“Trust me. I know what I’m doing. And I know how to ruin your life. The damage is done. And I don’t feel one ounce of pity for you.”
I stood up. I had been sitting on a step higher than where Derek was standing, and I now towered over him. “You know, Derek, I could push you off this bench right now. I could break your face with one swoop. You tried to punch me once before, and I think I owe it to you to give you one back. Don’t you think?”
I noticed that the color had drained from Derek’s face. He knew that he would be no match for me in a fight. But he didn’t back away. He stood his ground even though he looked nervous.
“Go ahead. Hit me.”
“Really? You do realize that I am going to ruin that pretty face of yours.”
He laughed nervously. “It’s good to hear that you think my face is pretty.”
I leaned forward and saw him flinch. “You really want me to hit you? Because I will. I am mad enough to do it.”
He smiled. “Go ahead. But just remember, if you hit me, you will get kicked off the football team. All that good behavior you have stacked up over the years will be gone. You do realize that, don’t you? Because every action has a consequence.” He tapped the side of his head with the tip of his finger. “You see, you have to think things through carefully before you do them.”
I stared at him. As much as I hated to admit that he was right, he was. I was already in trouble with the coach, and this would only set him off even more. This sort of thing was not permitted in college, and I would be thrown off the team. I couldn’t let that happen. No matter how angry I was and how much I hated Derek, I couldn’t allow him to take my NFL dreams away. That would only allow him to walk away with victory. I glared at him, and then slowly made my way off the stands. I could hear him laughing the whole way, but I refused to turn around and look at him again. If I did, I knew I would end up doing something that I would regret.
With the sound of his laughter still ringing in my ears, I made my way to the gym where I spent the next two hours punching a bag. I’d missed a call from Candice, but I was too angry to even think of speaking to her. I had to calm down and figure out what to do. My knuckles ached as I pounded them against the bag, over and over again, but the more I punched, the clearer things started to become for me. I knew that I had to take a break from Candice while this whole thing settled down. I needed to concentrate on my football and wait for Derek to calm down. It was going to be hard to walk away from a woman that I was already starting to fall for, but I knew that it was better for both of us. I would have to talk to her in the morning. I was dreading it. I knew that the only way I would get any sleep that night was to work myself to exhaustion. So I stayed at the gym until I had run, punched and worked my way to fatigue.
Chapter Twenty
Candice
Other than the few odd messages over text, I hadn’t seen Dominic in the past few days. In a way, it was good. I needed to clear my head and to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew that seeing Dominic would just confuse me even more. Being around him always drove me completely insane. It was hard to be around him and not touch him, especially if the two of us were alone together. That morning I woke up knowing I was going to have to make a decision between college and Dominic. It wasn’t a decision I was going to take lightly, but it was one that I had to make soon.
I made my way to class that morning, filled with trepidation. It was Professor Jackson’s class, and I was going to have to see Dominic. In fact, not only was I going to see him, but I was going to have to sit next to him. I walked in and saw that he was already there. I took my seat beside him and smiled tersely at him. He looked like he was just about to say something when Professor Jackson walked in and began the lesson. I barely listened to anything that the professor said the whole way through class. All I could think about was that Dominic was sitting next to me. I could hear him breathing. I could smell the scent of his familiar aftershave. It was driving me completely insane.
Then, just as class was about to end, the professor asked Dominic and me to stay behind. I gulped. What was going on? We waited while everyone around us packed up and made their way out the room. We still hadn’t said a word to each other. I assumed he could sense that something was on my mind and I resisted the urge to reach over and take his hand.
The professor walked up to us and grinned. Then he handed us both our assignments back with our grades on it. I looked at it in surprise. I had expected to do well, but not that well.
“I just wanted to tell the two of you in person that you were the best in the class. I’m sure you knew it, but I just wanted the chance to congratulate you. Dominic, as usual, I’m glad to see that you are working so hard. And Candice, it’s an absolute pleasure to have someone like you in the college. You’re going to go very far in life if you continue in this way.”
He talked to us a bit longer, gushing about what a great student I was. The whole time I kept thinking about how happy I was to be at the college, and how important it was for me to be there. I liked Dominic, a lot, but so far us being together had only served to work against us. If I stayed with him, then there was a big chance that he was going to ruin his football chances. And I was also going to ruin my chances of staying in school. For now, we needed to stop seeing each other. At least until we were able to get Derek to calm down and for my father to see our way. We had jumped into all of this too fast, and we had to slow down. We thanked Professor Jackson and walked out, still not saying a word to one another. We walked like that all the way outside.
“Let’s go to the tree,” he said, and I nodded, glad to get away from everyone around us.
While we walked to the tree, I practiced what I was going to say to him, but before I had the chance to say something, he beat me to it.
“Candice, we need to talk,” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah, we do.”
I swallowed hard, trying to formulate the words when Dominic spoke.
