by S. M. Shade
Zoe hugs me. “Landon wanted to be here as well, but he thought showing up in his Teletubby suit might draw attention away from what’s important.”
Landon suffers from a disease that prevents him from going out in the sunlight without a protective suit that looks like it was stolen from the movie Outbreak. “What the hell is a Teletubby?” I ask, and everyone giggles.
It breaks some of the tension, and Dare speaks up. “We’ll follow you back to your place.” Part of me wants to resist, to tell them I need to be alone, but I know I shouldn’t. These guys have stepped up in a way I never expected and I have something I always wanted but never had. Brothers. I won’t push them away.
Leah quietly takes the keys from my hand and climbs into the driver’s seat, glancing back to make sure I’m following her. Fine. My mind is stuffed full of a hundred different things. Focusing on the road probably wouldn’t be a priority.
When everyone is parked in my driveway, I’m surprised to see Ayda, Zoe, and Sadie all carrying in food and drinks. By the time I get inside, my kitchen table is covered and Justus is pouring glasses of bourbon.
Leah pulls me aside. “If you want everyone gone, just say something. They want to be there for you, but if it’s too much…”
She’s so sweet, so thoughtful. I need to be far away from her. I can’t deal with how I feel about her after just seeing Kathi buried. It’s wrong.
“I’d like to hang out with the guys,” I mumble, and she nods.
“I understand.”
Within a few minutes, all the women are gathered on the front porch, eating and talking while Dare, Jeremy, and Justus sit around the living room with me. We don’t talk about Kathi or why I didn’t tell them I had a dying wife, we just hang out and bullshit like usual and it’s exactly what I need. To feel something normal. To remind myself that life will go on.
Jeremy’s phone rings, and Justus chuckles when he steps away to answer. “He can fight it all he wants. But he’s going to end up with that woman. They’re equally crazy. They belong together.”
“Frannie?” I ask.
“Yep. I tried to warn him redheads are crazy, but what do I know?” He shrugs.
Jeremy returns and Humper follows him in the room. Humper walks over, flops down at my feet, and starts to lick his balls. “Don’t mind us, buddy,” I scoff.
“I wish I could do that,” Jeremy jokes.
“You should at least pet him first, then see what he’s up for,” Justus replies, drawing laughter from all of us.
That’s pretty much how the next couple of hours pass and the weight of the day lifts from my chest a little.
The girls come back inside as the sun starts to set. Zoe and Ayda leave together since Ayda has a baby to get back to and Zoe wants to get home to Landon.
Leah pulls me aside to ask how I’m doing and volunteers to stay another night with me. Her innocent eyes gaze up at me and I hate what I have to say, but I have to say it. We walk out onto the porch and I tilt her chin up with my palm.
“I couldn’t have made it through the last few days without you. I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done, but I need you to leave now.” Instead of arguing or questioning me, she nods and bites her lip. I pull her into my arms. “I’ll miss you.”
“Me too,” she whispers. “If you need me.”
“I know.”
“Since you somehow found out where I live,” she giggles, stepping back and wiping her eyes. “You’re kinda stalkerish.”
Chuckling, I sweep her hair off her forehead. “You’re not unlisted. All I had to do was Google you. I’m glad you’re doing so well. You deserve good things.”
“So do you,” she replies.
When we return, Sadie is preparing to leave as well and there’s a good natured argument going on because Justus wants to stay and they rode together.
“I’ll take you home,” Leah tells Sadie. “I’m headed that way.”
“See? Problem solved,” Justus says. “Hakuna your tatas.”
Dare’s brow wrinkles. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Calm your tits,” Justus replies, rolling his eyes. “You have a kid and you’ve never seen The Lion King?”
“I’m pretty sure that line isn’t in there,” Leah chuckles.
“Whatever,” Justus replies. “We’re all crashing here. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses Sadie, and she gives his ass a quick squeeze.
