“Mom, go inside, please,” Cole said, but she ignored him.
Matt felt his father lurch against him. His whole body shook, and Matt caught him by the elbow.
“Barbara.” Even his voice quaked. “Why didn’t you come to me after Catherine was gone? We were both free. You knew I still loved you. You knew,” he murmured, sagging heavily on Matt, his voice dropping. “You and Rosa, the only two women I ever loved.”
Matt jerked away. “What did you say?”
Wallace slid to the bumper, his eyes wary, apparently not drunk enough to disregard the anger he’d stoked in Matt.
“Did you ever love my mother?” Matt glared, his hands fisting. Had he been talking about Barbara the other day? What the hell...
In spite of himself, he glanced at Rachel, then her brothers, their anger tempered with bafflement. When he dared to look at Barbara, he saw no confusion whatsoever.
“I saw you,” Wallace said, his eyes getting mean. “Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been sneaking around with Jeb Collins.”
Barbara swept a look of panic at her children. “Stop it, Wallace. You’re making a fool of yourself.”
His weak gravelly laugh dislodged the spittle caking the corners of his mouth. “You should’ve come to me instead of whoring yourself out.”
Cole and Trace lunged at him, but Rachel and Barbara each grabbed an arm. They clung to them, yelling and begging for them to back off.
Matt already had a firm grip on the bastard. It was his temper he was having trouble holding on to. Fury burned so hot in his gut he knew he had to get him to town. Get Wallace locked up before Matt did something he’d regret for the rest of his life.
“I’m taking him to Noah,” he said, barely able to meet anyone’s eyes as he dragged the old man to the truck.
He shoved him into the passenger side, and when he came around the hood he saw Rachel rushing toward him. Her brothers stood near their mother, watching Rachel with resentment. Matt had done that to her, to all of them.
He yanked open the driver’s door, but he couldn’t climb in before she got to him. “I’m sorry, Rachel,” he said quietly. “So damn sorry.” He jerked away when she tried to clutch his arm. “Go back to your family. They love you. It’ll be okay.”
“Don’t do anything hasty. Please. Noah won’t be back until later. Let everyone cool off. Including you.” Her heart was in her eyes, and it was breaking in half in front of him.
He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t speak. So he got in the truck, started the engine and drove off without looking back.
* * *
RACHEL STARED AFTER MATT until the truck disappeared, but the devastation on his face stayed imprinted in her memory. Every instinct screamed at her to go after him. Once he left Blackfoot Falls, she’d never see him again. It would be over between them. Just like that. Just as quickly as their relationship had reignited.
Pressing a hand to the churning in her belly, she turned back to the house. Her mother and brothers hadn’t moved. They watched her, the disappointment on Cole’s and Trace’s face clear even from twenty yards away. Her brothers would never forgive her. She wasn’t sure she could forgive herself.
Her mom sighed. “Let’s all go into the house. It seems I have some explaining to do.” She waited for Rachel, then put an arm around her shoulders, hugging her as they walked to the porch.
Cole and Trace followed, saying nothing until they’d settled in the den. Then Cole said, “My office would be more private.”
“Hilda, Jamie and Nikki are upstairs. No one else is here. I wish Jesse was. He needs to hear this, too.” She sounded calm, but Rachel knew her mom was nervous when she huddled deep in the brown leather chair and curled her legs under her. “Clearly Wallace and I have a history. He’s five years older than me and when I was a senior in high school he asked me to marry him.” She sighed when Trace muttered a mild curse.
“The proposal came out of the blue. I knew he had a crush on me but we hadn’t dated. There’d been a dance at the town festival, and he’d bought me a soda. But I was already getting serious about your father. Catherine Gunderson—she was Weaver then—was a friend of mine and I knew she was sweet on Wallace. I made it clear I wasn’t interested but he persisted.
“Then I married your father a year after I graduated, and Wallace and Catherine started going together. My friendship with her was a bit rocky at times, but we stayed in touch and our relationship actually strengthened later in life. She was lonely. God knows she loved Wallace till the end, but it wasn’t easy being married to him.”
