Maybe she hadn’t. Maybe this had just been a pure case of sex for sex’s sake. Something a guy would do. Something he had done himself upon occasion.
But he doubted that. Alex wasn’t the type. She had made love to please him. No matter how wild and wooly their experience had been, she was just trying to make him feel better because he had lost Nana and Brandon.
She stirred ever so slightly in her sleep. He brushed the top of her head with his lips and settled more comfortably into the depths of the mattress.
As his eyes drifted shut, something gnawed at his heart. Jack didn’t want Alex to sleep with him just to please him. It was unlikely that she could ever love him, given her past experience with his family, but for once in his life, he wished she had loved him first, not his kid brother.
* * * *
She’d made a big mistake. Alex knew it when she popped open an eye and realized she was lying alone, naked, in the midst of the king-size bed. A crumpled sheet was tucked under her chin. The spot next to her was cool.
Jack had been there in bed with her. The slight indention on the pillow told her so. And she smelled the telltale aroma of sex.
It covered her body as thoroughly as the flowered cotton sheet. It permeated her skin, forcing her to shut her eyes against the memory of last night. Jack’s tenderness, those overwhelming climaxes—all were so fresh in her mind that her stomach clenched.
But now he was gone. Last night had been much too good to be true.
Swallowing hard, Alex opened both eyes. The bedside clock read seven. Daylight danced through the window. They had not even bothered to pull the shades. For hours, they had slept and made love and slept again. Forgetting to eat, forgetting everything but each other.
Made love?
Right!
It had been about sex, pure and simple. Hot, mind-blowing, heartbreaking. But sex just the same.
She had known it going in.
Regret sent her heart tail-spinning out of control. What had making love with Jack gotten her? Going against all reason, she had done this to herself. Opened her heart to a man who wanted none of it. Yesterday had been wonderful. A fairy tale. But like a fairy tale, it had been gossamer and make-believe.
Simon leaped upon the bed and stalked across the sheets toward her, ducking his orange head under her hand, begging for an ear rub. Alex scratched his soft ears and stroked his furry cheek. All the while, she reluctantly confronted the awful truth.
Her independent lifestyle was gone. She had killed it as surely as she’d tried to avoid losing it. In giving her body to Jack, she had also given him her soul.
Simon received enough attention and scampered away, dropping down to the floor with a thud. Alex tossed off the sheet and threw her legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. Fighting back the pain in her heart, she remained still for a minute, breathing deeply.
There was no point in loving Jack, because he didn’t love her. No matter how wonderful their lovemaking, all he wanted was to make up for his brother’s lack of responsibility. He wanted to protect the precious family honor by taking care of the illegitimate child fathered by the younger Breckinridge.
She took a deep breath. No sense beating herself up about it. The day was wasting. She wasn’t the kind to stew about things. Long ago she’d learned that action was preferable to suffering.
Alex stood up and stripped the bed, dropping the comforter onto the floor and wadding the sheets into a heap beside it. Before Evelyn saw these, she would launder the sheets herself, removing the evidence of “lovemaking.”
In the bathroom, Alex showered, determined to scrub off the physical reminder of Jack. She replaced his scent with a generic floral body wash. Letting the hot water cascade over her head and down her body, she shut her mind to what had taken place in that shower the night before. She also washed him from her heart, knowing full well that it would cost her too much to continue exposing her feelings so blatantly for Jack to see.
After she toweled off, Alex dressed herself in her customary faded jeans and long-sleeve shirt, buttoning all the buttons up to the collar in a vain attempt to protect herself from the flare of desire she experienced with Jack’s gaze upon her naked body.
It didn’t work. She entered the large country kitchen, boots on and work gloves in her hip pocket, ready for the day, and immediately felt his stare.
Her mother stood at the sink, scrubbing a pan. Jack sat at the kitchen table, morning newspaper in hand, a spoon of Cheerios rising to his lips. He was dressed in a gray business suit, ready for work. Alex quickly averted her eyes. Hell would freeze over first before she would willingly look at him again. Apparently, Jack didn’t share her feelings.
“Good morning.” He smiled, his lips curving wide across his face.
“Good morning,” she parroted.
He lowered the newspaper, lifting his head to take in all of her. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“I see you’re ready to help Ross.” He sounded polite.
“After I eat.” If he was determined to make small talk, then he would have to drag the responses out of her. The less she said to him the better.
Alex crossed to the counter, aware of Jack’s burning gaze upon her back. She opened a few cabinet doors in search of a coffee mug.
“Upper right,” Evelyn said.
“Thanks.” She found a heavy stoneware mug, and poured it halfway to the brim with coffee. Because the cream pitcher was on the table, she carried the mug across the room, her legs felt as wobbly as a newborn foal’s, and sank down in a chair next to Jack. She poured a generous dollop of cream into her cup.
“Real coffee connoisseurs drink it black.”
Alex lifted her gaze at his comment and noted the gleam of mischief in his eyes. “Well then, I guess I’m just not a connoisseur,” she said.
She sipped her coffee slowly. She’d prefer to gulp it down in one swig just to finish in a hurry, but that would give Jack the satisfaction of seeing her run. And she’d be damned if she’d do that.
