by Beth Goobie
“A rite of passage is something everyone experiences as they pass through life,” said Deller’s mother, smoothing the measuring tape between her fingers. “It’s a special moment that tells you that you’re growing up, getting older.”
“Oh yeah.” Nellie glared suspiciously at the measuring tape. She’d read about rites of passage in school—stories about virgins being offered to the gods, and young men sleeping naked on mountaintops in sub-zero temperatures. None of them had involved a tape measure from a sewing basket.
“This particular rite of passage is just for girls.” Deller’s mother seemed to be fighting off an enormous grin. “I went through it too—a long time ago, of course. As each girl grows up she develops breasts, just as you’re doing, and that means she needs to start wearing a bra.”
Nellie’s arms glued themselves to her chest and she took another step back. “Actually, I’ve decided not to have breasts,” she said flatly. “I’ve been sleeping on my stomach to squish them back inside. And I already tried one of them bra things. It didn’t work.”
Deller’s mother went into an abrupt fit of coughing and turned toward the dresser. “Why didn’t it work?” she asked in a muffled voice.
“It stuck out of me like two mountaintops,” Nellie complained. “Way out to here.” Ungluing an arm, she waved a hand helplessly in front of her chest, then glued the arm back again.
“Looks like you probably got a bra that was meant for me,” said Deller’s mother. “Bras come in different sizes. That’s why I need to measure you.”
Nellie took a flying leap backward and tightened her arms across her chest. Damn blobs. From the first moment she’d felt them growing, she knew they would be nothing but trouble.
“C’mon now,” said Deller’s mother. “I’ll do it over your shirt. That way no one’ll see your breasts except you. A girl needs her privacy.”
Hesitantly Nellie slid her a sidelong glance, then looked away again. “You won’t tell Deller?” she asked in a carefully bored tone.
“Deller’s not a girl,” said his mother firmly. “Only girls get to share this particular rite of passage.”
Nellie slid her another sidelong glance. “Will it stop them from jiggling?”
“That’s exactly what a bra is for,” reassured Deller’s mother. “Now if you’ll just straighten your T-shirt, I’ll measure you so I can pick out the right size for you at the store.”
Slowly Nellie unglued her arms, tugged stiffly at her T-shirt, then hung her arms rigidly at her sides.
“It’s easier if you hold your arms out a little.” The scent of tobacco descended upon Nellie, shutting out the rest of the world. Closing her eyes she stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped everything.
“That’s better,” said the voice above her head. “Now I’ll just slip it around your back and fit it snug across your front like this.”
The tape tightened gently around Nellie’s chest. Suddenly she was struggling for breath, fighting the scream that surged up her throat. White rooms, she could see doctors in white lab coats leaning over her, some kind of medical instruments in their hands ...
The measuring tape loosened and withdrew. Shuddering with relief, Nellie stepped back and crossed her arms again.
“Congratulations, Nellie, that rite of passage is over. Now that wasn’t too bad, was it?” A hand touched Nellie’s kerchiefed head. She flinched, and the hand withdrew into a moment of silence. “Hmmm,” said Deller’s mother. “My guess is you didn’t have a bath last night.”
“Yeah,” said Nellie immediately. “Sure I did.”
“Nellie, that smells like a lie,” frowned Deller’s mother. “I don’t like that smell in my house.”
“Okay.” Nellie heaved an enormous sigh and fidgeted her feet. “I just don’t need a bath every single night. I usually take one every three or four days in the brook, and mostly I don’t even need soap, so—”
“Off you go, straight to the tub this minute, young lady.” Deller’s mother pointed firmly to the door. “There will be a bath for you every night this week, no discussion. After that, we can start talking about every second or third night, d’you hear?”
Nellie’s mouth opened and she gaped soundlessly. This was something she’d forgotten about mothers. They took themselves very seriously and when they glared like that, there was no getting around them. This was definitely going to be one wasted morning. Slumping her shoulders, she slouched disconsolately toward the door.
