“Has someone been trying to hurt you while I haven’t been here?”
“Yes,” I replied simply. “It seems that way.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me? I told you I wanted to protect you. I arranged for someone to look after you while I was gone. But you said no, Jo. You said no,” he said as he shrugged me from him and began pacing the kitchen. “I should never have listened to you, never. Do you know how I feel now because I listened to you? Because I chose to do what you wanted rather than what you needed? I shouldn’t have listened to you. I should have gone behind your back, just like you have been doing to me for the past two weeks.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I said quietly.
“Then tell me, Jo. What was it like, huh? What made you turn to Cooper and not me? What made you want to hide everything from me like I mean nothing? Cooper tried to rape you, for God’s sake, and you turn to him when someone is trying to hurt you!”
“I wanted for once to stand on my own two feet, Blake. That is why I didn’t tell you. I am sick and tired of having someone watching over me, looking after me like I can’t look after myself. I am sick of it!”
“So you turned to Cooper?”
“No. I didn’t, I swear. He was just there, Blake; he just happened to be there,” I stated.
“What a coincidence,” Blake snapped.
“He saved my life, Blake!”
“What!”
“He saved my life!” I tried to remain calm, although I felt as though my insides were slowly crumbling. “I didn’t ask him to, but he did. He pushed me from the road when a car that had been following me for the past two weeks tried to run me down. The only reason I didn’t tell you anything was because I knew you couldn’t do anything from Miami. What could you have possibly done to help me?”
“I should have been the one who saved your life, not him.”
“But you weren’t here! You should be grateful to him, for Christ’s sake; if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be standing here now arguing with you!”
“Wow,” Blake said, shaking his head in disbelief, “He really has gotten to you, hasn’t he?”
“What?”
“Why can’t you see him for what he really is, Jo?”
“He saved my life,” I said again.
“Only a couple of weeks ago, he almost had your death on his hands, Jo,” he spat out. “So forgive me if I don’t see what there is to thank him for in all of this.”
“I can’t believe you are behaving like this,” I said quietly.
“And you would behave differently, would you? If it were, say … Christina?” He shrugged.
“That is different and you know it,” I choked out.
“Is it? You have been lying to me for almost two weeks about something that I should have known about. And then keeping the fact that you have been spending time with Cooper from me just makes this a whole lot worse,” he spat back. “Do you know what your problem is, Jo?” I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. “You forgive too easily. People hurt you, and you forget about it when they begin to show you one ounce of goodness. You only ever see the good in people.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I choked out.
“Not always, no,” He shook his head slowly. “But that is why you always end up getting hurt.”
Blake’s words cut into me like a knife. I got that he was angry, but he was actually standing there telling me that everything that happened to me was always my fault.
“Maybe I was too forgiving with you too, then,” I replied.
Suddenly I realized that I had been right all along. How could I ever be happy? True happiness definitely didn’t exist. Whatever had made me actually believe that there was such a thing as happiness without pain had always just been a figment of my imagination, because from the view of the world that I had right now, happiness definitely only existed in fairy tales. I loved Blake more than I ever knew was even possible, but was that enough? Was love strong enough to get us through all of the shit that was constantly being thrown at us? I took a deep breath and prepared to do the only thing I was only ever capable of doing successfully. Picking up my handbag, I headed for the door.
“What are you doing?” Blake asked in a panic.
With my hand on the door handle, I took a deep breath and turned back to face Blake.
“I’m running.” I swallowed. “I’m running, Blake, and this time I am not coming back.” I opened the door and ran for the lift, refusing to look back, refusing to allow myself to stay. Blake called out to me, but I ran as fast as my legs could take me. As the lift closed, I saw Blake turn the corner.
“Jo, please don’t do this! I’m sorry!” his eyes caught mine as the doors closed and the lift began to make its descent. Falling to the floor, I sobbed uncontrollably. I had been foolish enough to believe I could be happy, and this just confirmed that was never going to be possible, so I did the only thing that I had ever been good at and ran.
I climbed into the car and started the engine. My visibility was poor from the amount of tears that were streaming down my face, but I needed to get away. Away from Blake, away from everything that had just destroyed the tiniest bit of happiness that I had allowed myself to regain.
I sped out onto the busy streets of New York with no idea of where I was heading or what I would do next, but I needed to get as far away from Blake as possible. The sky clouded over, and rain began to fall, clouding my visibility even more. The car echoed as my phone began to ring. The screen told me that it was Blake calling, but I would not answer. I would not let him talk me into turning the car around and going. We were done.
I had no idea where I was or where I was heading, but I knew that the more I drove, the further from the heartache I was getting, so keeping my foot firmly to the ground, I drove as fast as I could and as far away as possible.
