by Susan Stoker
He palmed her head and, fisting her short hair, tipped her head back and kissed her. Hard. Without worrying if he was pleasuring her. He took what he wanted.
But she was obviously pleased. He felt one of her legs hike up around his hip. He reached down with his free hand and held her leg up, keeping her open to him. He bent his knees a fraction until his cock was nestled between her legs. He pulled back from the kiss but didn’t drop her leg. They stood there for thirty seconds, breathing hard and staring at each other.
Squirrel was a heartbeat away from shoving up her flimsy skirt and fucking her right there on her porch. Her fresh, flowery scent was heavy in his nostrils and he knew he’d never forget it. He’d buy whatever shower gel she used in bulk so she’d always smell that way and he could always remember this moment.
Taking a deep breath, Squirrel forced himself to let go of her leg, managing not to groan as it brushed against his thigh when she slowly brought it back to the ground.
“I haven’t had any sexual thoughts for so long, I thought I was frigid,” Blythe told him. “But you give me hope.”
“I’m going to give you more than that,” Squirrel told her with a growl. “And you’re not frigid. Not even close.”
She giggled. Squirrel wanted to roll his eyes at how adorable she was, but he didn’t want to look away from her for one second. “You have a choice,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You can turn around and invite me inside and I can show you exactly what I can do with my tongue. I guarantee you’ll forget about that damn chess club guy in two seconds flat.”
“Or?” she asked when he didn’t say anything else.
“Or, you can turn around, lock your door, and let me take you out on a date like we planned.”
“Can’t we do both?” she asked, blinking innocently.
“Fuck,” Squirrel said, tightening his grip on her body. Then he forced himself to relax and said seriously, “You got all dressed up. You look amazing. As much as I can’t believe I’m saying this, I want to take you out. Besides, I have a surprise for you.”
At his words, the sexual heat in her eyes dimmed and she looked excited. “A surprise? I love surprises, and I never get them. Well…good ones, that is.”
“This is a good one,” he reassured her. “At least, I hope you’ll think so. I want you. I don’t think that’s any surprise.”
She shook her head.
“But I want to continue to get to know you too. We’ve talked a lot on the phone. We know a lot about each other. But I want you to trust me. To know down to the marrow of your bones that I’ve got your back.”
Blythe bit her lip. “I don’t like to talk about how I ended up on the streets. I’m embarrassed about it all.”
He knew she’d understand what he was getting at. “I know, baby. But I need to know, so I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“You can’t guarantee that,” she said sadly. “Sometimes things just happen.”
“I can make sure of it,” he countered. “If I know what happened.”
Blythe sighed. “I made bad choices.”
It was his turn to put his finger over her lips. “Let me take you out. Show you off. Make all the other men we run into jealous as fuck that you’re with me. Let them wonder why a beautiful woman like you would be with a nerd like me. We’ll talk. I’ll reassure you. Then I’ll give you your surprise. Then, if you still want, I’ll come back here with you.”
She licked her lips and the second her tongue touched his finger, his cock jerked with renewed lust.
“You have no idea how hard it was for me not to come into your room when I was staying over here with you. I wanted to gather you in my arms and tell you that everything would be all right.”
“Is that all you wanted to do?” Blythe asked coyly.
“Fuck no. I wanted to kiss every inch of your body, if only to erase every mark those assholes put on you.” He pulled her into his arms in a full-body hug. They were touching from thighs to chest. “There’s no rush, baby. I would wait my entire life for a chance to be with you.”
Without a word, Blythe pulled out of his arms and turned to the door. For a second, Squirrel’s stomach clenched in disappointment that she’d turned away from him, but when she simply locked the door then came right back into his arms, he smiled. She’d made her decision, and he’d made his.
He’d make sure she knew she wasn’t frigid if it was the last thing he did. And he’d start by helping her forget about Ronald what’s-his-name by making her come at least five times when they did get together. No way some pansy-ass chess club president was making his girl come more times than he could.
Chapter Nine
Blythe stared across the table at Sawyer. She’d shocked herself tonight. She hadn’t meant to tell him everything she had on the porch, but when he’d looked a bit unsure about himself, she couldn’t stand for him to think for even a second she wasn’t attracted to him.
Sure, he wasn’t as “in your face” alpha as the others were, but from talking to him for months and getting to know him in person over the last few weeks, it was more than obvious to her that he was as masculine as his fellow firefighters.
He wouldn’t take no for an answer when it had to do with her wellbeing. There was the time her groceries had gotten low, but she kept telling him she was fine and didn’t need anything. He took it upon himself to shop for her and had brought over literally twenty bags filled with food.
Then there was the time the detective had wanted to meet with her, and she’d asked Sophie if she could drive her to the police station. Apparently, she’d told Chief, who in turn had told Squirrel about the meeting. He’d shown up at the house to take her to the appointment and refused to sit in the waiting room while she spoke with Detective Nelson about the investigation. He’d been by her side when the detective had admitted they’d had no luck so far, tracking down Dog or Tweek.
