by Beth Goobie
But new vibrations were entering her mind and sending themselves at the hostile probe—energy that lapped like water, blew like a fierce wind and pressed with the great weight of the ground beneath her feet. Shrill cries resounded through Nellie’s head and she felt the minds of birds and animals dart and leap at the malevolent force that continued to pierce her brain. And woven through these new vibrations was the ongoing presence of the people of the crystalline level, sending themselves in an unbreakable thrum deep into the entity’s probe.
Gradually the pain lessened, and finally Nellie felt the entity release her mind and retreat. For a long moment she continued to be filled with a dense crystalline light that swirled into every corner of her mind, permeating the frightened agitated vibrations of her brain, soothing and healing them. Then it also withdrew from her head, leaving her breathless and crouched on the laboratory floor. Slowly she looked up.
Twisted across the priest’s face was a look of such malevolence that she scuttled backward, passing the nearest birdlike machine in a blur of fear. With a roar the priest sprang after her, landing between the machines. Instinctively Nellie’s eyes darted to the onoff switch on the stem of the nearest one, and then suddenly she was standing next to it and flicking the switch. A click sounded, the three machines began to hum, and the rage on the priest’s face changed to terror.
Then he was gone. Quickly Nellie flicked off the switch. Silence descended on the laboratory, edgy and thick, and then one of the lab-coated men whimpered and dashed toward the exit. The others followed. The door swung closed behind them and their feet pounded rapidly down the hall, leaving the laboratory full of a sudden emptiness. Slowly Nellie turned to face Deller and his mother.
They were standing well back from the birdlike machines, staring openmouthed. Rerraren. Nellie saw the thought cross their faces, and a deep loneliness shuddered through her. “It’s just me,” she whispered, lifting her crystalline hands toward them. “Shapeshifting is just something ... sarpas do, I guess. But I’m not like that thing inside the priest, even if it said I was. I’m like my mother, I believe in the Goddess, and I won’t hurt you, or nothing like that.”
“Of course you won’t, Nellie sweetie,” whispered Deller’s mother, her face blanching as she clutched at Deller’s arm. Blood still trickled from the cut under her left eye. “Of course not,” she added reassuringly, but she didn’t come any closer, nor did Deller. Helplessly Nellie stared at her glittering hands and wondered how to transform them into flesh and blood.
Just think them back, said her double inside her head, the way you moved yourself over to that machine by thinking it. We’ ll probably lose the oneness when you do it, though. I’ve never been one with someone in another level before. I never even knew there were levels.
There are zillions of them, Nellie thought at her quickly. When you learn how to travel, you can visit me here.
Maybe, said her double dubiously. The people in your level seem odd to me. Besides I’ d have to bring along everyone from this level—the oneness, you know.
Oh. Nellie faltered, trying to envision it. That could get a bit complicated. Well, here goes. I’m going to try and think myself back into a human being. Goodbye.
Goodbye? What does goodbye mean? asked her double, but before Nellie could reply, the crystalline radiance had left her body and it had returned to its flesh and blood state.
“That’s more like it,” Deller whispered, and she was startled to see tears glimmering in his eyes. He flashed her a weak grin. “For a second I thought you were going to tell me you’d gone and turned into the Goddess.”
Nellie’s jaw dropped, and then she gave him a scowl of absolute disapproval. His grin broadened.
“C’mon,” she snapped, slitting her eyes at him. “We’ve got to get out of here.”
“What about the kids?” asked Deller.
Nellie’s eyes shot toward the four children, who were still standing in a submissive line along the far wall. Thoroughly drugged, they’d been so quiet she’d forgotten their presence. Even the priest’s sudden disappearance hadn’t roused them. Fleetingly— very fleetingly—she considered taking off and leaving them, then remembered the oneness of the crystal level and the way it had come to her rescue.
“Okay,” she said gruffly. “But we have to get them moving fast.”
Crossing the room, she opened the door and peered into the hall. Gloom and silence stretched in both directions, with only an EXIT sign glowing at one end. “C’mon,” she said, beckoning to the children. When they didn’t budge, she grabbed the nearest one by the hand and began to lug him toward the door. Immediately the others followed, shuffling along sleepily. Behind them came Deller, supporting his mother, whose harsh breathing underlined every step she took. Easing open the door a second time, Nellie stepped into the hall and started leading the children toward the EXIT sign. As the door clicked shut behind them, her heart jumped so hard she thought it would upend her stomach. A glance over her shoulder showed six shadowy figures following her quietly through the darkness. If the lab-coated men had left the building, she thought rapidly, they should be all right. It was the middle of the night, and even with the kids they would be able to travel Dorniver’s back alleys without being seen.
But as they drew close to the EXIT sign, lights went on up and down the hall and a male voice called, “Stand where you are.” Squinting through the brilliance, Nellie peered at several men who were standing under the EXIT sign—one lab-coated man and two police officers.
“There’s a bunch at the other end too,” Deller hissed.
