I took another deep breath and continued. “The sad thing is, I couldn’t see anything past Michael. He was my world, and I didn’t care what she was saying to me; he was kicking her out and asking me to stay. It was me that he wanted, and not her. That’s how naive I had become. But I couldn’t bear sleeping in the bed that she had been in. I moved into the guest bedroom. He would beg me night after night to let him in there too, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get the image of what I had seen him doing out of my head; but I also couldn’t walk away.”
The tears were flowing now as I relived the bleakest memory I held.
“He started taking his anger out on the football pitch. The once perfect and fantastic Michael Robinson got sent off two matches running, so the papers once again had a field day.
“He started going out drinking, a lot. I feared then that it would happen again, even though he promised me that he loved me. He would come home so drunk and start blaming me for it all; then he would cry and apologize and beg me to go to bed with him. Somehow I found the strength through my weakness to say no. I was so scared of catching something that I ended up having tests; it was so humiliating, and it was the final straw. Everything came back clear, and I was so relieved, but then it made me stop and think. What was I doing? Why was I letting him drag me down like this? So that night I decided it was time to move on. To get out of what was a living nightmare. Michael’s team were playing in Newcastle that night, so I decided to pack my bags and go back to Mum and Dad’s. I had spoken to them about everything, and they were so angry that they had let me go in the first place. It wasn’t their fault, though. It was me, all me.”
I sobbed.
“I went to Michael’s to pack. I knew he couldn’t stop me; he was the other side of the country, so there wouldn’t be a better time, and I was in the right mindset for it too. It was time to close the door on the bad experience and start living again. I walked into the bedroom, and there she was, Imogen, waiting for me with a knife.”
Blake’s grip on me tightened.
“Seeing Sara that night brought it all back to me; Imogen looked as Sara had. Broken, hurt, angry. And she wanted revenge. She started yelling at me, telling me I was nothing, I was ugly, I was fat, and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. She said that Michael had promised her everything and I had taken it all away; everything was my fault, and I was going to pay for it.”
“The scar,” Blake whispered.
I nodded. “She ran at me, and before I knew it there was blood everywhere. She looked down at her hands; they were covered with my blood. I don’t think she had actually intended on using the knife, but she had got herself into such a state that her angry emotions had taken over. She dropped the knife and ran; left me there bleeding to death.”
I heard Blake sniff back his tears. I turned in his arms and wiped his face dry with my thumbs.
“I’m so sorry, Jo. If I had known, I—” I silenced Blake by placing my finger over his mouth.
“It wouldn’t have made any difference, Blake. Sara would have still come after me; she would have still hurt herself regardless of whether you knew or not. But at least she’s getting help now. That’s the main thing. Imogen never got any help. It turned out she was from a broken home; she didn’t have any security, any love in her life. So when she fell for Michael and then he chose me over her, I took away any tiny bit of love that she was feeling.”
“None of that was your fault, Jo; don’t you dare blame yourself for what she did.”
“If I had walked away in the first place, none of it would have happened. That’s why I had to walk away from you, Blake. Do you see that now?”
“I see why you thought you had to walk away, yes, but you should never walk away from what you feel is right in your heart, Jo. It makes me sad that you would rather be unhappy to spare someone else’s feelings,” he said sadly.
“I’m still scared that it’s not over with, Sara. When she sees what you did at the airport earlier, it’s going to break her.”
“She’s stronger than you think, and she has love and security in her life too. I promise she will never hurt you, Jo. I will protect you from ever, ever getting hurt again, I promise.”
I wanted to believe him, I really did, but it was so hard for me not to fear the future and not to fear feeling happy. I placed my head back onto Blake’s chest. “The thing is, Blake, I don’t want you to have to protect me; I want to be able to do that myself. I just don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Says the woman who will just get into a cab with a stranger and think nothing of it,” he said before placing a kiss on my temple.
“That’s different.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“Remind me why you don’t have a car again?”
“Because New York roads frighten me; it’s safer for everyone else if I don’t drive on them.”
“And there you go again, thinking of others before yourself,” he chuckled.
“If I had thought of Imogen instead of myself, then things would be so different now.”
“You don’t know that, Jo.”
“I do,” I said honestly. “You know, Michael only visited me once in hospital. He came in, and he never even asked how I was feeling. He sat there and he begged me to tell the police that I had interrupted a burglar.” I laughed sadly. “But I was done with being his puppet. I had allowed him so much control over me in our so-called relationship that enough was enough. I told the police everything – the whole truth. Imogen was arrested a few days later and charged with attempted murder. Then the guilt crept in. I felt awful. The main reason I had done it was because Michael had begged me not to. He had done wrong to both of us, not just me; he had treated Imogen like shit too.
“Is she still in prison?” Blake asked carefully.
“No,” I said sadly. “She never got to prison.”
“She got away with it?”
“I wish it had been that simple,” I whispered. “Imogen was found dead two days before her trial began.”