HALFWAY THROUGH A sandwich and a bowl of soup, Nellie sat across from Deller and watched his mother pause in the kitchen doorway before heading out for her afternoon shift. “Now, Deller,” the woman said, stubbing her cigarette into an ashtray on top of the fridge. “There’s yard work that needs to be done and the back fence to paint. Supper’s in the oven. Just heat it up and it’ll be ready to eat. When I get back, you tell me what went on at the Jinnet.”
“Yeah, Mom.” Deller tilted back his chair and grinned at Nellie. He looked wind-blown, weasely and full of sun. Whatever had been bugging him at breakfast seemed to have passed, and his morning had obviously gone much better than hers. Scowling down at her sandwich, Nellie gave it a good poke.
“You remember what we talked about, son,” added his mother, picking up her purse. Deller’s grin vanished. His eyes hooded, looking inward, and he nodded. “See you later, Nellie,” she added, and then her footsteps crossed the living room floor, the screen door creaked open, and more footsteps clicked down the front porch stairs. Nellie listened to them fade into the hot blue afternoon, where the world was full of running and yelling places and no one telling her what to do.
“I’m not doing yard work,” she said, picking up her sandwich and chomping into it fiercely. “I’ve got significant things to do.”
“Me too,” said Deller. Shooting him a glance, Nellie found him hunched over his soup and watching her with hooded eyes. The hand with the missing finger rested beside his bowl, a bit of dried blood edging the bandage. “Take me through the gate,” he said abruptly. “To where they took Fen. I want to see it.”
Reluctance twisted Nellie’s face. It wasn’t right, taking someone else through a gate. If you weren’t a natural traveler, you didn’t belong in another level. It was just the way things were—the levels decided for themselves what they would reveal and to whom.
“Please,” said Deller, leaning forward. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
Avoiding his eyes, she shook her head. The place he was asking to see was one gate away from the lab-coated men. They might be on the lookout for travelers, could even be lying in wait.
Deller’s face collapsed, and she watched him suck at a tremble in his mouth. “Please,” he said again. “I never got to say goodbye. He was just gone. All this time, I’ve been looking and looking. If I could just see the place they took him ... “
Nellie took a ragged pulsing breath. She knew about this kind of pain. If someone came up to her and said, I’ve seen your mother. She’s alive. I can take you to her ...
“I’ll do whatever you say,” Deller added quickly, crooking his index finger. “Jinnet’s honor.”
Nellie assessed him through slitted eyes. Just for a moment she’d almost liked him, but now he was back to his normal weasely self. Scowling, she said, “If something happens and I say we have to come back before we get all the way there, will you listen?”
Deller’s face leapt. “You’re the boss.” A sheen of light slid down his bangs, into the muted green of his eyes, and Nellie felt a soft shuddering warmth pass through her. Jumping up, she bumped her knee against the table.
“If you’re ready, let’s go,” she said gruffly and headed for the stairs. Without further ado they passed into the thick upstairs heat of the house, Nellie leading, Deller following, the only sound the rustle of leaves at bedroom windows and the creaking of the floor beneath their feet. Nellie walked quickly down the hall, fighting the unease she always felt when someone was at her back. Stepping into her bedroom, sh
e pointed to the bed and said, “Sit over there while I figure things out.”
For this was going to take careful thinking. She’d never deliberately taken anyone into another level. Crossing to the gate behind the bedroom door, Nellie stared at it. Her own passage between the levels was no problem, of course—by now she adjusted automatically to each level’s vibratory rate—but what about Deller? What if he got stuck out of sync again? And there was also his weasely doubles to think about. Screwing up her face, Nellie pondered. She could freeze each new level as she entered it, just to show everyone she was boss and they’d better not cause a ruckus, but then she would have to unfreeze it again, and the whole process was more complicated with Deller along. She took a long thinking breath. The best thing was probably just to wing it, and hope Deller could handle any trouble his doubles might kick up.
Sending her mind into the gate, she drew it open. “Can you see it?” she asked, looking at Deller.
