by Elle Klass
Within a few seconds my will power returned and I pushed him away. “Boundaries, remember?”
He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. “Stop pushing me away!”
Our eyes met and I laughed. “She’s such a bossy little twit.”
His mouth curled into a smile. His serious, frustrated expression wiped away as he laughed with me. After a few minutes, when his chuckles died down he said, “She is, and observant. I love you, Cleo. I have always loved you. We were younger, but I would have followed you anywhere.” His silver bullets drilling into my soul.
The truth was, I loved him too, so much, and understood now it was possible to be in love with two men but impossible to have them both at the same time. One of them was gone and he’d never return. The other was gazing at me, his eyes filling with emotion. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think we were a serious thing and...” excuses wouldn’t cut it. I needed to be truthful. “I love you, always have, but I loved Raul too and it’s hard for me. I don’t want to let go of him.”
He pressed his hand against my belly. “You never have to let him go and you will always have a piece of him.”
I ran my hands along his firm chest and over his shoulders, grasping his cheeks in my hands. He dipped his head and brushed his lips over my cheek until he reached my mouth. Wrapping my hands in his, he walked me backwards until my butt touched the dresser then lifted me upward, placing me on it as we kissed. Lost in the moment, all other thoughts left me and I was his.
An hour or so later, I lay curled in his arms, his hand drawing circles around my belly button. I let go of the battle, succumbed to the love shining in his eyes. A love that had haunted me and now flowed into my soul, filling me up, making me whole. He is the one.
Banging against the door and Rox’s words, “You two decent?” broke the magic of the moment and pulled us back into reality.
“Yeah,” Fetch called. At least she knocked instead of barging in. We sat up when she entered. A smug smile on her face. She was a groupie who’d taken claim of my life at a time I most needed it. I thought of the milk carton picture. I needed to do something, call her family, tell Fetch, but couldn’t. I wanted to know more. This pushy young lady was under my skin and worming her way into my heart.
She went directly to the screen of my computer. “Did you see this? Oh, that’s right, you’ve been busy,” she said, stringing out the last three words of her sentence, her hand on her hip and brown eyes fixed on us.
It wasn’t the best quality video but who knows what she hacked to get into it; a satellite or something probably. A gray-headed man sat in a wheelchair. His back to the camera, I couldn’t see his face. Another man of dark skin color carried something in his hand as he walked towards the wheelchair. Trees surrounded the house and the water shone beneath, displaying a rainbow of colors mirrored from the setting sun.
Heartbeat
The next day, I completed my second book signing. It wasn’t as emotional a rollercoaster as the last and I didn’t have any surprise visitors. Fetch and Rox never left my sight, giving me superhuman strength to get through.
After, we ate a late dinner and set out onto the road. Fetch had packed the van earlier in the day and was prepared to drive all night. Another little something I had to thank him for. If he hadn’t come I’d have done the driving. I cringed at the thought.
“According to Dr.Com or whatever, morning sickness goes away after the first trimester. How pregnant are you, anyways?” asked Rox from the backseat.
I spun time backwards, remembering the last night Raul and I spent together. The gentle tide rolling in and out and a calm breeze blowing through the opened screen, whispering through the curtains as they breathed against the wind. I relished those moments. There was no saying that was the night but it couldn’t be less than that. “About two months.”
“You should be taking prenatal vitamins and you need to see a doctor. There’s a ton of genetic tests they run to be sure your baby doesn’t have a genetic disease, and an ultrasound. They do the first one by eight weeks, so you’re due,” said Momma Rox.
Fetch chimed in, “The baby’s healthy and I have your doctor appointment covered.” He flipped on the blinker and switched lanes. We zoomed past the trees, their leaves displaying the rusty colors of fall I’d all but forgotten living in the Caribbean.
