by MJ Fredrick
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re family.”
Willow wondered if she’d feel the same when she learned she’d bailed on Cam in Seattle.
“Why don’t you come stay with us?”
“I can’t,” she replied, though everything in her wanted to run to Cam’s mom and be absorbed into that family. She’d ruined all that by breaking Cam’s heart. Just as his mom had said she would.
“When was the last time you talked to Cam?” Willow asked, knowing the older woman probably didn’t know about their rift.
“This morning. He left a message asking me to be there with you when you went home, but I didn’t get it until now, so I called him, and he wanted me to check in on you.”
“Then you know we’re kind of…on the outs,” Willow admitted, her heart squeezing. What had she done here? Not only had she broken Cam’s heart, but she’d cut herself off from his family.
Angela was quiet for a moment. “I know you’re having problems, but we’re worried about you, Willow. Now Joe will be there for you in ten minutes. Is that enough time to get your things together?”
Whatever things she had left. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, even though Angela couldn’t see her. “I’ll be ready. Thank you.”
She held on to her tears as she went through whatever clothes Jerry hadn’t destroyed and packed them in a bag he hadn’t discovered. She held on to her tears when Cam’s dad knocked on the door and took the bag from her, when she thanked him for helping Brian and Angela clean up. She’d never realized how much Cam resembled his father, though the older man was a skinnier version. But Cam got the same crinkles around the same colored eyes when he smiled, and her heart ached at the reminder.
When she walked into Cam’s house and saw the sympathetic look on his mom’s face, she dissolved into tears.
And was promptly taken into Angela’s arms. She sobbed against her surrogate mother’s neck, while the woman smoothed her hair and made soothing sounds as she guided Willow to a seat on the couch. Her scent was so familiar—Ivory soap and Pond’s cold cream. Nothing had changed in all these years. Did she think Willow was crying about her house, or her broken heart? No matter, Angela held her, as she had so many times, until the sobs subsided and the tears slowed.
Willow eased back when she heard a familiar growl. She looked past Angela to see Libby, paws braced on the hardwood floor, lip curled in threat.
“Good to see you too, Lib,” Willow murmured, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand.
“Libby, bed,” Angela said in a stern tone Willow had heard hundreds of times growing up.
The dog sulked and, sending a resentful look at Willow over her shoulder, slunk off.
“Do you want to help me with dinner?” Angela asked, with a pat on Willow’s thigh.
“I’m—I forgot to tell you. I have a business dinner tonight. That’s why I had to hurry back.” She’d have to wear an outdated suit that Jerry hadn’t found, but it was better than her discount store apparel. She didn’t have time to be nervous about that now, not with only a couple of hours until she had to meet with Gwyn.
“That wasn’t the only reason,” Angela said with a knowing gaze that Willow couldn’t look away from.
Willow swallowed. “No.”
But instead of lecturing or questioning or saying, “I told you so,” Angela rose with a sad smile. “You can get dressed in Cam’s room. You’re welcome to stay in there until you’re ready to go home.”
Why did Angela want her to stay in Cam’s old room and not Mel’s? Though to be honest, Willow would feel much more comfortable there than anywhere else in the house. She nodded and finally worked up the nerve to meet Angela’s eyes.
“Thank you. You didn’t need to do this.”
Angela swept a curl back from Willow’s face. “Of course I did. You’re family.”
A few minutes later, Willow stepped into Cam’s room and closed the door. Odd that it would still smell like him when he’d moved out years ago, but it did. She moved around the room, noting his science fair ribbons and his interscholastic league trophies and medals, his posters of classic metal bands. She paused at the dresser, on which sat a couple of framed pictures of the two of them, heads together, arms looped around each other. In one, they both faced the camera, grinning. Goodness, he’d been scrawny. Scarecrow Boy, they’d called him at school. But his eyes were the same, as was his smile, with those lovely dimples and straight white teeth. She couldn’t remember when the picture had been taken, but it was outside, and other classmates milled in the background. Lunch one day at school, maybe.
The second picture was more telling. It was graduation night, both of them in their maroon robes, hats askew, arms around each other. She looked straight at the camera, but Cam was looking at her, and the tenderness she saw in his face had her welling up all over again.
Damn him, damn him, damn him. Why did he have to love her? Why had he kept it a secret?
Why did she have to love him back? And why hadn’t she told him?
The dinner with Gwyn lasted until the restaurant shut down. The woman was more detail oriented than Willow, which was saying a lot. The table was spread with papers, barely allowing room for the salad Gwyn ordered, making Willow feel guilty for her pasta and her chocolate mousse dessert. She wanted a glass of wine, but consoled herself with the chocolate.
At least the meeting kept her mind off Cam, and what he was doing, and what he was thinking. And why she was here instead of there.
Gwyn finally gathered the papers when they were the only customers remaining and the waitstaff was hovering. “You look tired.”
Willow didn’t point out that she’d been on a plane at first light and hadn’t slept. She didn’t think she could say anything without sounding bitchy, so she just nodded.
“Well, go home, get some sleep, and I’ll see you at my office at nine, all right?”