Turning, Nellie saw a second group of men at the opposite end of the hall. “Sweet blessed Goddess,” she whispered, her eyes locking with Deller’s. What was she supposed to do now? The abilities that came with her crystalline state were gone, and there was no way she could find and open a gate, then get everyone through it fast enough. Desperately she shoved the children toward Deller and his mother and snapped, “Everyone put a hand on me.” Then she took them all out of sync with the surrounding vibratory rate. Immediately the hallway disappeared and they were surrounded by a murky blur that stretched endlessly in every direction. A second later they were hit by an agonizing barrage of shrieks and moans.
“Not this again,” grimaced Deller as the children whimpered and crowded against their legs. Abruptly Deller’s mother grabbed her stomach and bent forward.
“It’s like a sickness,” she moaned. “Gets into you and makes you feel desperate.”
Stumbling, she fell heavily against Nellie just as Deller and the children sank to their knees. Frantically Nellie tried to pull Deller upright, but he sank again, white-faced and trembling. “Get up,” she yelled, but he remained crouched at her feet, his arms over his head. For one brief, terror-edged moment, Nellie almost kicked him. Then she straightened grimly and stared at the surrounding blur.
It’s all vibrations, she thought fiercely. Those wails and screams are vibes, and so am I.
Drawing her thoughts together, she sent her mind deep into the surrounding soundscape. The church was thick with the sound of pain—moans and screams that pressed close, trying to merge with her vibrations. As the groaning sobs passed into her, Nellie’s nausea grew, but instead of fighting she focused on the cries, listening as each told her its story. Suddenly she realized what the sounds were—the pain and terror of the victims who’d been interrogated, tortured, and used for experiments in the Temple of the Blessed Heart.
A sob broke from her own lips. Opening completely to the wails that surrounded her, she thought, I understand, I know who you are, and I swear someday I’ll tell everyone your story so they know what happened to you. Immediately the cries stopped shoving themselves at her and begun nuzzling like small children seeking comfort. Help us find our way out, Nellie whispered to them wonderingly. Please, I need your help.
Instantly, a corridor opened ahead of her through the blur, a passageway of clear bell-like sound. Bewildered, Nellie stood staring a
t it. She was sure the church hallway didn’t run in this direction, and that the new corridor was traveling directly into the nearest wall, but the whimpering voices continued to bump against her, urging her forward. Help Deller’s mom, she thought at them. And Deller and the kids. Immediately the voices surged downward and surrounded the six crouched figures. Then as Nellie watched, Deller, his mother and the children got to their feet and stood staring about themselves. One of the children raised a hand and began patting at the voices in the air.
Joining hands, Nellie and the others stepped into the radiant corridor of sound. As they did the voices moved in behind them, absorbing their vibratory trail until every trace of their presence had been erased. On all sides the bell-like sound continued to resonate, and they found themselves propelled forward at breakneck speed until they were suddenly stepping free of the temple’s outer wall, into murky darkness and a light-falling rain.
In quiet astonishment Nellie leaned against the solid wall, watching the children mill about her as the corridor of sound faded into nothingness. It was gone, the great gift of love and pain that had lifted and carried them out of the very bowels of danger, and all she wanted to do was turn and crawl back into it, live inside its bell-like sound forever.
“C’mon,” Deller hissed, pulling at her arm. “I’ll handle Mom, you take the kids, and let’s get our asses out of here.”
Quietly, their heads swimming with exhaustion, the small group made its stumbling meandering way across the parking lot into the pre-dawn rain.
Chapter 21
NELLIE SAT ALONE on a riverbank, staring out over the quiet rippling water as a nearby wickawoo called out low in its throat, the last song of the day. It was dusk, the twin moons starting to show above the sepia-blue horizon, their pearly whiteness approaching half size. From a ways into the trees came the crackle of a campfire and muted voices as Deller and his mother cleaned up after the evening meal. Having been the one responsible for cooking the rather dismal lump of fried eggs, rice and cheese everyone had eaten, Nellie had been dismissed from the washing up chore and had wandered off to the riverbank to do some private personal thinking.
They were camped in the bush with a guide, approximately one day’s journey from Dorniver. After their escape from the Temple, Nellie and Deller had located his bike and helped his mother onto it. Followed by the four children, they’d wheeled her carefully across town to the house of a healer in the Snake-Eye district. By the time they’d arrived, she’d been sliding off the seat, barely conscious. The healer had immediately sent for several other women and they’d placed Deller’s mother in a deep sleep, then encircled her, laying on hands, singing and burning sweet-smelling herbs. Refused entry into the room, Nellie and Deller had taken up position in the hallway. Having gone two nights without sleep, Deller had soon drifted off, his head sliding down Nellie’s shoulder until it rested in her lap. His closeness had been warmer than anything she’d imagined. To get a grip, she’d concentrated on tuning into the molecular field and probing the room behind her.
The molecular field had revealed the glowing figures of five chanting women seated around a sixth who gave off such a pale light Nellie had initially thought she was dead. Listen, she’d told herself fiercely and tuned deeper into the scene, following sound downward into a quieter darker realm. There she’d seen two figures in the distance—a woman leaning against a man with sarpa eyes who held her gently in his arms.
No! Nellie had thought, and in a flash of fear had sent her mind toward them, intending to break them apart. But at that moment the door to the bedroom had opened and one of the healers had come out into the hall.