“The baby’s like the size of a peanut right now, but once you hit the second trimester will gain weight like crazy and you’ll be able to start feeling him kick.” She scrunched her face between the front seats. “You have to let me know, and he’ll start doing somersaults and stuff. Oh and, this is really cool, the baby can start hearing sound. By the third trimester he can make out whose voice is talking and may respond with movement.” She bounced in the seat with excitement.
I didn’t know what I’d do without this tenacious ball of energy. She was amazing. “You got all that off the internet?”
“Yeah. Everything can be found on the net,” she said as if everyone spent the same amount of time zipping around it and hacking into who knows where.
“Your first appointment is with Dr. Rys in Portland. After that signing I’m taking you home and we’ll find a regular gynecologist,” Fetch dictated. I reveled in their concern for me. I hadn’t considered taking him home with me or what would happen to Rox. I couldn’t keep her forever.
Once she slipped her head out of the front seats and settled against her own, I sent La Tige a text. Can you tell me anything more about her family? He didn’t respond right away, so I stuck my phone back into a slot in my purse and closed my eyes.
Two days in the car I watched the scenery buzz past us. Trees filled with colorful leaves gave the drive a surreal effect. I soaked in the beauty of the northwest. When Einstein and I travelled by bus from one city to the next we didn’t stop and revel in the beauty around us. Our lives were a blur.
Our next stop in solving Einstein’s mystery was Puget Sound. We booked a cabin that overlooked the water and wasn’t far from the judge’s home. Who lived in it? Who was the grey-haired man whose face never showed in the video? Was he the Peeping Tom/psychopath—the judge’s step brother? Was the reason he stopped killing because he lost the use of his legs?
Once we arrived and checked into our suite in Portland, the doctor’s office faxed a stack of forms to be completed. It was a daunting task, especially without any medical history from either side of my family. Calling Raul’s family was the easy part, so I cleared that challenge first and gave away the reason why. A stab of guilt punched me in the gut since I hadn’t yet told Kacy. My plan was to tell her in person before heading home.
As things go, his family was excited beyond measure. This baby’s Abuelita was so excited I had trouble piecing together her frenzied Spanish and didn’t get to the family history until the phone was passed to everyone. All I patchworked together was their excitement and they were visiting as soon as I returned home. Finally down to the reason for my call, it turned out his family was really healthy; no genetic disorders or non-genetic diseases, heart problems, or anything else. That eased my nerves considerably. The frantic butterflies in my belly slowed a couple notches.
My brother was the difficult call, asking first about Daddy Dearest. He confirmed my sperm donor was now in the hands of a full-time nurse. It wouldn’t be long and the giant would be gone forever, and no doubt to a fiery ever-after. Will’s voice was plagued with ache and sadness and my heart dropped hearing it but no part of me felt pity for my vile bio-father. It turned out not much ran in their family either; high IQs, manipulation, and deceit, but no hereditary diseases. Granddaddy died of a heart attack and sperm donor was painfully dying of cancer, but that was it.
My last call was the most difficult. If I told Ashla about the baby, no doubt she’d be on the phone to my bio-mom quicker than a bug splattering on a windshield. She couldn’t know, not yet, at least until I told Kacy. I already knew my bio-mom had a tough, long labor with me and Auntie Ashla gave birth to
a stillborn baby.
Fetch held my hand as I dialed the number, a good white lie in mind. His unwavering strength shot through me as Ashla picked up the phone. It turned out to be a pleasant call as my lie dripped from my tongue like chocolate syrup. I liked Ashla, but knew she was the gateway between me and the mother I refused to meet. I didn’t feel any better though, as pregnancy and birth complications ran in the family.
At the doctor’s office elevator music played softly in the background while a large-screen TV on the wall gave the “what to expect” run down of each trimester of pregnancy. I woke that morning feeling good, but watching the cartoon woman’s belly expand and the baby drop into the birth canal, nausea crept up on me.
“Cleo Burke,” called a stout lady in Hello Kitty scrubs. She eyed my entourage. “You’re all going in?”
