginning to enjoy dancing, recognising it as a valuable relaxation from the hectic hours she spent keeping things running at the office and dealing with the heavy load of the summer entertainments plus getting everything under control at home.
In spite of such an irregular life, both Ken and Max fortunately happened to be there for one of the crazy events they had dreamed up. Shirley and Janet came too as it was a Wednesday afternoon and they were free.
Hannah and Bleddyn had organised races for children. In the final one, Bleddyn gave a commentary in which he persuaded them to run faster and faster through deep soft sand with their legs tied together just above the knees. A simple idea which was hilarious as the children tried to take longer steps and quickly overbalanced. With an audience shouting encouragement, those taking part found it impossible not to laugh and most ended up falling over and being disqualified. Eirlys couldn’t help thinking of how Stanley, Harold and Percival would have enjoyed it.
Bleddyn rewarded every child taking part with an illegally-made ice cream, a misdemeanour for which he happily paid a small fine.
Max went off with Shirley and Janet, and Ken walked Eirlys home.
‘I keep thinking of how much the three boys have missed this summer,’ she said as they strolled through the crowds and headed for the bus stop. ‘I miss them but Dadda misses them more.’
‘He loved having the house filled, didn’t he?’
‘I’m worried about him, Ken. He’s so quiet, and I think he’s deeply unhappy. He misses Teresa and on top of grieving for them all he feels such a fool. That isn’t an easy thing to deal with. I don’t know how best to help him,’ she said as they reached the straggling queue for the bus.
‘Marry me,’ he said. ‘We can have lots of babies, grandchildren to fill the gap left by the boys. That will cure his blues, won’t it?’
‘Shush,’ she whispered, laughing, as people stared at him having clearly heard his words. She squeezed his arm affectionately but shook her head. Rushing into marriage might be the fashion right now, but something held her back.
* * *
Because she was so ungainly with the baby due so soon, Olive felt too shy to be seen, even with her shape partly disguised by a coat much too large, wrapped around her like a blanket. She rarely went out during the day. At night, she and Ronnie wandered around the streets, enjoying the quiet darkness, talking endlessly about their plans and the excitement of having a child. For both of them, those weeks were specially happy. Ronnie’s wounds didn’t worry him a great deal and they were thankful that he would not be recalled to serve in the army. They approached parenthood with impatient delight.
* * *
Dancing on the Green was always a popular event and they had been fortunate with the weather, only having to cancel once because of heavy rain. Janet and Shirley were there for the final dance and, before they left home ‘dressed to kill’, as Hetty put it, Shirley read Joseph’s letter.
Tears filled her eyes as she began to take in the words. How could she have been so cruel to him? The description of his life during the short time he and Dolly were married saddened her as nothing else ever had. She saw that his address was at the top of the letter and decided to visit him now she knew where to find him. She had never been interested enough to ask before and he had never volunteered the information. Now she understood his reticence. She needed to tell him she understood why he hadn’t told her about Dolly before and explain that she had only just read his letter.
He had never appeared at the dances since he had written to her, probably believing that her lack of response meant she didn’t care. She had to put things straight, but tonight she was going to the Dancing on the Green, not far from St David’s Well Bay, and there wouldn’t be time. Tomorrow, she promised herself, and sat for a while wallowing in the romantic story of Joseph’s lost love and his unrequited love for her. Putting the letter back into its envelope and tucking it into her handbag, she sighed in a mixture of melancholy and joy. Then, putting all sentimental thoughts aside, she prepared for the dance.
* * *
Janet danced with Max for most of the night, singing along with some of their favourite melodies. Shirley had plenty of dance partners. Now she and Janet were so well known, most of the men were flattered to have her as a partner. They had arrived without Silwyn, convinced of being able to find a taxi. But he was there, unseen by the girls, not dancing, content to watch and to know he would be the one to walk them home.
Ken encouraged Eirlys to leave her official place making sure everything was running smoothly, and dance with him. She glided around the floor in his arms and the closeness was not hard to take. Did she love him? Perhaps she was expecting too much of love. The romantic scenes favoured by novels and film might have led her to expect more. Now, the sensations his nearness were reviving were exciting. She looked up and they shared a smile and she wondered why she had ever left him.
Standing amid the circle of people on that late summer evening, Joseph watched and wondered if he would ever again be the one to take Shirley home. Perhaps, now she knew the truth about his sad marriage, she would not want to see him again. His unhappiness dropped another notch and he thought that for him, at the age of twenty-eight, his life was over.