“See what?” he demanded, squinting from the bed. So it was as she’d thought—the gate was so close to the wall even Deller couldn’t identify it when looking directly at it. Hopefully his doubles would be as clued out as he was.
“Watch me,” she said and stepped through the gate, then turned back to face the opening. In an instant Deller was there, peering through at her.
“I can see you,” he said. “Short and skinny with hatchet hair, like always. But everything behind you is a blur.”
Nellie wanted to slug him. “That’s because I’m still tuned to the level you’re in,” she said frostily. “Every level vibrates at different rates and you can only see the one you’re tuned to. Watch.” She adjusted her vibratory rate to the surrounding molecular field. Instantly Deller and their home level were transformed into an indistinct blur and the new level came into focus, their doubles standing across the room.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Deller’s words came to her as if through a wall, muffled and indistinct. With a giggle Nellie readjusted to their home level’s vibratory level and pulled him through the gate. For a brief blurred moment there was nothing, and then their bodies adjusted to the new vibratory rate and the bedroom came into view.
“Whoa!” Deller hissed. “What a rush.” His eyes traveled around the room and fell on their doubles, standing near the window. “What’s with them?” he whispered.
Nellie shrugged. She hadn’t given the doubles a second thought. As usual they were doing their own thing, which was pretty much a copycat version of her thing, or what she would have been doing if she wasn’t traveling the levels. From the tone of their voices she guessed they were quarreling, but what else was new for her and Deller? Fortunately Deller’s double had his back to them and her own was standing, arms crossed and head down, refusing to look up. All she and Deller had to do was make a run for it. Giving him a poke, she turned toward the gate but was stopped by the frown on his face.
“Dirty bugger,” he muttered.
“What?” hissed Nellie.
“I don’t like him,” whispered Deller. “I can tell what he’s thinking, and I don’t like him.”
“I don’t like my doubles either,” Nellie snapped. “So I don’t waste time thinking about them.” Opening the gate to the next level, she stepped through it and stood waiting with her arms crossed. She would give Deller twenty seconds, and then she was sealing the gate. He’d promised to do what she said and here he was, already giving her trouble. It would serve him right, getting stuck in another level with two crotchety dou—
His face appeared in the opening and Nellie blew out a sigh of relief. With a last glance over his shoulder, Deller stepped through the gap and she sealed it. By the time she’d finished, their bodies had adjusted to the new vibratory rate and she found Deller staring angrily at the next set of doubles. Still on the other side of the room, the two were doing a strange kind of dance, Deller’s double taking a step forward, Nellie’s whimpering and ducking back.
“C’mon,” Deller’s double said pleadingly. “Just once.”
“No,” whined Nellie’s double, twisting her arms tighter around herself. “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to feel them,” said Deller’s double. “You won’t get pregnant. Lift your shirt so I can see.”
Magazine stuff. Nellie snorted quietly. She should have known, after the pictures she’d seen in the Skulls’ headquarters. Why didn’t her double just kick the jerk where he needed it?
With another whimper her double backed into the wall, and Deller took a deep hissing breath. “I’m going to punch him in the gut,” he said.
Grabbing his arm, Nellie focused and took him out of sync with the surrounding vibratory rate. He was looking too weasely, as if he was about to cause a whole lot of ruckus, and she wasn’t having it. Who knew if the lab-coated men were watching for travelers, and which level they might be focusing on?
“Hey!” came Deller’s muffled voice, his hazy transparent figure turning this way and that, trying to see through the blur that now surrounded him. With a tiny satisfied grunt, Nellie crossed her arms and waited. Let him sweat it out for a minute, and then she would bring him back into sync. That would teach him to listen when she told him to.
But Deller’s hazy figure wasn’t standing submissively, waiting for her to show mercy. Taking off across the room, he slid to a halt at the place he’d last seen his double, then raised his fists and began swinging wildly. Grimly Nellie altered her vibratory rate to match his and started toward him.
