What if I really did ‘do it’ with Jeena, she wondered. What would Skylaar think? Would she even care? Would I? Should I?
Motherthought clearly forbade this. The problem was, when she really examined the issue, it didn’t take much soul searching for her to find her own position. She didn’t give a spacer’s damn about the Sisterhood, or its ideas. She never had, and it commanded even less respect now that she had seen what the mighty Sisterhood really was.
It was Sarah. It was Angelique, and it was the Agency. It was everything that she had rejected. And as far as she was concerned, all of them could take what was considered ‘proper’ and shove it up their pipes.
Inflamed by this train of thought, she made up her mind. She would get Sarah right where she lived. She would make her think the worst and deal her a blow that she would really feel.
How far things would go beyond that remained unresolved. As much as she hated the woman, and what she stood for, actually crossing the moral line, and not just pretending to, was something that gave her pause. Inwardly, and where no one else would ever be able to know it, she wasn’t entirely certain what she would do if the opportunity actually arose. Jeena was undeniably attractive, but he was a male.
The whole thing was really damned confusing.
Blyavaald Famaalenplaatz, Vaalkenstaad Township, Zommerlaand, Sunna 3, Solara Elant, United Sisterhood of Suns, 1049.02|20|05:83:79
The exterior of Enggredsdaater’s farmhouse told Kaly the entire story. The roof was desperately in need of repair, and the front had become completely overgrown. She quickly spotted the cause for all of this neglect; the maintenance ‘bot, which normally took care of such details, was parked against the side of the house. Its service hatch was open and she spotted a large spider-web stretched across the port.
Clucking her tongue at the sight, she walked up to the door, noting the closed drapes across every window, and knocked tentatively. After a minute went by with no response, she tried again, more vigorously. There was no answer.
Then she went around the side, carefully stepping over the defunct ‘bot to peer through a window. The interior was dark, but she was still able to pick out the silhouette of someone sitting on the couch in the living area. Her outline and size identified her immediately.
Kaly rapped on the glass. “Berta! It’s me, Kaly! How about letting me in?”
For a few seconds, the woman remained where she was, but then she languidly turned towards the sound, and when Kaly kept it up, rose and went to the front door. The sound of it unlocking and opening brought Kaly back up to the stoop.
Enggredsdaater didn’t smile or say a single word to her. She just turned around and went back inside, leaving the door open behind her.
Taking this as the only invitation that she was likely to receive, Kaly entered, pausing to let her eyes adjust to the poor lighting. She also needed a moment to acclimatize herself to the sour smell that permeated the house. It seemed to be coming from the general direction of the kitchen, although there were plenty of potential sources right in front of her.
The room was filled with piles of unwashed plates and many of these had the desiccated remains of half-eaten food on them. The table that Bertasdaater had sat herself in front of was just as cluttered, but with a small army of empty beer bottles. There was also a military-issue energy pistol lying there, but unlike everything else in the room around it, it seemed well cared for. Kaly was unsurprised. Berta was still a Marine, even if she had left active duty.
After enduring a long moment of silence, Kaly propped Tatiana in a reasonably clear corner and took a chair for herself. Enggredsdaater didn’t object, or make any other comment. She didn’t even ask Kaly why she was there. Instead, she simply opened another beer for herself, and handed one to Kaly.
Looking around her as she took a sip, Kaly found it easy to see why Bel Anny had been concerned enough to write. Mentally, Berta was in even worse shape than she was, she realized. She didn’t ask her any questions though. Instead, she let the woman have her space, and shared the stillness with her. They would talk, later.
What remained of the afternoon went by, and when evening came around, Enggredsdaater rose quietly and shambled off to what Kaly presumed was her bed. Having received no invitation to do otherwise, she decided to make do with the now-vacant space on the couch, with nothing but the empty beer bottles for company. The pistol was gone though. Enggredsdaater had taken that with her.