Leah gives me one last smile and walks out with Sadie, leaving me alone with the guys.
“So,” Dare produces another bottle of liquor. “We getting shitfaced or what?”
* * * *
Telling Leah to go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I was sure it was the right decision…at the time. My head was so screwed up, my guilt and grief over Kathi would have ruined anything I tried to pursue with Leah.
While I still think it was the right decision to take some time alone, the last two months have changed nothing when it comes to how I feel about her. Ayda has kept me up on some of the things going on in her life, but I’ve had no contact since the funeral. Leah tried to call a few times, but I knew if I talked to her, I’d never let her go again.
I’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, but I still think about her constantly. Ayda has tried to convince me to call her or text, but every time I pick up the phone, I can’t think what to say.
The sun beats down on my back as I haul two Adirondack chairs into my truck to drop off at Keith’s furniture. A glance at my phone reveals they close in less than an hour, so I have to get going.
Mona is the only one working when I lug the two wooden chairs into the back storeroom. “Hey, Tucker. Got a couple more for me?”
“Yeah, and the two picnic tables are finished as well. You’ll have to send the box truck after them though.”
“I’ll get Dexter to go out there tomorrow to pick them up,” she assures me. A smile appears on her weathered face. “What happened to that girl you were seeing?”
Here we go. Mona seems to take it as a personal affront that I’m single. “I wasn’t seeing anyone. All the good ones are taken. Like you,” I tease.
She flaps her hand at me. “You know who I mean. The one you were babysitting.”
“My days of babysitting are over.”
“That’s a shame,” she says, writing me a check for this week’s products. “You need a good woman.” When I reach for the check, she holds onto it and her eyes stare into mine. It feels like I’m looking into years of wisdom while she says, “Happiness doesn’t come knocking on your door, you know. You have to hunt it down and make it yours.”
“I’ll remember that,” I tell her.
Her words replay in my head as I sit in my truck. The thought of going back to that empty farmhouse sounds like the most depressing prospect imaginable. There are days when I’m pissed at Leah for no good reason. Before she came, I was perfectly content to live alone, to pass the days with no other voices in my ear. Now, there’s a Leah shaped void everywhere I look.
I want to hear her singing in the kitchen while she cooks and hear her typing while I watch TV. I want to tell her about the new contracts I’ve gotten and hear about her books. I want to listen to her babble on about everything and nothing.
When I start my truck and pull out of the parking lot, it seems to have a mind of its own as it makes a left toward the highway, away from my house. Some of Leah’s impulsivity must have rubbed off on me because I’m going to find her.
During the ride, I almost change my mind a hundred times. This is stupid. I should call first. She may not even be home. It’s a Friday night, after all. But I can’t talk myself out of it. I need to see her, even if it’s just for a few minutes, although I have every intention of bringing her home with me, over my shoulder if I must.
It’s just started to get dark when I park across the street from Leah’s new place. Her porch light flicks on, and for a second, I think maybe she saw me pull up, though I’m
a couple of houses down from her. Some tool in a blue sedan parked in front of her house as I turned onto her street.
The light isn’t for me. A thin red headed guy gets out of the car and heads up to Leah’s door, a bunch of flowers in his hand. The front door opens and she steps out. Fuck, she’s beautiful. Her hair is shorter, barely brushing her shoulders and she’s wearing glasses. She never wore glasses.
It occurs to me how crazy this is. I’m assuming just because my life has been standing still, hers has as well. She’s moved on. I have no right to intrude and steal the happiness she’s found.
A sick feeling settles in my stomach when he leans and drops a kiss on her lips. The same lips I kissed. The same lips that were all over my chest the night we fucked. The sharp pain quickly turns to anger, aimed at the guy kissing the woman I love, and it’s everything I can do not to get out of the truck and rip him to shreds.
I should leave, but apparently I’m a glutton for punishment. I watch as he walks her to his car, and opens the passenger door. She’s all smiles as she gets inside. It’s her smile that makes the decision for me. I can’t do this to her. She’s happy.
