‘We were married for two days and he went away. I won’t know how to act towards him, he’ll be a stranger,’ Alice whispered, turning away to hide her blushes as she thought about sleeping with a man she hardly knew.
Audrey guessed what she was thinking and busied herself by unnecessarily adjusting her scarf and refastening her coat buttons, avoiding Alice’s eyes. Then she said, ‘Can you imagine how difficult it was for me when I married Keith? I’d known your Uncle Wilf all my life, there had never been anyone else, and then at my age to start again with another man, well, I was very anxious. In fact I was afraid I would fail and make us both very unhappy.’
‘And was it as difficult as you expected, allowing another man to become a part of your life?’
‘Alice, love, it wasn’t difficult at all. I love him you see. Oh, I know people of my age aren’t supposed to have such feelings but I love him and he loves me. Yet he had doubts similar to mine and they almost ended it before it had begun. Once we were honest with each other, reassured each other, everything was perfect. So you see, dear, you aren’t alone. In fact, look at the houses on this street alone. Each one hides at least one person with anxieties about the end of the war. Concentrate on making Eynon happy and it will happen just like in your dreams, just like it did for Keith and me.’
Alice felt better for having spoken her fears aloud and when they returned to Keith and the two girls, apart from a voice that sounded as though it came through her nose, she had recovered. Audrey had made some soup with some oddments of vegetables and thickened with split peas which they ate with some freshly baked bread, followed by the luxury ‘afters’ of pancakes. Alice went home feeling better than she had for weeks. Although she still hadn’t admitted the other half of her fear, that she might not feel the same towards Eynon. Her recurring melancholic mood returned.
She tried to visualize him and when she couldn’t she panicked and took out the few photographs they had taken and stared at his face. She stared and stared – and saw a stranger.
Keith had said that the war news was hopeful, Italy would soon be free of German troops and once the Second Front opened and the Allied forces were back in France they would advance rapidly towards Berlin. ‘You mark my words, we’ll be in Berlin for Christmas,’ he had predicted, offering up a silent prayer.
* * *
Alice had a surprise visitor almost a week later. Audrey called on Friday morning before Alice left to start her afternoon shift at the factory.
‘A bit worried I was, dear. You were feeling a bit low on Sunday and I wanted to reassure myself you were all right. I couldn’t get away before today.’
‘Thank you, Auntie Audrey. I’m all right now. I get a bit miserable sometimes, like most of us, the weeks turn into months and years and still there’s no sign of an end to this war. I want Eynon home so we can start our life together. I don’t have much hope of him coming home before September and then we’ll have been married for two years. Two years. There’s nothing to show for it apart from letters, and it sometimes feels unreal, as though it never really happened.’
While Alice busied herself making tea, Audrey looked around the sparsely furnished room. The curtains were thin, and the tea towels and hand towels draped across the line close to the fireplace were worn ragged. Alice’s clothes were old and ill-fitting. She knew it wasn’t money or even rationing that had caused the rooms to be so poorly furnished and lacking in comfort. It was because Alice was saving all the best, all the wedding presents they had received, for when Eynon came home.
‘Have you heard about Davies’s shop selling damaged stock?’ she asked as Alice handed her a cup of tea. ‘Cassie Davies who has the drapers on Crown Street has been promised some damaged, off-ration linen. The sale is tomorrow – shall we go? You could do with a few replacements and I know you want to save the best for when Eynon is home.’
‘I’m working at two o’clock,’ Alice said doubtfully.
‘She opens at nine. I bet if we’re there at half eight we’ll get in first and find a few bargains. Is that too early for you after working till ten tonight? I desperately need some tea towels for the café and there might be a few other things.’
‘I’ll meet you there at half eight.’ Alice looked quite excited. ‘I wonder what she’ll have? I’d love to get a couple of cushions, this room doesn’t look like a home, does it?’