“You leave her be, child,” she’d told Nellie sternly. “This is her time to choose if she wants to continue living in her body, or pass on to the next world. It’s not your place to interfere. She’s been invaded in harsh ugly ways and we can’t change that, we can only work as much healing into her mind and body as we’re able. Then she has to decide if she wants to live on with the memory of what happened to her, or leave it behind.”
The healer had gone back into the room and closed the door, and Deller’s mother had continued to lie silent and motionless for two full days. Finally she’d woken, and after a meal and further rest, Deller had been called into the room. Impatient, Nellie had sat another full hour in the hall before she’d been allowed through the door. The woman she’d seen lying on the bed then had looked pale and thin, but the smile she’d given Nellie had carried the deep peace of two days of rest. Beckoning Nellie closer, she’d taken her hand.
“Nellie,” she’d said in her husky voice. “Deller’s been telling me what you went through, trying to rescue me, and I know about how the two of you’ve been sitting outside my door. Now I want to put what I’m saying next very clearly, so you won’t go changing it in your head. I don’t know if you’re a child of the gods and what that could mean if you are, but it doesn’t matter. From now on I want to wake up and find you in my home every morning, y’hear? No more taking off. You put your whole heart on the line saving me in that church and now I’m ready to put my whole heart into loving you, but you’ve got to realize it’s a different kind of loving, day by day. More like an open door than a windstorm. Takes a different kind of strength, keeping that door open, always coming back to the same people instead of blowing wherever the wind takes you.”
A smile flickered across Nellie’s mouth as she remembered the way Deller had stood beaming at her from the other side of the bed. There hadn’t been much time to stand around relishing the moment. Men had arrived to discuss moving them to a safe house in Shor, a small city several days’ journey to the south. By that point, the children they’d discovered in the Temple had been returned to their families in West Daven, and volunteers had been found to watch over Deller’s house. It hadn’t been difficult—with the bombing of the Jinnet’s headquarters and the news of infiltration by Interior agents, new resistance cells had been springing up everywhere.
A deep shudder ran through Nellie as she thought of everything that had happened, and she wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked fiercely. Abruptly she stopped and glanced up at the moons, halfway visible above the kwikwilla trees. A wistful look crossed her face, and she thought, Fit them together and you’ d get one person. A whole life, happy in itself.
In spite of the events of the past few weeks, there were still so many things missing, so many unanswered questions. She’d seen official documentation stating that her mother was dead, but not how she’d died. She knew she had a twin, but the knowledge was like a gaping hole inside her gut that demanded a solution. And the things the doubled priest had said about her father—well, Nellie didn’t want to think about that, pure and simple. A breeding between her mother and some creepy sarpa from a level higher than she’d ever traveled? A destiny that was so important, the sarpas had been pursuing her for years to fulfill it? What had the sarpa inside the doubled priest meant when it said it wanted to turn her into their greatest star? You had to be dead to be a star—stars were the souls of those who’d devoted their entire lives to the Goddess. Only Ivana could decide who became a star in the afterlife, not the sarpas.
Nellie shuddered again. One thing was clear—the sarpas were after her and she had to keep clear of all doubled people, especially priests and Interior agents. That shouldn’t be too difficult. She could usually spot Interior agents a long ways off, and the sarpas seemed to be restricted to inhabiting doubled people. Maybe they’d once lived in this level as solid bodies, but she was willing to bet they couldn’t any longer. She’d seen the hunger in the eyes of the doubled priest at the Temple. That sarpa had really wanted to get its hands on her directly, and if it could have shapeshifted into solid form, it would have done so.
Nellie shook her head, rumbling deep in her throat. The whole thing was beyond confusing, into another category of thinking and being she couldn’t comprehend. The sarpa in the Temple had been evil, no doubt about it, but Outbackers seemed to rev
ere people with sarpa eyes, calling them the Goddess’s children. Was it possible the Goddess had once mated with a sarpa? Could there be good and bad sarpas? Or were they all bad, but some of their descendants good? Wonderingly Nellie traced the outline of her eyes. Was she actually one of the Goddess’s descendants? Could her destiny in some way be connected to Ivana?
This whole thing connected to the Goddess somehow, Nellie was sure of it. Ivana held everything—all of life, truth and knowing— in Her divine hands. But then why did She allow such evil to go on in Her holy house? Small ripples of thought flicked across Nellie’s face as she remembered the pleading hands that sat atop Dorniver’s church spires. Maybe one of the clues to this puzzle was in those hands. Maybe they weren’t blessing the churches as she’d originally thought, but trying to escape them. Maybe those hands were a message from the Goddess telling everyone that She wasn’t a building, She was a presence that stretched everywhere you looked. For Ivana, Nellie thought excitedly, her pulse quickening, was the molecular field, great hands of energy that held everyone and everything, even the people who didn’t believe in Her. That was what the hands on top of the spires were saying, she thought, a glad smile crossing her face: Reach beyond what you can see. Reach into the molecular field, with all its love and hope glowing in every molecule. Reach into what you feel, into your soul, into other levels, even into the afterlife like the twin sons if you have to, but reach and you will find what has gone missing in your life.