Unhappy Christmas

  Natalia was taken in for a moment by the honesty and shine in his eyes and a whirlwind of emotions put an end to her brief moment of peace. All of the confusion of the last few hours took hold of her again, only this time stronger. Without looking away from Jacob, Natalia started to cry.

  ‘Hey, what’s up?’ said Jacob in a soft, consoling voice and put his arms around Natalia, who let him hold her.

  Natalia sobbed uncontrollably, letting it all out in Jacob’s arms, her shaky breath forming an irregular trail in the icy night, blending in above their heads with the steady line traced by Jacob’s breath.

  Natalia let out a flood of words between sobs: how in love with Miguel she was, how she’d accepted the job in the States, how that had gradually driven them apart and, finally her ordeal that morning. When she finished she was much calmer, but still hadn’t reached a conclusion.

  ‘What should I do Jacob? What should I do?’

  ‘I can’t help you Natalia. We’re all responsible for our own decisions.’

  ‘I don’t know if I want to be with Miguel any more. Without even realising it we’ve drifted apart so much... But he should have talked to me before throwing it all away. If only he’d talked to me... Bloody idiot!’

  ‘But you weren’t there for him to talk to Natalia. You’d gone.’

  Natalia was hurt and humiliated by what Jacob had just said to her. The fact that she'd accepted a job in another country didn’t give her husband the right to have an affair with another woman, if that’s what Jacob was insinuating. But the pain didn’t linger for long, another thought took over, one that told her to think carefully about what this man, who up until now had proved to be sensible and kind, had just said.

  ‘It’s true that I went away, but when I did I didn’t think about the damage that was going to do to my relationship. Now the damage is done I don’t know what I want, that's my problem,’ Natalia was silent for a moment, thinking. ‘After meeting your family, I’m thinking of going to see mine in Teruel. But I’m embarrassed to show up there after having brushed them aside.’

  ‘If you want to see them, go. The longer you leave it, the bigger the distance will grow. Have you had any problems with your family?’

  ‘No, none.’

  ‘So go see them. You’re lucky to have a family.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Natalia admitted. ‘I’m such an idiot, I hadn’t realised.’

  ‘Did you like the iced tea?’ Jacob changed the subject.

  ‘Very much.’

  ‘Antonia had a serious drinking problem when I met her. Now she gets drunk on tea and it’s much better than before.’

  Jacob dived into the pocket of one of his many coats. He pulled out a silver hip flask.

  ‘Do you want some? It’s cold out here.’

  ‘What is it?’

  Jacob answered her by holding out the hip flask. Natalia took it, sipping slowly and carefully. A mysterious flavour of age-old forests ran down her throat. She looked into Jacob’s eyes and saw the spirited spirals of the whisky in them. It wasn’t the expensive Scotch whisky that she and Miguel drank, but it wasn’t all that bad.

  ‘Just a sip, eh?’

  Jacob put the hip flask back in his pocket. He smiled a half-smile that turned Natalia’s legs to jelly. She thought Jacob must have been a really attractive guy before he became a tramp. Or rather, Jacob was a really attractive guy despite being a tramp. She realised that she hadn’t seen Jacob without his woolly hat. She felt the urge to see what Jacob was like, the man under the hat.

  'Can I take your cap off a minute?'

  ‘What for?’

  ‘I’m curious.’

  Jacob smiled and gestured for her to remove it. Spellbound, Natalia reached for Jacob's cap and lifted it slowly off his head. Exposed to the elements was fine, dark hair with a bluish shine reminiscent of the night sky.

  ‘How did you get here?’ she asked him.

  ‘Here, to this house?’ said Jacob with a coy smile. ‘Or here, to this way of life?’

  Natalia looked at him without saying a word, her facial expression giving away the answer.

  ‘It was difficult, believe me. It takes a long time to realise that you don't need much to be happy.’

  ‘How long will it take me?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe years, maybe a couple of days or a couple of hours... For some people the penny never drops.’

