“What do you know about my past?” I asked, confused.
“Enough to know that you’re scared about your future.”
I stood in silence, trying to remember ever saying anything to Cooper about my life before New York, but there was nothing; I couldn’t remember telling him anything. He could have Googled me, but my dad had made sure that as little information as possible would be available to the public eye.
“When Blake goes away next week, I’ll be here for you. If you need anything, you call me. I mean that; I want to be here for you, Jo, as your friend. I will be here for you. Okay?”
“I’ve got to go,” I said quietly. “I’m meeting Casey, and I’m already late.” I turned and started walking towards the bistro.
“See you soon, Jo,” Cooper called back, but I continued to walk, not turning back to acknowledge him. It was quite possibly the weirdest conversation I had ever had with Cooper. He seemed to know something about my past, and unless I had told him while I was drugged, I had no idea how he could have known. I pushed my encounter with Cooper to the back of my mind as I crossed the last road before arriving at the bistro. Casey was browsing the menu, deep in thought, when I walked in. I headed straight to the waiter. “I need a drink, a large one.”
With our day out complete, Casey and I returned to the apartment exhausted and loaded with shopping bags. Casey was most exited that I had added a lot more colour to my dark wardrobe this time instead of my usual black. She said she saw it as a good sign. That it meant I was finally becoming happy and content. That scared me almost as much as it pleased me. I hadn’t told Casey about my encounter with Cooper, and I had decided that I wouldn’t be telling Blake either. After what happened the other evening, I didn’t want another argument with Blake, and I was pretty sure now that Cooper had got the message.
With Blake working late, I packed for our weekend. I had spent so much time at Blake’s apartment recently that it felt kind of nice to be back in my own apartment, back to familiarity. I was, however, missing him like crazy, and I couldn’t wait for him to pick me up the following morning for our weekend in the Hamptons.
Casey was making supper when I finished packing and headed through to the kitchen to join her.
“Glass of wine?” I asked as I removed the bottle from the fridge and grabbed two glasses.
“Definitely,” she said as she filled two bowls with her specialty pasta dish and placed them over on the breakfast bar as we both sat down to eat.
“Well this is nice,” Casey said as we sat side by side eating our supper and sipping wine. “Feels like ages ago since we did this.”
I smiled. “Yes, it does.”
“You know what, Jo? You are glowing,” Casey said, beaming at me.
I shook my head with amusement.
“You are!” she squealed. “Positively glowing.” She put another forkful of pasta into her mouth as she studied me. “You’re having way too much sex,” she said, narrowing her eyes as she pointed her fork at me.
“Casey!” I replied in shock before smirking. “We do have lots of sex,” I admitted shyly. “I mean a lot. Does that ever slow down? At what point do we turn into a couple who only sleep together at weekends?”
Casey let out an almighty howl. “Hell no!” she screamed. “After being with Alex for almost three years” – she leaned towards me – “we’re still very much hands-on, if you know what I mean.”
I shook my head as I laughed. “You are insane.”
“That’s why you love me,” Casey replied before her face turned serious. “It’s so good to finally see you smiling though, Jo.”
“I think things are finally looking good enough to be true,” I admitted. “I do have these moments, though – moments where I convince myself that everything is going to come crashing down on me.” I took a deep breath in. “But the good is definitely outweighing the bad at the moment, and every time I see Blake, he has this ability to wipe away the doubt without even realizing he is doing it.”
“Have you spoken to Blake about this? About these moments?”
I nodded. “Oh, he has seen my moments, trust me,” I laughed lightly. “I don’t know how he puts up with my crazy ass sometimes.”
“Did you just say ‘crazy ass’?” Casey laughed.
“I think I did,” I said, covering my eyes with my hands.
“Girl, you are getting more American and less Mary Poppins by the day,” she said, feeling very pleased with herself.
We finished supper and tidied the kitchen before Casey’s phone rang. It was Alex, and he was missing her. I could tell that she was disappointed every time she told him we were finishing off a special day together by discussing more wedding plans. It was obvious that deep down she would rather be with Alex. I could tell this because I would have been exactly the same in her position. Blake only had to call, and I would go running.
I had really missed him that day; it was the longest we had spent apart for a while, and I was now counting down the minutes until we would have a whole weekend together.
I eventually managed to convince Casey that I was too tired to stay up and concentrate on wedding plans, and even though I don’t think she believed me, within minutes she was ready and out of the door, heading to be with Alex.
With the apartment to myself, I put on some music and ran myself a hot bath. My body felt tired, and I was aching almost everywhere. Every ache that I felt only made me think of Blake; I’m pretty sure that he was responsible for each and every one of them. I smiled at my theory. I climbed out of the bath completely beat and ready for bed. After placing my nightgown on and my hair under a towel, I headed to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.
My phone was flashing. Picking it up, I noticed that I had three missed calls from Blake, each less than a minute apart. I felt angry with myself that I had missed his calls and proceeded to call him back. I got voicemail all five times. Realizing he would still be working, I placed my phone in my pocket while I made the tea.