“Get lost!” Deller shouted, now clearly visible to her as he shadowboxed with the air. “Leave her be, you lousy shit. She’s just a kid, all alone, with no one to help her. You’re thinking screwed, you don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve got to wake up, wake up!”
“Cut it out!” Nellie hissed, grabbing his arm. “Stop it right now or I’ll go back to our level and leave you here to rot forever, d’you hear?”
Deller stopped swinging and stood breathing heavily. “Yeah, okay,” he said finally.
“They can’t hear you when you’re out of sync anyway.” Nellie could barely speak, her fury thudding through her like blood. “Now, you listen to me, Mr. Big Shot Skull, and you listen good. If you’re going to travel the levels, you’ve just got to learn that another level isn’t your life. What goes on there goes on, but it has nothing to do with you. We’ve got seven more levels to go this afternoon. Are you going to try to solve every problem you see in each one?”
Deller shrugged without looking up. “Maybe.”
Nellie let out a long hissing breath.
“Okay.” Deller slanted her a glance. “But it isn’t easy when it’s me I’m watching, pulling that kind of shit.”
“It isn’t you,” snapped Nellie. “Just one of your thoughts.”
“I don’t like that thought,” Deller said grimly.
Nellie shrugged and turned toward the gate. “Get over it,” she said, touching his arm and bringing them back into sync. Immediately Deller glanced toward their doubles. Following his gaze, Nellie saw them standing with stunned expressions, staring at each other.
“You didn’t have to call me a shit,” said Deller’s double, stepping back. “All I wanted was a lousy feel. That doesn’t make me a pervert.”
Nellie’s double gaped at him, wordless.
“I’m not a pervert,” repeated the boy, still staring at her. Abruptly he turned and left the room.
A look of glee crossed Deller’s face. “They did hear me!” he crowed. “You said they couldn’t, but you were wrong.”
Across the room, Nellie’s double looked up and saw them. Starting back, she cried out in fear.
“Don’t mind us,” Nellie told her airily, waving a hand. “We’re just passing through.” Turning from the girl she opened the gate to the next level, dragged Deller through, and sealed it behind them. Then she stood in the surrounding blur, deliberately keeping them out of sync with the new vibratory rate. Anyone would need a breather after the pack of nonsense she’d just been
through.
“Why could they hear me?” demanded Deller, staring around himself. “I can’t hear you when you’re vibrating differently than me.”
Nellie shrugged. “Things leak through sometimes, I guess.”
“Funny thing is,” said Deller, looking more and more pleased. “My double thought it was your double saying those things. I think maybe she did too.”
Nellie sighed. “I’m going to bring us into sync now. Then we’re going straight to the place they took Fen without any more nonsense.”
“Okay,” said Deller, sobering. She touched his arm and the room came into focus, empty of anyone but themselves. “Hey, what happened to them?” Deller demanded, staring bug-eyed.
“Took off, I guess,” said Nellie, opening the next gate. “Good thing too.”
“That’s because my double got the message,” Deller said eagerly. “I can be pretty dense, but if you yell loud enough, I usually get it.”
“That was in the last level,” Nellie said dismissively.
“Nellie,” said Deller, touching her arm. “They’re all me. Why wouldn’t they all get it, whatever level they happen to be in?”
She stared at him. This was only his second time traveling the levels, but there were already things he understood that she didn’t. It bugged her.
“Whatever,” she said, shrugging off her irritation. Images of her doubles running down a narrow staircase, through a doorway and into the street flickered through her mind, but she brushed them away. Who cared what they were doing? If they’d taken off, they would find somewhere else to live, or get over their fear and return to the house. And the fact that they were no longer in the bedroom was going to make it much simpler to progress through the next six levels.
Quickly she stepped through the gate. An initial glance showed the room to be empty, but a closer look revealed a ghostlike blur shimmering on the bed. Hazy and indistinct, the figure was vibrating at a different rate than the surrounding molecular field, but Nellie was still able to catch the vague glimmer of a gold-brocaded dress and the familiar all-knowing smirk.