“Oh yeah? Just funny how all this happened as soon as you met him. Couldn’t keep your dirty little paws off him, could you? What, are you more interested in football players now? I guess you don’t like a guy to have brains as well as brawn.”
I groaned. “Derek, this has nothing to do with him.”
“Go on, tell me the truth. You’ve slept with him, haven’t you?”
“What? No, I haven’t!” I had kissed him, but Derek didn’t need to know that little fact.
“And I saw the way he was looking at you that day in the library. What did I tell you? I knew it! You think I’m stupid, don’t you? You see, I knew that you would do something like this. You were better off being homeschooled. At least then I knew you were safe!”
“Are you being serious? This has nothing to do with Dominic,” I shouted. “I am breaking up with you because we do not love each other. That’s it.”
“Is it Professor Jackson then? Is that what it is? Are you seeing him? Are you sleeping with your professor?”
“What? What are you talking about, Derek? Have you completely lost your mind? I’m not sleeping with the professor. I’m not sleeping with anyone. You are disgusting. How can you even say that about me? I was right to break up with you. I should’ve done this a long time ago. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to please leave my room. Just take your box and go. We could’ve done this in a civil way, you know. We could’ve stayed friends. But you’ve ruined all hope of that. I’m glad we’ve broken up now,” I said.
I tried to stay strong, but I could feel my body trembling, giving me away. I hoped he didn’t notice. I wanted him to think that I wasn’t at all intimidated by him. I didn’t want him to see me as nervous or fragile, even though that was how I was feeling. I wouldn’t tell him that when I came home that night from the fight that I had cried myself to sleep. I didn’t like anyone to know that I was a crier. I kept those moments to myself.
“You’re really something, Candice. I cannot believe you are doing this to me. You know what? You’re going to regret doing this to me. You’ll see. One day you are going to look back at this and realize what a mistake you made. Nobody talks to me like this. Nobody breaks up with me. You’ll be sorry!”
“Just go!” I said and walked over to the door and opened it.
The moment he walked out, I felt an immense sense of relief wash over me. I was so glad that I had done what I had done. It felt so good to finally be rid of him. Things hadn’t been right with us for a very long time, but I still had no idea he would react like that. Goes to show what sort of a guy he really was. I sat back down on the bed, thinking about what I had done. I was going to have to do some serious explaining to my father, but I was sure that he would understand once he heard how Derek had treated me. Breaking up with someone was never good, but I was surprised at how calm I felt. I had done the right thing.
I sat there for some time, hoping that Derek wouldn’t come barging back in. I’d locked the doors just in case. But after about an hour, I felt safe that he wasn’t going to return. He probably just felt embarrassed that I had broken up with him and not the other way around. I was sure that things would be very different if he had been the one to break up with me. His ego was just bruised.
I wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of my day. I had work to do, but I couldn’t absorb any of it. My mind just wasn’t there. Every time I read through a page, my mind would wander, and I would have no idea what I had just read through. Eventually, I put my books away. I was a little ahead with anything, anyway. When you didn’t have many friends, there wasn’t much else to do but study, so I had gotten ahead with my work without the teacher even asking us to. I didn’t need to study right now. Instead, I picked up the phone and called Dominic.
“Oh, hi,” he said. “Uh, how are you?” I knew he was thinking of the kiss. I needed to tell him about Derek. I didn’t want him to think I was that sort of girl.
“I have some stuff I want to talk to you about,” I said.
“You okay? You sound weird.”
I smiled. “You know what, Nicky? I’m actually better than I have been in a very long time. Any chance you have some spare time today?”
“Uh, yeah, why?”
“I’d love to go on another bike ride.”
Chapter Eleven
Dominic
The most serious girlfriend that I had ever had was a girl named Madeleine. I used to love her name. I would say it over and over again, letting the syllables fall off my tongue. Madeleine. She was two years my junior and the prettiest girl that I had ever seen. Her hair was auburn in color and fell all the way down to her waist. No matter how many times she cut her hair, it would grow back down in no time. Thick, beautiful hair that seemed to have a life of its own. She was the only girl I had ever truly loved. I told her once. The two of us were sitting in her room when her parents were out, and I’d told her that I loved her. It was the first time that I’d said it. I had been practicing the moment for weeks already, trying to think of different scenarios. In my head, all the scenes had been romantic. In each one of those dreams, the tears had fallen softly down her face as she embraced me. In each one, she told me that she loved me back. I had no doubt in my mind that she loved me as much as I loved her. I had already planned our future together. I had already decided what we would name our kids. I couldn’t wait to share all these thoughts with her.
But when the time finally came in reality, she didn’t say it back to me. Instead, she shook her head and told me that she had met someone else. That day had been the worst day of my life. I had never expected to be so hurt by someone at such a young age. People told me that I would get over it but to this day it lingered inside me.
