by Eve Langlais
A pensive mien overtook her features. “I don’t know. At the time I did it because caring for them was my task. Did I like it?” Her frown intensified. “We never thought of it in those terms.”
“What about your free time? What did you do for fun and relaxation?”
“In between prayers, I took care of myself.”
“Surely you did more than that. What did you do for you that you enjoyed?”
She didn’t answer.
His chest tightened. “Did you ever have fun?”
Her shoulders rolled. “Frivolity leads to sin.”
“What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?” he exclaimed. “Seriously, Curls, you can’t tell me you really believed you had to follow all that crap. I mean, what’s the point of living if you can’t be happy? I swear, hearing about Heaven makes me glad I earned a spot in Hell. It sounds horrible.”
“It’s not that…” She stopped talking and looked him dead in the eyes when she said, “It was all I ever knew.”
“And now?”
She rolled her shoulders. “Now, I’m questioning everything.”
He would help her with those questions and show her it wasn’t the end of the world. But she might need some fortification. “Want a drink?”
“Yes.”
He poured them both two fingers in a glass. She downed hers and choked.
“Your water burns,” she gasped.
“It’s whiskey. It’s supposed to burn. Guess I should have asked.” He wasn’t used to someone who’d never drank. In his lifetime, pouring one was second nature.
“It feels hot.” She put her hand to her chest.
“Yup.” He poured them both another. “It’ll spread, and you’ll relax.”
“Relax? I would like that.” She downed the glass again, barely wincing this time. He poured a third shot, but she held on to it as she leaned back on his couch. She sighed. “I love couches. In the nursery we only had hard chairs and, in our rooms, a stone slab for a bed.”
“Doesn’t sound too heavenly. I thought you guys were supposed to have the best of the best.”
“We are equal. Or so I thought. Those not in the nursery have different things than us. The Archnannies have larger rooms and more than a single gown.” Her voice rose. “And I’ve heard say they don’t have to scrub the halls or tend the paths outside.”
“You can say it, Curls. It’s not fair.”
She struggled but managed to repeat, “It’s not fair. We are supposed to all be the same.”
“That kind of thinking is communism, Curls. Doesn’t usually work as a system in the long term.”
“It would if they let everyone have the same things.”
“But some people like to have more than others.”
“It’s greedy.”
“It’s human.”
The word saw her clamping her lips shut, angry at the reminder of her partial humanity.
“What are you feeling right now?” he prodded.
“I am…” She paused. “I am wanting you to stop talking.”
“Because I’m pissing you off.”
“You are annoying.”
“Only because I’m right.”
Her turn to make a noise. “You are taking pleasure in trying to turn me against Heaven. But my faith is solid. My Father, who is watching over me from Heaven, is probably testing me.”
“You’d be wrong. But hey, you’re allowed to make mistakes. Also a human thing.” He couldn’t help but dig.
For a second, her nostrils flared, and he expected her to explode. But she calmed and with a serene smile said, “Your home is much like Bambi’s.”
He snorted. “I highly doubt my apartment and hers are anywhere close to the same.”
“You both have a big home. A couch. Table. Chair. A kitchen place.” She swept a hand.
“Ah, you mean we both have stuff. So could you. On Earth, and even in Hell, anyone can own shit, but in most cases, you gotta work for it. In my case, to fill this place with useless crap, I have a job with Grim Dating. Get a job and you could own a bunch of useless shit too.”
“A television is not useless.”
He arched a brow. “Already addicted, eh?”
“It is the best thing I’ve ever encountered. Especially when accompanied by popcorn.”
“With butter I hope.”
“The slippery kind.”
His mind fell in the gutter, and he recovered with, “You’ve experienced a lot in the three days since you arrived.”
She nodded. “It’s been very enlightening.”
“In what respect?”
“Earth and humanity are much more complex and evolved than I’d been led to believe.”
“Have you never spoken to a human soul?”
“I’ve never met one. Keep in mind, I worked inside the nursery. I saw only other nannies, guards, and the cherubs.”
“Sounds like prison.”
“We don’t have prisons, as we don’t commit crimes.”
“So how do they punish those who break the rules?” he asked, curious. Because surely it happened.
“Transgressions can result in supplementary chores and prayers or time in solitary contemplation.”
“Ouch. That sucks.”
“It’s all I ever knew. What is Hell like? We’re told fire and brimstone and agony.”
“Well, it is. For some. But most people have only committed minor sins, meaning their lives in Hell aren’t being tortured day in and out. In Hell, only the truly depraved souls suffer hard. Everyone else just kind of ekes out an existence.”
“Murdering. Torturing. Stealing.”
He snorted. “Well, yeah, it is Hell after all. But because there is free choice, there are those who work. We are allowed to laugh and even love.”
“So some sinners do repent and live righteously after their descent.”
That made him laugh. “Oh, Hell no. On the contrary, being in the rings means a slackening of the morals that kept them in check while alive.”
“It must be absolute chaos and anarchy then.”