I heard Blake sigh before he turned us both until we were facing each other. He cupped my face in his hands and held my gaze, his eyes overflowing with emotion.
“And you blame yourself for her taking her own life,” he stated. I nodded slowly. “You did nothing wrong,” he said firmly. “She could have killed you, Jo.”
“But I caused that, Blake; I caused her so much pain that she needed to hurt me to ease it. Don’t you see that?”
Blake shook his head slowly. “No. No, I don’t.”
“If Sara had killed herself, that would have been my fault too,” I sobbed. “Don’t you see the pattern, Blake? I am responsible for other people’s unhappiness.”
“No,” he said, holding my face closely. “No you are not. I am not going to have you think that, when it’s not true. No one is responsible for another person’s actions. What others choose to do, whatever path they decide to take, is theirs and theirs alone. You are not responsible for any of this, do you hear me? You are not responsible, Jo.”
I nodded unconvincingly. “Can you see now why I fear happiness?”
“Yes,” he sighed sadly. “Yes I can.”
“Every time I feel happy, something comes along and takes it away from me. I’m so scared, Blake. I want to be happy and feel happy and not worry that something bad will come because of it, but I can’t. I know I don’t look it right now, but I have never felt as happy as I do now, here with you. I’m scared that feeling this happy will have consequences. So along with feeling happy, I feel so scared.”
Blake released my face and wrapped me once again in the warmth of his arms. “Tell me what to do to make it all better for you.”
“Just love me,” I replied simply. “And if you ever meet someone else, please walk away from me and I will understand, I promise.”
I felt Blake’s body move as he exhaled deeply. “I know you can’t see it now, Jo, but we’re gonna grow old together, you and I. W
e’re forever; I think I’ve told you that a million times already, but it’s true. If I thought there was a chance now that you would marry me, I’d ask you.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Blake stopped me. “We’re gonna have kids, lots of them. We’re gonna have a nice big house out in the country. Our children will run wild in the big garden that we will have. They will want for nothing, Jo, and they will have the best mom in the world. But most of all, we’re gonna have each other. Forever, Jo, because now I’ve finally got you, I am never letting you go.”
As his words slowly sank in, I allowed myself to imagine, for the first time in a long time, that I could be happy. I believed that Blake could help me to overcome my fears and insecurities and that we could have a future, our future.
“My dad would have really loved you,” I said quietly.
“And I would have loved him too, because I know that you are the same person that he was, and I already love your Mom,” he chuckled before relaxing and resting his chin against my head. “She saved us; I’ll never forget that.”
“Do you believe in fate?” I asked.
“Yes.” Blake nodded firmly. “Definitely.”
“After my dad died, I wanted to stay in London. I didn’t want to leave my mum; I felt that would be so selfish of me, so I called Max, told him to cancel everything I had coming up. My mum was listening to the call, and I didn’t know.” I smiled. “She called him and told him to ignore me and then she took your number from my phone in case I refused to come back. I was so torn. I couldn’t bear leaving her, so I went to Dad’s grave and asked him to help me, just to give me a sign or something. As I headed back to the car, Michael was there waiting for me. He actually asked me to take him back. I took it as a sign to come back to New York. And now, when I think about it, it’s all like a jigsaw puzzle that is slowly all fitting into place. Mum had taken your number and kept it. I could have got on that plane and been in London had she not done that.”
“Fate will always pull us together, Jo; we’re meant to be.”
“Am I meant to finally experience happiness without the pain?”
“One hundred per cent yes. I will make it my mission to prove it to you.”
Just as the music faded, Blake stood and placed his hands under my thighs and picked me up. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and kissed him, deeply. My whole body ignited the only way it knew how to when Blake was present. Every muscle, every limb on my body was burning for him, desperate to feel his touch that it had longed for from the moment I made him walk out of my life.
He led me slowly through this apartment and into the bedroom, walked over to his large bed, and placed me gently down before his body covered mine. This time it felt different. There was no urgency, no rush; we had forever, and he was going to take his time. And I would let him. As desperate and as needy as I felt in this moment, I wanted to savor him, savor us and everything that we had together.
The sun was shining brightly through the window when I woke. I groaned and turned over to find an empty space next to me.
I could hear Blake talking on his phone. He sounded happy; his laughter filtered through to the bedroom. I couldn’t bear being away from him a second longer. I grabbed his shirt and wrapped it around me before heading out of the bedroom to find him.
He had finished the call when I got to the lounge and was relaxing on the sofa, looking more beautiful than I seemed to remember. His hair was damp from the shower he must have already taken. He sat casually with a coffee in one and hand the TV remote in the other. He seemed amused by whatever it was he was watching. My attention was immediately drawn to the television to see a shaky mobile phone recording of the both of us the previous day at the airport.
“Please, no,” I moaned loudly, closing my eyes and shaking my head.
