"No,'' I said quietly. "I can't honestly tell you that."
"Then what are you trippin' off of, Bari?"
"Darshon and Trish ..."
"Fuck Darshon and Trish. We're talking about you and me. You can make up a million excuses, but for real, you don’t have even one.”
“I just don't know what to say. It's not that easy."
"Why not? You got a man?"
"No."
"Then what's so hard about saying we can try? Is it because you just don't want to? I can accept that. Is it because you don't look at me on that level? I can accept that. Is it because you're scared that I'm gon' treat you like everybody else has? ‘Cause I can't accept that. I ain't like nobody else that you've ever come across in your life, Bari. I'm not out to hurt you. What would I get out of that?"
I had lain awake in my bed many times imagining this moment, just imagining that it wasn't so farfetched for Seven to care about me in a real way. Here it was, and I didn't know what to do. Fear was my main reason. He was verbally abusive. I could count on two hands how many times he had called Trish bitches in a five minute period. And not only was he verbally abusive, he had slapped her. He was physically abusive as well.
"Seven look, it's just not a good time. I have too many things going on in my life right now. I finally got what I've wanted for a long time, to be on my own, and I want to see what that feels like."
"You already know what it feels like. You've been on your own for six months already."
I knew what he meant.
"It's just that..."
"Quit. Just say what you got to say. I'm a grown man. I can handle it, Bari. Keep it real. This is an honest conversation. Don't be scared to say what you want to say." I looked at him. "Go ahead."
"You called Trish two hundred bitches and then slapped her," I said in a rush of breath.
He smiled, then ran his thumb back and forth over my hand.
"You called her two thousand bitches and then damn near broke her jaw. Do I need to go on?" I smiled against my will. "Bari, I really, really like you. I like coming home and knowing you're here. I like calling, and you answer the phone. I like missing you when I'm not here. I've never felt that before, and I like it. You give me a lot to look forward to."
"You don't really know me, Seven." He sat up on the couch. "I have too many issues." He put his arm around my shoulders. "Too many insecurities." His hand moved to the back of my head as he pulled me close to him. "Too many ..."
His lips touched mine. I had never kissed a boy, let alone a man, but I had done the hand-practice many times. Not even that prepared me for this. It was slow and lazy, and long.
"You wanna be with me, Bari?" He asked when he pulled back. He looked at me. I nodded in honesty. "Tell me you're mine."
I looked into his eyes. I felt like I was being hypnotized.
"I'm yours," I said, right before my lips met his again.
Chapter 21
"You sure you don't mind, baby? It's like twenty people."
"I don't care, Seven. Really, it's cool." I said, kissing his soft lips. "What do you want me to make?"
"Make? That's what they got cars for. They can bring pizzas or something."
"Uh-uh," I said, shaking my head. "If you're gonna do it, then do it the right way."
"Whatever you want. My Milkshake gon' hook me up?"
I laughed. The nickname he gave me two months ago had stuck like glue. It always made me smile. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted for who and what I was. Seven was patient, understanding and so considerate. We would talk for hours on end, and I felt that for the first time someone understood me. Someone loved me. And I, in return, was hopelessly in love with Seven. He was my everything. My all.
Two months. I had slept in the bed with Seven numerous times. We had laid on the couch and watched movies together. We had bathed together. We had showered together. He had held my naked body against him, and I his. Although Seven often got up with a cold attitude, we had never had sex. His explanation was simple. I wasn't ready for that yet, and he didn't want this to be like every other relationship he had been in. He said he wanted to take his time and do this right. He said he was in love, for real this time, and he wanted to just enjoy the feeling. It made me think that sex ruins relationships.
"I have to go the store."
"For what? We have food," he joked, pulling me back into his arms.
I loved it there. I held out my hand for the keys to his midnight blue Lexus truck. He reached into his pocket and dropped them in my hand.
"Be careful, Milkshake."
"I will. I promise," I smiled at him.