Being the final dance, the event had attracted a larger than usual crowd, most of whom were not enthusiastic dancers but were there to watch, enjoy the music and occasionally join in. Some sat on chairs that had been brought on the back of a borrowed and well-scrubbed coal lorry, most were standing.
There was a murmur of excitement as Shirley and Janet walked to their place beside the small orchestra, took the microphone in their shared grip, and sang. It was getting late and the mood had softened. All the lively dances were done and they chose a smooth, slow Jerome Kern number, ‘All The Things You Are’. Joseph stayed hidden amid the crowd and applauded with the rest.
The day had been sunny and it was light until ten o’clock. When the band could no longer see to read the music, the couples refused to go home. It was Max playing piano accordion,
plus one violin player that accompanied the last few melodies. Shirley and Janet sang the number before the final waltz. An invitation to this ‘last waltz’ was a tacit way for a boy to ask a girl if he could walk her home. As couples drifted back into the circle and waited for Max to play, accompanied by the lone violinist, Joseph moved forward. He had to talk to her, see whether there was a chance of them becoming friends, if nothing more. The death of his wife had caused a shyness that was like a pain as he made up his mind to speak to her.
Janet danced with Max and Eirlys danced with Ken, and Shirley wished they had invited Silwyn as escort. She wondered anxiously whether Janet and Max would walk her home, while she played ‘gooseberry’ to their growing attraction, or would expect her to walk home alone. A hand tapped her shoulder and she turned to see Joseph. She slipped into his arms and under cover of the kindly darkness they kissed.
With darkness almost complete, the couples drifted away. Cars, barely seen in the fading light, moved away and the sound of horses and carts could be heard amid the voices and laughter. The sounds drifted away into the night and Eirlys’s friends helped to gather the chairs and clear the remnants of the supper into the Castles’ van, then stack the chairs on to the lorry.
Joseph felt doubtful of Shirley’s apparent pleasure at seeing him there. A lack of confidence or a thought based on previous experience made him wonder if she had been glad to see him from genuine affection or simply in case she had to walk home alone. He didn’t know about Silwyn.
It was as Joseph was guiding Shirley towards the road where a few taxis still waited that Silwyn approached them.
‘Shirley, I’m here to take you home.’ Silwyn said.
‘Oh. I didn’t think you were still here, Silwyn. Look – thanks and all that, but I don’t need an escort tonight. Joseph is here and he’ll see me safely back.’
‘But I came specially. I gave up my evening to walk you home.’ He turned and in the darkness Joseph felt the man’s angry stare.
‘Sorry, but I didn’t promise and I’m going home with Joseph.’ Shirley turned away, almost bumping into Joseph in her hasty movement.
‘No, you’re not. Shirley!’ Joseph said loudly.
‘Joseph! I thought—’
‘You thought you could abandon this man who’d put himself out for you when you no longer need him. Well, you’re wrong. I don’t want the company of someone who treats people so badly.’ He walked off.
Everyone else had gone, and she called anxiously for Silwyn, but he seemed to have disappeared too. What could she do? The faint, hooded tail lights of the last taxi were fading from sight and she was all alone in a park a long way from the flat.
A figure loomed in front of her and she screamed.
‘It’s all right, Shirley, it’s only me,’ Joseph said. ‘I waited in case Silwyn didn’t come back.’
‘What are you playing at!’ she demanded angrily.
‘Trying to make you more thoughtful of others,’ he snapped back.
Swallowing her anger, Shirley chided softly, ‘I prefer your company to Silwyn’s and you’re complaining?’
He put his arms around her. ‘I don’t know why I said what I did. I’m confused about the way I feel about you. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t love you, with a wife so recently dead. But I can’t deny it any longer.’
With a long dark walk ahead of her, Shirley swallowed the angry reply that she was bursting to say and took his arm.
‘You love me?’ she said, as though in wonder, and turned her face up for his kiss.
‘You know I do and I hope one day you’ll tell me you love me.’
Inside she was angry. Frightening her like that, making a scene over poor Silwyn. Love him? He’d be lucky! But she would use him to take her home when she needed company late at night. It was no worse than the way he’d just toyed with her, leaving her here alone to prove his point. In any case, that’s what men were for, to be used. The way her father had treated her mother had taught her that.
Brought up on her mother’s reluctance to approve of any man, Shirley had developed the attitude that men were useful but untrustworthy, and a woman was stronger when she taught herself never to need them. To link herself to someone like Joseph would ruin her chances of a career and she needed a career more than she needed a man, except for the occasional pleasure, she thought, remembering how she and Freddy Clements had found delight in their secret meetings until he joined the army and left her.