Blake’s head turned towards me; he was grinning. “Good morning,” he said too cheerily. “Look at that,” he said, pointing excitedly towards the TV. “We made Live! with Kelly and Michael.” It didn’t seem possible to me, yet his grin was growing by the second. “Come sit with me,” he said, patting the sofa before placing his empty cup on the coffee table. He was more excited than a kid at Christmas.
I dragged my feet as I approached him. “This can’t be happening; tell me I’m still dreaming please,” I moaned, covering my eyes with my hands as I sat next to Blake.
He laughed a happy, content laugh. “Take your hands away from your eyes and look.”
“I can’t,” I said, refusing to move.
“They love you,” he said, leaning into me.
I moved one finger and sneaked a peak at the screen, watching the moment when Blake stood tall on a desk, declaring his love for me. Quickly my hand re-covered my eyes. “I can’t watch.”
“They’re calling you my English rose,” he murmured into my ear before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.
I shook my head in disbelief. “Kill me; just kill me now,” I moaned.
Blake’s hands forced my hands away from my eyes. I quickly scrunched them shut.
“Open your eyes.”
“No.”
“Open your eyes or I’m going to make you open them.”
“I am not opening my eyes until you turn that television off,” I demanded.
Before I knew it, Blake’s body was over me and his hands were attacking my ribs, causing me to scream out with laughter. “Stop! Get off me! Stop it, Blake! Aahhh!”
His weight prevented me from fighting back. He had me pinned and was not giving up.
“Will you open your eyes?” he said as he continued to tickle me over and over.
“No!” I screamed back as he continued to tickle.
“Then I’m not stopping,” he teased.
“Okay, okay, I will! Please stop tickling me; I can’t breathe!”
“Eyes open, Miss Summers!”
My eyes shot open and were immediately drawn to the ocean-blue eyes that looked back at me. The tickling stopped suddenly, and I fought hard to bring my breathing back to normal.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said, beaming down at me.
“Is it?” I joked, struggling to get out from his hold.
“It is from where I’m sitting,” he grinned.
I smiled. “Good morning to you too then.”
“Look at the TV,” he demanded.
I shook my head, a huge smile breaking out across my face.
Blake let out a big sigh and smiled back.
“Wow,” he said.
“What?”
“That is the first time I have seen you smile like that in such a long time; it’s beautiful.” He placed a quick kiss on my lips before his hand turned my head to face the TV.
“Now watch.”
It was embarrassing. This time yesterday, I was completely unknown here, and only twenty-four hours later, I was the main topic of conversation on a popular morning TV show. It was complete and utter madness.
“They’re calling me the new Tom Cruise,” Blake laughed.
“Well, it was pretty extravagant,” I admitted.
The story moved on to the weather, and Blake lifted off me, allowing me to get back up off the chair.
“Would my English rose like a cup of tea?” he asked, standing and making his way to the kitchen area.
I twisted on the sofa to watch him. “I didn’t think you knew how to make a cup of tea,” I asked suspiciously.
“Ah, you see, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands recently,” he said without looking back. “Plus my sister loves the stuff, and as she spent the last few days here with me, I’ve turned into a pro.” He shrugged playfully.
He looked up at me while he placed a teabag each into two separate cups. “See, easy.” He smiled, and the smile on my face continued to grow. “Oh, and while you’re smiling like that, it seems like a good enough time to tell you that we’ve gone viral. Alex called; we’re up to four million hits on YouTube.” He laughed as he turned to place the used teabags into the bin.
I let out a growl and flopped onto the sofa, covering my eyes once more while Blake continued to laugh.
I couldn’t, however, wipe the smile from my face. If I had got on that plane to London yesterday, we would both be alone now, both suffering, both completely broken. But he had stopped me, although he had made a complete show of us and now we were plastered all over the television. But we had found each other again, and if it was at all possible, with every second I spent with Blake, it felt as though every part of me that had been broken before today was slowly being molded back together.
11
We sat on the terrace and drank our tea whilst eating pastries that Blake had got delivered for us fresh from his favourite bakery.
The sun was beaming down on us; it was going to be a hot day.
“What do you want to do today?” Blake asked before taking another sip from his tea.
“Hide away? Can we do that? Just hide away and not come out until everyone has forgotten who we are?”
“That’s never going to happen.” He stood and placed a quick kiss on my cheek before collecting the empty plates and heading back into the apartment. I followed slowly behind.
“Shouldn’t you be working today?” I asked.
“Tomorrow,” he said as he placed the plates next to the sink. “Today I am all yours.” He walked over to me smiling like a predator about to attack his prey.
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently. “However,” he said carefully, “we have guests for dinner this evening.”
I let out a little moan and pouted. “What about our bubble?”
Blake laughed gently. “Alex said he and Casey want to see us, so I invited them for dinner. If that isn’t okay, they will understand; we will do it another night.”
“It’s okay,” I sighed. “I’ll cook.”
“You don’t have to do that; we can order something in.”
I placed my hands on Blake’s hard chest. “I want to.” I nodded before letting out a little laugh.
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