  ‘I'd love to have your confidence. I've never wanted for anything, I've been very lucky, but I'm not sure that I've ever been entirely happy. Right now, of course, I'm definitely not.’

  ‘Listen. Even tonight, the longest night of the year, you need to be confident that that day will come. That's the true meaning of Christmas. Forget all the fairytales and lavish lies. This festivity has been celebrated under different names since the beginning of mankind. Tomorrow, after the longest night, the year will start to bloom again, each day getting a little bit longer. Those who let themselves be beaten by the restlessness of this seemingly endless night will never be able to see the other side of the story.’

  ‘When you’re on the flip side of the coin it’s difficult to imagine that there is a right side.’

  ‘But it does exist Natalia, it’s on all coins. And some like this one,’ he said, taking a coin out of his pockets, like a magician, ‘also have a small hole in the middle to help you to pass from one side to the other, to look out from the darkness into the light.’

  Natalia looked at the coin, an old twenty-five peseta coin, the kind that had a hole in the middle.

  ‘Pesetas, do you remember?’ asked Jacob with a chuckle. ‘They still turn up from time to time, like this one - a little treasure.’

  Natalia let herself be carried away by the twinkle in Jacob’s eyes, which reflected and lit up the coin like magic. Without thinking, letting herself go along with what her lips were asking her for, she couldn’t help moving closer to Jacob and nestling against his chest. Two white vapour trails united in their climb towards the sky, like two souls lost forever in the vast expanse of the night. Then the two vapour trails cancelled each other out, disappearing for just a few seconds.

  They stepped back and looked each other in the eye.

  ‘Let’s go inside,’ said Jacob, ‘it’s cold out here and it’ll take me a while to tell you my life story.’

  Natalia nodded and taking Jacob’s hand went back inside.

  Chapter 5

  Glittery angels

  Miguel stomped out of his parents’ house. He was angry, sad, tired, a bit drunk... Where was Natalia right now? He was starting to realise just a little too late that he needed her, that he’d been an idiot for not doing everything in his power to be with her instead of getting involved with a lover. His anguish at not knowing where his wife was mixed with his uncertainty about their future together and regret for his mistakes.

  He took a few steps in no particular direction down the street with its majestic houses, empty and freezing cold at that time of night. The cold air would help to calm his anxiety. He kept walking until he got to a wooded area that was part of a small park. He sat himself down on a bench among the flower beds and tried to clear his muddled mind. But the only thing he managed to do was let out all of the anguish that he’d been holding back through dinner and he started to sob like a little kid.

  He’d been crying for a while, something he hadn’t done since he was small, when a long whistle snapped him out of it. Miguel turned in the direction of the noise and saw a tall figure coming towards him that he couldn’t make out against the light of the street light behind it.

  All he could see was the shining silhouette of a woman with long curly hair that moved in waves with each step she took towards him, a figure full of womanly curves, hips that moved like the pendulum of a clock and two very long legs that ended in a pair of towering heels.

  ‘Hello handsome, what are you doing here all alone?’ asked the silhouette with an ambiguous, sickly-sweet voice.

  She was now
closer to Miguel and he could see her broad jaw, tiny nose, vast cheekbones, loud make-up and a big grin on plump lips. In his desperation, Miguel had forgotten that this clean and tidy park next to the posh area where his parents lived had become a night-time workplace for a group of prostitutes born with the wrong genitals.

  ‘Aw, something’s up with you my boy,’ said the silhouette coming closer to Miguel and seeing his face wet with tears. ‘You’re crying you poor thing... What’s a man as handsome as you doing crying on a night like tonight? Tell Roxanna all about it.’

  ‘No, look, Roxanna...’ Miguel stammered, drying the tears off his cheeks, nervous at how close the woman was. ‘I’m not looking for anything, I just sat down for a bit and now I’m off...’

  ‘Relax gorgeous, I’m not going to bite. There’s no need to be so unsociable!’ exclaimed Roxanna, stretching out the s in unsociable.

