I’m going to hell for lying. “So what brings you out this way? Work?”
“Nope. Brian’s getting married.”
I act like I don’t know. When she jokes about moms going crazy over losing their baby boys, I know she means my mom. I do, but I don’t want to tell her about my dad. I worry the side of my lip between my teeth. It’s an old habit I barely notice I do anymore. I only notice this time because I watch her eyes drop to my mouth. Here goes.
“My dad passed a couple years ago.”
Her eyes soften, and she puts her hand on my arm. I look down at it. She doesn’t even know she still owns me. She asks about my mom, and finally, after she tells me I’m a good son, she moves her hand. The attendant comes by to pass out drinks. I question her drink choice before I bring up the day she left.
“It was just like one minute you were there and then…” I shrug. What I don’t say is, why did you leave me?
She looks down and spins a ring on her thumb. It takes me less than a second to recognize that ring. I grab her hand and pull it up before looking at her.
“I can’t believe you still have this ring.” Thinking that has to mean something.
She tugs her hand from mine and covers it with her other hand, but I don’t even care. She is still wearing the ring I gave her over a decade ago. That has to mean something. It means, whether she knows it or not, that she is still mine.
She agrees to let me drive her home. She may kill me when we get to her house, but I’m still taking it as a good sign. I send a text to Brian to give him a heads up. I also tell him I didn’t tell her I know about the wedding. He sends back a picture off the internet of a donkey laughing. Dork. I think what he’s trying to tell me is he is going to laugh his ass off when Sarah finds out I know about the wedding.
I look at her, and she looks uncomfortable. I glance at my watch out of habit. A rush of words come out of her mouth. She feels bad for keeping me. She can just take Marta or a cab.
“Sarah, don’t be silly. I’m not letting you get a cab.”
Her mouth quirks up at one corner. “You’re not letting me?”
I smirk at her.
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. Wait. Just don’t be so bossy.”
I can’t help myself. I pull her into my arms. I tell her how much I’ve missed her while I breathe her in. She smells like pears. I’ve never craved one so bad in my life. As we wait for her bags, I catch her looking at me a couple times. That has to be a good thing. When I see her reach for a red bag, I grab it for her. Once she has both her bags, she follows me out to the parking lot. I’m popping open the trunk when I hear her laugh behind me.
“Another freaking Jetta?”
I look back at her. “They’re good cars.”
I have to hold back a laugh when she asks if she can press the button.
I lean towards her. “Anytime, Miller Lite.”
As we drive to her house, I point out all the things that changed. I want her to see that, even after all of this time and even though things changed, they can still feel the same between us. I still need to find out why she left in the first place. I know no matter what it is we can get past it. When we get to her house, she asks me what I’m doing to fix the parts of me that make unhappy. I tell her the truth.
“I’m working on it. I got you in my car again.”
Oh shit. Why did I just say that? She looks like she’s about to hyperventilate and not in a good way. I back peddle like a bitch.
“I just mean that I’ve missed you in my life.”
That doesn’t help. She gets out and walks around back to the trunk. I smack my head on the steering wheel before going back to get her bags out. She tries to ask me if I should be heading home. Her mouth drops when I walk right into her house. She stumbles after me. I leave her bags in the living room. I can hear people in the kitchen so I head that way.
“She’s going to kill you,” Brian says in my ear as he pats me on the back.
I lean in to kiss her mom on the cheek and catch her eye. Sarah doesn’t look pissed, just confused. I walk around the table and grab an apple. Her mouth drops.
She points at me. “He’s eating an apple.”
Her mom looks at her. “So?”
I might as well fess up. I brush past her to toss the apple core in the trash. “Just because you left doesn’t mean I did.”
“I didn’t know.” Her voice is so small I want to just pull her into my arms.
