by Marla Monroe
“I can’t do that. I just can’t. My life is back in Oklahoma. I can’t be what you want me to be. I’ve loved our time together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, but it’s not me. Not really.”
Alexis turned and walked back inside. She needed to leave now before things got out of hand. She’d stayed too long already. It never crossed her mind that they would want her to live with them permanently. Yes, she had fallen in love with them, but she would get over it, had to get over it because it wouldn’t work.
It’s working for their friends. They live in ménage relationships and seem to be doing fine. It’s not for me, though. She shook off her inner thoughts and climbed the stairs to the bedroom. She pulled down her suitcases and began to pack. Sometime later, she heard the men arguing, and she hated that she’d caused a rift between them. Then a door slammed and she heard the telltale sound of a bike revving up and taking off. Who would it be, Neal or Mark?
Tears spilled down her face as she packed everything then searched the room for anything she might have missed. The clock on the bedside table said it was nearly two in the afternoon. It would be well past dark by the time she got home. Suddenly, she couldn’t get there fast enough. She needed to get away from them before she changed her mind.
She grabbed both suitcases and struggled with them to the landing. Then she stopped at the sight of Mark standing there.
“I’ll get them for you.” He reached and brushed a hand over her cheek where she was sure the tracks of her tears were evident.
“Thanks,” she whispered. “Neal?”
“He’ll be okay. He needs to deal with it his way, is all.”
“I’m sorry, Mark. I never meant—”
“Shh, don’t say it. It’s not your fault we fell in love with you.” He picked up her suitcases and turned around to walk down the stairs.
Alexis followed him out through the kitchen door to where her car had been parked under the garage for the last few weeks. She unlocked the trunk and he settled her suitcases inside before closing the trunk lid. When she would have just climbed into the car and left, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her.
“You know you are always welcome here. If you change your mind, we’re here, Alexis.” He pulled back and kissed her forehead before letting her go.
She climbed into the car and fastened her seat belt before starting it. With one last look at Mark, she turned and backed out into the street. She turned around and looked straight ahead as she drove toward home.
The tears began to fall again before she’d even gotten off their street. Angrily, she dashed them away and scolded herself for letting them get to her. She was supposed to be a self-sufficient woman of the world, able to have affairs without falling in love. What had happened to that woman?
She found out that falling in love was a wonderful thing. Until you had to leave, that is.
Alexis drove straight through without stopping even once. She needed to get back to where everything was familiar. She needed to get back to work and remind herself what was important in her life.
When she drove up into her spot at nine that night, she was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. She needed a shower, but didn’t feel like she had the energy. She took in her suitcases one at a time and left them at the foot of the bed before stripping and climbing into bed totally naked, something she never would have done prior to Neal and Mark.
She tossed and turned despite being so tired before finally drifting off into a fitful sleep full of dreams about motorcycles and two men who meant everything to her.
* * * *
Neal and Mark rode into the motel at Potts Camp, Texas, around six that evening after work. They had been working on the school for nearly two weeks now, repairing and rebuilding the damage from a tornado that had ripped the town apart. People had died and the grisly reminders were slowly being cleaned up.
Neal wanted a beer more than he wanted something to eat. He walked into the room, stripping to head for the shower.
“I’ll be out in a minute. Where are we eating tonight?” he asked as he pulled off his boots, then his socks and jeans.
“The diner,” Mark told him.
“Good. I could use a beer.” He saw Mark wince. “What?”
“You’re drinking a lot more than you used to, Neal.”
“So? I can drink if I want to. I make it to work every day, don’t I?”
“Yeah. You make it to work.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Neal turned around in the doorway of the bathroom.
“It means you do the job, but you’re not enjoying it, and you drink too fucking much.”
“Fuck you.” Neal slammed the bathroom door and turned on the shower. Instantly thoughts of Alexis assaulted him.
She’d be pissed at him for drinking too much, as well. She isn’t here to bitch about it, though. She doesn’t have any say any more than Mark does. He stepped into the sharp spray of the hot water and quickly lathered up. He cursed when his cock hardened at his thoughts of Alexis. It never failed that if he thought about her, he grew hard. He had jacked off more in the last three weeks than he had in the last year.
It didn’t help, though. Ten minutes later and he would be hard again. He’d tried to see other women, but couldn’t do anything with them. Kissing them had felt like a betrayal and left him cold. Finally, he had just given up and figured he would eventually move past her. When he did, he’d start dating again.
As soon as he was out of the shower, Neal dried off and opened the bathroom door to find Mark gone.
“Well, hell.” He had pissed off his best friend yet again. One of these days he was going to call it quits and tell him to fuck off. Then what was he going to do?
He had his jeans and boots on when Mark returned with a six-pack of beer. He tossed it in the fridge, then stripped and walked into the bathroom.
“There, you don’t have to go anywhere for your beer. At least I won’t have to worry that you’ll end up in an accident somewhere.” Then he quietly closed the door.