  ‘No, I don’t mean anything by it, but I’m not looking for sex.’

  ‘Of course you’re not my love, you just want company, don’t you?’ She blinked sarcastically, fluttering her enormous eyelashes like fans.

  ‘Seriously, I’ve just got away from dinner and I’m not after anything.’

  ‘OK sweetheart, I get it... But you’re crying my darling. Everyone’s at home having Christmas Eve dinner and you’re here all alone in the park. I don’t know what’s happened to you my love, but I understand you perfectly. Come with us.’

  ‘Us?’

  ‘The trannies lad. At this time of night our punters haven’t escaped home yet. I thought you were an early riser,’ she laughed loudly, ‘but I know, I know, you don’t want anything... It’s a shame you’re so fit my boy, but hey ho. Come with us, won’t you? Just for a little while. We’ve come out earlier to celebrate Christmas Eve, just the girls. But I can’t leave you alone here. Come on, come with me.’

  Without waiting for confirmation from Miguel, Roxanna grabbed him by the arm, got up on her high heels and pulled him up from the bench.

  ‘We’re hiding over here,’ she said marching through the bushes determined, hanging on to Miguel’s arm. ‘Ladies, look what a catch I’ve found!’ she shouted.

  Miguel started to react, the cold was sobering him up and he realised that he was being led through the bushes by some Roxanna going who knows where... But he didn’t have time to get out of it because he was suddenly surrounded by five exotic women in the bushes in the park, dressed in shiny glittery dresses like Christmas personified. They didn’t have many clothes on, but everything was covered in sequins, gemstones or fake fur, which formed a kind of halo around them and made them seem like something out of a fantasy film.

  The extravagant angels welcomed Miguel with shouts of enthusiasm and all kinds of motherly attention. He didn’t know if it was because they could tell he’d been crying, because he was a handsome guy or the way that Roxanna had introduced him, but the fact was that they welcomed Miguel like a child that was lost in the night. Maybe it was simply female intuition, because Miguel really was none other than a little boy lost right then.

  ‘You’re just in time for the toast darling!’

  ‘Pour him a glass of champagne.’

  ‘What’s your name sweetie? You’re so gorgeous. I’ve almost wet my panties!’

  They served plastic glasses of cava and drank a toast, giggling and shouting.

  ‘Come on girl; spill the beans, where did you get this Christmas gift?’

  ‘The poor thing was sitting crying on a bench.’

  ‘Hey, you’re not a rent boy are you? This is our park.’

  ‘No, does he look like a rent boy?’

  ‘Whoa girl, you can’t trust anyone in a recession.’

  ‘Relax,’ said Miguel, who was starting to calm down, between the cava and the laughter of the happy group, ‘I’m not a rent boy, I’m a gynaecologist.’

  So, between jokes and compliments, cava and some form of entertainment or other that the cheerful girls took out of their bags and Miguel declined politely, he told them who he was and why he was in the park that night and in that state. He felt that he had nothing to hide and that his glittery angels would listen to him, as they did. In fact, they even consoled him and offered him advice.

  ‘Let’s see darling, with so many pussies passing through your hands, it’s only natural that you’d end up shagging one of them. If I was a dick doctor, I assure you I’d end up doing the same.’

  ‘If your wife has an inkling, just an inkling of intelligence, she won’t let you get away. You’re a sweetheart... And if she lets you get away, you come talk to me my love.’

  ‘Don’t get any ideas, lover boy, this one likes real pussies, not plastic ones like yours.’

  ‘The only pussy I care about is my wife’s,’ said Miguel.

  ‘How sweet. Well darling, find her and tell her. If a man said something like that to me, I’d forgive all his cheating.’

  ‘Anyway, what did she expect? You can’t go off to another country and leave a catch like you alone with so many loose women about.’