When Brian tells her I introduced him to Christine and I’m the best man in the wedding, she turns on her heel and races out of the room. I chase her up to her room. She asks how I know Christine. She’s pissed but starts laughing when I tell her Christine teaches math at Renfroe. Only Sarah can go from one extreme to another like that, and I love it. She flops onto her bed, giving me an excuse to come over and sit next to her. First day back, and I’m already sitting on her bed with her. I must be doing something right. Until she kicks me out.
I head back downstairs and talk to Brian for a while before heading home. I’ll be back in a few hours for dinner. I check on my mom first. It’s good to see she’s gotten dressed. The last time I went out of town overnight, she was still in her nightgown when I got home. I remember things being bad like this right after my sister died. I just don’t think it took her this long to move past it, not that she’ll ever fully move past it. It’s just that she was able to go back to work after a few months. Our house never felt like it did before Bethany died. Her room still creeps me out. Not one thing has moved since that day.
My mom is the only one who ever went in there after, to vacuum and dust. It feels like a tomb. The first time I ever went to Sarah’s house, I felt like I could finally relax. Her family just folded me into them. It never felt like I was a guest.
My mom is in the living room looking at old photo albums. I leave her. There’s no point telling her to stop, even though they upset her. All she’ll do is make me sit with her and look at them as well. I loved my dad. We weren’t as close as Brian or even I am with his dad. He seemed lost after my sister died and didn’t know what to do for my mom. I think he used work as an escape from this house. I barely saw him outside of family vacations and even then he’d find a way to disappear.
I unpack before jumping into the shower. I can’t stop thinking about Sarah. Up until now, it had just been this idea that she would be home for the wedding. This anticipation that I knew I would see her again. That moment at the airport, when I held her in my arms again, I just can’t wait to do it again. I take my time shaving and feel like a girl when I mess with my hair. God, why am I nervous? Once I’m dressed, I pace around my room. I’m not supposed to be there for another hour. I go down to check on my mom again.
She looks at my clothes. “You aren’t staying for dinner?”
I shake my head. “No, mom. Remember it’s Brian’s wedding this week. There’s a bridal party dinner tonight.”
Her face falls. “But you weren’t home for dinner last night either.”
I hate it when she tries to guilt trip me. “I can make you something before I go and hang out with you while you eat.”
She closes her eyes and nods like that’s the least I could do. She follows me into the kitchen. I boil some pasta and sauté a chicken breast in another pan. My grandmother would probably turn over in her grave, but I top it off with some spaghetti sauce from a jar. My mom eats sitting on a stool at the island while I clean up the mess I’ve made. We don’t talk. I’m not even sure why she wants me around. Either way, it’s a welcome distraction to kill time. I kiss her on the cheek when I hear Brian honk from the driveway.
“Where’s Christine?” I ask, hopping in.
He lifts his brows. “The girls are getting ready together at my folks’ place.”
Christine has been known to take her time when it comes to getting ready. It makes me wonder about Sarah. She never seemed to care about all of that. “Wanna make a bet on if they’re ready or not when we get there?”
<
br /> He shakes his head. “Nope. That’d be a stupid bet.”
We’re halfway to his house before he asks me about Sarah.
“What do you want to know?”
He taps on the steering wheel while we wait at a traffic signal. “I know you’re still interested in her. All I ask is that you not piss her off before my wedding.”
“Hey—”
He cuts me off. “Look, I don’t need to know exactly what went down between you two. You’re both grownups. That’s all I’m going to say on it.”
I nod as we pull into his old neighborhood. Neither of us are shocked to find out the girls aren’t ready. It’s cool, though, because we only have to wait like five minutes before they come down. We stand when they walk into the room. Christine is two steps ahead of Sarah and blocks my view for a moment. When she moves over to say something to Brian, I gulp. I’m not even sure how to deal with how fucking hot she looks right now. I’m slightly embarrassed by the thoughts of what I would do to her that are flashing across my mind right now.