“I think we should break up.”
The words floated in the air. It took me a while to realize that he had been the one to say it, and not me. Wait a second, what was going on? I was about to break up with him. I looked at him in surprise, trying to determine whether or not he was joking. Of course, the stern look on his face told me otherwise. He really was breaking up with me.
“You do?” I croaked out.
He sighed. “Candice, I don’t want to break up with you. Hell, I don’t even know if we’re even going out. But whatever this is, whatever we are, it’s probably all happening too fast. My coach has called me out again for not focusing, and things are just going wrong all around us. I think we need to part ways for a while. I need to focus on my football career. I’m so sorry.”
I might have just been about to break up with him, but his words still stung me more than they probably should’ve. I felt hurt, and angry. He wasn’t supposed to break up with me. He was supposed to fight for me. Why did he never fight for me? I guess deep down I was hoping that I would break up with him but that he would tell me that he wouldn’t leave me. It felt like such a big slap in the face. I had risked so much because of him, and now he was standing here telling me that he didn’t want to see me again. I could feel the tears about to form, and I didn’t want him to see me cry.
I nodded. “Okay,” I said and turned to walk away.
“Wait. Candice. Let’s talk about it,” he said.
“Nothing to talk about. It’s fine. Good luck with your football,” I said and walked away. The tears were streaming down my face as I walked off and I was glad to see that he hadn’t followed me.
I went back to my dorm and paced the small space over and over again. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I decided to go and see my mother. I called her to see if my father was there and she said that he was out.
“Darling, have you been crying?” she said when she saw me.
I nodded. “Yeah. Mom, everything is a mess. I have no friends. I have no boyfriend. Dad i
s angry at me. Dominic and I have ended things. I feel like I have nothing.”
“You have me,” she said.
I nodded. “I know. I know I have you. But Mom, it feels like everything in my life is going wrong. And all because I decided to do something on my own for a change. What am I supposed to do? Just follow Dad’s rules all the time?”
She sighed. “You must do whatever it is that makes you happy.”
“Dominic makes me happy. But so does college.”
“I know. I know. Trust me, darling, I’ve been having words with your father.”
“You have?” I asked.
“Don’t look so surprised. I can stick up for myself when I want to. Especially when I think he’s doing something I don’t agree with. And I don’t agree with this.”
“What did he say?” I asked. I didn’t know my mother had it in her. I felt so proud of her at that moment, and so pleased that for the first time someone had finally taken my side.
“Oh, you know what he’s like. He thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s protecting you.”
“He’s only trying to protect himself.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“College is good for you. I’m glad you’re there. I don’t want you to lose out on the chance of a normal life. So stick it out, no matter how hard it is for you. Things between you and Derek and you and Dominic will slowly work their way out. You’ll see. How about we forget about everything and just spend the day together? I don’t know about you, but I’m in the mood for ice cream.”
I laughed. “Ice cream solves everything,” I said.
I was glad that I had gone to see her. My mother had always been one of my best friends, and even though she always went along with what my father said, I knew that she had my back. We spent some time eating ice cream and walking around town, just forgetting about our problems for a while.
“Want to spend the night at home?” she said. “I can make your favorite lasagna dish again.”
I smiled sadly at her. Eating lasagna at home was exactly what I felt like doing, but not with my father around. I knew we’d just end up fighting. I shook my head sadly.
“I better not, Mom. I have to get back. But thank you for spending the day with me. It was just what I needed.”
She smiled. “Chin up, Candice. You’ve always been the strong one in the family.”
Really? I didn’t know she thought that about me. It made me feel a bit better, and I walked away promising myself that I would continue to be the strong one. As I got back to my dorm, I saw that Derek was hanging around the hallway. I was just about to turn and walk the other way when I reminded myself of what my mother had said. I was strong.
“What are you doing here?” I said to him, impressed at how calm my voice was.
“I’ve come to see you.”
“Well, I don’t want to see you. You should know that by now. And I’d appreciate if you didn’t come to my dorm room. I will report you if you come here again.”
“Oh come on, Candice. Don’t be like that,” he said and grabbed my arm.
I pushed him off me and glared at him. “Don’t you dare touch me again like that. I swear to God, Derek, I will report you.”
“Why are you being like this? I just miss you, that’s all. What’s wrong with that?”
I laughed. I couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to come to me like this after everything that he had done. “You miss me? Well, you sure have a nice way of showing it. I know that you are behind everything that has happened. You’ve ruined my chances with Dominic. And you know what, Derek? He actually made me happy. If you cared about me at all, you would’ve let me be with him. Are you happy now? You ruined things. You got what you wanted. But you will NOT get me.”
I opened the door, walked into my room, and closed it behind me, making sure to lock it. Derek called after me but I told him to go away. Several minutes later I heard him walk away and I breathed a sigh of relief.
