Beautifully Unbroken

by D. M. Brittle

  “Look at me getting all sentimental.” She wiped her own tears and took a deep breath. “Let’s blame the wine,” she laughed sadly.

  “I feel like you just described me,” I said.

  “Blake will never hurt you,” she said reassuringly. “That much I can promise you.” She smiled, and I so wanted to believe her.

  “Do you mind if I go to bed?” I asked. “I’m exhausted.”

  “Of course, dear. I’m sorry; I can talk for the US.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “It’s been lovely to sit and get to know you; it really has.” I placed a quick kiss on Julia’s cheek before standing. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “See you tomorrow, dear,” Julia replied.

  I couldn’t see Blake as I bypassed the kitchen, but I could hear him and Marti discussing their plans for the following day. I hurried past quietly and headed upstairs to the bedroom.

  I heard Blake enter the bedroom while I was brushing my teeth. My stomach knotted with anticipation.

  “Here you are,” he said as he stood in the doorway to the en-suite. “Why didn’t you say you were coming to bed?” he asked carefully.

  I shrugged as I spat out the toothpaste and wiped my mouth. “I didn’t know I needed your permission.” I walked past him and back into the bedroom, where I started to undress.

  “Am I missing something here, because I’ll be damned if I have a single idea of what the hell has happened in the last couple of hours to change your mood to this,” he said defensively.

  “What did Alex want?” I spat out as I slipped my nightgown on and walked over to the bedside table to remove my jewelry

  “When?” he said, confused.

  “Alex,” I said strongly as I caught his gaze in the mirror, “he called you tonight, remember? What did he want?”

  “Oh,” he mumbled, “nothing particular.” He shrugged.

  “Well, for someone who wanted nothing, he was very persistent,” I snapped.

  “You know what Alex is like,” he said, laughing once.

  “I do, yes,” I said, turning to face him, “and I also know what Christina is like. So why has she been calling you?”

  “I was talking to Alex.”

  My heart rate increased, and anger began boiling to the surface. “Why are you lying to me?” I asked quietly.

  “Jo, I’m not lying to you; why would I lie to you? Give me one reason why I would ever need to lie to you?”

  “Because I know that you are lying to me now!” My voice rose, but I was careful not to let Julia and Marti hear us arguing. “I’m going to ask you one last time; you either tell me the truth, or I walk out of her right now and out of your life for good,” I choked out. “I am sick and tired of being someone’s go-to, Blake – someone to go to when you need some comfort and stability away from the cameras and the media, when you feel like you need some normality in your life, something to make you look good, raise your profile some. I’ve been there before, Blake; you know that. You know the fear that I have held on to since then. I don’t want to believe it; God, I really do not want to believe it … but is that really what happened the night you stepped foot into the airport? Because at the time, I really didn’t think so; but now …” I shrugged as I tried to swallow back the emotion that was building. “Now you are standing here lying to me about the one woman I can’t bear to think of you being with.

  “I’ve had enough of being treated like a fool, Blake,” I said with pure emotion. “I’ve had enough.” I sighed as I walked over to the wardrobe and took my case, throwing it onto the bed. I grabbed anything I could see that belonged to me and started throwing it into the case. Blake appeared quickly and placed his hands firmly on my arms, preventing me from carrying on with what I was doing.

  “The call that I got during dinner was from Alex,” he said firmly. “I swear.”

  I looked into his eyes deeply; I wanted to believe him so much, but my heart was preventing me from seeing any truth when my head was seeing only lies.

  “When you were in the bathroom before dinner, Christina rang you. I took the call.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” Blake sighed.

  “What like? ‘By the way, Blake, the woman you are sleeping with behind my back called you earlier; be sure to return the call!’”

  “You think I’m sleeping with Christina behind your back? How could you ever even think that?” His eyes roamed my face, his breathing heavy. “I love you, Jo; I love you so much, and all I am trying to do is protect you.”

  “Protect me from finding out?” I replied angrily.

  “No,” he said quietly. “To protect you when I know that I will be too far away from you to be there if you need me.”

  Nothing Blake was saying was making sense. I pushed out of his hold and headed back to the bed, placing more items into my case.

  “Alex called me during dinner because I hadn’t answered any of Christina’s calls,” he said, standing behind me.

  “That’s nice of him. Remind me to thank him when I see him next.”

  “Jo,” Blake exhaled, “Christina runs a very successful, highly reputable security firm in New York.”

  “Good for her,” I replied sarcastically.

  “I have employed her to watch over you while I’m away,” he said carefully. “That’s why she has been calling me – no other reason than to look after you when I know that I can’t.”

  Slamming my case shut, I turned my head to face Blake. “You employed your ex-girlfriend to look after me while you’re away?” I asked, shocked.

  “I am not sleeping with her, or anyone else for that matter,” he said. “I just needed to know that you were gonna be safe while I was away, because no matter what you believe, Jo, I do love you. I love you so much that it scares the life out of me to think that I’m not going to be around to protect you for the next two weeks.”