I’m not sure where to look. Her legs looks like my favorite wet dream but her face. God, she’s beautiful. She knows I’m watching her. Shit, I can’t take my eyes off her.
I try to make a joke. “Got everything you need?” And I’ll be damned if she didn’t forget her ID. I try to discretely watch her ass as she hauls it up the stairs to get her ID from another bag. When she comes back down, Brian offers Christine his arm to walk her out to his car. I do the same and can’t help but feel put out when Sarah shakes her head and walks past me. What the hell? She can’t hold my arm? Did I piss her off again?
Christine sits upfront so Sarah and I are in the back. I try to catch her eye more than once. She has to be ignoring me. I had a picture of how tonight was going to go in my head, and this is not it. When we get to the restaurant, she’s seated next to Brian and across from me. We order a bunch of food to eat family style. While we wait for the food, I help myself to the bread and dip on our table. A waiter comes up to see if anyone wants to try the sangria. I’m more of a beer guy so I don’t try any. I’m fucking hypnotized when Sarah does. Our eyes lock as she parts her lips. The sangria is in a leather pouch that the waiter squeezes, shooting a stream of wine into her mouth.
It’s fucking erotic to watch. I drop my napkin in my lap and have to adjust myself before anyone notices I’m sporting a semi. God, what I want to do to her mouth. When she looks away, I brush my calf against her leg. Her eyes flick back to mine. I hold them as I pop a piece of bread in my mouth, hoping she can tell what I want to do to her. When I lick some oil off my finger, she jumps up, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. Brian gives me a look as I follow her. I wait for her, just outside the door.
She’s surprised to see me when she comes out but plays it off. “Long line for the men’s room?” She tries to move past me.
Not so fast, I think grabbing her wrist. Her back is to me. Why doesn’t she turn around?
“Sarah,” I plead.
The anger in her voice surprises me when she snaps. “What are you playing at, Will?”
“Playing?” Now I’m pissed. I give her arm a tug, and she turns to face me. “I promise you this is no game.”
“Alright.” Her voice is cold. “What do you want from me?”
This is it, my shot. “Everything.” I slide my hands up her arms and hold them right below her shoulders. “I want everything from you.”
Her eyes look wet, but it’s hard to tell. “I gave you everything once. Now I have nothing else for you.”
She pulls away with little effort. I’m too stunned by what she’s said to hold on. I’ve let her get away again. She sits back down and looks up at me. I haven’t moved. I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. I just made it clear I still want her, but she made it seem like she was the injured party. What the hell? She left me. I still don’t have a fucking clue why, but I still want her no matter what. I walk back to the table. I need to figure out a way to get her to talk to me. I’m obviously missing something.
She avoids my eyes at dinner. Afterward, we all head to a local dance club. I know any chance to get her to talk to me tonight has probably passed. Part of me feels like if I can get her to relax, maybe dance with me, she’ll figure out I’m serious. Christine pulls her and the other girls out onto the dance floor. I can’t take my eyes off of her. When we were dating, we were both so young. It’s cool to see how she’s matured. How confident she looks in her skin. I gnaw on the inside of my lip when I see other guys watching her too. It’s stupid to be jealous, but part of me wants to deck any other guy looking at her.
One guy in particular is really starting to piss me off. I stiffen as I watch him approach her and try to dance with her. His hands go for her hips, and I can’t stop myself. I’m at her side, taking her hand, letting him know she’s with me. She doesn’t fight me as I lead her to another part of the dance floor.
“I was taking care of it,” she says, pulling her hand from mine.
“I know,” I shrug, “I was just looking for an excuse to dance with you.”
She tells me she won’t dance with me then leaves me in the middle of the dance floor. Like a dumbass, I follow her. She’s using Brian as a shield so I give her space. Partly for her but mainly for the tap dance she’s doing on my ego. I avoid her the rest of the night, curious if she’ll make any attempt to talk to me. It sucks that she doesn’t. Brian and Christine drop her off first. Once she’s out of the car, Christine turns back to look at me.