“Yes,” voiced a determined Rox, her head held high.
The lady smiled and handed me a cup. “We need a urine sample. The restroom is to the right. Be sure to write your name on it before placing it in the window.” She glanced at Rox then Fetch. “Dad, the waiting room is just across the hall.”
Dad, she called him Dad. I didn’t see any reason to correct her. I gulped as I took the clear plastic cup and headed towards the restroom. Aiming my pee into a cup wasn’t the simplest thing I’d ever done. Once finished, I joined Rox and Fetch in the waiting room across the hall.
Time ticked slowly and five minutes felt like sixty. The seafoam-colored chairs were padded and Rox changed the channel to old Bugs Bunny cartoons. It lightened the mood and brought my anxiety down considerably. I’d never been a patient—since I was a girl and Perdy brought me in for shots. There’d been no reason; other than an occasional winter sniffle, I’d always been healthy.
“Cleo,” called a nurse with a clipboard in her hand. Her eyes glimpsed from it to me as I reached her. Noting my unease, Fetch went with me into the little room as I was handed a paper top with no back and paper blanket for my lower half. “Someone will be with you in a few minutes.” I took the flimsy clothing, not made for comfort or any other purpose than to dispose of, and flinched as I put it on. There wasn’t even a drawstring back!
A knock on the door not long after I dressed in the hideous, embarrassing paper clothing alerted us the doc or whoever was there. Another lady came in with solid pink scrubs and went over my chart, took my blood pressure and within minutes Dr. Rys entered and did a highly uncomfortable examination. The best part of the whole excruciating experience was listening to the baby’s tiny heart beating like a little thump inside a tube.
“Everything looks normal. Based on your information and my examination, I put you at ten weeks, making your due date in early May. I have ordered blood testing to be done. The transcripts can be sent to your doctor at home once you pin one down. I also recommend genetic testing based on your family history and that window is getting narrow.” She lifted her eyes off my chart and stared at me.
I glanced at Fetch whose soft eyes gave me strength. He’d go through this entire frightening experience with me. I nodded approval.
She set the chart down. “Everything is normal. Given your maternal history that’s a good sign you and the baby will be fine. Medicine is far more sophisticated today. Your doctor may place you in a high-risk category as a formality and regular ultrasounds will be done.” She smiled and crunched her nose. “You’ll see all your baby’s progress. Most women only see snapshots.”
The good news of the day: the baby and I were healthy, my morning sickness should be disappearing soon, and we were walking next door for an impromptu ultrasound. The other news was vials of my blood would be drawn for testing.
A text from La Tige buzzed my phone. Rox was the oldest of five children. They were a middle class family living in New Jersey. Her father a retired Marine Master Sergeant. A military brat: no wonder she carried no accent, she probably didn’t live anywhere long enough to develop one. Her parents were both clean and had never been reported for child abuse, neglect, or anything of the like. It was time to call them.
Confessions
My last book signing finished, vials of blood drawn, and a picture of the tiny baby growing in my womb, we left Portland. The lush forest, draped in fall colors, spread before us as the car rolled to a stop in front of our rented cabin. It was a two story wooden cabin and the front façade was almost all glass with large windows separated only by thin strips of wood. The flat roof lowered in the back, giving the front of the loft a tall, vaulted ceiling.
Rox jumped out of the van and skipped around the house, stopping only when she came to the shoreline of the water behind it. “This place is amazing!” she shouted as she skipped a rock across the shiny top of the water. The wind blew her hair backwards as she stood with her back to the house, facing the beauty in front of her. She wrapped her arms across her chest to keep out the chill in the air.
Money was nice and made it possible for Fetch and I to put together a birthday dinner for Rox. Garlic and a blend of Italian spices drifted through the three bedroom cabin as Fetch made lasagna from scratch.
“I love it when you lick,” said Fetch as I glided my tongue over a spoon to get every last drop of his savory sauce.