Alex watched Jack over the rim of her mug as he finished his cereal. A lock of his dark hair had fallen over his forehead. Her fingers twitched involuntarily towards him, itching to brush it back. Thank goodness he had his head buried in the newspaper or he’d have seen her reaching towards him.
The room was too quiet with only the whir from the refrigerator and her mother’s soft humming breaking the silence.
It was all Jack could do to hold back his emotions. Every fiber of his body ached for Alex. He longed to reach across the table and caress her velvety cheeks, sweep the curl from her eyes, and kiss those petal soft lips that could be so hot and demanding.
Memories of last night’s lovemaking surged through him. She had been so responsive—eager to please and ready to be pleased. But that was last night.
Disappointment pounded hard against his chest. He had kept his promise until she’d asked him to break it. Alex’s reasoning had been purely practical. They were young, healthy sexual creatures with an abnormal amount of attraction for each other. Why not make love?
Because the aftermath of unanswered love was just too damn hard.
Now Jack girded himself against more hurt. If she offered, he would take Alex up on the lovemaking again. He wasn’t good at self-sacrifice. But he wouldn’t expose his true feelings to her, because he didn’t want to hear her tell him she was grateful for his help.
Jack stood. “I must be going.”
“Leave your dishes, Jack, dear,” Evelyn said. “I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
“Thank you, Evelyn. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
Alex’s mother flushed with pleasure. He glanced at Alex, who gave him a grateful smile.
It was all Jack could do from grabbing her hard and dragging her toward him. His limbs, his joints, his heart ached for her, but his head told him no.
Let her make the next move.
“I won’t be home for dinner tonight,” h
e said, his tone sharpening and becoming business-like. “There’s a dinner meeting after work.” It was easier to stay away from her, wasn’t it? “I hope you don’t mind?”
She had risen from the table. “No, I don’t mind.”
Jack lifted his key ring from the hook beside the door leading to the mud room. How often had he seen his grandfather do the same thing?
Sorrow for what had been and for what could never be swept over him. He stiffened his shoulders. Although things had changed between them, nothing had. Their marriage had everything to do with Tyler and nothing more. He couldn’t change that fact.
Before leaving, Jack turned back for a final glimpse of Alex. The sight of her and her mother in the kitchen filled him with an odd feeling of happiness. For the first time in recent memory, he looked forward to returning home at the end of the day. “Have a good day,” he said.
“Thank you.” She got up and came over to the door. “Same to you.”
His heart buckled. He gripped the car keys extra hard. He glanced at Evelyn to make sure she wasn’t listening. “You know, we almost sound as if this is a real marriage.”
Her eyes grew guarded. “After last night, it almost is.”
Jack nodded, offered a thin smile, and walked through the mud room and out the door. Firmly closing the outside door, he fought a gritty tumult of emotions. The operative word was almost.
Chapter Thirteen
Days passed. They were much too polite, much too formal and detached, avoiding each other as much as possible. Alex didn’t want to do anything about it. It was easier that way.
Not interacting with him allowed her to nurse her self-reproach. Why had she asked him? She’d known better. Known it wouldn’t work. Alex deliberately held herself apart from Jack as if nothing had ever happened between them.
Perversely, of course, she hated the sham of her life. Part of her longed for a real marriage—the kind she’d always dreamed of, while the rest of her was satisfied with things just the way they were.
They could be good together. Alex knew it, deep down inside. But Jack was motivated by his love of the land and heritage of Breckinridge Station, and by his need to protect his family from Brandon’s mistake. She was just a means to an end.
After seeing Jack off to work in Louisville and Tyler off to school one morning, Alex headed to the barn. Her ringing cell phone drew her up short. She stopped near the paddock and put it to her ear. “Hello?”
“Hey, kid, what’s up?”
Johnny. “I’m just on my way to the barn to check on the mares,” she told him.
“Kinda like the fancy new life, huh?”
“Sure, what’s not to like?” Johnny was trawling for something. He hated phones as much as he hated computers, spending little time with either. She might as well take the bait. “What’s up with you?”
“I need your help.”
Alex’s blood ran cold. “What kind of help?”
“I need you to come back to work,” he put it bluntly.
“You know I can’t do that. Jack doesn’t want me exercising horses.”
She heard him take a deliberate breath as if exasperated. “I don’t need you full time. Just one horse. Jack’s two-year-old.”
“Greco?”
“He’s a handful, you know.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Alex felt a growing sense of uneasiness.
“Seems like the colt has taken a shine to you. He’s thrown off all the exercise riders I’ve put up on him. You know just how to get the best out of the horse without making him mad.”
“I’m sorry, Johnny. I’ve promised Jack,” she said with a sigh. There was nothing she would like better than to ride Greco again.
“He damn well may not have a Derby horse if you don’t come back.” Johnny’s voice raised an octave. “I’m not kidding, Alex. I haven’t had a good workout from this colt since you’ve been gone.”
Was Johnny being a little over dramatic? She had only been gone a few weeks.
Alex suppressed another sigh. It was nice to feel needed, but she hesitated to do what Johnny asked. She had Tyler to think about.