She remembered the evening she and Sawyer were texting and she’d admitted that she wasn’t having a good night. She’d been thinking too much about what had happened, about her nights on the street, and about her mom, and knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. He’d called her and refused to hang up. They’d talked for four hours, until she’d practically fallen asleep with the phone in her hand. The last thing she remembered was his husky voice telling her to sleep well.
Yeah, he might look like a chess club president, but his outer body didn’t match his pit bull, alpha interior. But she liked the way he looked. Blythe could admit that she’d be intimidated to date someone like his friends. She liked all of them, but she’d constantly be comparing her own average looks to his if he was the stereotypical “tall, dark, and handsome.”
Their kisses had been intense on her porch, but their discussion was even more so. She hadn’t exaggerated; she hadn’t thought about sex for many years. But recently she couldn’t think of anything else. At least when she was around Sawyer.
“How’s your lasagna?” Sawyer asked her, bringing her out of her head.
“Excellent. How’s yours?”
“The chicken is amazing. Want a bite?” he asked.
Blythe nodded, and he speared a piece of chicken and held it out for her. Leaning forward, she didn’t take her eyes from Sawyer’s. It seemed intimate, him feeding her, but she liked the feeling. A lot.
Apparently, he did too, as she saw his pupils dilate as he watched her chew.
“Good?” he asked in a low, husky voice.
Blythe swallowed. She’d hardly tasted it. How could she with the way he was looking at her? “Yeah.”
Somehow, she made it through the rest of the dinner. They’d shared a piece of cheesecake for dessert and had been making small talk when Blythe blurted, “My mom died.”
The smile that had been on Sawyer’s face disappeared and he got up from the other side of the intimate booth and came around to hers. She automatically scooted over, giving him room, and he sat next to her. One of his arms
rested on the seatback behind her, and he placed his other hand on her thigh. “I’m so sorry, Blythe.”
“She’d been sick for a while. Cancer. At first, it looked like she was going to beat it. She went through chemo and was doing better. But then it came back. I worked at Caterpillar on one of the assembly lines, but the factory was on the other side of the city from where I lived with Mom. I had arranged to work a lot of half days, but by the time I got Mom back home from her treatments, it was too late to manage even that. I ultimately missed work too many times and was fired. Then I sold my car to try to pay for the drugs Mom needed. Eventually, we simply ran out of money. By then, my mom was dying. I spent her last days telling her how much I loved her and not to worry about me. She knew I was broke, and she worried so much.”
Blythe took a deep breath. This next part was harder. “She died on a Tuesday, and my landlord told me if I didn’t have the three months’ rent I owed him by Friday afternoon, he was kicking me out.”
“Jesus,” Sawyer breathed. “What a dick.”
“I can’t totally blame him,” Blythe countered. “I’d been trying to pay him the back-rent in installments, but it wasn’t enough. I could tell he was getting more and more irritated with the money situation. I mean, he had to make a living too; letting me stay rent-free just because my mom was sick wasn’t exactly a good business decision. He did let me stay until Mom…” Her voice trailed off and she struggled to get herself under control. “Anyway, I sold as much as I could around the apartment to pay for Mom to be cremated. I came home on Friday after getting her ashes and my key didn’t work in the lock.”
She felt Sawyer’s feather-light touch on her thigh. His thumb moved back and forth, telling her without words that he was there. It helped. A lot.
Blythe finished her sob story. “I had about forty bucks in my purse. No car. No clothes other than what I was wearing. My landlord put all my stuff on the curb and it had already been picked through by the neighbors. I couldn’t afford to put what was left in storage, so I had to leave it all there. I knew I’d have better luck downtown than out in the suburbs. I mean, it’s not like there were shelters on every street corner where I lived. I took a cab downtown and was lucky in that the first homeless shelter I went to, I got in. I wasn’t always that lucky though. If you don’t get there right when they open in the afternoon, it’s likely the beds will be gone. I was given some clothes and my backpack from one of the ladies at that first shelter, and that was that. I was officially homeless.”
“How long?” Sawyer asked quietly.
“About a year,” Blythe told him, not wanting to think about how long she’d been on the streets. “At first I tried hard to get help. But between bad luck and having to cancel the few interviews I’d managed to set up, I was demoralized. I got depressed about everything and stopped trying…and that’s on me. But the thing is, even if I hadn’t lost my job and car in the first place, I wouldn’t have been able to pay the medical bills. Mom literally owed over a hundred thousand dollars. I still can’t pay that, obviously.” She looked up at him. “Even if I get a job now, I’ll still have to pay it, won’t I?”
“I don’t know,” Sawyer told her immediately. “I’m sorry. But I bet we could talk to Beth and she could research it for us.”
Blythe smiled. Us. She liked that. “I’ll talk to her,” she told him.
“What’d you do with your mom’s ashes?” Sawyer asked.
She liked that he remembered that part of the story. “There’s a green space on the west side of downtown called Milam Park. Do you know it?”
“Yeah, baby, I know it. That’s near the abandoned building you lived in for a while, right?”
“Yes. I know it’s probably illegal, but I took her there. Over several weeks, I spread her ashes in the park. I think she would’ve loved it.”
“I know she would’ve.”