A civilian might have been alarmed by this, or even by the simple presence of the weapon itself, but Kaly understood. Just before bedding down herself, she had brought Tatiana out from its corner and laid it down on the floor next to her. It was a habit that had crept its way into her life over the last few years, and had become increasingly important in recent months.
It didn’t matter that she was on Zommerlaand, hundreds of light years away from the nearest potential source of danger. She had learned the hard way, just as her friend had, that nowhere in the galaxy was truly safe. Having Tatiana near enough to grab at a moment’s notice lent her just enough reassurance to relax, and even sleep. But only for a while, and never deeply enough to miss something that might be coming for her.
Hunger supplied the courage that Kaly needed to venture into the kitchen the next morning. The source of the putrid smell proved to be some groceries that had gone bad on one of the counters. The rest of the space was just as filthy and neglected as she had expected it to be, and upon inspection, she discovered that the autochef was completely empty of soya matrix cartridges.
The only items that seemed well stocked were the alcohol, and several boxes of old Nutro bars. Neither of these were Kaly’s idea of a proper breakfast though, and after she had rummaged around a little longer (disturbing a nest of mice that had made their home in one of the cupboards), she decided to make an expedition into town. A search for the keys to Enggredsdaater’s hovertruck proved far shorter and much more fruitful than her hunt for food had been. Kaly found them on the counter, tucked in behind the rotted groceries.
An hour later, she had returned from shopping, and after refilling it with fresh cartridges, had actually managed to coerce the autochef into making two portions of chikka eggs and soya sausages. As she was dishing this out on a pair of well-scrubbed plates, Berta came into the kitchen, a beer already in hand. She stopped when she saw Kaly and blinked as if she had never encountered fresh food before.
“Breakfast,” Kaly informed her. She shoved a plate and spork at her friend and when Enggredsdaater made no move towards it, her tone became as firm as a DI from Hella’s World. “Eat it, Trooper.”
Berta hesitated, but Kaly wasn’t backing down. At 1.58 meters, she was hardly an imposing figure compared to Enggredsdaater’s 2.011, but her resolute expression leveled the playing field. Enggredsdaater finally capitulated, and began to eat.
Later, and after Kaly had consumed her own meal, she left Berta to her own devices in the living area, and went out to inspect the broken housebot, along with the rest of the farm. She quickly discovered that everything was in the same sorry state as the house, and the fields were so overgrown that they looked as if they had never been cultivated in the first place.
Part of the reason was that one of the agribots had a blown motivator, another a fatal leak in its hydraulic lines, and the third seemed to possess a short circuit in its electronic guts. The irrigation system was equally as neglected; an examination of the system’s diagnostic holo informed her that it had several broken pipes and an equal number of bad watering arrays.
This news didn’t depress her as much as she had thought it would however. Instead, as she located the tools that she needed from the barn, and started in on the broken ‘bots, she found the peace that she had been seeking for herself. For the first time in weeks, she was able to stop thinking about her past, her regrets, or even Lena. Focusing on the repairs proved to be a better medicine than all the drugs and therapy that her old Psych doctor had ever prescribed, and she threw herself into her tasks wit
h a will.
She put in three days of solid labor before Enggredsdaater finally wandered out of the farmhouse, and joined her. Kaly had been in the process of attempting to remove a rusted water nozzle on the irrigation system, and hadn’t been having much luck. The thing was stuck tight, and even the liberal application of some of her better Hriss curses didn’t seem to be helping. She was just about to rise and get a tool with a better grip, when she registered the woman’s presence, and nodded over her shoulder in greeting.
Naturally, Berta had her pistol on, just as Kaly had Tatiana propped up near her, but her hand was filled with one of her ubiquitous bottles. For a time, the Zommerlaandar just watched her work, and sipped at her drink. Then at last, she put the bottle down and walked over.
“Take a break,” Enggredsdaater offered. “I’ll give it a try. I zhink I can get zis bitch off.”