“You two used to date, right?”
I nod.
“There was so much sexual tension coming off the both of you; I felt dirty for watching.”
“Chris, really?” Brian looks ill. “That’s my kid sister.”
She waves him off and looks back at me. “So? What’s the deal?”
Brian’s eyes flick to mine through the rearview mirror. When I shrug, he looks back at the road.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I wanted a chance to talk to her, but she seems pissed at me for something. Problem is, I have no fucking clue what it is.”
“You want her, though, don’t you?” She’s gripping the arm rest as she looks back at me.
I exhale. “Only for the last seven years.”
Her eyes light up.
I point at her. “Promise me you won’t say a word.”
She bobs her head up and down, grinning while Brian shakes his. She sees him out of the corner of her eye and smacks his arm. He was right to shake his head. I don’t know what possessed me to tell her. She can’t keep a secret.
The lights are out when we pull up to my house. Brian stays in the driveway with his lights on long enough for me to get into the house. I glance down at my watch. We were out later than I thought. I lock up and head straight to bed. I have to be back at the Millers’ tomorrow to help make a slide show for the rehearsal dinner.
It takes me a while to fall asleep. I can’t get the look Sarah gave me before she walked away from me at the restaurant out of my head. What happened? She seemed cool on the plane. Was she really this upset that I didn’t tell her I knew about the wedding? That doesn’t seem like a big enough deal. There has to be something else; I just have to figure out what it is.
Brian asks me to stop by and help them pick out pictures for a slideshow to play at the rehearsal dinner. He calls me before I leave to see what kind of sub I want. I pull up right as they’re walking in the house. I’m maybe five steps behind them. I let myself in and head to the kitchen. Sarah is trying to deep throat her sub. Only girl I ever knew who could look hot stuffing her face. Her brown hair is in a messy bun on the top of her head, and she’s bumming it in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. I’ll never get over how beautiful she is. When she sees me, she blushes and covers her mouth.
I look away so she can chew without me watching her. Her Uncle Chip is there, and I lean in to give him and hug. He was always cool to me.
“You didn’t wait for m
e?” I ask, sitting next to her. I know I’m being a punk, but I can’t help it around her.
“Only Sarah couldn’t wait,” her mom replies.
“My mother only mentioned Brian and Christine were coming.” She looks at her mom. “Thanks, mom. Really, thank you.”
Shit, she didn’t know I was coming. “It’s cool. Brian thought you might need my help with the slideshow.”
She glares at Brian. “What? Why would you think that? I can handle making a slideshow.”
Great. “I can go.” I start to stand up.
Her hand wraps around my arm as she tugs me down. I allow her to pull me even if she won’t look at me. Sarah always was stubborn. This is as close as I’ll get to an invitation, and I’ll take it. She’s quiet during lunch. I wonder what she’s thinking, if she can tell how much she still affects me. How I have to make myself look away from her.
After lunch, Brian, Christine, Sarah, and I set up in the living room. I can’t keep my eyes off her ass in those pants. I distractedly follow her before I remember I need my computer. I grab my laptop bag from the foyer. I brought my computer and my scanner. Christine brought pictures of herself from when she was a baby until before she met Brian. I guess she wants similar pictures of Brian to go with them. They start flipping through photo albums while I start scanning the pictures she brought. They’re all pointing out pictures here and there, the really good ones they take out and give to me. I have a stack of like twenty to scan when it gets really quiet.
I look up and see Brian and Christine looking at Sarah. She’s holding this faded brown leather album. The kind that has the paper that is sticky and there is a clear sheet of plastic you can pull back to move the pictures around. Silent tears are streaming down her cheeks. Awareness hits her, and she sets the album on the coffee table before hurrying out of the room. Brian starts to get up, but I stop him. Setting my laptop on a side table I follow her, pausing only to look at the page that upset her so much.
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