If she did decide to ride Greco, she’d have to keep it from Jack. Sneak out after he left for work and come back before he got home. Alex didn’t like the thought of that. Their so-called marriage was on shaky enough ground.
“I’ll have to think about it,” she told Johnny, stalling. “I’ll let you know.”
“Don’t wait too long. I’m desperate here, kid.”
Just like that, Johnny hung up. He never said goodbye.
Alex put the cell back in its carrying case on her belt and stood silently chewing on her lower lip. The two-year-old colt was the key to the farm’s future. She didn’t want to lie to Jack, but she couldn’t think of any other way if she wanted to ride Greco and prepare him for racing.
Now Jack needed her help even if he didn’t know it.
* * * *
Horses were running again at Keeneland in Lexington, Kentucky. The Bluegrass Stakes was a week away. The Kentucky Derby only three weeks. Jack had read the personnel file in front of him on his desk for the umpteenth time with the same results. He still didn’t know what the black type on the white paper said.
Why had he even come to work? His mind wasn’t in it.
All he could think about was Alex.
Sitting behind his imposing cherry desk, coffee cup near his hand, he might as well have been miles away. Back at Breckinridge Station.
Jack lifted his mug and sipped the tepid coffee. He didn’t care that it wasn’t hot. The bitter taste of the lukewarm liquid reminded him of the way his life had been going lately. Badly.
Silence between two people was a hard obstacle to overcome.
Jack rubbed his hand across his chin. He should have kept his promise. Why had Alex asked him to break it? He wasn’t strong enough not to take her up on her offer.
Jack girded himself against more hurt.
Rising, he pushed back his chair and walked to the window. Staring out at the crowded parking lot, Jack remembered the day they’d shaken hands on their business deal in Johnny’s cramped Trackside office.
He wanted his relationship with Alex to be more than sex. Was that all she wanted? There was more to Alex than he originally thought. He’d learned about her fierce love for Tyler, her loyalty to Marsden, and her unflagging energy when it came to the breeding operation Ross ran for him. Although she didn’t use the word “love,” she’d made love to him because he was grieving.
Jack mentally smacked himself on the forehead. What a blind fool! Alex did care about him and she’d been trying to show him.
He turned, suddenly making up his mind. He flipped the manila folder closed on his desk and snatched up his cell phone and keys. Damn the bank’s personnel issue. He’d deal with it tomorrow.
Jack strode to his office door and flung it open. “Gloria!”
“Jack, darling,” she gushed, blocking his exit with her tall curvy body.
He stepped back. “What are you doing here?”
“Is that any way to say hello? I’ll have you know my feelings are hurt. I thought you’d be glad to see me.”
Her smile was more of a pout and didn’t quite touch her eyes. Jack stepped aside and Gloria swept into his office, a trail of Par Amour fragrance following her. His mother had bought her two ounces of it for him to give her at Christmas, if he remembered correctly.
She turned toward him, his cherry desk a backdrop to her elegant white linen tank dress that flared from under her bust to right above her knees. He had to admit she was a fine-looking woman with her long legs and coal black hair. But she wasn’t pretty on the inside. Dating her had been a concession to his mother, as much of what he did in his life was done to placate her.
“I can’t understand why you married that exercise girl, Jack. I thought we had a good thing going between us.” Tears blurred her eyes. “You’ve hurt me badly.”
Jack swallow
ed, impatient, his left hand fisting at his side. Tension throbbed behind his right eye. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Gloria.”
“You didn’t think about my feelings at all,” she charged. A lone tear slipped down her perfectly made up face. “In fact, your announcement has made me the laughing stock of the whole city.”
“Come off it,” Jack said. “The whole city doesn’t know you exist.”
Her bosom heaved. “You know what I mean. The gossip among our circle is vicious.”
“I can’t help that.” He frowned, longing to end this pointless debate.
Gloria inched nearer, smiling, her tears forgotten. “We were so good together, Jack darling. I thought you loved me.”
“I never told you I loved you, Gloria, and if you got that impression, I’m sorry.”
She tapped the toe of her pointed high heel shoe. “At least tell me why you married that little nobody. You owe me that much.”
“I don’t owe you anything. But if it is any of your damn business, I married Alex because I love her.”
“Oh, come on. I’ll admit she’d got a pretty good figure for someone who’s had a kid, but love her? Please.”
“I’ve loved her since we were kids.” He said it again, aloud and in front of a witness, and it felt so good.
Gloria’s gaze searched his, measuring him and, he guessed, her diminishing chances. “Your mother is beside herself. She wanted you to make a better marriage.”
Jack shrugged. “I know. There’s not much I can do about it. This is my life.”
“Your little bride may have a hard time, you know.”
Anger flared as fast as a horse breaking from the gate. Jack closed the space between them. “If I find out you are interfering in my life or Alex’s, you will regret it,” he said, looking with contempt at her haughty face. “More to the point, if you attempt to sabotage Alex’s place in ‘our circle,’ I’ll make sure your party invitations dry up as quick as your compassion for anyone but yourself.”
“How dare you threaten me? All I ever wanted was to be with you.”
Kentucky Woman Page 10