I was in the kitchen frying chicken, making potato salad and putting together numerous sandwiches when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.
"I love you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Baby, Darshon is coming."
"I know. Trish is, too."
"How do you know? She wasn't invited."
"She called and asked if I wanted her to send anything with Darshon. I told her no and invited her, too. If Satan is coming, he might as well bring a demon or two," I laughed, and he laughed with me.
It was a football party. The Forty-Niners were playing the Steelers, and Seven was acting like the K.K.K. and the Nation of Islam was having a truce meeting. The party was my idea. His friends had been calling all week wanting him to go here or there to watch the game. I wasn't a football fan and wasn't going to pretend to be. He refused each and every invitation and followed up with, 'My Milkshake ain't cool with that’.
"If it's cool with you it's alright with me. But I'm telling you, I'll beat Trish's ass in here if she thinks she's gon' be disrespecting you. Actually, I probably won't even get the chance. Ain't Gucci coming?"
Gucci was the girlfriend of Seven's dog, Niquon, who had nicknamed himself Six when they were kids; Six and Seven. I felt like a bookie. Gucci had informally made me her adopted little sister. We did everything together. She was my best friend. Friends were something I had inherited when Seven and I got together. His friends were my friends. I liked Seven's friends a lot. They weren't fake and phony, and they seemed to genuinely care about him.
"I'm not worried about Trish, baby. I can handle Trish."
I wasn't that same little insecure girl I was a few months before, the one that cringed in Trish's presence every time she hurled an insult my way. Seven had taken away all my insecurities and feelings of inferiority. He loved me. I knew it. He made sure I felt it each and every day.
"What are you makin’? Don't let these fools eat up all our shit, Milkshake."
I laughed.
"I'm making all the things I know you love."
"Like what?" He asked, kissing my deeply.
My back was against the counter. He was resting himself against me. My breath caught in my throat, then released in a long sigh.
"Just say the word," I said, running my hands down his chest.
He looked at me for a long time then shook his head.
"Not yet, baby."
I had taken a long bath, dressed in a pair of Low Rise Levi's and a matching top that stopped below my breasts. I combed out my hair and let it fall around my shoulders, just the way I knew Seven loved it. I sat in front of the mirror and pulled out my make-up bag. I took a deep breath and began meticulously applying the shades as I remembered from the Essence magazine. I had torn the make-up counter at Macy's up. Fashion Fair and M.A.C. wouldn't know what hit them. I put everything away and took a long look at myself in the mirror. If I was gay, I would have fell in love with the girl that stared back at me.
I didn't know how Seven would feel about the transformation. I hadn't dressed this way before, and I hadn't worn make-up before. He said I didn't need it, and therefore, the make-over I had planned previously, was put on hold. Seven loved me for who I was, not for who he thought I could be, so putting it on hold made no difference to me. But for some nagging reason
, I picked tonight. Maybe it was because I knew Trish would be there. I spritzed myself with Happy and listened to Seven greeting people.
I started getting nervous as I made my way from my room, down the hall and to the stairs.
"She should be coming. You know how girls do it, man," I heard Seven say, and Six laughed.
"Yeah, 'cause fuckin' wit' Gucci it'll be basketball season again before she even get out the tub."
"It didn’t take me long to get ready," Gucci said. "I made it in record time today."
"Yeah, she did. Longest record in the Guinness book," Six said sarcastically.
"Forget y’all," she said. "Where's my girl at, Seven? Bari! Come get these fools!"
"My milkshake ain't gon' turn on me for you," Seven said.
"Never would," I clarified, as I reached the bottom of the stairs.
Trish was sitting on the long sofa next to Darshon, her mouth hanging open, a reflection of everybody else in the room.
"Daaaammm," Six said.
Seven hadn't said anything. He was just standing there staring at me like he was seeing me for the very first time.
"Bitch, you look good," Gucci said.
"Yeah, you do,'' Darshon agreed.