“How come we didn’t know?” Rachel asked. “I mean, when did you ever see Mrs. Gunderson?”
“I’d visit her when Wallace was away or we’d talk on the phone. Sometimes she’d come by when you kids were in school. Obviously your father knew the story about Wallace. So when Wallace started drinking and baiting him, your father understood it was never about the land. In his own warped way, Wallace was trying to prove he was a better man than your dad. He wanted to own something that belonged to Gavin McAllister. It’s sad, and I always felt bad for Catherine. And Matt.” She looked at Rachel. “I sent the letter about his father being ill. I’d promised Catherine to keep in touch with Matt and help however I could.”
“I can’t believe you never said a word to us.” Trace sat hunched forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. “All these years the guy has been a—” He tightened his mouth. “You could’ve said something.”
“What good would it have done?” Barbara pulled the afghan from over the chair onto her lap. “Look, the past is irrelevant, and, by the way, my business,” she said sternly, and Trace frowned. “But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’ve been seeing someone for about eight months now. For that I owe you an apology. I have no excuse except that I didn’t know how you’d react. But Jeb Collins is a very nice man, and you’ll meet him soon. He owns a ranch in Norton County. Cole, I think you know him.”
Cole nodded, a grudging smile pulling at his mouth. “He’s outbid us at a couple of auctions.”
Rachel noticed how her mom’s eyes had lit up when she’d mentioned Jeb’s name. Even her cheeks had turned a bit pink. It was great to see the life in her face. Rachel would’ve appreciated it more if her shame wasn’t threatening to drown her.
“I have an apology to make, too,” she said, her voice wobbly. “I am so, so sorry I didn’t tell you about the trailer. I only found out yesterday, and Matt asked me if we could keep it between us, just overnight, until he found out who was responsible—”
“You still could’ve told us,” Trace said, his expression more hurt than angry. “Didn’t mean we had to act on it.”
Rachel swallowed. “Of course, you’re right. But I—”
“I completely disagree.”
They all turned to their mother and her no-nonsense tone.
“A day wouldn’t make a difference, but your relationship with Matt was at stake, Rachel. Matt needed to know he could count on you and that you believed in him.” Barbara met each of her children’s eyes. “You had a wonderful father, who lived for this family. We did our best to be accessible and loving parents. To give you the guidance you needed without smothering you.
“Matt didn’t grow up in that kind of environment. As much as I liked Catherine, I hated how her blindness to Wallace’s behavior interfered with her being a mother to Matt. The poor boy had no parental support and the abuse he took....” She shook her head. “Nevertheless, he seems to have made himself into a fine and honorable young man.”
Trace sat up straight, eyes riveted to the empty doorway. He started to get up when Nikki stepped into view.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was just coming down the stairs and I heard—” Her voice broke, her dark eyes glassy from unshed tears. “You’re right, Barbara, and I was so mean to him. He’s always trying so hard to help.” She sniffed. “At least I had my mother, but Matt had no one.”
“W
ell, I wouldn’t say no one.” Barbara smiled. “He had Rachel,” she said, and Rachel coughed. “Yes, I knew you used to sneak off to see him. And now he has you, too, Nikki. Come sit with us.”
Trace immediately made room for her next to him, but Nikki shook her head. “Thanks, but I didn’t mean to intrude. Though I’m glad I overheard because—” She gave them a small smile and moved back, clearing her throat. “I need to call my brother.”
Rachel didn’t try to stop her. She understood because she wanted to call him, too. No, not just call, she wanted to see him. Touch him. Hold him in her arms. But she still hadn’t absolved herself.
Once Nikki was gone, Rachel faced her mom. “Nothing happened, you know...when I used to sneak off with Matt.” Rachel’s cheeks heated up, and for the life of her she didn’t know why she’d offered the information. Trace’s snort didn’t help. “Matt said I was too young,” she murmured. “I wanted you to know.”
