by Eve Langlais
“Put that down. It’s dangerous,” he barked.
Lucinda hugged it to her chest and said, “Pretty.”
“Hand it over.” He held out his hand.
“Mine.” The girls clutched it tighter.
“It’s not a toy. Give it to me.” He reached for it, only to see the child stick it in her mouth.
Julio, having had many siblings who ate things they shouldn’t, yelled, “Spit that out!”
With a glare of defiance inherited from her grandFather, Lucinda swallowed. Burped. Then grinned. “Yummy, yummy in my tummy.” By the time she finished the rhyme, the mist had evaporated, leaving a bleached, featureless land.
A second later, a rip appeared, and from it stepped Muriel, recognizable given all the news channels in Hell carried stories about her. She wore tight leather pants, a cropped top, and an angry expression.
She was quickly followed by Lucifer, then a fallen angel with the darkest look, a vampire who managed to appear even darker, a shapeshifter, a merman, and some woman with green hair. Muriel’s harem.
They converged on Lucinda with Muriel exclaiming, “How did you get here, young lady?”
Lucinda beamed. “I was flying.”
“This isn’t the first ring where you’re allowed to practice.” Muriel wagged a finger.
“Oops.” The child giggled.
“You could have gotten hurt!”
Julio felt like he should point out, “Your daughter swallowed the weird rock that appeared to be causing the mist.”
Muriel glared at her kid. “What have I said about eating magical objects?”
Lucinda shrugged. “Tastes good.”
“That’s it, no dessert for a week,” Muriel declared.
To which the child stamped her foot and said, “I want ice cream.”
Did anyone else notice the crack zigzagging from the impact of her foot? Just him?
Lucifer sidled close. “Good job, Julio. I knew you could figure it out.”
“No, you didn’t.” Even he caught that lie. Never mind the fact their escape was accidental. If Lucinda hadn’t arrived, he had to wonder how long they would have wandered aimlessly before the egg ate Helen and, over time, maybe him, too.
Lucifer glanced around. “I don’t suppose you found my missing eighth and ninth rings?”
“Does it look like I found part of your kingdom?” Julio snapped.
A barren gray landscape met their gaze. The only color in the distance being of the sliver of what was left of the eighth ring and the sight of falling ash. A glance overhead showed none drifting but the same even gray.
“I don’t feel good.” Lucinda held her tummy and moaned.
“I’ve got you, littlest lamb.”
When the fuck had Bambi arrived? She held out a leather purse just as the child heaved and slammed it shut when done.
Julio eyed the purse. Was the egg inside? Did it matter? Everyone was safe.
Including his wife.
He swirled his cloak around her. “If we’re done here, I’d like to find a place with a comfortable bed.”
“And a toilet,” Helen muttered.
Lucifer waved a hand. “Go.”
“Where? Have you granted Helen asylum? Have you made her safe from the angels?”
“Don’t worry. Everything will be just fine.” For once, the devil’s words didn’t hold a lie.
Julio made the mistake of believing him.
22
There was relief in stepping into Julio’s apartment on Earth. Helen might not have spent much time in it and yet the moment she saw the familiar setting, she felt herself relax.
“The door is fixed,” she observed.
“Yup. But who cares when we can have a shower free of brimstone?”
“Just a shower?” She arched a brow.
It didn’t take much coaxing to get her naked. Soon his soapy hands ran all over her body.
The moment he rinsed her clean, he was on his knees worshiping her, tonguing her sex, making her come against his mouth. Then making her cry out again as he pushed into her. The thickness of him stretching. Filling. Claiming.
Loving.
She celebrated each moment. Basked in happiness as Julio spent the next several days practically glued to her side and had her in every way imaginable. Bed. Shower. Counter. Couch. Window. Floor.
Even if she’d not been officially declared fallen, she sinned enough to be damned for eternity and she couldn’t wait if it included Julio.
Eventually, though, they had to let the real world interfere. Julio had been handling his work via phone and computer, until it wasn’t enough anymore.
“You have to go to work,” she declared as he rubbed his face, having just hung up the phone.
“I’m not leaving you alone,” he stated.
“Lucifer said things were fine.”
“Since when do you believe anything the Dark Lord says?”
She pursed her lips. “Are you saying he lied?”
“I’m saying he has his own agenda that doesn’t take into account other people.”
“What should we do then?” Because, while new at this whole relationship thing, she knew they couldn’t be together every second of every day. More than a few doctors on the internet said so when she did her research.
“Come with me to the office.”
“To do what?”
“How about if we found you a job?”
“Then I could buy things.” Her expression brightened, and after showing him how happy that made her, doing things with his man parts using her mouth that had him shouting, soon they were on their way to the Grim Dating offices.
Entering the building by his side, clutching his hand, she couldn’t help but notice the stares turning their way. Hearing the whispers.
“Why are they watching us?” she asked softly.
Julio grimaced. “Because I always swore I’d never get married.”
“I’m sorry.”
He glanced at her, startled. “Don’t be. You should know by now I don’t regret it.”