  “So you employed Christina?” I asked, unable to hide the shock. “You employed your ex-fuck of three years to look after me?”

  “I’m not sleeping with her, Jo; isn’t that what the problem was? You thought I was sleeping with her behind your back?” He sounded as confused as I felt.

  “Oh, that was the problem, yes,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. “That was a big problem! But here’s a new one!” I said. “You employed Christina to look after me? To keep me safe? For God’s sake! What am I, twelve years old? Incapable of taking care of myself so I need someone else to do it? I don’t know what’s worse – the fact that I thought you were sleeping with her, or the fact that you trust her to look after me more than you think I can look after myself!”

  “It’s not like that and you know it,” he said firmly.

  “Oh, it’s crystal clear that its like that from where I’m standing,” I puffed out as I stopped pacing and placed my hands firmly on my hips. “How could you? You know how I feel about her. How could you ask her to look after me and expect me to be happy about it?”

  “You weren’t supposed to find out.”

  I laughed hard at his reply. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing “That just makes it so much worse,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Jo, listen to me.” Blake stood before me and took my hands in his. “Christina runs the best security firm in New York.”

  “Like I said, good for her,” I replied sarcastically.

  Blake let out a small laugh. “It wasn’t going to be Christina who would actually be looking after you; it would have been one of her employees.” I looked down to the floor, but Blake pulled my gaze back up to meet his, placing his fingers under my chin. “I worry about you. Is that a crime? For a man to worry about his girlfriend when he’s unable to keep her safe because he’s hundreds of miles away at the other end of the country? Is it?”

  “I can look after myself, Blake. I’ve managed since I arrived in New York, so what’s different now?” I looked into his eyes.

  “You weren’t mine until now,” he said softly. I couldn’t he
lp the smile that tugged at my lips. I was so angry with him, but somehow he always knew how to make it better. Placing my arms around his neck, I lifted up onto my toes and kissed him.

  “Please call Christina. Tell her you don’t need her now. Tell her what you like, in fact, but I don’t want to be babysat by that … that cougar.”

  Blake laughed once. “You really have no idea how cute you are, do you?”

  “Just call her,” I pleaded. “I’ve spent the whole night thinking you were sleeping with her; do you know how much that hurts?”

  “I do,” he admitted firmly. “That’s how I felt the night of the party.”

  My heart sank for him because he had replied with such sadness. “So you will call her then?”

  Blake hesitated. He really wasn’t happy calling her to tell her I didn’t need her protection. But I was adamant that I would not be babysat by her, or anyone else for that matter.

  “Blake,” I said, “call her.” I removed my hands from around his neck and waited.

  Blake sighed heavily before taking his phone from his pocket and finding Christina’s number. He held the phone almost to his ear so as I could listen. She answered on the first ring.

  “Hello Blake,” she said in surprise. “I didn’t expect to hear from you again until Monday.”

  “Christina, hi. I no longer require your help,” he said firmly, his eyes not leaving mine the whole time. “Jo knows that I have employed you, and let’s just say that she’s not happy about it.”

  “Is this because of what I told her?” she said in an annoyed tone. I took the phone from Blake’s hand and walked towards the window.

  “Hello, Christina.”

  “Jo, hi,” she replied nervously.

  “Just to let you know, as sweet and loving as it is that Blake asked you to look out for me while he’s away; I have decided that I am old enough and wise enough to look after myself. So thank you for owning the most successful security firm in New York; I assume that that is the one and only reason that Blake came to you in the first place.” I looked to Blake, who was masking a smile behind his fist as he stood cross-armed in front of me. “But I won’t be requiring anyone’s protection, especially yours. And yes, to answer your question, this most certainly is something to do with what you told me the other night. It was hurtful, and you purposely wanted to stir up some sort of shit. But unfortunately for you, it didn’t work, and you have now lost work because of it. Do not even think about calling Blake again to set something up behind my back, because he knows now that not telling me is most certainly not an option.”

  I cut off the phone and tossed it onto the bed.

  “Better?” Blake asked, slightly amused.

  “Don’t ever lie to me or put me in that situation again, Blake,” I said quietly.

  Blake walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist. I rested my hands on his firm biceps.

  “I’m sorry.” His lips brushed the side of my mouth. “I’m gonna worry so much about you now.”

  “I am going to be fine, Blake,” I said reassuringly. “Trust me.”

  Blake sighed and pulled me to him, holding me close. “Can we empty the case, or do you want to go home?” he asked against my neck.

  “I just want to get into bed and go to sleep,” I admitted.

  Blake took a deep breath and straightened up, his hands cupping my face. “Never underestimate how much I love you, Jo; I would do anything, and I mean anything, to keep you safe.”

  “I’m sorry about what I said.”

  Blake’s lips curled up into a half smile. “You were angry; it’s okay.”

  “But it’s not okay, Blake. Even here, away from it all, we’re arguing. Is this what our lives will be like now, forever?”

  “We argue because we love each other,” he stated.