After they pull away, I start my truck and head back to the highway. It never occurred to me she’d be seeing someone. I guess I assumed Ayda would mention that when I ask about her. I’ve never asked the question though, so maybe she knew I really didn’t want the answer.
* * * *
The little girl giggles when I end up moving my cardboard child to a chute and have to slide back to the beginning. I’m playing Chutes and Ladders with a five year old. If Dare or one of the other guys walked in on this, I’d never live it down.
I’m staying with a woman and her young daughter in one of the safe houses for a few days, helping out Striking Back. It’s a holiday week and they’re short handed. It’s an easy assignment since there’s minimal risk the estranged husband will locate them.
Alex Reed is supposed to be here this evening to relieve me because it’s the Fourth of July and I’m being dragged to a get together at Landon’s for fireworks tonight. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with them, the guys have made the last two months far more bearable and I feel like I fit in somewhere for the first time since I was in the service. No, the problem is a little blonde who still haunts my dreams.
I haven’t talked to Leah since the day of Kathi’s funeral. She called to check on me a few times, but I always let it go to voicemail, and she got the message. There was no point in dragging it out or leading her on to think we could be together someday when I know she’s better off without me. She’s young and enthusiastic with all these plans for her life. I’m ten years older and all I really want to do is stay home and build stuff.
Granted, building stuff has been way more lucrative than I ever imagined. I have three different furniture outlets buying from me now and I’ve even had to hire a guy to help me because I’m drowning in orders.
I could quit Striking Back since I don’t need the money, but they need the help. I may not have the skills to help out the guys at In Safe Hands like I used to, but I can help here. Regardless, the guys still make it clear they consider me a part of ISH. They know if they do need help with anything outside of a computer, I’m the guy to call.
A big part of me wanted to pass on tonight’s little party, but I just couldn’t. I can’t have her, but I couldn’t pass up a chance to see her. I’m a glutton for punishment.
There’s a knock on the door and I’m instantly on my feet. “Go sit with your mom,” I tell the little girl, and she scampers away.
My guard drops when I look through the peephole to see Parker and Alex Reed. “It’s just my replacement,” I assure them before stepping outside.
“Hey, I was only expecting one of you. Did something happen? Has her husband been spotted?”
Parker glances at his brother. “No, I’m staying to guard them. Alex is going with you.”
Confused, I turn to Alex. “I’m not supposed to be working tonight.”
“ISH needs us. Mason is already on his way. There’s been a shooting at the mall, they’ve got hostages.”
I’m still confused. This isn’t what SB or ISH do. “Okay.”
“It’s the women. Ayda, Sadie, Zoe, Frannie, and Dare’s sister. I can’t remember her name. They’re all inside.”
Icy fear seems to immobilize my body for a second. “Leah,” I gasp.
“Yeah, Leah. We don’t know if anyone is hurt. SWAT already has the place surrounded and locked down.”
I’m in my car before he can say another word and he barely gets his ass in the seat in time to go with me.
This can’t be happening. Not again. I won’t lose another woman I love to some psycho again.
Chapter Fourteen
Leah
“Girl, I don’t want to hear it. You are absolutely skinny,” Zoe says as we make our way across the mall parking lot. “You need a bikini, not a one piece. You could rock it.”
“Yep. No use in having it if you aren’t going to show it off,” Frannie agrees.
Ayda insisted we get all the girls together for a trip to the mall before the fireworks tonight. I was surprised when Frannie agreed to join us. She hasn’t been around as much lately. I think maybe there’s a new boyfriend in the picture.
“I’ll help you pick one out,” Zoe volunteers. “Frannie and I are looking at swimwear too.”
“Fine, but I want swimwear, not slutwear,” I giggle. The truth is I wouldn’t mind a suit that shows off my assets. No matter how hard I try not to think about him, Tucker is never far from my mind. I’m going to see him tonight and it wouldn’t hurt to show him what he’s missing.