Blake was persistent, however; every time the phone would ring off, he would redial. “Stop calling me,” I repeated over and over to myself. My tears were now full-on sobs. Using my arm to clear my eyes was doing nothing to help my visibility. The car jolted forward suddenly; looking into my rear-view mirror, I spotted the black SUV on my tail. “Shit, no!” I cried as panic struck. I was being followed. I didn’t know for how long, but I did know that it was the same car that for the past two weeks had followed practically every move that I had made. The same car that had tried to knock me down and kill me was following me now. My body began to shake; my eyes flickered from the road ahead to the car behind. Trying to shake them off, I took corners without warning, only for them to do the same. This was it. This was how I was going to succumb to them; this time they would catch up with me, and this would be how I would die.
I felt the car shudder again. Checking my mirror, I saw they were on my tail, bumping me over and over, trying to run me from the road. With each bump I would scream out. Fear filled my body. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this, but for now I needed to keep going, keep trying, keep hoping. I tried desperately to see who was driving the car, who wanted me hurt so badly. But my tears, mixed with the rain that was now lashing down, made the visibility almost impossible.
My phone rang again, and this time I answered. As much as Blake had hurt me with his accusations, I needed him right now. Regardless of any words that had been said in anger, I needed him to help me. He was the only person that I wanted; the only person that I had ever needed in my life. I needed Blake. This time, running had been the biggest mistake I could have made.
“Blake,” I cried out.
“Jo, thank God, please come home, please. I’m sorry; I’m so sorry. We can work this out, can’t we? Can we please work this out?”
“Blake!” I shouted through the sobs. “I’m being followed. It’s the same car again. It’s a black SUV. They’re going to kill me, Blake, and I’m so scared, I’m so scared!” I sobbed just as the car bumped me again, causing me to scream out. “They’re trying to run me off the road, Blake! Help me, please, help me!”
“Where are you,” he said firmly. “Tell me where you are!”
“I don’t know,” I replied, looking around frantically, “I just kept on driving. Blake, please, they’re going to kill me!”
“God, Jo, I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry. I’m going to help you, Jo, I promise. Tell me what you see; tell me any signs that you see.” Blake was trying to remain calm but I could sense the fear in his voice.
Again I looked around, desperate for something to show me where I was, but my mind was so preoccupied that I didn’t see the red light that I ran. Spotting an oncoming vehicle, I swerved the car in desperation to avoid hurting anyone else. “Blake!” I screamed just as I hit the curb. Noticing pedestrians I swerved again pressing my foot hard onto the brake pedal. The tyres screeched against the wetness of the road, the car skidding as it veered uncontrollably towards the wall of a small row of shops. In that moment, everything appeared to slow down, my life flashed in front of me as I clung tightly to the wheel, praying for everything to be ok. I screamed out just as the car hit the wall. The phone line went dead.
20
The airbag had inflated and deflated before I had a chance to notice. It took me a moment to realize that I was still alive. I lifted my shaky arms above the bag that had just saved my life and looked around me. I was alive, I wasn’t hurting anywhere except for my ribs that were most likely bruised from the impact of the bag, but I was alive, that was all that mattered. The car was immediately surrounded by passers-by who tried to help me. It was mayhem as people shouted and called to me but all I could think about was how the hell I had managed to survive yet another ordeal from someone who tried to take my life.
The paramedics checked me over but still insisted that I get checked out at the hospital; no amount of pleading that I did would convince them that I was fine.
I was seen immediately by DR Green, who had looked after me the night I was drugged.
It was kind of nice to see a familiar face, even if it was a doctor who was treating me yet again. I sat impatiently on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to return and tell me that I was well enough to go home.
When the doctor entered the room, he was smiling happily. “You have been a very lucky lady, Miss Summers.”
I smiled. “Again.”
“Indeed.” He nodded as he looked down to the clipboard he was holding. “Your ribs will feel a bit sore for a while but should heal in a couple of days. There are no broken bones, just quite a bit of bruising. Those bags can have quite an impact.”
“Thank you. Can I go now?”
“Miss Summers,” he said, moving his eyes from the clipboard to me. Panic set in, as his eyes seemed to fill with concern.
“About the blood tests that we ran when you arrived,”
“Yes?” I asked, panic stricken.
“Are you aware that you are pregnant?”
The whole world stopped turning at that precise moment. I must have been hallucinating, surely? How could I be pregnant? It was impossible.
“I’m … what?” I asked, frozen.
“That’s what I thought.” He smiled. “One of the routine bloods that we ran showed a very high level of HCG, confirming that you are indeed with child. You will, of course, need to book in for an ultrasound to determine the gestation, seeing as you are unaware.” He smiled.
“But I’m on the pill. This is impossible; are you sure?”
“Have you maybe been ill? Or late taking your pills? Any of these factors can contribute in the pill being inefficient.”
“I’m not … I’m, um … I don’t know.”
“I have some leaflets here for you to take home,” he said with a smile. “They should help you with any questions that may arise. For now, however, you will need to stop taking the pill.”
