Only once I’m sure she’s done, I lift my head. Her head is thrown back, her chest rising and falling as she struggles to catch her breath. I fix the skirt of her dress so it covers her again.
She lifts her head. “Whoa.”
The look in her eyes and how I made her shake is what I plan to picture as I jerk off in the shower tonight. That was exactly what I was hoping for. I look at her clock again and groan. I wish we had more time. She sits up and fixes the top of her dress. I love the way she blushes when I pass her underwear to her.
She slips them on and her shoes before we head back downstairs. I grab our bags and head straight for the den while she goes to the kitchen to get us a snack. I pull books from both bags out and spread them across the coffee table so it looks like we’ve been doing our homework before flipping on the TV.
Not even five minutes later, her mom walks in. Shit, that was close.
Damn, she’s gorgeous. “You are so beautiful” I’m nervous as I slip the corsage onto her wrist.
She looks smoking in her dress. Shit. I can’t wait to take it off of her. She moves, and I gulp when I see how far the slit goes. God I love her legs. I can’t take my eyes off her as she pins the matching flower thing to my jacket. Her mom goes nuts with the pictures, even getting action shots of us getting into the car. It sucks because if she had stayed in the house I could have Sarah pressed against this car right now.
I just want to kiss her, but the way I want to kiss would not go over well in front of her mom. Brian’s course load has him so busy he’s only been coming home every other weekend. There is no way Sarah and I could get away what we have been doing if he was around.
Every red light on the way, I kiss her. When she bites my lower lip, it takes the car behind us honking for me to willingly leave her lips. Prom is being held in the ballroom of the community center. After I’m parked, she uses her thumb to wipe lipstick off my lips and reaches into her purse to put some more on. First goal of the night, see how fast I can kiss it all off again.
After we walk in we have our pictures taken again under an arch made out of balloons. A bunch of kids from our class are going to an after party at Bravo’s house. We’re not. I got us a hotel room. The people not going to Bravo’s are going to a hotel near the community center.
Sarah wanted to get a room so I got one further out. I’m hoping it’ll be quiet, romantic. I’m ready to go now. I made prom court, though, so Sarah wants me to stay for the announcement.
When it’s finally time, I give her a kiss before I join the rest of the court on stage. Once I’m up there, I find Sarah in the crowd and blow her a kiss. I can see her blush from here. They announce the girls first. Great. Jessica. If I had any desire to be Prom King before, it’s gone now.
When they call my name, I act happy, but I don’t really feel it until I watch Sarah give me a wolf whistle. That girl. The music starts, and I frown but offer Jessica my arm. I can dance one song with her. As soon as we’re done, though, Sarah and I are out of here.
I put my hand up, waltz style, but she just wraps her arms around my neck. Awkward. I try to keep as much distance between us as I can, but she keeps stepping closer. I glance down at her, and she licks her lips. Really? When I feel her fingers move into my hair, I jerk my head to the side.
Fuck this. I put my hands on her forearms and pull her arms down from my neck before turning and leaving her there in the middle of the dance floor. Yes, I may have embarrassed her, but there is no way I’m going to let her disrespect my relationship with Sarah in front of our class. Sarah’s looking the other way when I walk up and jumps when I wrap my arm around her waist.
I love it when she looks surprised. “What are you doing?”
That right there. She doesn’t want me to miss out on anything. She would probably willingly stand there and watch Jessica try and grope me as long as it meant I was happy. I’m still waiting for her to figure out making her smile is the only thing that makes me happy right now. I pull her out onto the dance floor, doing my best to ignore Jessica.
The dance floor fills up quickly. She looks up at me, and there it is. That smile I would do anything for. I drop my lips to hers. When the song is over, we leave. She talks me into walking out first. She’s paranoid people will think we’re going to go have sex if we walk out together.
