I arrived at the studio in good time to prepare for the live recording. Butterflies were doing a very happy dance in my stomach, but it was a nice feeling.
I walked into my dressing room to yet another beautiful bouquet of red roses sitting on my dressing table. I knew immediately who they were from.
‘To my beautiful English rose … I wish so much that I could be there with you tonight for the live show. I know that you are going to be amazing, because you are amazing. I know that you will shine, because you are the brightest star in my sky. I gather that you didn’t break a leg, so I won’t curse you by saying it again tonight. I miss you and I love you; I can’t wait to see you. Yours forever, Blake xxxx’
I laughed and cried happy tears at the same time. His note just made me miss him more and more; I couldn’t wait for him to be home.
“I love you too,” I whispered, rubbing my thumb over the words on the note.
A knock on my door startled me. Placing the note next to the flowers, I opened the door.
“Here she is!” Marti stood on the other side of the door, beaming at me.
“Marti,” I said before hugging him, “come on in.” I opened the door wide and let him past.
“Wow, that is one big bunch of flowers,” he observed. “Blake, I presume?”
I smiled. “Yes, aren’t they gorgeous?”
“They certainly are; he’s an old romantic at heart,” he said with a smile. “Anyway, I wanted to come and say hi now, because I’m gonna be heading straight home after the show.”
“Oh that’s a shame; I was hoping you would come to dinner,” I said, disappointed.
“Julia hasn’t been feeling well; I don’t want to leave her any longer than necessary,” he said with an edge of concern.
“Nothing serious, I hope?”
He smiled. “She will be right as rain; just need to get her to rest up more often. So good luck,” he said, placing a kiss to my cheek before heading to the door. “And um, break a leg, as they say, or don’t break a leg, but, you know; good luck.” I smiled at his words. He was so much like Blake it was unreal.
As Marti opened the door to leave, I could hear the noise filtering in from the audience. Nerves slowly began to seep into my veins; I had been so preoccupied recently that I had managed to forget about the live studio audience that I would be performing to. But with those nerves came excitement; I had been waiting for a moment like this for years, and finally that day had arrived.
I was practically bouncing off the walls when I returned to my dressing room five hours later. The recording had gone amazingly well, the audience had been fantastic, and Marcus had been the best actor I had ever worked with. I made a vow not to tell Blake that, but he had made me feel so welcome and at home, and helped to ease any nerves that appeared without notice. I couldn’t wait until the following Friday already. If I could do this as a job for the rest of my career, I would jump at it; recording in front of an audience that got involved and made me feel good was a million times better than any film or TV series I had worked on before. Anything from now on would always feel mediocre in comparison.
I stood and re-read Blake’s note with a huge smile on my face; I know that he would have been proud of me.
I headed to the bathroom to freshen up before heading out to dinner. Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see my own happiness shining back at me for the first time in years. I was glowing. Gone was the sad, pale-faced girl who had arrived in New York full of anxiety and dread. I had grown. I could see my growth through my eyes, and finally I was in a happy place, with the hurdles getting pushed further and further into the distance every day.
The Italian restaurant that Marcus always ate at was packed full of cast and crew from the show. The whole place was filled with laughter and excitement at how the show had gone earlier. I missed Blake more in that moment than I had all week. I felt he should be there celebrating with me. I felt guilty that I was even trying to have a good time without him.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Cooper placed his glass down on the table before pulling out the next seat to mine.
“Just missing Blake, that’s all.” I shrugged as I watched the champagne swirl around the bottom of the glass that I was twiddling with.
“He would have been so proud of you tonight; you were amazing, Jo.” I looked up to Cooper in surprise. “What,” he asked, appearing wounded, “I can’t give you a compliment now?”
“Sorry,” I sighed, “it’s just—”
“Blake wouldn’t like me sitting here talking to you. Or being in the same room as you even,” he stated.
“He’s just doing what any other man in his position would do,” I said defensively.
“I don’t blame Blake for hating me, you know,” he said quietly. “I just want to make things right, that’s all.”
“I know,” I replied. “You’re looking better, by the way,” I observed.
“Feeling it too,” he said. “Had enough beatings to last me a lifetime recently,” he said carefully.
“Maybe you need to behave better,” I joked.
“Maybe I do,” he said, swigging the rest of his champagne from the glass.
“I think I’m going to call it a night.” I stood and grabbed my handbag from the table.
“How are you getting home?”
I hadn’t even given that a thought; I had been so caught up in getting fit and losing some weight that I hadn’t even thought about what time I would be getting home. “I’ll just get a cab.”
“You will do no such thing,” Cooper said, laughing hard. “Come on, I’ll take you.”
“Cooper, no. You know that’s not a good idea.”
“And getting in a cab in the middle of New York on a Friday evening is?” he shrugged into his jacket and took his keys from his pocket. “I’m not gonna bite, Jo,” he joked.