“Not exactly because we have some rules. Basic ones. For example, if you’re going to steal, you can only steal from someone more fortunate than yourself.”
“Thieves can only steal from the rich?”
“Only the richer.”
“How does that act as a determent?”
“Because as a thief advances through their career, their fortune will grow, and their choice in targets will narrow and become better protected. They will become a possible target themselves. Not to mention, Hell allows for retaliation. Attack me and I can attack you. It’s a type of check and balance system.” Look at him with his fancy jargon. He’d been reading up on the laws of Hell, a reminder that when he’d lived, before he’d turned to dirty tricks, he was going to be a lawyer.
“Stealing isn’t allowed in Heaven,” was Helen’s observation.
“You’re telling me it never happens? How can you be sure? Did you have anything to steal?”
Her mouth worked before she shook her head, her thick curls bouncing.
“In other words, you don’t really know. What about murder? And before you say no, remember how I found you in that alley.” A minute later and he’d have been too late.
“I haven’t forgotten.” Her head ducked.
“Speaking of which, has there been any attempt to kill you since then?”
“No! But Bambi did tell me to lie low and not go out without her. Although I am not sure how lying down is supposed to help.”
“It’s an expression meaning stay out of sight, and you did the opposite of that coming to my office.”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to hide. Not when I still need answers.”
“What questions do you have left?”
Once more, she hesitated before answering. “It’s not one you can answer.”
“Try me.”
“If it is true angels make babies with humans, then how did the stor
ks miss Lector?”
“I imagine the fact his father never knew about him played a part.”
She couldn’t help a dubious, “Maybe he just looks like a cherub.”
“We both know that kid is half angel. I think the more important question is, have angels been stealing babies this entire time?”
“It’s not stealing. They’re angels.”
“They’re also half human, and they’re being taken from their mothers.”
Her mouth rounded. “Humans are emotional beings who care for their progeny.”
“And taking a child away is devastating because humans love their children. Why do you think Samantha never tried too hard to find Theodore and tell him about his kid?”
“She wanted to make sure the storks wouldn’t come for him.” She glanced at her hands in her lap for a moment before saying softly, “The more I discover, the more I question if I want to return.”
“The fact you’re asking might help with that reply,” was his contribution.
“Heaven is where angels belong.”
“Is it? What about your human half? Ever wonder if your mother would have given you a better life?”
She blinked. “I hadn’t until now. Thanks.” Said so grumpily he knew it was sarcastic.
“It never occurred to you, did it?”
“The concept of motherhood is one I only learned of today. Give me a moment to process it.”
“Would you rather I shut up?”
“No.” Her lips quirked. “However, if I’m going to have my entire belief system shattered, then I could do with some of that food you promised.”
She looked so hopeful he laughed. It was as they worked in the kitchen—him getting out some leftovers for heating and her exploring everything—that they ended up toe to toe, face to face.
She paused. “Sorry. I am in your way.”
“Don’t be. You’re curious.” She’d been peeking in his cupboards, avid interest in everything, even texture as she ran her fingertips over items.
“I’ve only seen Bambi’s condo, and yours is different.”
“You mean smaller, I imagine.” He grinned. “Easier to keep clean.”
“I like your place better.”
“Because my décor isn’t about look but comfort. Just like my food is about filling that craving for carbs. Prepare to be wowed.” He fed her leftover lemon chicken, dipped in sauce. They shared a box of reheated fried rice. She gnawed on riblets and groaned. Licked her fingers.
It enthralled him to the point she noticed his gaze and said, “Why do you stare at me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.” The words spilled, and he could have dropped in shock.
“Everyone is beautiful,” she said, staring at him. Her chair was close enough it wouldn’t take much to lean in.
“It’s not everyone I want to kiss.”
“Kiss.” Her glance went to his lips. “It’s forbidden. Especially between our kind.”
“I know.” And that only made it hotter.
She cocked her head. “If I kiss you, I will never make it back to Heaven.”
He couldn’t help a cocky grin. “Don’t be so sure of that.” He winked.
She sucked in a breath and then decided for them. She pressed her mouth to his.
That was it. She held it there as his eyes crinkled. She stared at him then mumbled, “Am I doing it wrong?”
“Try moving your mouth like this.” He then proceeded to kiss her, showed her how to slide sensually. To nibble. Taste. He kissed her until she got the hang of it and kissed him right back.
She clung to him, and it seemed only natural for her to end up in his lap, squirming against his erection. Not that she understood what her actions did to him.
She wore pants, but that didn’t stop him from skimming his hand up her thigh and cupping her. She uttered a sound, and her hips jerked.
He kept kissing her and turned her so she straddled him, better able to control the hard pressure and grind he placed against her, gauging his effects by her gasps and how far her head fell back. She let herself roll against him, the friction enough to make her tighten and cry out.
He held her trembling body, wanting to do more, giving her a chance to recover.
She sounded amazed as she said, “What was that?”
“Your first orgasm.” Hell yeah, he swelled with pride.
“That was…” She couldn’t speak, but she did squirm. His turn to groan.