Trish rolled her eyes. I greeted the other people in the room and was introduced to those I didn't know. Seven came into the kitchen as I was getting food out of the refrigerator and oven. He stood looking at me a long time.
"Say something," I said, stopping what I was doing and looking up at him.
"You look good as a mutha fucka, baby. I was just shocked, that's all. You showin' a lot of skin though. I don't wanna have to put none of these fools out of my house."
I started to laugh then realized he was dead serious.
"I can change."
"No. I like it. You look sexy as hell," he said, then bent and kissed me.
His hands on my bare skin felt like fire on ice. I was losing myself in his arms when we were interrupted.
"You need any help, Ba ...” Trish began, but never finished her sentence.
"No, thank you, Trish."
She stood glaring at me, then looked at Seven.
"I knew it. I knew it all along."
"Who gives a fuck about what you knew?" Seven asked.
"I'm just saying, why did she lie?"
"She didn't lie. Wasn't nothing going on then. Darkie knew. If he didn't tell you then apparently he felt it wasn't none of your mutha fuckin' business."
"Seven, it's cool. Go out there with your friends," I said.
He kissed my lips again, then turned to leave.
"Bitch, you can kick off some shit in here if you want to," he threatened, brushing by Trish.
"Trish look,” I began.
"No, you look, Bari...”
"For real, I don't owe you an explanation for a damn thing," I said. "Not after the way you and Darshon plotted, planned and schemed behind my back, but I'm trying to be cool with you anyway. If you don't want that then that's cool, too. But what I'm not gon' do now, or ever, is kiss your ass. I don't need you, Trish. Never have. And just so you know, I'm not scared of you anymore. There ain't shit you can say to me. And if we got to get down every time we see each other, so be it, but what I ain't gon' do, is leave my man for you and nobody else, so you can save all them empty ass threats you were about to make and either kick it and roll with it, or we can get some shit crackin' up in here."
She stared at me in shock, as my new personality came out in full force. I smiled inside. I was proud of myself for standing up and defending myself.
"I ain't trippin', Bari. I'm with Darkie. It ain't even like that. I'm cool with you and Seven."
"Good. Then enjoy the party,'' I smiled, and resumed what I was doing.
She walked out of the kitchen.
"What was all that?" Gucci asked, coming into the kitchen. "Do the bitch want to get nasty up in here 'cause we can get it started.''
I smiled at her, then hugged her.
"It's cool, Gucci. Put your little dukes away," I laughed.
"Bari, you look good, girl."
"Thank you."
"What did Seven have to say about that though?''
"He liked it."
"Are you for real?"
"As Memorex. Grab that for me.''
She grabbed a tray of foot long sandwiches and followed me out to the living room. As I set the tray down on the table, I glanced up and saw one of Seven's friends watching me. He made no effort to look away. I smiled at him, set the tray down and went back to get another. Gucci followed.
"Bitch, what the hell was that?" She demanded.
"What?" I asked.
"You know what. You saw how that fool was looking at you, Bari."
He had been introduced to me by Seven as Trim. He was almost as tall as Seven, not quite as big and had the skin color of a Sugar Daddy. He had a bald head, hazel eyes and a beautiful smile. I ignored Gucci's comment, picked up a platter of chicken and motioned to Gucci to get the bowl of potato salad.
"Where is Seven?" I asked, when I got to the living room, and he wasn't there.
"He's with Darkie," Six answered.
I set down a stack of plastic plates, plastic forks and spoons and tall plastic cups. Drinks and chips were on the table as well. I sat in the spot next to the one Seven had been sitting in. Gucci was next to me.
"Bari, bitch, look," Gucci said out of the corner of her mouth.
She had a fake smile plastered on her face. I looked up to see Trim leaning to the side, watching me intently. He winked. I quickly turned my head. When people got up and began piling food on plates, I stayed where I was, next to Gucci, and waiting for Seven to return.