She smiled. “It is nicer than I would have expected.”
“Only nice?”
She leaned close enough for only him to hear. “There is nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”
He apparently didn’t care they had an audience as he swung her into his arms for a kiss. It lasted until someone yelled, “Get a room and don’t forget to videotape it.”
Julio growled, and she smiled. Grabbing his hand, she squeezed it before pulling him to the elevator. This time, she didn’t have the same turmoil clutching her as they entered the office on the top floor. She’d learned so much since her first visit. Now she knew the truth. Knew what living could really be. Understood love. Definitely enjoyed the lust part.
She spent the next few hours inside the big office, the door open so she could see Julio at work while she took a course on the internet to learn how to be a nanny on Earth. The rules were different than she was used to. Apparently, holding a child and showing it affection helped it to grow. She could see the benefit.
Eventually, the latest client with a problem left and Julio came in with a sigh. “I swear, they don’t read the fine print. We don’t offer a guarantee. Sometimes a woman just has to accept a guy doesn’t want to sleep with her on the first date.”
“They don’t like each other?”
“More like the client is determined to respect her and she just wants him to seduce her.”
“Seduction is good.” She leaned forward, bored with her studying and ready for more fun.
“Not yet. If I don’t get us lunch first, my next appointment will arrive and then we’ll both be hungry.”
“I know what I’d rather eat.”
Julio kissed her. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back with lunch, and if we’re quick, we’ll see how small that bathroom is.”
Once Julio left, she paced, not realizing until that moment how much she relied on his presence. But this was good
. She needed to do things on her own.
When the door opened, she expected to see him, only it wasn’t Julio who walked in but Theodore.
And his grin was anything but angelic.
23
Julio returned to find Helen gone. The only sign she’d not left willingly was the feathers scattered on the floor.
“Lucifer!” he bellowed, not caring if he had any disrespect in his tone.
The Dark Lord appeared in a hazmat suit, holding a baby dressed in pink, exuding the most awful smell. “I’m kind of busy. Is it important?”
Ignoring the putrid stench, Julio snapped, “Helen was kidnapped!”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“By whom?”
“Who do you think?” The devil laid the baby on the desk and pulled forth some tongs to peel back her sleeper.
Julio pulled his shirt over his mouth and still it was as if he could taste it. “The angels got her? But I thought you said she was safe.”
“Fake news. I said everything would be fine.”
“How is it fine? They took her.”
“Yup.” The devil pulled free the shittiest diaper. It dripped as he yanked, the drops of liquid poop burning into the floor. Lucifer opened a rip into another dimension to drop it in.
“What are you going to do to get her back?” Julio asked, impatience burning, but knowing better than to blast the Dark Lord with his temper.
“Me? There’s nothing I can do. She’s in Heaven now.”
Out of reach. Only Julio wouldn’t give up. “So send the legion after her.”
“And start a war? Over an angel? Don’t be silly.” The devil whipped out a sponge and swabbed the baby clean, drawing sweet giggles.
“It’s not silly. She’s my wife.”
“Not anymore.” The devil waved his hand in the air, and a sheet of paper tumbled from it. “My office just received the annulment.”
“She loves me!” Julio’s frustration boiled over.
“I doubt she’ll remember that for long. Now that they’ve got their hands on Helen, my guess is they’ll reprogram her. Teach her to follow the cult rules again.”
Julio shook his head. “You’re talking crazy. Helen knows Heaven is a scam. She doesn’t want to be there.”
“I hate to break it to you, but she will forget everything she experienced out here. Even you.”
No. Julio refused to believe it. He could never forget the angel that showed him he still had a heart.
But as the days turned into weeks with no word from her, he began to despair. Then he got angry, which, along with too many bottles of whiskey, led to his ill-advised plan.
24
Helen stared at the cherub in the crib. Sitting on his own, he stared right back. He had dark hair and a grin that, for some reason, reminded her of…
Julio smiling before he tossed an apple at her. She missed, and he showed her how to make it into a pie.
Pie was forbidden.
The memory slipped away, and she turned from the child, once more wondering why she’d been feeling out of sorts since her release from solitary.
Punished ninety days for leaving her room after curfew. Not that she remembered why she’d decided to go for a walk. She didn’t even remember walking. One minute, she stood in the hall outside her door, full of fear at getting caught, and the next, she was on her knees, praying to her Father—who is a liar—in heaven.
Stray rebellious thoughts like that kept hitting her at random. Just like she kept seeing a face when she dreamed. Not just seeing the handsome face but kissing it. Indulging in fornication and waking achy between her legs. Missing someone she’d never met.
She must have a sickness. Never mind illness was rare. Something obviously ailed her because look at her stomach. Distended and hard to the touch.
Because I’m pregnant.
The shocking concept stole her breath. Angels didn’t carry babies in their bodies. Animals did. Humans, too.
I’m half human.
The voice in her head wouldn’t shut up, but Helen did her best to ignore it as she made her way from the nursery to the rooftop. Michelina already stood sentry, and Helen found it an effort to ignore her dislike of the other angel. What happened to feeling ambivalent?