A few seconds later, he heard the shower come on. Neal ran a hand through his hair and sighed. What in the hell was he going to do? He couldn’t just stop loving her. Then it hit him. Mark had loved her, too. He was probably hurting just as much as Neal was. He felt like a total asshole. Of course, Mark was hurting. He had been so wrapped up in his own pity that he hadn’t even thought about the fact that his best friend was in the same boat.
He shook his head and finished dressing. Then he sat on the edge of the bed to wait for Mark to finish in the bathroom. He owed his friend an apology and he needed to straighten his act up. They were doing some worthwhile work at the school and he needed to remember that there had been some in Potts Camp who had lost their lives. He didn’t have any right to be an asshole just because the woman he loved had left.
The shower cut off, and a few minutes later, Mark opened the bathroom door and stepped out amid a cloud of fog. He didn’t look at Neal at all. Instead, he dried off and got dressed. When he had his boots on, he stood up and crossed to the door.
“You coming to eat?” he asked.
“Yeah, right behind you.” Neal wasn’t sure what to say to mend their relationship. He’d start by not griping.
They pulled into the parking lot with the other members of The Dirty Dozen and climbed off their bikes. Cole and Zack walked up to them.
“You two doing okay?” Cole asked, looking mostly at Neal.
“Yeah, fine,” Mark said.
“Fine, Cole.” Neal figured they were tired of his pissy attitude, as well.
“We only have another two weeks on this job, but they want us to look at doing the repairs for the hospital next.”
“Whatever you want to do, Cole,” Neal said.
Mark looked at him but didn’t say anything. His friend probably expected him to say he didn’t want to hang around any longer. He didn’t, but they probably needed to work. It was better to work than
sit at home and stew, he decided.
“Good. I think we’ll do it, but I want to find out how everyone feels about another three or four weeks of work here.”
“Well, we can go home on the weekends, so that works for me,” Mark said.
“Good deal.” Cole and Zack headed for the door with Mark and Neal right behind them.
“You really okay with working more?” Mark asked him.
“Not really, but it’s better than moping around the house, I guess.”
“You’ve been doing some moping around here, as it is.” Mark looked at him.
“I know I’ve been an asshole. I’m sorry. You’re hurting, too. I’ve been selfish.”
“Yeah, you have. I tried to warn you not to get your hopes up.”
“I know you did. I just couldn’t believe she didn’t feel the same way about us that we felt about her.” Neal picked up a menu and waited for the waitress to take their drink orders.
“She did, Neal. The difference was that she didn’t think it would work. She thought loving two men at one time was wrong. It was tearing her up inside. She was hurting, too.”
“I guess we’re used to threesomes. We’ve been around them for so long now that it just seems natural to us. I guess it would be a shock to someone like her.”
The waitress returned with their drinks and to take their order. She winked at them and walked away. Neal shook his head. He didn’t feel anything in the arousal department for the pretty waitress. He noticed Mark wasn’t paying her any attention, either. They were in sad shape. He couldn’t help but wonder how long it would last.
They ate their meal, talking with the rest of the gang about the school and how the kids had brought them all sandwiches one day, and soft drinks the next. They were excited about having their school back. Neal talked with Mark as if nothing was wrong and hoped that everything would be okay now. It didn’t change the fact that he planned to drink a beer before he retired for the night. He needed something to calm him down so he could sleep. Alexis had done that for him.
“Dessert, guys?” The waitress was back.
“None for me, honey. I’m stuffed.” Neal smiled but didn’t hold eye contact.
Mark shook his head. “None for me, either.” She poked out her lower lip but nodded and went on to the next table.
“She wanted us to take her home,” Mark commented.
“I know. I’m not interested, though.”
“Neither am I. Not sure when I will be again, either.”
“We will get over her. Right, Mark?” Neal needed to hear it to believe it.
“Yeah, one day.” Mark stood up after leaving a tip on the table.
Neal did the same. After they paid their checks, they left to return to the hotel. Once inside, Neal headed for the fridge and pulled out a beer. He looked at Mark to see if he wanted one. When he nodded his head, Neal tossed that one to his friend and pulled off another one. He popped the top and sat back on the bed with his back to the wall to watch the TV. Mark channel surfed for a few minutes before settling on a movie they hadn’t seen before.
He took a swig of his beer and let his mind wander. He couldn’t help but think about how good it had felt to hold Alexis and wondered what she was doing right that minute. He checked the clock. It was nearly nine. She’d be at home and probably reading over something. She had said she took work home with her most nights.
Had she learned anything from them on relaxing? He worried about her health since she’d been diagnosed with an ulcer. He sighed and finished the beer. He tossed it in the garbage can, earning two points. He didn’t get up to get another one. He could do without a second or a third tonight. He needed to do without them.
“You’re not paying attention to the movie,” Mark said.
“Sorry. Guess it doesn’t catch my interest.”