“Okay,” I sighed, hating myself for allowing Cooper to get even closer than he should. Blake hated Cooper, that was a given, but he also hated me getting into cabs at every opportunity. Surely Cooper giving me a lift home instead would be easier for Blake to accept than if I got into a cab.
“Do you want me to see you upstairs?” Cooper asked with a hint of amusement.
“Hmm, no,” I said firmly. “Thank you for the lift, but I think I’ll be okay from here.”
Cooper smiled slightly. “It’s good to have you back, Jo.”
“I’m not sure the same will apply once Blake returns, he means everything to me, Cooper, I can’t lose him.” I said carefully.
“I know.” He nodded, turning his attention to the front window. “But it’s nice to think I’m kind of protecting you in Blake’s absence,” he said quietly as his focus remained away from me.
I smiled, shaking my head. “I don’t need protecting.”
“I’m sure Blake would disagree,” he said, turning to face me. “Especially if he knew about your car being vandalized.”
“I think Blake already has someone watching over me.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. But I keep seeing the same black SUV everywhere I go. Can’t be a coincidence, surely. I told Blake before he went away that I didn’t want anyone following me, but I think he went ahead and did it anyway.”
Cooper straightened in his seat. “So you’ve seen who is driving the SUV then?”
“No, they’re never quite close enough. But it’s obvious, isn’t it?” I asked, confused.
“Sounds that way,” Cooper replied. “Just be careful, okay?”
“Of course I will.” I laughed, but Cooper’s expression remained impassive.
“I’m serious, Jo. Protection or no protection, just be careful.” He lifted his mouth into a small smile. “See you soon.”
“Bye, Cooper,” I replied as I got out of the car. It seemed with Cooper that every time I felt he was back to his old self, his behaviour left me feeling confused as hell.
18
I could hear Casey sobbing when I entered
the apartment. I found her sitting on the sofa next to an empty bottle of wine while she cried into the remaining wine in her glass.
I rushed over to the sofa and wrapped my arms around her immediately. “What the hell has happened?” I asked, confused.
“The wedding,” she sobbed. “It’s off.” She buried her head into my neck and cried uncontrollably.
“Why?”
“He said it’s too soon, that he isn’t ready, that we should have waited,” she sobbed. “I thought he loved me, but he doesn’t; he doesn’t love me, because he doesn’t want to marry me.”
“Casey,” I sighed, holding her closer, “shall I talk to him?”
“No,” she said firmly. “There’s no point. If he doesn’t want to get married, then we can’t be together. I can’t be with him knowing that he doesn’t want to marry me,” Casey cried.
I did the only thing I knew how; I just held her tight and let her cry all she needed to cry.
I had seen this coming. I knew Alex and I knew his fears; I shared them. When Casey had booked the wedding on such short notice, I knew that Alex would crumble. I would have been the same in his position. But it was still gut wrenching seeing my best friend cry so many tears over the whole situation.
It had been a long, tiring night; the only time I had managed to release myself from Casey’s grip was when she had finally nodded off just as the sun started to rise.
I hadn’t even managed to speak to Blake properly the night before, as Casey had been so hysterical that I could barely hear him. The small conversation that I had managed to have with Blake had yet again been filled with the guilt I felt over the time I had again spent with Cooper unbeknown to Blake. It hurt so much that I was keeping it from him that I decided I would avoid Cooper at all costs from now on. Blake was far more important to me than a friendship with Cooper, so last night would be the last time I would allow myself to be around him.
Blake always rang me like clockwork every morning at eight a.m., but by six thirty I couldn’t wait any longer and called him instead.
“Hi,” I said, choking back the emotion.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he said with concern.
“I just wanted to hear your voice,” I said quietly. “I miss you.”
I heard Blake sigh heavily. “I miss you too, so much. How’s Casey?”
“She’s only just nodded off; it’s been one hell of a long night.”
“I’ll call Alex.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Is everything else okay?”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Everything else is fine,” I lied, scrunching my eyes shut as guilt crept in.
“Dad said you were amazing last night.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“The whole thing was amazing,” I said, remembering the buzz I felt after the show. “I just wish you could have been there.”
“Me too, beautiful.”
“Can you call me again later? Any time, I just want to hear you as much as possible.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m just tired,” I lied. “ I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The whole weekend was consumed by me running from Casey to Alex and back again, trying my hardest to make them both see sense.
I understood Alex’s insecurities; I had been there. I could also understand how Casey must be feeling knowing he didn’t want to marry her yet. But somehow I needed them both to see that they loved each other too much to throw everything away. I was desperate to find some common ground between the two.
I was physically and mentally drained. I had ended Friday’s show on such a high, but then arriving home to find Casey upset had taken everything from me. I needed Blake right now; I needed to be in his arms and to know that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t tell him that; I wouldn’t tell him. He would only worry too much and end up being stuck in Miami longer than planned if he couldn’t concentrate on his job.