She held Joseph’s arm and walked beside him, taking off her high-heeled shoes and walking barefoot along the dark streets. He changed position and placed an arm around her shoulders, stopping at intervals to kiss her forehead, her cheek, until unable to resist, he pulled her close and in the shadows kissed her firmly, possessively, on her soft submissive lips.
The romantic story of his unfortunate wife was still fresh in her mind and she had felt loneliness as she had watched Janet and Eirlys walking off with Max and Ken. Her head was filled with music. The night sky was gloriously clear with stars so close she imagined she could touch them. The air was caressingly soft and warm and his nearness revealed a sudden urgent need.
She unlocked the door of the flat she shared with her mother and listened. No wireless playing, the only light a low wattage bulb on the stairs, everything was quiet. Taking his hand she led Joseph to her room.
* * *
The alarm woke them and Shirley looked outside her bedroom door to make sure her mother was still in bed, before Joseph slipped, silent as a shadow, down the stairs and out into the street. She washed and dressed before following to take in the newspapers waiting in the shop porch and begin marking them ready for the paper boys to deliver.
A few cars passed and there was the usual sound of footsteps as people made their way to begin the early shift at the factories of the town. She smiled as she worked, wondering why the morning seemed so ordinary after such an extraordinary night.
After that unexpected and delightful interlude, Joseph became a constant part of her life. He came with them to dances and concerts where Janet and she were performing. If Janet minded she didn’t complain. After all, they did need someone to make sure they got home safely and Joseph had never complained at walking Janet to 7 Oldway Street first.
Shirley began to mind though. Janet’s presence was an intrusion, both when she and Joseph were together and, more importantly, at their performances. She wanted to be a solo performer and, while Joseph was so considerate of Janet, so determined to make her considerate of others, the problem would not be solved. Occasionally she sang alone, but Janet usually accompanied her whenever they were asked to sing. Only with the dancing did Shirley really come into her own. She was good. Far better than Janet who, she insisted untruthfully to Joseph, was inhibited and stiff. Janet happily stood and watched, knowing she lacked sufficient talent or ambition to compete.
‘Perhaps if I start getting bookings as a dancer I can gradually include singing until I’m accepted as a solo artiste.’ Shirley said to Hetty one evening as they ate their meal with Bleddyn, who was becoming a regular visitor to the flat above the newsagent. Bleddyn advised her to find herself an agent.
At first this seemed impossible. What agent would want to audition an unknown girl from a small seaside town in South Wales?
‘What does Janet think of the idea?’ Joseph asked when she mentioned it.
Typical, she thought with rising irritation. Joseph says he loves me but his first thought is what does Janet think! ‘I haven’t discussed it with her. Why should I?’ she demanded. ‘Bleddyn Castle only mentioned it today.’
‘She’ll want the chance too, won’t she?’ he said reasonably. ‘Well, yes, but I don’t want to discuss it with her yet. I’ll get more information first. Pity to raise her hopes.’ Magazines were her business and a stage periodical gave her the names of several agents who were looking for fresh talent. She wrote to three, and two replied. Talking to them on the telephone on the square in the middle of the tow
n, she arranged an appointment with them both for a week later and went back to the shop to ask her boss for the day off. It would be a very long day, with the journey to London taking more than five hours. The bombing regularly closed roads in the cities, bus routes would be difficult to work out. Digging into her savings, she took out enough to take taxis. The time and frustration saved would be worth the money. At least air raids were less of a worry recently, according to the papers, although even Hitler’s Luftwaffe wouldn’t have stopped her going. She couldn’t wait for peace before trying to get a name for herself. Life didn’t work like that. She had to do it now, and this was the first step. She said nothing to Joseph or Janet and swore her mother to secrecy.
* * *
Olive Castle who, with her husband Ronnie, ran a fruit and vegetable stall in the market, was anxious. Her baby was overdue and she was afraid she would begin to give birth without anyone there to help her. Although Ronnie had to attend to the stall every day, she was rarely alone, sharing a house with Auntie Audrey and Uncle Wilf and the two girls, Maude and Myrtle.
One morning, when Audrey was working at the seaside rock shop, having given Alice a day off, and Wilf was out visiting friends, there was only Lilly to keep her company. Bored with sitting in her parents’ house, Lilly had taken baby Phyllis and plonked herself beside Olive to complain about life in general, hers in particular.
When the pains began, Olive ignored them at first. There had been a few, which her mother-in-law Marged had said were rehearsals for the real thing. As they grew stronger and more regular, she knew it was time to prepare for the birth.
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