“Want to look for something else?” he asked.
“Naw, I’m good. I’m just thinking.”
Mark was silent for a few seconds. Then he spoke up.
“About her?”
“Yeah. Wondering what she’s doing right now. Hoping she’s taking care of herself.”
“I’ve worried about her health, too. What with her having an ulcer and all.”
“Do you think she’s seeing anyone?” Neal finally asked.
“I don’t know. I almost hope she is. It would mean that she was doing okay.”
“I guess you’re probably right. I don’t like to think about her with someone else.” Neal hated to think about her with someone else.
“Either way,” Mark began, “are we okay now?”
“Yeah, we’re okay.”
Chapter Fourteen
Alexis sat on the chair waiting for Dr. Searcy to return and give her the verdict on her health. Funny, she had been sitting here nearly four months ago to the day when he’d told her to take a vacation or else. Well, she’d taken that vacation and now was back sicker than ever. What would be the verdict this time?
“Alexis, what have you been doing to yourself? You’ve lost weight and you’re anemic.”
“I just don’t have an appetite. My ulcer is better, isn’t it?” she asked with a forced smile.
“It would be better if you were eating right. I think you’ve learned to relax, but if you’re not eating, there are stomach juices working on that ulcer all the time.”
“You just can’t be happy no matter what I do. I did what you told me to do and relaxed.”
“Then why have you lost your appetite? What happened that led to it?” he asked, crossing his arms.
“I don’t know. I went on vacation. Learned how to take it easy sometimes and came back to work.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Look, whatever happened, you need to get over it and move on. If you lose much more weight, I’m going to put you in the hospital with drips. In the meantime”—he pulled out a prescription pad and scribbled something on it—“take these to help build your iron back up.”
“What are they?” she asked dubiously.
“Iron pills. I bet you’ve been getting out of breath easily.”
“When I’m doing housework I do sometimes. What does that have to do with needing iron?”
“Iron makes hemoglobin, hemoglobin carries oxygen. If you are low on iron, you’re low on oxygen-carrying hemoglobin.”
“Is that all?” she asked.
He sighed. “Get that filled and take them.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“Alexis, whoever he was, you really should think about going back. You have all the symptoms of being in love.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Is he married?” he asked.
“No. But it wouldn’t work. Trust me.”
“Then figure out a way to get over him, and soon, or you’re going to end up in the hospital.”
“I’ll be fine. I just needed some grieving time, I think.”
Alexis walked out of the doctor’s office after making a return appointment for six weeks instead of the requested three weeks. She knew what was wrong with her, but there wasn’t a cure for it. It would take time. In the meantime, she needed to get herself back on track or she was going to have to endure Dr. Searcy’s daily presence in the hospital.
She swung by the pharmacy and got the prescription filled then picked up some Chinese takeout for her dinner. She toyed with it but managed to get half of it down. How was she supposed to get over love? She guessed if she knew the answer to that, she would make a mint selling it to the public.
Sometimes, late at night when she had been lying awake, Alexis would pretend that she could have both of the men and live with them. She pretended that there wasn’t anything wrong with it, and that she could be a part of their family. Sometimes, she would even pretend to have their babies, making their family a real family.
Then she would wake up the next morning and realize it had all been fantasy, a dream. The tears would start and she would end up wearing a ton of makeup to cover her reddened
eyes. The brothers at the office didn’t seem to notice anything different about her, so she figured she was doing fine at work. She knew she wasn’t on the fast track to success anymore. She had slacked off and wasn’t working all the overtime she once had. Neither was she working from home.
Instead, her home was her refuge. She buried herself there after work each day and on the weekends. Sometimes she would watch a movie and sometimes she just read. Mostly, like today, she thought about Neal and Mark and how they had made her laugh and feel wanted.
* * * *
Three weeks later, Alexis was in the emergency room with stomach pains once again. Dr. Searcy shook his head and admitted her to the hospital.
“I told you to start eating or you were going to end up in here.”
“I have been eating.”
“Not enough, and you’re worrying, too. Add to it the ulcer and you’ve worried yourself into a mess.”
“What am I supposed to do? You tell me and I’ll do it,” she fussed with tears running down her face.
“What is it about this man that keeps you from being with him? Does he not love you? You said he isn’t married.” Dr. Searcy sat on the edge of her hospital bed.
She worried the cover with her fingers without looking at him.
“Come on, Alexis. What could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me?”
“It’s not a he,” she said.
“I—see,” he began with a deep breath.
“No, not a woman. It’s a them. It’s two men.”
He blinked a long, slow blink then nodded his head. “You’re in love with two men and can’t choose between them.”
“Not exactly. I’m in love with two men and they don’t want me to choose. They want to share me between them, a ménage relationship.”
Dr. Searcy was silent for a few seconds. Then he smiled. “Why should you choose? Go for it.”
“They live in Dallas, which would mean not only leaving my home and my job, but being a part of a group of bikers.”