“And…this may sound stupid, but I figured if I spread her ashes there, I could visit her from time to time. It’s not the same as having a headstone in a cemetery, but it was the best I could do.”
Sawyer leaned forward and brushed his lips against her temple before saying, “You did good, Blythe. What else?”
She looked up at him in confusion. “What else, what?”
Now he looked confused. “You said you were embarrassed about what happened that led you to being homeless. I’m wondering what else happened to get you there.”
She shrugged. “I guess that’s it.”
Now Sawyer looked angry. “Blythe, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Sawyer, I lost my job. My car. My landlord locked me out of my apartment because I hadn’t paid rent in months. He promised that he’d work with me after I told him about my mom, but the measly payments I’d managed to throw his way didn’t cut it. I guess I should be happy he waited until after Mom died before evicting me. I wandered around on the streets for months. I still have no money, nothing I own is something I’ve bought for myself. Even what I’m wearing right now, someone else had to purchase for me. I’m just as pathetic now as I was then, except now I’m not sleeping under trash bins or in shelters.”
Now he really looked pissed. “Stop it,” he ordered. “You aren’t pathetic, not even close. You did everything you could for your mom. You ensured she died in a familiar place, with you by her side. You’re selfless and loving, and I know she was so thankful that you were there for her. You lost everything not because you were selfish or a bitch. You lost it all because you were exactly the opposite.”
Blythe swallowed hard but didn’t look away from him as he continued.
“What if Sophie was in your same situation? Or Adeline? Or Beth? Would you think they were pathetic? Would you offer them food, clothes, a place to stay?” He paused as if waiting for her response.
“You know I would,” Blythe said softly.
“And would you think they were pathetic if they’d ended up homeless through no fault of their own?”
She shook her head this time.
“Right. So why in the world would you think that of yourself? Blythe, you’re amazing. Your time on the streets could’ve hardened you. You could’ve turned to drugs, robbery, or prostitution to get the things you needed to survive. But you didn’t. You simply suffered without. That night you were attacked, you could’ve ignored what was happening. Tweek and Dog didn’t even know you were there. But you didn’t. You put yourself in the middle of the situation to protect and save others.”
“Remember when I called you…and told you about Milena and her friend being kidnapped from that nightclub?”
“Of course.”
“That was my fault, Sawyer. I told that guy where she would be. I handed them over to him on a silver platter.”
Sawyer cocked his head. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you do it?”
“Tell him where to find them?”
“Yeah.”
“Because he’d kidnapped Billy. He’s only seven. I’d met him and his mom at one of the shelters. She was trying so hard to get back on her feet. The guy said he’d tell me where he’d stashed him if I told him where Milena would be. The cops didn’t believe me, and I couldn’t get him on tape admitting he’d kidnapped Billy. I tried to get back to the club to tell Milena to be careful, but it was too late.”
“Right. So you told that asshole where Milena was, you rescued a little boy, you went back to the club to try to warn Milena, and then you called me to give me a head’s up that she and her friend had been taken…and you think you’re a bad person?”
When he put it that way, Blythe wasn’t sure what to say. “I can’t find her,” she blurted.
“Find who?”
“Hope. And her son. I’ve looked everywhere. It’s like they’ve disappeared into thin air. I’m so worried about them, and somehow I feel as if it’s my fault they’re missing.”
“Listen to me,” Sawyer said. He turned her so one of her knees was h
iked up on the bench seat as she faced him. His hands were on her shoulders and he looked at her intently. “It’s not your fault; they have to be somewhere. And shit happened to you. It sucks. Still sucks. I’m sorry about your mom. But I know without a doubt she’d be super proud of you. You’re going to get back on your feet. It might take a while, and there will be highs and lows as you do it, but you will make it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know you, Blythe. You have a core of strength inside you that I haven’t seen in many people in my lifetime. And besides that, you have me. And Beth. And Sophie and Adeline. Not to mention all the firefighters.”
“But I don’t know them and they don’t know me.”
Sawyer laughed then. Threw his head back and guffawed as if she’d said the funniest thing he’d ever heard. When he’d gotten himself under control, he said, “Baby, they know you.”
“How? I don’t even think I’ve met them all yet.”
“Because I talk about you all the time. They’re actually sick of me talking about you. I’ve been doing it for months. They know you, Blythe. Not only that, but they like you.”
She gaped at him with wide eyes.
“Fuck, you’re adorable,” Sawyer said, then leaned forward slowly, giving her time to understand what he was about to do, and reject him if she needed to.
But Blythe didn’t want to reject him. One of the only places she felt safe was when she was with him. Specifically, when she was in his arms.
She lifted her chin, meeting him halfway. The moment their lips touched, Blythe felt her worries fade. She still didn’t have any money. All her clothes were given to her by others. The food she ate was charity. Even the roof over her head wasn’t hers. But none of that mattered right at this moment.
Sawyer’s belief in her meant the world to Blythe. There were many times over the last few months when she felt as if she were nobody. As if she’d never feel normal again. But Sawyer’s words, and his lips on her own, made her believe, if only for the moment, that she was the old Blythe again.