More than happy to do so, Kaly gave her room, and wiped the grease from her hands. “Sure thing, Berta. Thanks.”
It took a bit more effort, but Enggredsdaater finally won the battle and prised the thing loose. After that, installing the replacement was a simple affair, and Kaly was able to move on to her next task.
She fully expected her friend to leave her at every point in the process, but the woman remained, and they even talked a little. The conversation wasn’t about anything sensitive, just what they needed to say to get the work done, and nothing else. Neither of them wanted to reopen any wounds, old or fresh.
The only exception occurred late that afternoon, and it was Enggredsdaater who brought the subject up. They were resting under the shade of a tree before going out to tackle a clogged pump unit.
“Zo, Kaly,” she asked. “You left za RSE zen?”
Kaly frowned. “Yes.”
“Vhy? You get tired of za food?”
Kaly shook her head grimly. “No. Not the food.”
Enggredsdaater saw the shadows in her eyes, and didn’t press for the details. “Yah, I left too,” she said after a moment. “Vell—actually my legs left me, n’zen I left za Corps. Zey vent one vay, an I vent za other.”
She laughed at her own black humor and Kaly was forced to join in. The reality behind the joke was simply too horrible to react any other way. Then they went back to work.
***
Skylaar had left markings for them on the trees all along their route, which Jeena interpreted for Maya. To her, they looked like nothing more than random scratches in the bark, and they closely resembled the claw marks of the saa’lak beasts that she had seen on their trip. Jeena knew them for the code they actually were though, and shared their message.
Skylaar was well, and had assured them that the path ahead was safe. So far at least, the Nemesian hadn’t encountered any enemies. She had also advised them that she would be rendezvousing with them the next day.
Based on this information, they jointly agreed to travel as far as the next Nest, and end their day there. By doing so, they would meet Skylaar just in time to share the final camping spot together.
Hours later, when they finally reached their stopping point, they pooled their rations, and Jeena supplemented them with some of the local food that he had found. Maya still hadn’t gotten used to ‘pure’ Nemesian cuisine, and Jeena made certain to cook what he had gathered. He even managed to make it seem appetizing.
Once their meal was over, they found themselves with some time to spare before sleep, and spent it talking. Despite their travels together, this was the first time that they had had the luxury of simply relaxing and getting to know one another a little better.
“So, what’s it like?” Maya asked him.
“What is ‘what’ like?” Jeena returned.
“Being a man,” she said.
He smiled. There was a twinkle in his eyes. “Just like being a woman. I’m me. I’m here.”
“No, that’s not what I mean,” she said. “What’s it like to be a man in the Sisterhood?”
His expression became more serious. “It’s hard sometimes. I love the Sisterhood like the mother she is.”
Maya caught his slight hesitation. “But?”
“But my mother doesn’t love me. She loves her daughters instead. She would rather I had never been born.”
Maya sobered. Intellectually, she had imagined that his situation was like this, but hearing it, and seeing the pain behind his smile was something else again. He was an outcast, an outsider. Just like she was. Without thinking, she reached out and took his hand.
“I think I know what that’s like,” she offered. “I’m an orphan, and I grew up on Ashkele before I ever came to the Sisterhood. I never did fit in and I don’t think that I ever will.”
“Does that bother you?” he asked.
“Does it bother you?” she countered.
“It is what it is,” he answered. “We can’t help being what we are. Or where we came from.”
They shared a long moment of thoughtful silence before Maya pressed on. She was tired of keeping all of her questions about him bottled up inside of herself.
“Jeena, I heard that neomen only---you know, ‘do it’—with other neomen. Is that true?”
Taur K’aut’sha grinned. “Some do,” he answered, without elaborating.
Damn it, she thought. He knows where I’m going with this, and he wants me to draw myself out. The neoman, she had learned, had a very dry, evil sense of humor. He was actually a bit of a bitch, and a lot savvier than he seemed.
“Have you ever done it with another neoman?” she asked. “Or—a woman?”