Willow crept quietly into the Trask home with the key Angela had loaned her. It was so quiet and smelled like home, clean, but with an underlying scent of a homemade meal. Why couldn’t this be her dream? Then she’d still be in Seattle with Cam, in his arms. She was too damaged for him, apparently. Better he see it now.
Upstairs, a dog started barking, and she winced. Libby was in Cam’s parents’ bedroom, and from the sound of it, she didn’t like someone stealing into her house at almost midnight. Still, Willow moved as quietly as she could up the stairs, and nearly jumped out of her skin when the bedroom door opened and Angela stepped out, wrapped in a robe.
“Are you all right?”
“Long meeting,” Willow replied quietly, though she was certain Joe couldn’t be asleep with the racket Libby was making, now scratching at the door Angela had closed. “Sorry about that.”
Angela shook her head, a signal for Willow not to worry, and scolded the dog in a low voice through the door. Libby’s barks subsided into whimpers and Angela turned back to Willow.
“I was worried,” the older woman said.
“I’m sorry—it’s been a long time since I had to think about anyone worrying about me being out too late.” Her face heated. Angela didn’t think she’d been out with another man, did she? “My new client, Gwyn, is very precise.”
Angela motioned to the top of the stairs, inviting Willow to sit. She was so tired she didn’t think her legs could bend, but she did as she was asked—the least she could do in repayment for the hospitality. Angela sat beside her, tucking her robe tighter against the chill.
“Is this really what you want, Willow?”
“It’s what I’ve been working for.” It was too soon to know if it was really what she wanted, and she was too tired, but she wouldn’t say so to Angela.
“I just hate to see you working yourself into the ground, especially when it means walking away from something truly meaningful.”
“Cam.” Willow’s gaze traveled to the family pictures lining the stairway. “You thought at Thanksgiving that I wasn’t the right person
for him,” Willow reminded Angela, wondering at the change of heart.
Angela straightened her robe. “That’s true, and maybe my instincts were right, maybe not.”
“You were right. I broke his heart.”
Angela patted her leg. “I don’t think it’s as bad as all that. I talked to Cam a long time before he got on the train today. He talked about how you were there for him, how you pushed him into making this choice, how happy he is about this new job. He wouldn’t have it without you. I’ll admit that Cam does need to be pushed now and then, though I’d hate to see anyone, even you, try to change who he is. But I think you like him well enough as he is not to do that. And he likes you well enough as you are. There’s something there, Willow, and it would be a shame to walk away from it.”
She waited a moment for Willow to say something, but Willow was so tired she couldn’t put her own emotions and fears into words. Angela wrapped an arm around her shoulders for a quick hug, climbed to her feet and wished her a good-night, shoving Libby away from the door as she slipped back into her bedroom.
The tension crept from Willow’s shoulders. As she undressed, she realized she hadn’t talked to Cam all day. Was this what the rest of her life was going to be like? Was she willing to accept it?
She woke early to the scent of bacon and toast, even though the sun hadn’t risen. She showered and dressed in the bathroom Cam had once shared with his siblings, then went downstairs.
Angela was at the stove, Joe at the table, dressed for work.
“Good morning,” Willow managed, her voice hoarse from lack of sleep.
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Angela asked as Joe motioned for her to take a seat at the table.
“Well enough.” Angela slid a plate piled with scrambled eggs, bacon and toast to her, and Joe poured her a cup of coffee to join the glass of orange juice already at her place. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“No trouble. I cook for Joe all the time anyway. I just made a little more.”
Willow smiled and gestured to the giant pile of food with her fork. “I think you’re mistaking me for your son.”
“No, though I seem to recall you both did some damage to my food supply.”
“That’s probably true, but now—”
“Just eat what you can.” Angela sat across from her and opened a yogurt. “What time do you need to be at work?”
“I have a meeting at nine, but I thought I’d go in early to see if I could do some catching up.”
“So you’ll probably be late tonight.”
“Angela, I can’t impose on you like this.”
“You’re not. I’m inviting you.”
“Yes, but with what happened with Cam and me—”
“What did happen with Cam and you?” Joe asked.
Had Angela not told him? Willow didn’t have the energy to do it now. She shook her head, studying the food before her. It had smelled so good before but now she couldn’t think about eating. “I don’t know how to explain it.” Especially not to his parents. “Our timing was bad, I guess, thinking we could start something new just as he was moving.”
“Have you thought that maybe you could go with him?” Angela said. “Then he wouldn’t be alone out there.”
“I did think,” Willow agreed. “I did. And I got scared, I admit that. I’d be completely out of my element there. Nothing would be what I made it. Does that make sense?”
Angela sat back in her chair and nodded. “But then again, everything would be what you made it. What the two of you made together. Joe and I didn’t have anyone when we moved here. We didn’t know a soul.” She covered Joe’s hand with hers. “But we made a life. Both of us, together.”
Willow wanted to say that times had changed, things were different now. But she wouldn’t insult her hosts. “I can’t. I couldn’t. I’d be giving up too much. I couldn’t.”
“Because of your mother.”