“Surprised to see you back in the nursery,” was Michelina snooty remark as they waited for a stork delivery.
“I did my penance and now serve our Father.” Who hadn’t been seen in a long time. Neither had his son. So who was running things?
“You should try exercising. You’re getting fat,” Michelina observed. Again, not something that happened usually. Most angels remained about the same size and weight, given their perfectly balanced meals and exercise.
Boring, disgusting gruel not fit for anyone.
“I think something is wrong with me.” Helen cupped her belly.
Michelina tossed her head. “You’d better not be contagious.”
Rather than reply, Helen pointed to the sky. “The stork is coming.” And it appeared to struggle. Dipping and swerving, its wrapped bundle larger than usual and wiggling.
“What is wrong with that cherub?” Michelina exclaimed.
The baby continued to struggle and yell. The stork let out a caw of annoyance and dropped the baby. The oversized cherub landed in Helen’s arms.
He stared at her. Then smiled. “Angel.”
“Yes, I am.” This was a first, an older child who could already talk.
“Helen.” He said her name and patted her cheeks.
She had a flash of a place that wasn’t Heaven. Not even close.
Of a woman—
Samantha
—-and a conversation about where cherubs came from.
As Helen gazed on the boy, she whispered, “Lector.”
And remembered.
Everything.
Something must have warned Michelina, for she began to back away, her eyes wide. “Since you’ve got the cherub, I need to go.”
“You!” Helen pointed, the child snug on her hip. “You tried to have me killed.”
“I did not.”
“I remember. You fornicated with Theodore.” Helen grimaced, not because sex was gross but because she recalled all the ugly details of what happened.
Michelina lifted her chin. “You’re obviously deranged. As if I’d break the rules.”
At the obvious lie, Helen snorted. “Whatever. I know the truth now. And so should you. This is Theodore’s son.”
“You mean the Lord’s child.”
“Nope.” Helen popped the P. “God doesn’t make babies. Sex does.”
“Blasphemy!” Michelina exclaimed.
“It’s true. Male angels are sent to Earth to impregnate human females. The babies born with wings are then stolen and brought to Heaven by the storks.” She gazed at Lector. “It’s my fault you’re here. I accidentally told Theodore about you.”
“That is not his child. Liar. Liar.” Michelina ran for the stairs, calling for the Archnanny, who would likely try and lock Helen up again for more memory washing.
Not happening. Never again.
Hitching Lector higher on her hip, Helen muttered, “What do you say I bring you back to your mommy?”
It felt good to take flight, soaring above the squat building and higher still over the walls enclosing the nursery. With all the secrets Heaven kept, no wonder they kept the nursery apart from other angels. Or was it just Helen who’d been blind to the truth for too long? Given how many times she was sent to solitary, she had to wonder if she’d stumbled across the truth before and had it taken from her.
As she soared, Lector clinging tight with chubby fingers, she noticed a winged shape rising from the spreading city, arrowing toward her.
She refused to be locked away again. Not to mention, she had a stolen child to return. But where could she go? Who would help her stand against Heaven’s army of angels?
Julio would. But he wasn’t here.
A lone tower in the distan
ce had her changing course, aiming for it and barely making it to the empty rooftop with no access inside. Oddly enough, the tower had no windows. No doors. It felt dull and solid. It also provided no succor.
Now what? From the corner of her eye, she caught a glint. A turn of her head showed the famed pearly gates, but before she could take flight, the soldiers of Heaven arrived, led by Theodore and flanked by four more warrior angels. Swords drawn. Expressions unkind. They landed on the tower.
She clutched Lector tight, and he whimpered against her. “Leave us alone.”
“Hand over the child.” Theodore clicked his fingers.
“He belongs with his mother.”
“What are you talking about?” Theodore bluffed. “Our Father, who is fertile in Heaven, made this new brother.”
Helen stamped her foot. “Stop the lies! Isn’t it time everyone in Heaven knew the truth?”
“What truth? That you’re one of the few dumb ones who believed everything she was told?” Theodore sneered.
“I was brainwashed.”
“And you will be again,” Theodore promised.
“You’re evil.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to pray.” She crouched down and put her hand on the tower and whispered, “Our Father, who is imprisoned, if you’re listening and have any love for me at all, help me escape. Me and this innocent child.”
Then she rose suddenly and, with Lector clutched against her, ran for the edge. She knew she wouldn’t make it without a miracle, but she had to try. To do nothing was to become a blind follower again.
She’d rather die.
Wings flapping, she aimed for the gates, her height dipping when she realized an ominous figure stood outside of them, dressed in a cloak that swirled around him like a mighty shadow. His stave planted on the white marble outside.
Julio didn’t come alone. He had Kourtney in her deep blue robes by his side. They knocked at Heaven’s door, the sound booming and drawing eyes.
It gave Helen the diversion she needed to pull ahead of Theodore, but when she would have flown over the gates, a force repelled her and she had no choice but to land. Ignobly she might add. Lector squawked.