“A woman?” he said, his grin growing even wider. Clearly, he wasn’t going to make this easy at all.
“Have you ever found any woman—you know—attractive?”
Jeena considered his answer carefully, looking all the more beautiful to her in the fading light, and suddenly, she wanted desperately to touch him.
Goddess, she thought. I want him. I really DO want him. This isn’t just a way of getting back at Sarah any longer! She almost got up to leave then and there, but she couldn’t move.
“A few,” he admitted, looking straight into her eyes.
“Have you ever—“ she hesitated. She couldn’t finish the question.
“Yes,” he answered. “Once. There was one woman.”
“What was it like?” she asked.
“It was good,” he replied. “Not like being with another man. It was just different.”
“What was she like?” Maya inquired.
Somehow, they had come to sit closer to one another, and Maya’s heart felt like it was about to pound its way right out of her chest.
Goddess, I’m really going through with this! she realized. The line that she had worried over, that Motherthought absolutely prohibited, was about to be crossed. Just like her initiation in N’Dayr Park when she had made her first kill, there would be no turning back once she took the final step.
“She was very much like you,” Jeena replied softly, raising a hand to her cheek. When he made contact, Maya felt an electric surge of excitement course through her body.
Fek it, she decided. She was just as damned if she carried through with the act as she was if she merely pretended to do so. There was really nothing for her to lose. And she wanted him. Now.
She leaned in close, and he met her halfway. What few doubts she still had vanished completely with their kiss. Then they parted and began to undress, saying nothing to one another.
Jeena was the first to bare himself. As she finished with her own blouse and shorts, he watched her, regarding her with his inscrutable, and slightly sardonic smile.
Except for the ‘vids she had watched, Maya had never seen a naked male before, and she took the sight of him in, trying to resolve what her eyes were telling her. Jeena was a dichotomy made flesh, and although she had expected as much, the reality still unnerved her.
From the waist up, he was as female as she was, and she even noted with a touch of annoyance that he was better endowed. She would have ki
lled for breasts as full and as perfect as his were.
Then she gave herself the permission to look lower, at the source of all the concern and consternation that surrounded his kind. Like the rest of him, pictures were one thing, but seeing his difference right in front of her was another experience altogether. The ancient ‘vid’s and the dry, clinical diagrams hadn’t quite done his organ justice, she decided, and she struggled to come up with an appropriate label for it. It looked, she finally decided—funny.
But certainly not ‘dangerous’ nor ‘primitive’ in any way. Just different. Tentatively, she reached out and touched his member with her finger. Just as quickly, she withdrew her hand with a loud gasp.
“I-It moved!” she exclaimed.
Jeena’s eyes sparkled impishly. “It does that when someone touches it,” he explained. “It will move a lot more, the more attention that it gets. It will even grow larger.”
Maya reddened as his meaning became abundantly clear, and then she giggled. “Oh really?”
“I would certainly not lie about something as important as that,” Jeena replied with mock seriousness. “But I’d rather not ask you to just take my word for it. I can prove it to you.”
Of that, Maya had little doubt, but she still made him substantiate this claim. And after a time, she even helped him.
When it was over, and they were lying together in exhausted satisfaction, she looked at him, playing with his long hair and considering the entire experience. As she had suspected, it had been very much like what she had felt when Felecia and other partners she had slept with, had used the strapaadi together.
But not exactly the same; this time the object of her pleasure had been an intimate part of another being, a living thing. It hadn’t been as spectacular as the artificial device, with its ability to broadcast pleasure straight to the brain, but she also hadn’t expected that.
Instead, it had been spectacular in its own unique way. Somehow, it had been simpler, and at the same time, more complex and exciting for the fact that her partner had been directly involved in the process. She would never abandon sex with women, but now, an entirely new avenue of pleasure had opened up for her, and she was definitely interested in where it might lead. Her decision to cross the dreaded moral line, had been a good one.
Sisterhood of Suns: Daughters of Eve Page 58