‘To me, it looks like a lady-in-waiting – for her husband to come back and her life to begin.’ Audrey sipped her tea. ‘Come on, dear, drink up and I’ll walk you to the factory gates.’
‘On the way we can stop at the shop and see what she’s advertising,’ Alice said as she gathered her coat and handbag.
* * *
Cassie Davies closed the shop that evening, cursing the continuing need for blackout. Even with the lighter evenings, the windows had to be covered in case she needed to come back for some reason, like the time she had a break-in and the police had to go inside. She shuddered at the memory, and leaned against the door to make sure it was firmly locked. After dropping the bank bag with the day’s takings into the night safe, she hurried home. It was Friday and Joseph would be home.
She had the accounts books under her arm. Just returned from the accountants, they showed a very healthy profit. Joseph would be pleased. Taking advantage of the many marriages in the town, with couples being given dockets to spend on their new homes, Cassie had made sure she had a good selection and offered prices that persuaded them to spend their money with her rather than go further afield. With her plans to open a second shop selling mostly damaged stock, and sub-standard oddments, tomorrow’s sale was a try-out, to see how the idea of imperfect items was received. Then there was the off-ration cotton knitting yarn. Nothing more than dishcloth yarn really but it would sell if she called it ‘fabric strands’ suitable for modern attire. It was much harder to knit, stiff and unwieldy, lacking the softness of wool, and sometimes, even with the most expert knitters, it resulted in shapeless garments, but after years of shortages, people were only too glad to give it a try. Pity about the peculiar colours, and the unreliable dyes.
Before finding herself something to eat, she sat and went through the details of the second shop. When Joseph came home at ten o’clock she would have all the facts to set before him. There was even a young woman ready to take over the running of the place. All it needed was Joseph’s signature on a few forms and they could open the shop in a couple of weeks, just in time to interest the day trippers and summer visitors that would soon fill the town, people with a few extra shillings to spare and an eagerness to take home a bargain.
This war had certainly brought her and Joseph wealth. With no sons or daughters to worry about, and only a cat to feed, theirs had been a moderately trouble-free war. Joseph had been too old to serve and they had no relations to give them concern. No friends either, she thought with a wave of disappointment. All their efforts had gone into building the business.
She did regret not having children, although, she thought with a sigh of relief, if they had had them they would have been at the age to be called into the Army with all the accompanying worries that would have brought. She had wanted children but Joseph kept on telling her there was plenty of time. Next year, or the year after that, they would make that important decision. Always, when she tried to discuss it, ‘today’ was not the right time; the business had to come first so they had a sound financial base, something to offer a child. And now she was sixty and it was too late. Loneliness was something she pretended to ignore. Instead she concentrated on plans for their retirement to that cottage they had dreamed of in one of the beautiful villages in the Vale of Glamorgan.
With Joseph away all through the week and even some weekends, on secret war work, she had filled her time over the past five and a half years working at ways of increasing their income. All day in the shop and most evenings she pored over books and considered offers and deals. It had paid off and this latest plan would increase their wealth even mo
re.
At ten o’clock she turned off the wireless and sat sewing, waiting to hear his key in the lock. She had looked through the fire-damaged stock she had bought ready for tomorrow’s sale and was considering the best way to display it. Most of the towels, tea towels and pillow cases had been folded and the damage was on the folds. One or two of the towels she had cut into four, removing the damage to make face flannels.
Several dozen tea towels had been burned along the top and bottom edge and she was cutting the singed strips and hemming them neatly. If she repaired a few to show the customers what could be done it might increase sales, not that she envisaged any difficulty selling what she had bought. People were so desperate to replenish the basics, they wouldn’t even examine them before handing over the money. Perhaps if she sewed some ribbon over the scorch marks across the folds of pillow cases she might sell those as well. Engrossed in her tasks, she was startled when eleven o’clock struck. Where was Joseph? Perhaps the trains had been delayed again.