Madeleine moved to another city, and I was grateful for that. I didn’t want to see her pretty face all over town. Most of all, I didn’t want to see the man that she had left me for. Years later, she had called me, telling me that she was back in town on vacation. Asked if she could see me. I made sure that I was away during that time. I couldn’t afford to let my heart get broken all over again. It had taken me that long to get over the pretty Madeleine. The last thing I wanted was to fall for someone else and watch my heart get trampled on again. I hadn’t lied when I told the boys that I wasn’t interested in girls because I wanted to do well in school and well in my football career. Those were all valid reasons. But they weren’t the only reasons. I just didn’t want to fall in love again.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss with Candice. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way it had made me feel. But most of all, I also couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that went to the same college as we did. As much as I didn’t like him, I couldn’t do that to him. What if he loved Candice as much as I had loved Madeleine? I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, be the other guy. The one that came along and ruined it all.
And yet, despite all these thoughts whirring through my head, the moment Candice called, I felt my resolve dissolving.
“I’d love to go on another bike ride,” she said after the very sudden and very confusing phone call.
I knew I should’ve said no. I knew I should’ve told her that I wouldn’t see her again. Not like that. But those weren’t the words that came tumbling out my mouth.
“I’ll be right there,” I found myself saying.
I looked in the mirror and felt shame burning through my eyes. What was wrong with me? Why was I so drawn to her?
Fifteen minutes later and Candice had climbed on the bike behind me and wrapped her arms around me. I tried to ignore how good it felt to have her there.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked her.
“Anyway. I don’t care. I just want to get away for a while.”
“Yeah, so do I,” I said and started the bike.
We rode for about an hour. I went up and down the roads, sometimes staying on the main road, sometimes finding a small street to go up. It was my favorite way to explor
e our area. Better than by car or by foot for sure. Every now and again I felt her grip tighten around me and I smiled. I knew I shouldn’t be so happy to have a girl that was off limits holding on to me, but I couldn’t help myself. I tried to just enjoy it while it lasted because soon she would be back in Derek’s arms and I would be left alone. I was only making things hard for myself. But with the fresh air around us, the smell of her behind me, and the feeling of her hands around mine, I kept forgetting how hurt I was allowing myself to get.
When I stopped, I saw that we were at the park. I hadn’t even intended to end up there but I must’ve ridden there without thought. The park had always been my favorite place to come and think about my life. We climbed off and took off our helmets and I chuckled at her hair which was sticking up all over the place without her realizing it. Then I felt annoyed at myself for looking at her in that way. Why the hell did she have to be so damn good looking? Why did I like her so much?
“That was amazing,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Pleasure,” I said. “I’m glad you liked it. Want to sit for a while or do you want me to take you back?” I asked.
She looked out onto the park. “Definitely sit for a while. I don’t know the last time I came here.”
“Really?” I asked. “You don’t seem to do much, do you?” I said and then immediately regretted the words. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. That was rude.”
She laughed. “No, it was completely true. You’re right. I don’t do much. I’ve been holed up at home for a very long time. I guess that’s why I’ve been enjoying so much of my time lately. It’s been so different from what I’m used to. My fault, I guess. I mean, my father places a lot of restrictions on me but I’m not sure why I’ve always listened.”
“Because you love him,” I said. If there was one thing I knew for certain it was that Candice loved her family. I knew it was a hard family to grow up in and I knew that her father had made decisions for her that she should’ve made herself. But he loved her, and despite everything that he had done I knew that to be true.
“Yeah, I do. He drives me up the wall, and I don’t agree with so many of his ways. But you’re right. I love him.”
“How’s your mom?” I asked.
She looked up at me and beamed, and I could see that I had said the right thing. She nodded. “Yeah. She’s great. I need to hang out with her more. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about talking to her about standing up for herself. But I’m not sure. I mean, it’s her life too, you know. She should be able to do whatever she wants. And just because she’s my mother doesn’t mean I truly know her. I don’t know. I just want her to live her life a bit more. Like I’m doing now.”
“Maybe she is.”
She nodded. “Yeah, maybe.”
We walked until we got to a bench and sat down. For a while, we didn’t say anything to each other, but I knew I had to know what was going on with her.
“Candice,” I said as I broke the silence. “Are you okay? What was this bike ride about?”
She sighed and looked down at her hands. I noticed that her nails were all chipped. It contrasted greatly with her otherwise perfect demeanor.
“I broke up with Derek.”
I looked at her in surprise. “You did? Because . . . uh . . . because of us?” I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. Happy? But also nervous. I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone breaking up. It was never a good basis to start a relationship with someone. And did I even want a relationship? Did she?
“No. Because of me. I should’ve done it a long time ago. I’m sorry for kissing you when I was still with him, but the truth is that Derek and I have been over for a long time. I just haven’t had the guts to break up with him until now.”
I gulped. I didn’t know what to say. If she had broken up with Derek, it changed a lot of things. I didn’t know what to do either. I sat there, just staring out at the park, wondering what it all meant. Suddenly, she took my hand, and the feeling of her skin on mine startled me.