“I can’t say that I didn’t worry a time or two, especially with you reeling from Dad’s death. But I trusted that you’d both be sensible.” She stared at Rachel for a long moment. “When I saw that you two were hitting it off again, I admit I was nervous because I didn’t know Matt anymore. We’d only exchanged a few letters. But I think he’s a good man.”
“For what it’s worth, I agree.” Cole sighed. “Initially I was pissed about the trailer, but I don’t blame you for keeping his confidence. You did the right thing.” He got to his feet. “I’m just not sure how this is going to play out.”
“Wallace is dying, Cole. I doubt I have to keep that a secret at this point,” Rachel said. “We can press charges and have him locked up but it doesn’t make sense.”
He nodded, glanced at Trace and their mother. “We’ll see what we can do. In the meantime, I’ve got men waiting on me in the barn.”
Rachel watched her brothers leave, then found it wasn’t easy to look at her mother. Maybe that was a sign to keep her mouth shut because she was feeling too emotional to sensor herself.
“I have something else to confess.” Rachel braced herself, then blurted, “I hadn’t planned on staying in Blackfoot Falls past the summer.”
Her mother seemed concerned but not surprised. “I hope you didn’t already have something lined up that you turned down.”
“Not exactly. I— Wait. You expected me to leave?”
“You’re bright and ambitious. Why wouldn’t you want to see what’s out there?”
“I’ve felt so guilty.”
“Oh, honey.” Her mother left the chair to sit beside Rachel on the couch. “Guilt should rest on my shoulders, not yours. The dude ranch idea was a godsend, but I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start. I guessed it might be holding you back but I didn’t want to see your brothers struggling so hard to keep the Sundance afloat. I told myself you still had time to pursue a career. I was thrilled when Jamie said she was moving here. For Cole’s sake, of course, but I knew she’d be company for you, too. I heard she offered you a chance to travel.”
Rachel nodded without enthusiasm. She had to give Jamie an answer soon. The idea no longer appealed.
“I have a question...what was your first thought today when I admitted I was seeing someone?”
Rachel shrugged. “That it’s great.” She smiled. “It’s about time. And I wish you would’ve told us sooner.”
“Then what?”
At a loss, she shrugged again. “That’s it.”
“So you didn’t think, yay, mom has someone and now I don’t have to feel bad about leaving her?”
Rachel stared at her mother. A couple weeks ago that was exactly what she would’ve thought.
Laughing, she patted Rachel’s leg and got to her feet. “I have a feeling you’re not so anxious to leave anymore. Now, go talk to Matt, before he does something foolish.”
* * *
AT THE LAST MOMENT, Matt turned toward the Lone Wolf instead of heading to town. He still had every intention of turning the bastard in, but he was too angry to drive, too angry to trust himself to make any kind of reasonable decision.
He glanced over at Wallace, slumped in the seat, chin to his chest and snoring. Jesus, how much havoc he’d caused and now he was sleeping like a friggin’ baby. Matt gripped the wheel more firmly, rattled that minutes ago he’d been barely able to control the violence inside him. He didn’t want to be the young hothead he’d been in the beginning of his career. That guy who’d taken too many risks, who hadn’t cared if he walked out of the ring or not.
Though he wasn’t sure why it mattered. He was a Gunderson. No one in Blackfoot Falls expected more from him. As far as Rachel went, he’d been fooling himself if he thought they were headed anywhere. He’d been right all along. He was a weak, foolish man who hadn’t grown up. How could he have hurt the woman he loved? And for Wallace?
Matt swerved to miss a rabbit hopping across the driveway. Maybe he’d made another mistake by not taking Wallace straight to town. No, as pissed as he was, he knew he’d end up fixing things with Noah and the victims, see to it that Wallace remained at home. If only in honor of his mother’s memory. She wouldn’t want to see the old man dying in a jail cell.
When he got to the house he pulled as close to the door as he could, then helped Wallace inside. Instead of tackling the stairs, Matt left him stretched out on his office couch. A half bottle of whiskey was on the table, and Matt started to move it but stopped himself. He was done playing the parent, the caretaker, the go-between for Wallace, Nikki, anyone.
