by Jen Trinh
“Hey,” Ian called to me. I met his eyes. “Climb down a little if you want, but just let go and sit into the harness. You’re not going to fall.”
I climbed down a little and the harness did feel more secure. I grimaced and let go...and hardly fell at all. Ian was there, holding the rope below, keeping me safe.
“See?” He smiled. “Alright, go to the top! Try to keep your arms straight, you’ll tire out less.”
Shaky but reassured, and not wanting to embarrass myself further, I focused on keeping my arms straight and making my way up the wall. A third of the way up, my hands couldn’t hold on and my legs were trembling. I sat back into the harness. “It’s so tiring!” I made the mistake of looking down—it looked very high up now. I felt sweaty and achy and scared, and oh shit I really don’t got this.
“You’re not coming down until you ring the bell.” What? I glanced up and noticed a small red bell at the top. It was maybe only five feet away, but with my limbs as tired as they were, it seemed impossibly far.
“I can’t. Let me down!”
Ian didn’t answer. He simply stood there, watching me. Then he shrugged and called up, “Shake your arms out. It’ll help.”
“Let me down!” I kicked my legs at him.
“Ring the bell!” He smirked.
I let out a frustrated snarl. I was at his mercy, suspended in midair, and he wouldn’t respect what I wanted. I hated that. I shook my arms out and found that after a minute, I could grip the holds again. I took a deep breath, focused on going up, and resentfully climbed the rest of the way up the wall. Despite one kind of reach-y move (I was only 5’4”!) and my foot slipping off once, I angrily rang the bell.
“Nice!” Ian yelled up. “Okay, let go of the wall, I’m lowering you. Hold the rope.”
I clutched the rope as Ian lowered me, and I glowered the whole way down. He laughed at my expression as my feet touched the ground, and then my legs collapsed and I was sitting on the floor, glaring up at him. He crouched down next to me. “Hey, you did a great job! You only had to rest a couple of times. I knew you’d be a natural.” He smiled and reached down to help me up.
I took his hand and grumbled, “You should’ve just let me down.”
“But then you wouldn’t have known you could do it.” He gave me a sweet smile. And while I was still annoyed and shaky and full of adrenaline, I grudgingly forgave him.
The rest of the morning went similarly. He put me on some routes that I was sure I would not be able to finish, but after struggling, thinking, trying different methods, asking for advice, and taking breaks, I’d surprise myself by making it all the way up to the top. I doubted myself less and less with each route.
And it was a full-body workout, so I eventually had to take my sweater off because it was getting too hot. I felt a little bit self-conscious that I was only in my sports bra (there were definitely bits of flabby skin that I was not proud of), but Ian didn’t say anything. He just kept encouraging me and giving me pointers on how to improve my technique.
There were a couple of routes towards the end where I could tell that I was actually getting tired and it wasn’t just my nerves. It had probably been a bit over an hour by that point. I checked the clock and was surprised to see that it had actually been over two!
“Ugh. Ian, let me down. I’m too tired. Really, this time.”
He lowered me from the last route that I’d planned to do that day and gave me another high-five. He’d high-fived me after every route. “You’re a natural, Anna. If you keep climbing, you’ll definitely be a crusher. You’ve got so much flexibility and a great build.” I was pleased, and slightly embarrassed when I thought about how he knew I was flexible.
“Hey, Ian, you ready to switch over?”
I looked up from untying the knot to see that the pretty brunette had arrived. She was dressed like me, workout tights and a sports bra, but she made it look so much better. Muscles and firm skin versus wobbly arms and flab. Model versus amateur. And she wasn’t a butterface, either—far from it. She had gorgeous cheekbones, a cute little nose, full lips, and straight teeth. I couldn’t quite place her nationality, but she seemed mixed.
Ian introduced us. “Yeah. Lina, this is Anna. Anna, Lina. Lina’s my climbing partner.” We shook hands. Rather, she squeezed mine with her giant climber claws and my tired hands barely resisted.