“Am I hurting you?” she asked.
“Yes, but in a good way.” He drew her in for another kiss and was ready for round two when they were interrupted by the devil.
14
The Dark Lord really didn’t have time to be going to the mortal plane to save a stupid reaper who’d broken a cardinal rule. However, Julio and Helen still had a role to play, so despite the loss of half of his eighth ring overnight, and a riot in the sixth as it got overrun by the encroaching refugees from seven and what remained of eight, he made the time to help a minion in need.
And was the fucker grateful?
“Get the fuck out!” Julio bellowed, while the angel squeaked and buried her face against his chest.
“Are you sure you want me to do that? Because you’re about to have company. Angels to be exact. Here to arrest Helen. Hi, Helen,” Lucifer added just to hear her squeak again.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Julio gently set her aside and stood, a bristling alpha male.
Lucifer had a preference for tough people as reapers. They better handled the sobbing when they encountered a reluctant soul.
“You were ratted out, and now they’re coming for the girl.” No need to mention the fact he’d called in the tip himself. He needed to create a sense of urgency.
“We won’t answer,” Julio growled.
“As if they won’t break in.” The devil couldn’t help but play his own advocate. “Did I mention they have permission to use force to apprehend the disgraced Helen? Rumor is they’d prefer she not return alive.”
“How many?” Julio shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. We should go.”
“Go where?” Helen asked.
That was Lucifer’s cue. “If you go anywhere on Earth, they’ll just follow. Chase poor Helen here until, during a struggle as she resists capture, she is ‘accidentally’ killed, her spirit sent to the great beyond.” Lucifer flung a hand, and sparkles erupted for effect. No one admired his excellent theatrics. Nope. Julio and Helen only had eyes for themselves.
Selfish fuckers.
Julio’s cloak wrapped around Helen protectively. “Let’s go somewhere.”
“You still haven’t said where,” she reminded.
“I’d get going if I were you, before they have the place completely shut down.” Lucifer waited.
Julio tried to do his thing. “Why can’t I open a portal?”
“Because they’re jamming your signal.” Lucifer shrugged. “Guess you waited too long.”
“Fucking great. Now what are we supposed to do? Jump out the window?” Julio snapped.
“I can fly us to safety,” Helen offered.
“I doubt you’ll get far. They have someone stationed on the roof.” Lucifer couldn’t stand the anticipation as they slowly came to the realization they were fucked.
“Then we’ll use the emergency stairs,” Julio suggested.
“Too late. Tick. Tock. Time is almost up.” Lucifer held up a massive pocket watch on a chain of tiny skulls.
Julio’s jaw clenched as he muttered, “Could you help us rather than taunt?”
“Help? I’m the devil. I don’t just do things for nothing.”
“How about if I owe you a favor?” Julio offered.
“Now you’re talking. But I want a favor from her, too.” Lucifer pointed.
“I won’t—” The cloak slapped over her mouth as Julio answered for her, “Helen agrees.”
Lucifer heaved a long sigh. “A Dark Lord’s work is never done. Lucky for you, thwarting H
eaven is my jam. Here’s what we need to do.” He told them his brilliant plan. They both said no.
A knock came at the door. along with a bellowed, “By order of Charlie, Elyon’s only true and recognized son, open this door and hand over the rebel known as Helen.”
The next time Lucifer posed his question, “Who wants to get married?” they both said, “I do.”
15
Married. A concept Helen had only ever read about. Because angels didn’t do that. They didn’t marry or have friendships. Angels didn’t do so many things.
Angels most certainly never let the devil convince them to let him preside over a ceremony that bound her to Julio, making him her husband. As his wife, she became a de facto citizen of Hell.
She’d have laughed if she could have overcome her shock.
“Congratulations, you may kiss the bride,” the devil said with a wink.
Julio might have been gruff when he said, “I do,” but his kiss was soft.
The pounding on the door was hard.
“Good luck, newlyweds,” the devil interrupted. “Gotta go. Can’t be seen on Earth meddling.”
Lucifer left as the door was kicked open and angels spilled in, led by one she recognized. The male angel who’d started this fiasco.
The angel pointed with his sword. “Surrender.”
Julio shifted until Helen was shielded by his body, the edge of his cloak whispering over her. “She’s not going anywhere with you, asshole.”
“Stand aside, reaper. This is Heaven’s business. We have a warrant for her arrest.”
Julio shook his head. “Guess again. You and your band of feathery sycophants have no authority over a denizen of Hell.”
“She’s not been judged fallen. Not yet,” the angel snapped. “Until she is, move aside, or I will—”
“What, fathead? What do you think you’ll do, exactly?” Julio’s cloak had turned into a tumultuous, roiling storm of shadow. He loomed, giving the impression of massive size.
The angel sneered. “You would defy Heaven’s emissary?” The guy lifted his hand and curled his fingers. “Cut the reaper down and take the woman.”
“Touch my wife and you’ll die.” Julio uttered the statement as a solemn promise.