She set aside her work and slowly her eyes closed. When she woke again, she was stiff, cold and her sewing had fallen to the floor. A glance at the clock told her it was 6 a.m. It looked as though she would have to manage the sale on her own. Joseph must have been unable to get away. It happened sometimes, more frequently over recent weeks. It was probably to do with this Second Front. Army vehicles and men were gradually crowding into the coastal areas, or so she’d been told: it must be imminent and needing his expertise. Although exactly what that expertise was, she had no idea.
The secrecy surrounding his work included wives and families. He didn’t discuss what he did. Careless talk costs lives, the posters warned them, and she was proud of his integrity, although at times like this she wished they had a telephone so he could at least warn her not to expect him. She gathered up the work, and put it ready to take to the shop, made herself a hot drink and tried to settle to sleep for the two hours she had left. Irritation that she was having to deal with the sale without help soon passed. It would be more to tell Joseph and she smiled as she imagined his delight at the way she was managing their business. The politicians were always reminding the women about doing their bit. Well, Joseph would have nothing to criticize when he finally came back to a business that had more than doubled in size since he had been called away to do important war work.
* * *
News of the sale of damaged stock had spread around the town and when Alice went to meet Audrey she had difficulty in finding her at first. Although they were early, a queue of hopefuls had already curled around the corner, up a side street and along the lane at the back of the premises. Inside the shop, Cassie was moving chairs and a couple of tables so she could control the people coming in and going out. At nine o’clock she took a deep breath and opened the door.
‘Only three people in the shop at a time,’ she ordered and obediently they patiently waited until the first three had been served before a second group entered. Audrey was about twenty behind the first trio.
When Alice eventually entered the shop, the queue of people was becoming less orderly. Three at a time meant a long wait before the queue moved, and once inside the shop, customers took their time examining all that was on offer. Cassie began to worry. If only Joseph were here to help he would have bustled this lot out ages ago.
‘Please hurry, ladies,’ she asked briskly. ‘Remember all those busy ladies waiting outside in the cold.’
There were a few who pushed in before their turn, others shouted that they had to get to work, those who were less tolerant complained that it was draughty on the corner and the less polite shouted for her to ‘Shift yer arse.’ Alice could see that the woman serving was getting in a state. Impulsively she said, ‘Mrs Davies, can I come round and help? Everything is marked and I can stay for a couple of hours if you like.’
Cassie looked at Alice, recognized her as one of the Castles, and in desperation agreed. ‘Thanks, I think they’ll invade the place and help themselves if I don’t serve them quicker than this.’ She briefly explained about the limit she put on individual purchases so everyone waiting had a chance of something, and Alice began to help her attend to the now thoroughly irritable crowd.
Between serving customers now moving more quickly through the shop, Cassie told Alice that her husband had been detained and hadn’t come home to help her. ‘Important war work, see,’ she said. ‘Some weekends he can’t get home. I know he’d be here if he could, but there you are, we all have to make sacrifices until the battle’s won.’ Alice said nothing, thinking how fortunate the woman was to have her husband home most weekends.
Audrey called back at one o’clock when the shop was closing for lunch and invited Alice to go to the café for a snack before going to work. ‘We’ve got some chips and a bit of spam and some bread and butter,’ she promised.
Alice gratefully agreed it would be better than going back to her cold room for a slice of bread and marmite. ‘I only have an hour, mind,’ she said doubtfully.
Audrey assured her there was plenty of time to eat and get back to the factory by two o’clock. ‘That was kind of you to help Cassie Davies like that. I could see she was in a bit of a state. Fancy not getting some extra help. Too mean to pay for an assistant she is. Skin a flea for a ha’penny she would. I bet she didn’t give you anything either.’
Alice smiled. ‘I was offered a few pillowcases that were so singed across the folds that they cracked when I tried to open them out. I thanked her and declined.’
‘Stingy old devil!’
‘But she did let me have six tea towels, Auntie Audrey, and I want you to have them. I can manage and when Eynon comes home and I unpack my wedding presents, I’ll have plenty. With the café you need them more than me.’