  “That makes no sense whatsoever.”

  Blake wasn’t in bed when I woke the next morning. I could, however, hear him and Marti chatting happily outside as they sorted out the garden for the barbecue. They were debating a small game of baseball on the beach, and Marti was telling Blake that he would be a field player or pitcher only, as it would be a waste of time giving him a bat. Blake was protesting like a little boy desperate to prove his worth to his dad. Their banter reminded me of happier times when I was a child. Dad and me playing penalty shoot-outs in the garden – but I was only allowed to shoot, as I was a hopeless goal keeper.

  A gentle breeze was blowing in through the open window, and the sound of the birds singing their morning song filled the room. It was bliss. I felt relaxed for the first time in so long.

  I closed my eyes and absorbed the sounds of nature, the sounds that were so hard to hear in the middle of a bustling city. My mind wandered back to the previous night’s events and how Blake and I had argued yet again. It was becoming tiring. Blake and I were arguing constantly lately, and although I didn’t think I had overreacted last night to the calls from Christina, I did believe that I would begin to push Blake away if my constant jealous outbursts and lack of trust towards him continued for much longer.

  I felt the bed dip as a soft hand swept the length of my arm.

  Turning over, I opened my eyes to find Blake beaming down on me.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said with a smile.

  I smiled back. “What time is it?”

  “Almost ten,” he said as he lay next to me, continuing to stroke my arm.

  “Wow, I knew I was tired, but that’s ridiculous,” I said, shocked. “I was listening to you and your dad.” I smiled. “Do you think he may lift your batting ban?” I teased.

  “He thinks I’ll end up whacking someone with the bat.”

  I snorted and quickly covered my mouth with my hand. “Sorry.” I laughed as Blake threw me a wounded look.

  “You seem happier this morning,” he said, moving his hand up to my face.

  “I don’t want us to fight any more Blake,” I admitted.

  “You had reason to last night; I’m sorry I tried to keep it from you.”

  The birds continued to sing; it was mesmerizing. “I miss that sound.”

  “What sound?” Blake said, trying to figure out what I was talking about.

  “The birds,” I said quietly. “So relaxing, it’s mesmerizing. I forgot how nice it was waking up to those sounds. I miss it.”

  “You miss London?” he asked, concern etched on his face.

  “Sometimes,” I admitted. “It’s not so much London I miss.”

  “Then what is it?” he asked, getting comfy next to me. “Your mom?”

  “Definitely my mum, but so many other things too,” I said, turning onto my back and focusing on the ceiling. “I miss the countryside a lot. The house that we lived in was so much like this one – without the pool and tennis courts, though.” I twisted my head to Blake with a smile. “Ours was more a tree house and a swing with a couple of football nets thrown in for good measure.”

  We both smiled. “I miss my mum’s Sunday lunches. Every Sunday without fail we would have all of the family around so there would be me, Mum and Dad, my uncle and aunt, and my cousin Jemma. Mum would go all out; every single week there was enough food to feed a small army, but she loved how much everyone loved it. I miss that.

  “I miss getting snowed in during the winter. Mum and I would be toasting marshmallows in front of the open wood fire while Dad would be outside trying in vain to dig his way out so he could get to work.

  “Real fish and chips,” I said excitedly. “Friday night was fish-and-chips night, and we would sit in front of the TV and eat them from the paper. It’s silly things like that that gave me so many happy memories.” I smiled at Blake again, and a happy tear strolled down the side of my face. “I don’t want my children to have a life any different to the one that I had up until everything went so wrong,” I said sadly. “I want the house in the country, I want to get snowed in and toast marshmallows in front of the fire, I want fish and chips on a Friday, eating them from the
paper while we all sit down and watch a film or something. Oh, and a dog, every family should have a dog. Do you think all of that is possible?”

  Blake wiped the lone tear from my face. “I know that it’s possible.”

  “I really miss my dad, Blake,” I whispered. “Every single day I miss him. Just being here and hearing you and your dad talk, it gets me, right here.” I placed my hand firmly against my chest.

  Blake didn’t reply. He folded me in his arms and held me against him, comforted me, and made me believe that everything was going to be okay.

  Blake finally left me to get changed for our day at the beach once he had been back downstairs and brought me breakfast in bed, of which I enjoyed every single mouthful. I was really beginning to enjoy breakfast for the first time in my life. I put it down to all of the sex that Blake and I were having, it was a great way to build up an appetite. My slowly expanding waistline, however, wasn’t going unnoticed by me. With Blake away for the next two weeks, I would work on getting that back to normal, though. I wouldn’t need breakfast without Blake here to help me burn off the calories.

  My phone rang as I was heading out of the bedroom. Noticing it was Casey; I sat on the edge of the bed and answered the phone.

  “Hey, Jo, how’s the in-laws?” she joked.

  “Don’t call them that,” I laughed back, “but they’re great, by the way.”

  “Good, good,” she said quickly. “I have gossip,” she said, sounding sneaky.