“Nice to meet you. How’d your session go?” Lina seemed to direct the question at me, but she was watching Ian.
“It was fun,” I answered. “I think I’ll be back.” I met her assessing gaze.
“Hey, that’s great! I’m glad you enjoyed it that much,” Ian said, patting me on the back. I must’ve felt like a slug with how sweaty I was, but I relished the contact anyway and directed a tight-lipped smile at Lina. Then Ian turned to Lina and said, “I’ll be over in a few. I think Anna and I just wrapped up, so I’m going to walk her out.” He turned to look at me and gave me a questioning look. “You’re done, right? You said you were too tired to go on?”
“Psh, I just need a break,” I said. “Besides, I did all the climbing this morning—it’s my turn to watch you struggle. Maybe I’ll learn what not to do.”
Ian grinned. “You’re going to be thoroughly disappointed.”
I smirked at both him and Lina before going to the counter and buying a protein bar and an energy drink. I knew I was going to be there for a while. To learn, of course. I ignored the flicker of displeasure that came from seeing Lina and Ian talking together.
Chapter 10
-Ian-
Anna surprised me by asking a lot of questions during the rest of the session. We’d switched to bouldering so that I could teach without wasting Lina’s time, and so that Anna could try it if she wanted to.
As I’d thought, she was a natural. She intuitively understood the principles behind the techniques that I showed her, and while she’d started out pretty scared, she quickly gained confidence. She did try a few bouldering routes, but was too tired to really do much.
Lina didn’t really help things. She got on some routes that were definitely not for beginners, then encouraged Anna to try them. “This one’s easy! You can do it!” she’d say, clearly missing that it was Anna’s first time, and that she was beat from two hours of top roping. Anna tried and failed a few times, then declined to try anymore after that. Something seemed kind of off between them, and they didn’t really talk much after that.
By 1pm, Anna had stopped climbing. She was also yawning every other minute, lying down on the mat and watching us with dead fish eyes.
I plopped down beside her. “You okay? You don’t have to stay here if you want to go.”
She looked up at me from the mat. Then her stomach rumbled and her eyes widened.
“Oh...ah, would you be willing to get lunch with me? My treat, because you taught me so much today. And I’d like to ask you more questions about Stumpstash.”
“Uh, sure.” I wasn’t sure what else she could ask about Stumpstash because she’d already grilled me about it the other night, but I wasn’t going to turn down lunch with her.
“Hey Lina, I’m going to go grab lunch with Anna. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Can I come?” asked Lina.
Before I could answer, Anna said, “Oh, it’s probably going to be really boring. I’m going to ask him a bunch of questions about his workplace, so you probably wouldn’t want to come.”
Lina arched an eyebrow at her, but said, “I see. Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Ian.” We high-fived.
I packed up my gear and put on a little extra deodorant in the men’s locker room. Better to be safe than sorry. I met Anna by the entrance and asked, “So whereto for lunch?”
“You can pick,” she said.
“Uhhh, there’s a really good Chinese restaurant around the corner. You cool with that?”
She hesitated. “I...guess that’s okay. If that’s what you want.”
“We can do something else, if you’d prefer.
There are a lot of places around.”
“No no, Chinese is fine.” Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Let’s go.”
I decided not to dig. Besides, the Chinese place was objectively the best lunch spot in the area, and one of the cheapest.
“So,” she asked, “how long have you been climbing with Lina?”
“A few months now. We met at a partner meetup night and we climb at roughly the same level. She’s been a good climbing buddy.”
“She’s...really good at climbing,” Anna said. I glanced at her, but she just looked straight ahead.
I playfully put my arm around her shoulders as we walked. “Are you jealous?”
“No!” She glared up at me and I smirked at her, our faces inches away. She lowered her eyes and glanced at my lips, then turned and looked ahead, but didn’t shrug my arm off. Interesting. Maybe she did miss me after all. I considered kissing her then and there, but decided not to rush things. Let her make the first move this time. I let her go as we approached the Chinese restaurant and opened the door for her.