I’ve missed him every day, but I haven’t made any effort to get in touch lately. He made it clear he needed some time, and I want to respect that. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up. If there’s one thing I’ve learned after a few months in the romance book world, it’s that anything is possible when it comes to love.
“Let’s hit Gina’s first,” Zoe says. “I want some new earrings.”
Hesitating, I look at Zoe. “Do they do body piercing?”
Ayda grins and all eyes are on me. “Yeah, what do you have in mind?”
“Oh! Get a clit piercing! They’re amazing,” Frannie pipes up, making two old ladies give us a dirty look as we walk inside the glass doors.
Cool air sweeps over me drying the sweat on my skin. “No way. Nobody is touching my vagina. I was thinking about a belly button ring.”
Sadie turns to Frannie. “You have your clit pierced?”
“Yep.” Frannie gives a little shimmy. “Maybe I’ll get a second one so they’ll jingle.”
“Yeah, what’s Jeremy think about it?” Ayda asks.
Frannie shrugs. “He likes it.” She chews her lip. “He called me this morning. Said he wants to talk tonight.”
So much for my suspicion she was seeing someone new.
“Uh-oh,” Zoe says. “About what?”
Frannie flips her hair out of her eyes. “I don’t know. He sounded all nervous and weird. Babbled about being done with sluts and games or something like that.”
“You’ll be the next ones married,” I tease, and she shoves me playfully.
“Bite your tongue! That’s you and Tucker.”
“You realize I haven’t seen him in two months, right?” I didn’t intend on telling anyone what happened between me and Tucker, but Ayda wasn’t blind to how heartbroken I was when I stayed with them after he told me about his wife.
“It’ll happen,” Frannie says confidently. “Ohh! Look at these!” She points out a set of navel rings when we approach the counter. “You should definitely get one!”
Ayda pulls Sadie toward the door. “You guys do the piercing thing. We’re going to go to the department store. We need some dancewear.”
“We’ll meet you in the swimwear department!” I call out.
My attention returns to the rings and a few minutes later, I’m ly
ing on a table squeezing Frannie’s hand while an older guy stabs me. Okay, he doesn’t stab me, but it kind of feels like it. It’s over quick and it’s not too painful once it’s finished. I pick out a couple of different rings to wear after it heals. I can’t help but wonder what Tucker will think when he sees it tonight. I definitely need a two piece swimsuit to show it off.
Zoe chooses a new set of earrings and the three of us head out the door.
The sound of shattering glass stops us in our place. ‘What the hell?” Zoe says, looking around. Before I can reply, the air is torn by an explosion. It takes a moment for me to realize it wasn’t an explosion, but a gunshot. Screams echo from one of the stores on our right and suddenly we see him. Across the mall is a person wearing what looks like black body armor, pointing an assault rifle in our direction. I feel my heart leap in my chest and everything takes on a slow eerie quality.
I turn to Zoe and grab her arm but it feels like we’re moving through syrup. We’re surrounded by instant chaos, people screaming and running, hitting the ground, trying to shield their children. There’s an exit near the elevators, and I manage to clear my head enough to grab Frannie’s hand and start running toward it, still grasping Zoe’s arm.
They must see where I’m headed so they don’t hesitate to follow my lead, but the shooter sees us as well. He sprays bullets across the food court as we run through, dodging chairs and tables. A huge part of me wants to stop, to crawl under a table like many of the other customers have done, but I’ve seen this show too many times on too many news broadcasts.
There are shots coming from an upper level as well as from the opposite side of the mall. Three shooters at least. These guys obviously just want to kill. If we hide, they’ll just pick us off one by one. We have to get out of here.
We’re so close to the exit when I see two things that suck all the hope right out of me. A security guard is dead, the top half of his head gone, his body leaned against the glass doors. The glass doors that are chained shut. We’re trapped.