But it’s what she wants, so I walk out before her and wait for her by my car. It’s warm out and a clear night. The parking lot has no shortage of lampposts and moths and other flying insects swirl around the glow of each. The real beauty of the night is walking towards me. You always hear people talking about love in songs or movies. I never really believed it was as big of a deal as everyone made it out to be.
I was wrong, this girl owns my soul, and I’m the luckiest guy alive because I get to make it my mission in life to make her happy.
She pauses, a subtle hesitation. “We don’t have to do anything. I’d be happy to just fall asleep with you in my arms.” As much as I want her, I mean it. I would wait a hundred years if she asks me to.
“I know.”
I open her door for her.
Once I’m in the car, I turn towards her. “I mean it. We can just kiss and stuff if you want.”
“Will, I’m nervous, but I want to, so let’s go.”
I had checked in earlier and got the room all set up. I want tonight to be perfect for her.
“Are you sure about this?”
She blushes. “Stop asking. I’m sure.”
I love her. I slide the key card into the door and open it for her. She doesn’t know I decorated it and covers her mouth as she takes it all in. I walk around the room and light candles while she looks around before setting up my iPod.
“I made a playlist I thought you might like.”
The first song that comes on is “You’re Beautiful.” We’re across the room from each other. I pull off my jacket and set it down as she walks towards me. I meet her halfway.
“Do you like it?” I ask nervously, hoping she does.
“I love it. Thank you.”
“I want it to be perfect for you.”
“As long as I’m with you, it will be.”
I pull her closer, kissing her forehead. “I love you so much.”
“I know. I love you too, so, so much.”
She turns in my arms. “Can you unzip me?”
My hands shake as I slowly lower her zipper. I wet my lips as I stare at her bare back. When I drag my fingertips and lean down to kiss her shoulder, she shivers. There’s a strap that goes around her neck. I’m not sure how to undo it so I take a step back. She lifts the strap up over her head and holds the front of her dress to her. I gulp and look into her eyes. My mouth drops as her dress falls to the floor.
She covers herself, and I close the space between us. She reaches up to take off my tie, then I help her unbutton my shirt. I tug it and my undershirt off as she reaches for my pants. We’re both undressed and on the bed before the next song comes on.
We lay there, facing each other. We’ve never been all the way naked, both of us, either us, together before. This is the first time I’m actually seeing all of her and she’s seeing all of me.
“Can I touch you?”
“Huh?” I gulp. “Sure,” I say, dying to have her stroke me.
I turn onto my back and put my hands behind my head. I watch her nervously. She trails her fingers up my cock, a gentle stroke. “Is that okay?”
I can’t talk. I just nod. God, then she grasps me, her fingers wrapping around me. My hips pitch, and I groan.
“It’s okay. That felt really good.”
She giggles. “God, I thought I hurt you.”
If she keeps touching me, this might be all over before we even get started. I stop her, turning back onto my side and pulling her back to me.
“I’m nervous I won’t be good at it.”
I take her face in my hands, lifting it until she will look at me. “Impossible.”
“Will it
be messy?”
What? Sometimes she completely catches me off guard. I laugh, dropping my hands. “Why would it be messy?”
She covers her face. “Because I’ve never done it.”
I can’t help it. I grin.
“What?” She laughs.
“You’re cute.” I lick my lips before crushing them to hers.
We blur into a mesh of arms and legs. I sink into her, but it feels like she’s crawled up inside of me. There isn’t a place of her that isn’t touching me. I try to go slow. I try as hard as possible to be gentle, but when she starts moving against me, with me, and I can’t hold back. I’ve never done it without a condom before, but since Sarah’s on the pill, she said I didn’t need one. It feels unreal, warm, wet, tight. She watches me as I fall apart. I’m about to lean down and kiss her when she laughs.
“Something funny?” I’m terrified it didn’t feel good for her.
“You just deflowered me.”
God, I love her. “Did it hurt?”
“A little at first, but then it felt better.” She runs her hands up and down my back. “Was I okay? For you?”
“Okay? Sarah, you crazy beautiful girl. I love you so much. That was the second best moment of my life. The first was when you told me you loved me.”