The restaurant was old and dingy and smelled of grease, as all great authentic Chinese restaurants do. A giant hand-written “Cash Only” sign was posted in the window, next to a yellowing menu that was almost exclusively in Chinese. Old Chinese pop music played in the background, and an older woman in the back of the restaurant greeted us in Mandarin and told us to sit anywhere. I led Anna to a booth by the front.
We spent a few minutes perusing the food-stained menus that were taped onto the table. A minute later, the waitress came over with some hot tea.
“What do you want?” she asked in Mandarin.
I responded in the same language and ordered an authentic spicy braised pork dish.
“I’ll have the General Tso’s Tofu,” said Anna, in English. I had the courtesy to wait until after the waitress left to chuckle.
“What?” she asked, annoyed.
“You can clearly read the Chinese menu. If you can read, you can probably speak it. And then you ordered the whitest thing on the menu, in English.”
“So? I like General Tso’s. And my Mandarin is rusty.” She poured herself a cup of tea, hands shaking. Had she pushed herself that hard today?
“Here, let me help you.” I put my hands over hers and helped her steady the teapot as we poured each of us a cup. She looked away and quickly slipped her hands out of mine when we were finished.
“Do you like authentic Chinese food?” I asked.
“I...used to. I grew up eating it, though, so I’m pretty sick of it.” She stared into her teacup.
“All of Chinese cuisine?” I teased.
Without looking up, she answered, “My dad was a chef in a Chinese restaurant, so we ate it all the time.” She didn’t elaborate further, and I didn’t want to start on the daddy issues. I simply nodded and sipped my tea.
Minutes passed, and still she didn’t say anything...just yawned and absently looked around the room. At the old cash register. The lucky bamboo on the counter. The giant fake tree in the corner. Only occasionally did her eyes slip my way, then past me. Was she nervous?
I cleared my throat. “So...what questions do you have for me about Stumpstash?”
“Oh.” She sat up straighter and met my eyes. “Um...how do you like it there?”
I raised an eyebrow. “That’s what you wanted to ask me?”
She scowled. “I want to make sure it’s a good culture fit for me.”
Fair. I knew from personal experience the importance of finding a non-toxic work environment. “I really like it there. The company takes its mission seriously, and the CEO sets a clear, ambitious vision. And my coworkers are mostly great. I mean, I get to work with people like Cassie, and both of us have been with the company for over three years.”
“Mostly? Are there people there you don’t like?”
I snickered. “There’s always gotta be someone.” I threw back my tea and reached for the pot to pour myself another cup. “Let’s just say that I’ve stepped on a lot of toes as a tech lead.”
She was silent for a moment. “Cassie mentioned that you helped her get her job.”
“Yeah. I’m in a professional society that promotes women and minorities in tech. Cassie was part of the network and she reached out to me through another member. She was a shoe-in for the role, so I’m really glad she did. Plus, it’s been really fun working with her.”
Anna nodded…then slouched again and stared wanly at the table. Silence descended, thick and palpable, broken only by the clinking of her fingernails tapping on her ceramic tea cup. Did she actually have more questions for me about Stumpstash? Was she just that tired? The easy chemistry between us this morning was gone, replaced by a stifling awkwardness.
“So what did you think about climbing?” I asked, genuinely curious. She’d stayed for hours, but it was unclear if she’d actually had any fun towards the end.
Her eyes flared to life and she snapped out of her stupor. “I really enjoyed it. It was nice to have tangible, bite-sized goals to focus on. And my body is totally wrecked. I’m looking forward to being sore tomorrow. I love being sore.” She stretched her arms over her head, arching her back, her cropped sweater rising to bare her smooth, pale stomach.
I smiled at her admission. “Me too. So you’ll be back?”
Her bright smile said it all. There was definitely a climber in there. “I hope so! I really want to get that blue V3.” One of the ones that Lina had encouraged her to try.