  So, in cheerful conversation the shiny angels consoled and advised Miguel between drinks and jokes in a hidden corner of the park. Miguel felt understood and protected by those unknown princesses, like a child in a fairytale. He enjoyed the magic moment, knowing that it would soon end and he’d have to go back and face grey uncertainty and harsh reality.

  Chapter 6

  When Jacob was unhappy

  Sitting in front of the fireplace, enveloped in the warmth of the fire and blankets and holding hands beneath them, Jacob and Natalia surrendered to the feeling of peace and tranquillity that their small corner of the world seemed to radiate. Natalia looked at the sensitive, handsome man by her side, no longer seeing the tramp she had met in the street. She felt as if she was fifteen years old again and he was the first boy she had kissed.

  Jacob started to tell her who he had been before he started to make a living begging in the centre of Madrid. Calmly, without rushing, choosing his words carefully and stopping to draw breath when his voice was about to break under the emotion, Jacob told her about his past.

  He told her that years ago he had worked as an executive for an advertising agency. His life consisted of long days of nerve-racking, competitive work, full of shouting and cocaine - a lot of cocaine. At first it was to celebrate his success but later to be able to keep up the pace at work and in the end it was all day long. At home he had a wife and children who didn’t seem to be overly bothered that they didn’t see much of him as long as the money kept rolling in, or at least that’s what he thought back then. Maybe he was wrong.

  His wife also worked long hours and earned a lot of money, but she didn’t know about his coke addiction. In fact, the only time they talked was to discuss the essentials: money and the things that their kids asked them for. They were a money making and spending machine and not much else. Jacob didn’t blame his wife for that: they both shared the same values; both of them had made their marriage what it was.

  Maybe there was still a trace of the love they had felt when they met. Or maybe not, because it never was true love, but physical attraction, common ground and inertia fuelled by their environment along with similar ideals about money and family... The fact is that in the end they were only united by money and when the money started to become scarce it was only logical that it would all crumble like a sand castle consumed by the waves.

  The economic crisis meant that advertising was bringing in less money. Jacob was brilliant but irritating, his arrogance and coke addiction having turned him into a raging lunatic. He made a fool of himself in front of clients on more than one occasion and he constantly made life impossible for his colleagues. But it wasn’t for any of those reasons that his was one of the first jobs to be axed, but due to his showdowns with other executives who, although not as brilliant as he was, were more devious and had better connections than he did.

  When his wife ended up living with a ruin of a man, an addict with no money,
humiliated and with unbearable mood swings, their marriage fell apart in no time. He kept taking coke and spending his redundancy money in restaurants and clubs that were well above his means, desperately seeking a job that would keep up his standard of living, in a downward spiral, oozing arrogance and stupidity that did nothing to help him find it.

  She got to keep the house and the kids. Jacob got the apartment in the centre, where his race to nothingness accelerated at such a speed that in a couple of years he’d been evicted and was out on the street. Of course, he no longer had money for coke and had to make do with alcohol.

  After one drunken episode or another, his ex-wife told him that he wasn’t going anywhere near their kids while he was in that state. Jacob understood: an alcoholic, ex drug addict who lived off what was left in his account, going from one dingy guest house in the centre of Madrid to another, was not a good father-figure for their children. Since then, he hadn’t seen them again. The last time he saw them he hadn’t really noticed any feelings other than shame and contempt. He realised between one carton of wine and the next that they’d always been strangers to him.

  Jacob hit rock bottom when his money ran out and he couldn’t go to the guest houses any more. He slept in the foyer of a bank by the cash machine. One day, some drunken teenagers kicked him and peed on him. He wished they’d kill him, but they didn’t. It wasn’t his time.

  He started to hang about with more experienced tramps and discovered that they formed a true parallel society. Still clouded by alcohol and depression, Jacob’s brilliant intellect started to discover the key to how that world worked and he soon worked out how to get by, taking advantage of his intellectual superiority to make his life as comfortable as possible. He was heading back along the same track that had led him to disaster in his former life.