“So that’s a good thing, right?” she teases.
She pulls me down, kissing me, pausing only to start laughing again.
She tries to smother her laughs with her hand. “We just did it, Will.”
It’s infectious. “Why is that funny?”
“I just can’t believe it.”
“I love you, even when you’re a crazy person” I brush my nose against hers.
She stops laughing, now serious. “I’ve loved you for so long.”
I brush some hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. “How long?”
“Seventh grade.”
“You did not.”
“Alright, maybe it wasn’t love love, but I had the biggest crush on you.”
“I never knew. I never thought—” I kiss my way down her neck. “I wish I had known.”
“Why?”
“We could have gotten together sooner.”
It’s like someone flipped a switch. One minute it was bright, full of light, and Sarah was in my arms. My only mission in life was talking her into going away to school with me. Then bam! Nothing but darkness. I don’t know where she went. She’s just gone. She was in my arms twenty minutes ago. I’m freaked. I know it. Even Bravo, who is one chill guy, is looking at me like I’ve lost it. That’s just it. I’ve lost it.
Where is she?
It’s not until the hundredth time I’ve tried her cell that I see it light up inside my car. Fuck. If her phone is here, where is she? I walk out into Bravo’s backyard, closer to the water. Could she have fallen in? Shit, what if she’s out there struggling right now, and I have no idea? I’m about to get into the water when I hear Bravo call my name as he jogs toward me.
He’s out of breath. “Hey man. Some people saw her leave with some girls in a Prius.”
“Who saw her? Are they sure it was Sarah? Who drives a Prius?” I turn, searching the faces around me.
“Whoa, man. Breathe. Look, I’m not sure what happened, but she probably just caught a lift home.”
I shake my head. “She wouldn’t have done that unless something happened.” I reach into my pocket for my keys.
“No way, man.” Bravo says, grabbing them from me.
“What? I’m fine.” I say, reaching for them.
He shakes his head and shoves them into his pocket. “One, you drank tonight. Two, hate to break it to you, but you are not thinking straight at the moment. Go upstairs. Get some sleep and go talk to her in the morning. My nana always said no good decisions are made after midnight.”
I want to argue. I want to somehow get my keys from him and take off after her, but Bravo is a good guy so I let him lead me back into the house. Even though it’s late, I still call Brian’s cell once I’m in my room.
Once he tells me she’s home, I relax. He won’t let me talk to her, though, which bugs me. Instead, he tells me to come by in the morning.
After I hang up with him, it takes me forever to fall asleep. I just can’t figure out why she would leave the way she did. All of her stuff is still in our room. It just isn’t like her. She’s never done anything like this. Somehow, after what feels like hours, I fall asleep.
When I wake, it takes me a minute to remember where I am, and I realize Sarah isn’t with me all over again. I throw all of our stuff together and race downstairs. Bravo is already up and gives me back my keys. Luck is on my side that there aren’t any cops out this morning because the speed limit seems optional given what I’m racing back to. Pulling up to Sarah’s house, my stomach drops, and I know right away something is wrong.
Mrs. Miller and Brian are both outside, and Brian’s cell phone is to his ear. It just keeps ringing.
“Mom,” I hear him say as I walk over to them.
Mrs. M sees me and runs over. “Will, do you know where Sarah is? She won’t answer her phone.”
I look up at Brian, unable to keep the anger from my voice. “I thought you said she was here.”
He rubs his hand over his face. “Yes, was. Just when we woke up this morning, she was gone, and so is my car. She left a note on her bed saying that she was headed to Jersey. We keep trying to call her but…” He trails off.
I try to wrap my brain around her going to Jersey when I remember I have her phone. “You won’t be able to reach her. That’s why I called you last night. Her phone was in my car. It must have fallen out of her hands or something.”
“Why did she come home early? Did you two have a fight?” Mrs. M asks.