The exchange had emboldened me. I waited until I knew he had long gone and then made my way out to the local hairdresser. I walked in with determination.
“Well hello there; what can I do for you?” the lady behind the counter said.
“I’d like to go blonde again,” I said. “Blonde is my natural hair color.”
“You sure? The red is gorgeous,” the woman said.
I nodded. “I’m sure. I went red to hide who I was, but I’m sick of hiding. I just want to go back to who I really am.” I was sick of making excuses, and hiding behind a persona. I was going to stay strong and be myself. And I didn’t need my father, or Derek, or even Dominic to help me make the change. I could do it by myself.
She smiled. “Come on then, sit down; let me see what I can do for you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Dominic
“Ah, Dad, why are you so upset? I thought you’d be okay with this,” I said to my father. I’d called him to find out if there had been any more news of someone lurking around near his work. Then, after some more discussion, I decided to finally tell him the whole story. I hadn’t expected him to be quite as upset and surprised as he was.
“Why am I upset? Are you really asking me that question?”
“Yeah, I’m really asking you that question. I’m an adult now. Surely I should be able to do whatever I want.”
“Dominic, it’s exactly because you’re an adult that you should realize that what you are doing is wrong.”
“Wrong? Why the hell is it wrong?”
My father sighed. I could picture him now, sitting there with his thumb digging into his temple. He had always suffered from headaches, but they seemed to get worse when something went wrong.
“Dominic, don’t raise your voice to me like that.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I just don’t understand why you are so upset.”
“Look, we left for a reason. You know that. I know you were too young to understand it then, but you’re not too young to understand it now. Lionel is not the sort of man I want you hanging around.”
“But I’m not hanging around him,” I said. “I know what he’s like.”
“I know. But I just don’t want you mixing with her family again. They caused so much trouble for us in the past. I was worried about coming back here, but I didn’t think that you would actually try and meet up with her again.”
“Well, I hadn’t planned to. But I couldn’t help that she ended up in the same school as me, in the same class, and working on the same project.”
“I guess not. Well, what’s happening with the two of you? Are you an item or something?”
It was my turn to sigh. And as I rubbed my own temple I realized just how much like my father I really was.
“No, we’re not. There’s nothing to worry about anymore, Dad. We’re through. There was something, but I ended it. You were right, I suppose, it was causing too much trouble. And I don’t need trouble in my life. I need to concentrate on my sport.”
“Good. That’s what I like to hear. Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place without giving me so much reason to worry? Are you trying to give your old man a heart attack?”
“Well, it would’ve been nice to know that if things did actually work out that you would’ve supported me.”
Another world-weary sigh came through the receiver. “Dominic, my boy, I will always support you, but I’m also always going to look out for you.”
“Thanks, Dad. I guess.”
“So, what’s all this trouble then? Who is this person lurking around?”
“That would be Candice’s boyfriend. Or, her ex-boyfriend, should I say.”
“Ah,” my father said. “Jealousy can cause a good man to turn bad.”
“Yeah, well he wasn’t very good to begin with,” I said.
“Then be careful.”
“I am. That’s why I’m not seeing her anymore. Anyway, let’s change the subject.
I don’t want to talk about it anymore. How’s life with you?” I said, and I was grateful when my father didn’t argue the matter. He launched into some story about one of his friends that was obviously supposed to have me rolling with laughter. But I wasn’t in the mood to laugh, and he could sense it. So, eventually, we said our goodbyes.
I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting. Maybe I had hoped my father would tell me to go after Candice despite the circumstances. I just hadn’t expected him to be so against the whole thing. I wasn’t sure who was worse: my father or hers. I put the phone down feeling more than angry. Lately my emotions had been all over the place, which I knew wasn’t good for my football. But I couldn’t help myself. I was confused, mad and more than a little heartbroken. And all I wanted to do was to see her and to make sure that she was okay. I only had one class with her, but I avoided it completely. I went to speak to the professor and told him that I had to concentrate on football. I asked him to give me my assignments to work on in my spare time rather. Professor Jackson had given me a funny look and seemed like he wanted to say something more to me, but in the end, he had agreed and told me that it was fine.
But even the professor couldn’t complain. I threw myself into my schoolwork and ended up being so ahead of the class that I had to ask for more work. Between football and school, I barely had time to do anything else. Every now and again I would look around campus, wondering if I would bump into Candice, but ever since I had broken up with her, I hadn’t seen her at all. It was a big school, but I still thought that I would see her. But weeks went by without not seeing her once, and I was starting to wonder if perhaps she had left the school. Maybe I had been avoiding someone that wasn’t even there. I thought about asking someone. I sat in the cafeteria now, eating my sandwich and looking out at all the people. Who would know where she was? Nobody had bothered to make friends with her so I wasn’t even sure if anyone would know. The thought of her being alone made me feel sad. I was the one friend that she had here, and I had abandoned her too.
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