“I want to kiss you again,” she said.
I nodded. “I want to kiss you too.”
She smiled and leaned over. Soon, our lips were touching, and we were kissing like we had in the room the other day. Only this time it was better. This time I knew that she didn’t have a boyfriend. It still felt like it was too soon for all of this, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to get involved with someone that had just broken up with her boyfriend. But I also knew that there was no way I would be able to stop myself now that we had started. I groaned as our lips parted and our tongues found each other.
She moved over and climbed on top of me, basically pinning me down on the park bench. There was nobody around us, and our kisses became more and more intense. For a while, I completely forgot where we were. All I could think about was her lips on mine and the way she was making me feel. We jumped out in surprise as a car drove past and honked its horn. We looked at each other and laughed.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go back.”
I took her hand, and we walked back to the bike. She climbed on, and we rode back, this time only on the main road, all the way back to her dorm. I didn’t even ask her if I could come in. I just did. We both knew that we didn’t want to be away from each other just yet.
“Let’s order takeout,” I said. “I’m starving.”
She seemed somewhat taken aback by the fact that I didn’t automatically throw her onto the bed. I wanted to, but I was still very aware of how fragile she was. It was not how I wanted to start things with her. When the takeout arrived, we sat on the floor and spent the rest of the evening laughing and talking about the old days. We had a lot of catching up to do, and no matter how much we talked, there still seemed more to say. I didn’t want to leave, so at the end of the night, I asked if I could sleep over. We were both exhausted, and I could see that she was emotionally drained from the day she had. I took a shower and then climbed into bed beside her. By then she was already fast asleep, and it didn’t take me long to fall asleep beside her.
Chapter Twelve
Candice
I woke up before Dominic that morning. I almost screamed when I saw him lying next to me, but then I realized who he was and what had happened and I calmed down. He looked so peaceful lying there next to me, and I didn’t want to disturb him. I watched him, the rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled. I still couldn’t believe that it was the same guy that I had known all those years ago. We’d only been eleven then, but I had liked him so much. We’d had fun together, and he had been the only person I felt comfortable talking to about my problems with. I liked being around him, and I knew he had liked being around me. He was my first real friend, and I’d been devastated when he had been taken away from me.
I knew now that his parents had moved because of my father. I had thought the whole thing to be just a strange coincidence – my father forcing us to stop being friends with his family moving away. But it all made sense now. And here we were again, all these years later. I liked that he was still sleeping and that I could look at him without him seeing me. I looked at his soft lips, and watched in amusement as they moved slightly. Was he dreaming? He seemed to be. I pulled the duvet off ever so slightly and saw that he had no shirt on. From all his years playing football, he had developed a strong body. Tanned and muscular. I had a sudden urge to run my hands over him.
I couldn’t stop myself. I reached out and touched him, running my fingers over his torso. He was only in his boxer shorts, so I allowed my hand to trail all the way down. I felt him stir, and a small groan escaped him. It aroused me, and I let my fingers trace over his body him some more. He opened his eyes then and looked at me in surprise.
“Good morning,” I said to him and smiled.
“Good morning to you.”
I leaned in and kissed him, and then cupped my hands over his shorts, feeling pleased with how quickly he had hardened. I was surprised when he quickly pulled my hand away and sat up.
&
nbsp; “No,” he said.
I frowned. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “This. We can’t do this.”
“Why not? Of course we can.” Didn’t he remember what I had said yesterday? Did he still think I was with Derek?
“No, we can’t.”
“I’ve broken up with Derek,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but that was yesterday. It’s so soon.”
“Do you want to do this or not?” I said.
“Of course I do, but . . .”
“Do you like me?” I asked.
“Obviously.”
“Are you attracted to me?”
“Yes, but . . .”
“Okay, I see, you’re not interested. You should’ve just told me and spared me the embarrassment,” I said.
“Are you crazy, Candy? Of course I want you. Hell, I’ve never wanted anyone more in my entire life. I just don’t think you really want this. I don’t want you to be with me because you want revenge on Derek. That’s the last thing I want. I don’t think we should jump into this even though it’s obviously what I want.”
I looked at him then. I could see that he desired me, and that emboldened me even further. I wasn’t going to stop now. I wanted this too badly. I needed this. I deserved this. “Dominic, I am sick to death of people telling me what I can and cannot do. Things were over with Derek a long time ago. I’m not trying to be with you because I’m trying to get back at him. I want to be with you because you make me feel better than anyone has in a very long time. I want to be with you because I think you’re the most attractive, sweetest, nicest person I have ever met. God dammit, Nicky, I want to be with you. So, just let me.”
I didn’t even give him a chance to say anything back. I just leaned in and kissed him, and I was glad when he kissed me right back. When I pulled away, I saw him grinning at me.
“What you’re smiling about?” I asked.
“I always knew you were going to grow up to be this hot,” he said.
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