I shake my head. “We didn’t fight at all.” I point over to my car and show them the dent. “I have no clue why she left. I was all wrapped up dealing with that.”
Mrs. M pats me on the shoulder. Sarah ran away? I look up at Brian and hold up my hands.
He watches her walk back into the house before coming over to me. “She was crying in her room last night; I could hear it through her door, but she wouldn’t talk to me.”
“What the hell? Why didn’t you tell me that last night?”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t expect her to be gone this morning. She’s probably broken down somewhere between here and Jersey, knowing my piece of shit car.”
I grab his arm, pulling him toward my car. “Then let’s go. We’ll just get on 95 and find her and bring her back.”
“You think Dad and I didn’t already talk about that? Hell, who knows if she was lying in her note. She could be headed anywhere.” He starts pacing.
“Your sister isn’t a liar,” I argue, my words stopping him.
He nods. “I know. That’s why my dad is on the phone with my uncle right now.”
I blank on his name for a sec. “Chip?”
“Yeah. He’s going to let us know if and when she gets there.”
This is insane. “So you’re going to just sit here and do nothing?” I ask in disbelief.
Mr. M walks out. “Brian, I just got a call from Roger. He found your car.”
We both look at him. “Where?”
He frowns. “The train station.”
“That means she could have gone anywhere.”
I feel lightheaded. I sink to the curb and put my head between my knees. I thought I felt bad last night. This pain is a whole lot worse. It feels like someone reached into my chest, pulled out my heart, and is squeezing it. It hurts to breathe.
I stare, at the dirt and gravel on the ground, trying to make sense of it all. It’s like she vanished into thin air. Sarah is my world. Almost every decision I make on a daily basis is done with a consideration of how it would also affect her.
Brian crouches down next to me and pats my back. “Look we’ll wait to hear from my uncle.”
I shake my head, still looking down. “We don’t even
know for sure that’s where she’s going.”
“Exactly, so it would be stupid to do anything right now before we find out anything else.”
I look up, turning my head to look at him. “I can’t just sit here. I have to do something.”
He nods. “For now, and I’m not saying this to be harsh, but I think it would be best if you went home. I can call you the second we hear from my uncle.”
What do you do when the girl you’re in love with runs away?
Do you sit at home and watch a movie? Maybe grab a burger and some fries? I want to go after her with every molecule I’m made of, and it’s killing me that I just don’t know what direction to go. I rise slowly to my feet, uncertain they’ll support my weight. I walk to my car, vaguely hearing Brian promise he’ll call me in the background. When I pull into my driveway, I feel the sensation of not even knowing how I got here. I must have been on autopilot the whole drive.
I walk upstairs to my room and torture myself with pictures of her. Where is she? At some point, my mom knocks on the door. I ignore her, committed to my personal hell. I’ve texted Brian four times asking if they’ve heard anything and freak out a little more every time he responds that they haven’t.
It’s nighttime. My stomach growls, but I ignore it, certain anything I’ll eat will just come right back up. My dad knocks on my door this time, not waiting for my response and just walking in.
“William, your mother is upset. You’ve been sulking all day. We have to leave early tomorrow, and she just wants to make sure you’re all packed.” He glances around my room. His eyes never really coming near me.
Fuck. Italy. I stand. “Dad, Sarah’s missing. I can’t go to Italy.”
His mouth drops, and he finally looks at me. “What do you mean she’s missing?”
My mom sticks her head in the doorway. “Who’s missing?”
My dad turns back to her. “Will’s girlfriend.”
“What?” She says, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.
“What happened?” My dad asks, looking back at me.
I sit up, feeling dizzy when I do and claw at my comforter to keep myself up. “We went to a party at Bravo’s last night. Someone dented my car.” I ignore their raised brows and keep going, not even caring about my car. “I was exchanging insurance stuff with the girl when Sarah just left with some girls and went home. When I went to her house she was gone. She took a train somewhere. She left a note saying she was going to her uncle’s place in New Jersey but…” I just shake my head.
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