A shuffling noise startled me, drawing my attention straight to the hall. “Casey?” I called out, following the noise. There was no reply, and the front door was closed firmly. My eyes were drawn to the floor, where I noticed an unmarked envelope that had been pushed underneath.
I hesitated a moment before bending down and picking up the letter.
The envelope was plain; there was no writing, no address, no name to determine who the letter was even for – nothing.
My hands began to shake. Even though this letter didn’t look like anything, after my brief encounter with Cooper earlier, my fear and insecurities were quickly beginning to resurface. I tore the back from the envelope and opened the letter.
SLUT
Nothing else graced the crisp white paper, just that one disgusting word. The letter had been typed – no handwriting, no sign as to whom it was from or even whom it was for. Was the letter even meant for me? Was it meant for Casey? There was no name or apartment number on the envelope, nothing to suggest that it had even been delivered to the correct address. But something about it had my palms sweating and my heart pounding. Surely it was a mistake. Surely it was nothing, just a letter delivered by mistake to the wrong apartment. I couldn’t convince myself, yet I needed to. I knew something was off about seeing Cooper today and then receiving this letter, but nothing at all connected the two. Nothing. I wasn’t a slut, that was one thing I knew for sure, and Casey was happy enough with Alex that she wouldn’t be messing around with anyone either.
I folded the note and pushed it into the pocket of my nightgown before turning back to the front door and locking it securely, even putting in place the locks that Casey and I never bothered with, keeping me safe from the outside world.
Suddenly I wasn’t feeling so brave any more. My need to spend a quiet night alone was quickly becoming a big mistake. I hated to be alone, I hated to be without Blake, and Blake wasn’t here. I needed him, but I couldn’t tell him why. This was going to be a long, lonely nig
ht.
Someone was banging on the door. I opened my eyes and realized I had nodded off to sleep on the sofa. I removed my phone from my pocket and saw that it was only ten p.m.; I must have been more tired than I had imagined. The banging started again, and my heart rate increased dramatically.
“Jo,” I heard. “Are you in there?”
Relief flooded me. It was Blake; he was here. Thank God he was here.
Exhaling the breath that I had been holding, I rushed to the front door and unlocked it as quickly as I could. Upon opening the door, I didn’t give Blake a chance to speak before I pushed myself into his arms and held him tight. I felt his arms wrap around me, and as if he felt my insecurities, his hold on me tightened, pulling me closer to him.
After a few moments I lifted my head to meet his gaze, trying my hardest to hide my fears. I smiled. “I’ve missed you.”
“I can see that.” He smiled, but he was watching me; he knew something wasn’t right. “Are you going to let me in, or do you want me to stand out here all night?” he asked.
“Sorry.” I breathed out as I released him and stepped back to let him pass.
With Blake in the apartment, I closed the door and again made sure it was firmly locked.
“What are you doing?” I turned around to see Blake standing behind me, arms crossed firmly over his chest, watching me with concern. “You and Casey never use those locks; I wondered why the key didn’t work. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I lied as I walked past him and stepped into the kitchen. “Just being on my own for the first time in ages, I kind of freaked myself out; watched one too many episodes of The Walking Dead. There were a lot of zombies.” I took a bottle of water from the fridge and drank half of the contents.
“I think that’s the idea of the show, Jo,” he laughed before wrapping his arms around me. “That’s why you should come live with me; I could fight off those zombies.” His lips grazed my earlobe. Suddenly the fear began to evaporate; I was back in my safe place again.
“And with you going away, who would save me then?” I asked, tilting my head to the side to see him.
“That’s a good point that I am going to choose to ignore,” he said before frowning. “I don’t even want to think about being away from you; today has been hard enough.”
I turned in his arms and wrapped them tightly around his neck, smiling slightly. “The perils of being so famous.”
“I would give it all up tomorrow if it meant I could spend every single second of every single day in your arms,” he said.
I smiled seductively. “You know what talking like that to me does, don’t you?”
“I do, yes.” He smirked. “Are you all packed for tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately.
“Are you tired?” he asked.
“No, but I would like to go to bed please,” I said seductively.
“That was what I was hoping you were going to say.” He nodded, looking pleased with himself as he picked me up and carried me through to my bedroom, where we proceeded to make up for not seeing each other for the previous twelve hours.
With Blake buried deep inside me, it was always so easy to forget the reality of life. It was easy to forget any fear, stress, or worry that I had allowed to creep inside of me right up until Blake had knocked at the door. All of those feelings were now gone and had been replaced by the only thing I felt when Blake was present. Love.
“Hi,” Blake whispered as he lay panting above me as we slowly came back down to earth after our third orgasm.
“Hi yourself,” I whispered as I reached up and brushed the hair away from his eyes. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” he said, placing his lips to the palm of my hand and kissing gently over and over again.
“How long do you think this will last?”
Blake stopped kissing me and looked at me with a concerned expression. “What do you mean?”
“You know, the whole can’t keep our hands to ourselves, can’t touch each other without it ending with sex over and over again, missing each other when we’re only apart for a few hours … how long do you think that will last?”