It was just one week until he would be home; I knew I could do this. I had struggled through the last week, so I could do it again.
I had noticed the black SUV following me again a couple of times over the weekend. I had been out jogging on one occasion when the car had crawled slowly past me a couple of times. I had tried to approach the vehicle on two separate occasions, after the way Cooper reacted when I told him about the SUV spurred on my curiosity. I actually did want to know who Blake had following me, but before I would even get a chance to get close enough to see, they would speed away, leaving me confused and angry.
I was literally running on empty. I was hardly sleeping, because Casey would choose every evening to get drunk and sob over Alex. I was hardly eating, because I felt constantly sick from all of the stress that was building inside of me. I felt as though the walls were slowly caving in and any minute now I was going to surrender. Every day was getting to be like Groundhog Day; I would wake to Casey sobbing and do my best to comfort her before going out for a jog just to escape the crying for a while. I would then spot the black SUV and approach it only for it to drive off. I would then receive a text from Cooper offering me a lift to or from rehearsals, which I would ignore. I would then return home to yet more tears from Casey. I was becoming pissed off and very annoyed at how my time away from Blake was panning out.
“So you are still alive then?” Cooper stood outside my dressing room with his arms folded over his chest and a big grin on his face.
“Cooper,” I said as I stalked past him in a huff.
“Have I done something?” he asked in confusion as he caught up to me.
“I don’t know, Cooper; you tell me,” I said as I stopped and turned to face him.
“What?” he asked shocked.
“I have just spent the past two hours cleaning up after someone has been into my dressing room, snapped every single head from every single flower, trampled them into the carpet, tore up my clothes, and then used my lipstick to write ‘slut’ on my mirror,” I choked out.
“Are you serious?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
“Who would do that?” he asked as my eyes widened towards him. “You think it was me?” he asked in surprise.
“Well, you’ve done worse than this to me before,” I snapped before turning and heading towards the back door. “And look, here you are again! Every time something happens to me, there you are!”
“Jo,” Cooper said calmly, walking beside me. “I have nothing to do with any of the shit that is happening to you. I swear.” His hands rested on my shoulders as he spun me to face him, his eyes fixed onto mine. “I swear,” he said again.
“Then who is?” I said quietly.
Cooper’s arms wrapped around me, and for a brief moment I allowed myself to rest my head to his chest. “I’m here for you, Jo, okay? We will get you through this, I promise.”
Lifting my head sharply from Cooper’s chest, I shook my head frantically. “No. No, this is all wrong. I shouldn’t be letting you comfort me. You shouldn’t even be here, for Christ’s sake!”
“It’s a good thing that I am,” he said.
“No. No it’s not.” Shaking my head, I turned and continued to exit the building.
“Where are you going?” Cooper yelled back.
“Home,” I replied without turning my head.
Cooper caught up to me once I swung open the door and stepped out onto the car park. “Get in the car; it’s obviously not safe for you to be walking.”
“No way,” I laughed.
“Jo, you can’t walk home; it’s too dangerous. Come back with me, and I’ll take you home.”
Ignoring him, I shook my head in disbelief. “Was that all part of the plan? To get me into your car so you can finish me off?”
“No! God, Jo, just listen to me.” I continued to walk and stepped out of the gates and onto the hot streets of New York. Cooper trailed behind.
“Can you stop following me?”
“I�
�m not following you; I’m making sure you’re okay.”
“You are following me. Now stop following me and go. Goodbye, Cooper.” I stood and waited to cross the road, noticing the black SUV crawling slowly towards me.
“Jo, don’t go any further; please stop. Stop where you are.” Choosing to ignore Cooper, I stepped off the curb. The roar of an engine seemed to close in on me along with a screeching noise from tyres as they spun on the hot tarmac.
“Jo!” Cooper yelled again, but I chose to ignore him and continued to walk. The SUV sped up suddenly and was heading towards me at speed. My feet stopped working as my entire body froze. I stood unable to move in the middle of the otherwise deserted road as I watched the car that had been following me for the past week and a half quickly approaching me. The car that I had seen so many times, thinking that they were watching me, that they were protecting me, was about to knock me down and leave me to die. They were not here to protect me after all; they were here to kill me. I was unable to move my body; they would hit their target head-on. This was how my life was going to end.
Suddenly my body was moving. Cooper’s arms wrapped tightly around me as he charged me out of the road, my feet dragging across the floor. We crashed to the floor with force as we made it to the other side of the road just as the SUV skimmed past us both, somehow managing to miss us.
I lay on the floor, my body shaking vigorously. We were both breathing hard as we watched the car continue down the road until it was out of sight.
Cooper had saved my life; he had risked himself and saved my life. After everything that I had said to him, everything I had accused him of, he had just stopped someone from knocking me down and leaving me for dead, risking his own life in the process.
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