"He's still looking. He better hope Six don't catch that shit, and he's supposed to be so tight with Seven. Bastard," Gucci mumbled.
"Gucci, I need a drink," I said desperately.
"You're trying to get me killed. If you really don't like me just say it."
"Quit playing, Gucci, please."
"You don't even drink, Bari, and besides, I can't. Six is right there. He knows you can't drink."
"Six ain't my man," I whispered loudly.
"No, he's mine, and he's your man's best friend. They'll both kill me, and I don't want to die twice. I couldn't take all that pain," she said, dramatically. I looked at her and shook my head. "You think I'm a punk, don't you?" She laughed.
"Seven won't care. It's a party, Gucci."
"And it's gon' be a funeral, too, but not mine."
"Fine. I know what to do," I said, avoiding her question.
I knew good and damn well she wasn't no punk. Gucci would fight at the drop of a hat. I got up and headed for the kitchen.
"I know you ain't fi'n to do what I think you fi'n to do!" I ignored her. She didn't follow. Just sat looking nervously around. "Bari!" She said loudly. I heard Seven's voice. I grabbed a wine cooler from the refrigerator and carried it back to the living room with me. "You mean you sent me through all that drama for a damn kiddie cooler!"
I looked at her and smiled.
"That's all you drinking, Milkshake?" Seven asked. "This is an exception. It's cool." I reached for a Bottle that said 'Belvedere.' "Except that. It ain't that damn cool," he laughed. "I can't have my baby dancing on the table top and shit. Here, try this."
“Cristal. My daddy used to drink it.”
"Don't down it. Just sip it." I did. Sipped it twenty times in a row. It was gone. "It's almost kick off time, and they don' ate up all the damn food."
"Don't I always gotcha back, Daddy?" I asked, kissing his cheek.
He looked at me in surprise. Then nodded his head and gave me a sexy smile.
"You need help, Bari?" Trish asked.
"I'll help her," Gucci snapped and followed me to the kitchen.
"Both of you can come with me," I said.
Gucci frowned but continued to follow. They helped me carry more trays and platters to the living room. I was happy. My steps were light and airy
.
"Bitch, are you drunk?" Gucci asked.
"Why would you ask me that?"
I sipped from the cup that Seven had left on the table. This was the third cup that he had left. He seemed to leave them all half full.
"Because you are."
"No, I'm not. That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard," I began laughing uncontrollably at her stupidity.
"Bari," she said calmly. "How much have you had to drink?"
"Not much. I drank the glass of Cristal that Seven gave me."
"And what else?"
"What's up with the questions, Gucci?" I asked impatiently.
Seven came in, and all conversation ceased.
"Baby, hand me another bottle of Belvedere. Every time I set my cup down, one of them fools picks it up. I don't know why they just don't fill up their own," he said irritably.
Gucci stared at me open mouthed. Seven took the bottle and left.
"Bitch, you didn't!"
"You are trippin', Gucci," I said. "It was only a couple of sips, and I'm not drunk. I promise. I just feel really good. I feel relaxed."
"Too relaxed. That ain't cool, Bari. Seven is gon' be so mad at you."
"No, he's not. ‘Cause he isn't going to know. You talk a good one, Gucci, but you would never sell me out," I laughed, and gave her a high five.
Trish laughed, too.
"Shit, everybody deserves to feel good every now and then," Trish commented.
"You know what I'm saying?" I asked.
I walked over to the portable radio/C.D. player that was sitting on the counter and started a Beyoncé C.D. We sat around the table. I was floating, flying, sailing.
"Baby, I need some more napkins," Seven said.
"Here," I handed him an unopened pack.
He looked into my eyes.
"Bari." I immediately stared at the floor. "What have you been drinking besides what I gave you?" He looked at me suspiciously. "You the one been draining my cups?" I nodded reluctantly. He started laughing and hugged me to him. "I love you, Milkshake," he said, and went back to the living room.
Crazy In Love With A Thug: Bari and Seven Page 9