Audrey protested but Alice insisted and they found that apart from needing a wash the huckaback towels were perfect.
‘Oh well, she isn’t so bad after all,’ Audrey said. Alice didn’t tell her that Cassie had made her pay for them and her only thanks for helping that morning had been a promise to find Alice a couple of cushion covers when she next went to the warehouse.
Working the 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. shift meant a late night for Alice. Getting home after eight hours in the factory she couldn’t go straight to bed and sleep. She needed a few hours to unwind from the thumping and wailing of the machines and the chemical smells that clung to her skin and that even a wash and fresh clothes failed to disperse. She lit the electric fire that stood in the grate, made herself a snack and sat with the tray nearby and wrote to Eynon.
Writing regularly was easier than the occasional notes she wrote to Eynon’s cousin Johnny. The trivia of each day gave her a thread to follow and details in which he wouldn’t normally be interested filled the pages in her small writing. Telling him about how she ended up behind the counter of Cassie Davies’s shop became an amusing incident, and having lunch with his Auntie Audrey filled a page too.
She ate the toast and jam and drank the tea and dreamed of the day she would no longer have to fill her writing pad with unnecessary words, and instead could hold him and whisper all he needed to know.
She rose late the following morning to a bright day, with the rain clouds of the last few days driven from the sky and everywhere glistening in the spring sunshine. She had a few hours before starting work at two o’clock and once again, the beach beckoned. She would see Eynon’s parents. Perhaps they would have had a letter.
A sulky-looking girl was serving a trickle of customers with teas and coffees and, walking past her with a brief nod, Alice found Huw and Marged in the café kitchen.
‘Useless she is,’ Marged was saying in a harsh whisper. ‘Miserable face she got, worse than rain to drive the customers away that face is.’
‘We have to keep her until we get someone else,’ Huw muttered.
‘No use nor ornament our Mam would have said.’ She sighed. ‘If only our Lilly would help.’
‘Don’t go down that path, Marged. It’s a waste
of time. You know if she doesn’t want to do something, our Lilly’s face would be worse than a thunderstorm.’ Huw saw Alice then and smiled a welcome.
‘Where is everyone?’ Alice asked, going to the sink and beginning to wash dishes.
‘You can well ask. Young Stanley is still at the shop where he’s worked all winter, hanging on one more week he is, working out his notice. Maude and Myrtle are helping Auntie Audrey in her café, as you know. And girls like her –’ she pointed to where the assistant was laboriously wiping the counter – ‘worse than useless, she gets in the way of those of us who do work! More lazy than our Lilly would be – if that’s possible.’
‘I have a week off starting Friday. Holidays I saved in case Eynon managed some leave, but I have to take it, so I’ll come and give you a hand, shall I?’
Relief softened Marged’s rather severe expression and she hugged the girl. ‘Thanks, you’re a dear girl.’
‘The boys will soon be home now the invasion is about to begin.’
‘Hush!’ Huw warned. ‘Careless talk costs lives, remember!’
Alice clapped her hands over her mouth, leaving soapy suds on her face. Huw tilted his head on one side and teased, ‘No, our Alice, a beard wouldn’t suit you.’
Alice smiled as she wiped her face. ‘Our’ Alice. She loved being reminded that she belonged to the Castle family.
Marged and Huw had four children. Ronnie was married to Olive and they had a little girl. Ronnie had been invalided out of the Army and now ran a fruit and vegetable stall in the town’s market. Beth was married to Peter Gregory, the donkey man’s son, and she too worked in the market, running the small, busy café for shoppers and stall-holders. Or had done until her son had arrived.
Their daughter Lilly had produced a daughter while unmarried and had then married a man much older than herself after first becoming friends with the man’s soldier son. Lilly was a lazy girl and had never willingly worked in the family business on the sands, and now, knowing the difficulties Marged and Huw faced getting suitable staff, she insisted she was too busy looking after her daughter and husband.
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