No good had come of his actions so far, and now he’d blown it with Rachel. The thought tore at him, even knowing it was just a fling for her. She’d said as much....
She’d also said she’d once dreamed of marrying him. The idea alone pressed all his pleasure buttons. Made his heart turn over and his pulse race like the devil. He went to the window and stared out at the big blue sky. Did she mean it that he made it hard for her to leave? Rachel had never been the type to tease when it came down to the serious stuff. Even as a kid she’d been plainspoken.
“Shit.” Matt rubbed his gritty eyes, then turned to look at Wallace. He’d always been pathetic, and he’d end up dying a pathetic man. And dammit, Matt wasn’t him. He was nothing like his father. Rachel wouldn’t love someone like that.
The thought struck from out of the blue. She’d never said she loved him, not outright. But her eyes and smile and touch had told him many times. If he’d only given her the chance, she might’ve whispered the words....
Hell, he knew he loved her and he hadn’t told her either.
No, he wasn’t as smart as her, but he had a lot going for him at this stage of his career—the money, celebrity.... He’d turn his back on all of it in a heartbeat for a simple life with Rachel. Why couldn’t he believe she’d want the same? Talk about getting the raw end of the deal. How could he compete with all the dreams she’d already shoved aside for her family? She deserved to travel the world, to seek her own adventures.
Still, he knew what he had to do. Tell her the truth and let her make her own choice. If this trip had taught him one thing, it was that keeping secrets was a fool’s game. It never worked out for anyone.
He headed back out to his truck. It wouldn’t be easy returning to the Sundance. The McAllisters had to hate his guts. And if the brothers wanted to beat the crap out of him, so be it. Seeing Rachel, telling her how he felt was all that mattered. It hurt like hell to think she might turn him away, but he’d let the chips fall where they may. No way would he be the guy who left without a word again.
* * *
RACHEL CLIMBED INTO her mother’s car and took a deep breath while inserting the key. She had the time it took to drive to the Lone Wolf to rehearse what she wanted to say. Though she’d probably forget every word the moment she laid eyes on him. She started to reverse but stopped the car when she saw his truck.
Her heart fluttering like crazy, she turned off the engine and got out of the car as he pulled in beside her. She hadn
’t been this nervous, not ever in her life. So much hung in the balance. It was entirely possible that Matt was here to say goodbye. So she’d have to be quick and brave because she wasn’t going to let him go without telling him how she felt.
They stood in the chilly air as Matt stared into her eyes. “You were on your way out. I’ll only keep you a minute.”
“I was going to see you.”
Hope lit up his face and squeezed her heart. “I’m sorry, Rachel, for getting between you and your family. Hell, I’m sorry for being a Gunderson but—”
“Stop. Quit buying into that Gunderson name crap. You’re your own man, a really terrific man and I wish you could see it as clearly as I do. So just stop. I mean it.”
Matt smiled. “You sure? Because I was just getting to the good part.”
She lifted a hand, shading her eyes so she could better see his face. He took her shoulders and moved her out of the sun’s glare, then surprised her by looping his arms around her waist.
“Tell me,” she said impatiently. “What were you going to say?”
He pulled her closer. “I love you, Rachel McAllister,” he said, his eyes so blue and earnest. “I think I always have.”
The world tilted on its axis as the words she’d longed to hear since she was a girl sank in. “Oh, Matt.” She was not going to cry. God, not now. “I love you, too. So much sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode.”
He shuddered on a deep exhale. “I don’t have it all worked out yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay on, talk to Nikki about us taking over the Lone Wolf together. That is, if you’d even want to stay in Blackfoot Falls. I don’t want to steal any of your dreams, Rachel. If you want to go off on adventures and see the world, that’s fine. I’ll wait. If you want me to. I’d wait a lifetime if that’s what it takes.”
The tears she’d blinked away came back with a vengeance. She knew he was telling her the truth. He’d struggled so hard to come home, and even though he had to deal with all the complications of being with his father, she was proud of him for wanting to make the Lone Wolf his home. Proud of him for so much.
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