I chortled. “Not bad for your first time, going from ‘I can’t do this!’ to projecting V3. At this rate, you’ll be crushing V8s next week.”
“Is that what level you...crush...on?” she asked, hesitating on the usage of crush. “V8?”
“What grade. I project V8s. I crush V7s. I have a crush on you.” I winked.
She laughed softly and looked down. “Is that how you use those words? There’s so much jargon to learn.”
“Yeah. You crush problems, you crush on people. Though I guess you could crush people, too.”
“Ha, I see,” she said, yawning infectiously.
I leaned back in the booth and stretched my legs under the table, accidentally brushing against hers.
We locked eyes. She licked her lips and sucked in a breath, skimming her leg along mine as she sat up straighter. Awareness sizzled between us, and the amusement in her eyes was gone, replaced by something...hungrier.
Good thing that, right at that moment, our food arrived.
The dishes smelled wonderful, sweet and savory and perfect after a long morning workout. The braised pork was delicious, with a thick, spicy brown sauce that made my eyes burn and my nose run. I made Anna try a bite, and she seemed to like it, but had to wash it down with two cups of tea. She also scarfed down all of her General Tso’s Tofu without offering me any. Stingy.
Afterward, I was stuffed and ready for a post-climb nap. Lethargy set in, and the energy between us fizzled, the moment past. Anna got up to use the restaurant’s ATM, then paid the bill.
“Was that all you wanted to ask me about Stumpstash? Nothing else?”
“I don’t remember the rest, unfortunately.” She yawned. “I’m too tired. I know there were at least one or two more things. I’ll text you if I think of them.” She picked up her purse, the same black and white plaid one from the other day in the donut shop, and got up to leave.
“Alright. Thanks for lunch.” I went in for a casual hug. I might’ve held on for slightly longer than was necessary, but she didn’t object. If anything, I could have sworn that she was sniffing me. Good thing I’d put on more deodorant.
“Thanks for climbing with me! It was so fun!” We walked to the door.
“When will I see you again?” I asked.
“My onsite is next week! Maybe I’ll see you then?”
“Okay.” I held the door open for her as we exited the restaurant. “I’m this way,” I said, gesturing to the left.
“I’m this way,”
she said, pointing right. “See you!” She gave a little wave and walked away.
I put my hands in my pockets and turned to walk towards the subway station. I nearly collided with a short guy in a beanie and a leather jacket who had been standing close behind me. I muttered an apology and kept walking.
Chapter 11
-Anna-
Well, that was awkward.
I wasn’t sure what had induced me to invite him to lunch. I knew that he climbed with Lina all the time, but the thought of leaving them alone together, while I went home by myself...I didn’t want to be alone.
And I should’ve let Lina come. Maybe she was a nicer person than I’d thought, and I definitely could’ve used another friend. I should’ve given her a chance.
But if I had, then Ian wouldn’t have held me close on the walk over. We wouldn’t have played footsie under the table, and shared that sweltry moment. I was exhausted from the day, but I still felt a flutter at the memory, at the keen look in his eyes.
Unfortunately, we’d gone to a Chinese restaurant, of all places.
Chinese food was delicious, and the place he’d taken us to was really quite good. But whenever I smelled the familiar mixture of oil, garlic, ginger, five spice...my memories always dredged up.
My parents couldn’t afford daycare (hadn’t even considered it, really), so they often took me to the restaurant that they worked at. The other employees and the customers all doted on me (let’s be real, I was adorable)...but my parents were strict. Mean. And they fought viciously, both with me and with each other, whenever my dad made a mistake on an order, or whenever my mom flirted with a customer for tips. Whenever business was bad. They put on a good face for everyone else, but I didn’t count. With me, they were brutally honest. They each confided in me, cursing the other, telling me their deepest, darkest desires.
I wish we’d never met.
I wish your father were a real man.
I wish I were dead.