Blake looked into my eyes, seeing that fear that I was displaying to him. “I’m gonna go with forever,” he said honestly.
“Forever?” I smiled.
He nodded. “Forever.”
“So,” I said quietly as my fingers trailed circles around his pecs, “your mum and dad are still going through that phase then?”
I failed to hide my own amusement as Blake’s face changed. He scrunched his eyes shut and shook his head. “I can’t believe you just put that image into my head while I’m lying here still hard as a rock and buried deep inside you,” he said in disgust, which only caused me to laugh even more.
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to hide my laughter beneath my hand.
“You have just totally killed the moment,” he said in a firm tone laced with amusement, climbing off me. “No more sex for you tonight, lady.”
“Where are you going?” I whined.
“I now need a shower to rid me of those thoughts.” He shuddered.
I shuffled to the edge of the bed and wrapped my legs around him, pulling him back onto me. “I hope they’re quiet when we visit this weekend,” I teased.
“No no no! Let me go!” he demanded.
“Mmm, Marti, that’s it; harder, faster, ah yes!” I said, continuing to tease him as I held him tight with my legs.
“Fuck me, your legs are strong,” he said, struggling against me.
“Aahhh, Marti, I’m gonna … I’m gonna …”
Blake’s fingers squeezed my ribs as he started tickling me, knowing how much I hated it. I let my legs flop to the side in an effort to stop him, but he continued his assault.
“Are you done now or do I need to continue?” he panted.
“Yes, yes, I’m done! I’m sorry! Stop, please!” I screamed.
“Promise?” he asked, holding his fingers against my ribs.
Keeping my mouth closed firmly, I nodded. Blake leaned down and kissed me once before jumping off the bed.
I couldn’t resist one more tease. “Ah, Julia, yes!”
Blake’s body was once again above me, ticking me everywhere he could. “Do you surrender?”
“I do! I’m sorry! Please stop!” I screamed.
Blake’s grip on me loosened and his expression softened. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Forever.”
I stood in the kitchen window and watched as our children played happily in the garden. Our two boys were climbing the large trees while our daughter sat with her nanny in the middle of the large lawn, brushing her dolly’s hair whilst singing happily.
Blake and My dad were busy fixing the swing that hung from one of the large trees at the bottom of the garden, which he had made for me as a child. The ropes had become frayed and broken off as a result of overuse over the years.
I smiled happily, feeling content that I had finally gotten everything that I had always dreamed of: the perfect house, a loving family around me, and the man that I loved by my side. I feared nothing anymore; no one could ever hurt me again.
Warm hands wrapped around me, cradling my ever-expanding stomach. Baby number four was due to arrive any day now, and everything was perfect.
Leaning back into the warmth, I continued to watch everyone that I loved. Suddenly the sunny sky blackened. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance, but no one except me seemed to notice. The image of my dad standing next to the ladder that Blake stood on started to fade as he turned towards the storm and began walking towards it. I snapped my attention to the lawn. My mum was gone too, leaving only our daughter playing and singing to herself, oblivious that she was no longer playing with her nanny but instead was alone. I scanned to the trees; the boys were nowhere to be found. Then my eyes went back to the lawn. My little girl was gone too; only her dolly lay where she had sat only moments b
efore. Then a clatter of lightning lit up the sky before I heard an almighty crash. Snapping my head to the right, I saw Blake lying on the ground, motionless. The ladder that he had been standing high on had given way, sending him crashing to the floor.
I tried to move, but the hands that were wrapped around my waist pulled me back, the grip tightening with force. I fought so hard, shouting out to Blake over and over again. I shouted to him that I was coming, but I couldn’t move. A hand against my mouth silenced me. I was screaming, screaming so loudly, but no words would escape. “I did warn you, didn’t I?” a voice hissed in my ear. “I told you not to walk away from me. Look at what you have caused, Jo, because you just … didn’t … listen.” The harsh tone of his voice made me shudder. The more he spoke, the harder I tried to escape; the harder I tried to escape, the more he gripped me, pulling me away – far, far away – from Blake and everyone that I loved.
My breathing accelerated. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. “You are mine now, Jo, all mine; you remember that.”
I screamed, but no one could hear me. I called out to my dad to come back, to help me, but he kept on walking; he wouldn’t come back. I tried to call out to Blake, but the blood that now surrounded him told me that he wouldn’t be coming back to me either.
My body wriggled and squirmed as I continued to scream. I was screaming as loud as I could, yet it felt as though the noise was muted.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here; it’s okay. Jo, stop fighting me; I’m here.”
My eyes shot open and my body bolted upright. Sweat was pouring from me, and I couldn’t breathe through the panting. It took a moment to realize my surroundings. I was home; I was safe. Blake was next to me, soothing me, calming me. “It was just a dream,” he said calmly. “Just a dream, it’s okay.”
“I think I’m gonna be sick.” I shot out of bed quickly and ran to the bathroom. Crouching over the toilet, my body convulsed as I emptied my stomach of its entire contents. I felt Blake’s presence as he knelt down next to me and took my hair from my face.
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