Tears filled Willow’s eyes and she fought them back. In ten years, she hadn’t cried as much as she had this week. She pushed her hair back from her face to meet Angela’s gaze. “I see her get jerked around, from one man to the other, one place to another, because they get all the power.”
“Let me tell you something about your mother that you may not see because you’re too close to her.” Angela leaned on the edge of the table. “Your mother wanted to give up the control. She had so much to worry about, raising you, making money. She wanted someone else to take over for a bit. She wants what she has.”
“Until she doesn’t have it anymore.”
“Willow, you’ve known Cam almost your whole life. Do you think he’d want to take over your life?”
“My heart knows he wouldn’t. My heart does. But I can’t give it up.” Willow pushed her plate away, unable to even smell the meal. “I’m sorry, I can’t eat any more. I need to get into work. Thank you. Thank you for everything. I can…take my things with me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Where else will you go? Don’t worry about what time you get in, if you have to stay late at work.”
“Why?” Willow blurted. “Why do you want me back?”
Angela patted her hand and stood. “Because you’re family. We’ll see you tonight.”
***
When Willow walked into the office, she felt as if she had never been there before. The few days she’d been away had turned her into a different person, with different goals, different longings. If only she could believe they were real feelings, enduring feelings.
Even the Mylar balloons and the banner proclaiming congratulations didn’t affect her as they might have only last week. She scanned the surface of her desk, which she’d left neat and organized before she headed off with Jerry last week, and dropped wearily into her seat. She needed to catch up on some of her abandoned accounts before she met with Gwyn this morning. She wondered just when the glamour part of having the company’s biggest account was going to kick in—or if it would always just be more work.
From the other side of the cubicle, Judith bounced to her feet, her eyes wide as she grasped Willow’s arm, pulling her toward the conference room in the same move. Willow hadn’t seen her friend since the wedding, and was surprised Judith was here so early, but that was her only coherent thought as Judith dragged her down the hall. She slammed the door shut with the flat of her hand and whirled on Willow. “Where have you been? Rumors are crazy. Someone said you eloped with Jerry—neither of you came back from the weekend on time, and everyone knew you left together.”
Willow pushed her curls back from her face and dropped into one of the high-backed chairs, facing a clock, to tell her story. She had decided to leave out his retaliation on her house. She already felt like a big enough fool for going with him in the first place. He’d taken enough—he wouldn’t take her pride.
“Wait,” Judith interrupted. “You left Jerry and went on a road trip to Seattle. Just you and Cam.”
Willow couldn’t meet her friend’s eyes. “Yeah, you know—”
“You slept with him.”
“It wasn’t—”
Judith stared. “You slept with Cam? After all these years? Oh, my God. What was it like?”
Willow cocked her head chidingly.
“Not that.” Judith waved a hand in front of her, as if brushing the thought aside. “But, God, you’ve known him since you were ten!”
“Eight.” She let her head fall to her hand, her elbow resting on the table. Something welled up inside her, the desire to share this, something she hadn’t been able to talk about. In sharing, she could relive it again, just a little. “And it was incredible.”
“Really?” Judith sat across from her and covered her hand.
“God.” She closed her eyes, remembering every kiss, every caress. “Yes.”
“I’ve always wondered why you never did before. Why didn’t you?”
Willow lifted a shoulder. “Because he mattered too much. I didn’t want to chance what we had. I
couldn’t bear to lose him. And see?” She spread her arms. “I was right.” The emptiness she felt knowing she couldn’t turn to Cam still took her breath away. She tried to make light to chase away the pain. “And, you know, Scarecrow Boy.”
“You were still seeing the eight-year-old. He’s been hot for years.”
Willow snapped her gaze up. “Cam? You think Cam is hot? You’ve made fun of him as long as I’ve known you.”
“Yeah, well, he always was Nerd Boy, the absolute opposite of you.” Judith sat forward, her eyes shining with curiosity. “So, you slept together and yet you’re back here while he’s in Seattle.”
“I got the account with Gwyn. I have to get to work on that. We had a dinner meeting last night, and we have another meeting in just a few minutes.” Of all people, Judith should understand. She’d seen firsthand the work Willow had put in. “Did you buy the balloons?”
Judith waved the question aside, stuck on the whole Cam thing. “So it wasn’t as incredible as that?”
“It was definitely as incredible as that.”
Judith sat back. “I’m confused.”
“What do you mean? You’re the only person who knows what this account means to me. You know how hard I worked to get here. You know the hours I put in.”
“And I know how lonely you are. Lonely enough that you went to Jerry’s house for Thanksgiving because you didn’t have anyplace else to go.”
Her heart kicked at the truth of the words, and the reaction made her mad. “So I should just walk away from everything I’ve always wanted? That’s what Cam wants me to do. That’s what his mom wants me to do. And now you?”
Judith raised her hands, palms out. “I’m not making that decision for you. It seems like you made it all on your own. But make sure you’re happy about it.”
Willow’s cell phone rang. She glanced at the display, hoping so much it was Cam, but of course he wouldn’t call her. Why would he? Day two of life without Cam. She wasn’t a fan of this new reality. Her mother’s number flashed on the display and Willow’s stomach tightened. She didn’t have the energy to deal with this.