I glanced between strands of red and brown hair falling into my face, catching the sparkle in his eyes as he caught me in his arms, pulling me towards his chest. Our lips meeting in a sensuous kiss that shot my senses into overdrive.
“I know I started this, but really? Don’t you two ever stop?” Rox said, flailing backwards. I caught her arms and we righted each other.
Fetch and I fidgeted for a second before chuckling, my eyes sweeping from her to him. I dipped into the refrigerator and pulled out makings for the salad and placed them on the counter.
“Alright, whatever. Keep it down, my virgin ears don’t need to hear it!” She strolled to the sectional couch and dropped as Fetch and I blew up in laughter. Cooking took love and preparation for all the flavors to swirl together into savory, mouth-watering bites.
“What are you making?”Rox called from the comfort of the living room.
Fetch closed the oven door and poked his head into the living room. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He ducked as a pillow sailed over his head, landing on the tile floor behind him.
After dinner, we took our party outside and sat by the water around a bonfire. The surface of the water glowed, bathed in the moon’s light. We passed graham crackers, chocolate, and stuffed marshmallows on skewers, holding them above the flames.
“Thank you,” said Rox, bobbing a marshmallow into the flame and back out. “Today’s my birthday.”
I didn’t say ‘I know’ or ‘I know all about you, your family’, instead I kept it simple. “Happy birthday.” I told Fetch and he urged me to call her parents. After our discussion, we agreed she needed to be the one to call.
Fetch sang Happy Birthday and I chimed in and sang along. Her cheeks burned red as she flushed with our singing.
“Listen,” urged Rox, stuffing her burned marshmallow on top of the chocolate and squishing another cracker over the top. “It took a little doing, like hijacking a drone or two. Relax, I’m kidding,” she said, noting the quizzical expressions on our faces. “The house has cameras and an alarm system. I’ve been spying on them inside the house for days. The security system there is a joke. A five-year-old could break in.”
“Hold that thought,” said Fetch, “you got inside the house?”
She sighed long and deliberate before finishing her story. “You already know two guys live there and one is in a wheelchair. Every morning, the other guy wheels him outside and they sit for an hour or so above the sound.” She stuffed a bite of her mutilated s’mores into her mouth and talked with her mouth full. “I need to be honest with you.” She held her hand up, shushing anything we might say. I wanted to hear the truth. She knew something important coming into this and purposely chose me.
Swallowing hard and staring at the flames she continued: “It
wasn’t my brother who went to the Einstein Academy, it was me, and it changed my life forever. I was ten, and even then had a high aptitude for technology, so on a grant my parents sent me. My family’s not rich and it was a huge thing for me to do this, I couldn’t let them down even though I preferred to spend summer break hanging with my friends. We snuck out of our cabin one night to teepee our sister cabin. It was a dare, but when we heard footsteps and bushes rustling we hid inside the maintenance shed. It was dark and we couldn’t turn on the light and give ourselves away.” She continued to pace, then looped her hair around her finger and twisted.
She stopped abruptly and turned towards us. “The footsteps came closer to the cabin and we ducked and hid. The door opened and a light flashed across the room and silhouetted the headmaster. We stayed quiet and still, then the door closed. The footsteps moved away from the cabin and I jumped up and grabbed my friend, but his foot was stuck in a hole in the wall. When we got it loose, a journal dropped from inside the wall and landed on the floor beside him. I grabbed it and we ran back to our cabin.” Her dark eyes were large as basketballs.
That’s it? No. It was our turn to talk and the question popped out of our mouths at the same time. “What was in the journal?”
She cringed. “A list of boys’ names with two dates next to each: a birthdate and what I later figured out must be the date of death. At first I had no idea what it all meant, but once I started cross referencing the boys’ names with their birth dates, missing children reports started popping up. Each date of disappearance only days before the second date for each boy.”
“Do you still have it?” I asked frantically. I wanted to know, had to know, if Einstein was in the book.