“Could it have harmed the baby? That I’ve still been taking the pill? I’ve even been drinking on occasion.” I felt nausea burn my throat.
“Try not to worry, Miss Summers. There has never been any conclusive evidence to suggest that problems occur from taking the pill while in the early stages of pregnancy. Some people have been known to carry full term without even knowing that they are pregnant.” He smiled.
“I’m pregnant?” I asked again in disbelief as I took the leaflets from him.
“Congratulations, Miss Summers.” He smiled. “I’m sure it will sink in soon.”
“But the crash? Won’t the crash have caused any damage either?”
“Babies are very resilient to the kind of impact you endured. If, however, you experience any pain or spotting, it is recommended that you get checked out as soon as possible.”
“I’m pregnant,” I stated in complete disbelief.
“You are free to go as soon as you are ready; you just need to sign some papers at reception.” He turned and headed out of the room.
“I’m pregnant,” I said again, trying to process the news. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the news. I loved kids, and I knew Blake did too; he had commented at his parents’ that he couldn’t wait for us to have children, but would he feel that this was too soon? We had left things in such a way that I wasn’t sure he would share that kind of enthusiasm any more.
Looking down to my stomach I felt a small smile tug at my lips through the heartache. “So you’re the reason for my twenty-six inch waist then?” I placed my hand to my stomach and immediately felt some sort of protection over the tiny bean that was floating around in there.
I placed the leaflets in my bag and climbed off the bed just as the door flung open and Blake came running towards me. “Thank God,” he said, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “God, thank God you are okay.”
“Ouch,” I moaned, “my ribs.”
“Sorry,” he said, releasing me and looking me over. “I’m so sorry, Jo; I am so, so sorry,” he said desperately.
“So am I,” I sighed. “I’m sorry I ran, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything when I should have. You know that I would never go to anyone over you; you know that.” I cupped Blake’s chin in my hand, my fingers rubbing small circles across his stubble that I adored so much.
“I know you wouldn’t have. I just hate myself for not being there for you when you really needed me. And I hate that it was Cooper who saved you. Even though I do feel grateful to him, I just hate that bastard. But he saved you; I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m sorry that I shouted at you,” he said before holding me again, this time carefully.
“I’m free to go now; I just need to sign some papers.”
“So you’re fine? Nothing to worry about?”
I looked into Blake’s eyes. “Just take me home,” I said, dodging the question. I wasn’t sure yet whether he would see my news as worrying.
Blake nodded and took my hand in his. At some point I needed to tell him he was going to be a daddy, but for now I just wanted to get home and lie in his arms until I knew everything was going to be okay.
The police arrived at the apartment shortly after we arrived home from the hospital. They took a statement of everything that had happened to me that evening, and also everything that had happened to me over the past two weeks. Blake sat at the table next to me holding my hand firmly in his as I revealed every detail of what I had been through since Blake had gone to work in Miami. Occasionally I would look up at him. His smile was sad, his eyes full of emotion. Each time we were left alone for a moment while the police interacted with someone back in the office, he would turn to me and apologize over and over again for not being here, for the argument we had had earlier, and most of all for allowing me to run again. What Blake didn’t understand was that nothing that had happened to me was his fault; nothing that ever happened to me was anyone’s fault, except my own.
The police were interacting with officers back at the station to establish the car owner’s identity. They had caught sight of the car on CCTV right here in our apartment building. They were running the checks as we spoke.
“Well, I think we pret
ty much have everything that we need from you for now, Miss Summers.” The officer who had been speaking to us stood and gathered all of his belongings together. “If there is anything else, or something that you have missed out, don’t hesitate to call us; but for now, I’m sure that you could do with some rest.” He smiled. “The only thing I would suggest is that you stay put. Do not leave this building until we give you the go-ahead, understood?”
I nodded.
“Don’t worry, officer; she won’t be going anywhere,” Blake said.
“We will be in touch.” The officer smiled sympathetically before Blake showed him and his fellow officers to the door.
As the door closed, I was overcome with emotion. Placing my head into my hands as I sat at the table, I cried. I cried for everything that had happened to me during the past two weeks, I cried for how easily I had run again only a few hours ago, and I cried for the baby. I needed to tell Blake now that he was going to be a daddy, but everything else that had happened today made me too scared. Blake would either be happy or mad. If he was mad, I’m not sure how we would deal with it; if he was happy, I would be happy, but then I would be afraid of the pain that always coincided with that feeling. After holding me tightly while I cried as much as I could, Blake prepared us dinner. I wasn’t hungry in the least, but I didn’t have only myself to consider any more. I had a baby to look after now. After dinner Blake ran me a bath and climbed in gently behind me, his arms building a cradle around my body. No word, just actions. Just having his arms around me was more comforting than any words could ever be.
“Blake,” I said eventually, breaking the silence.
“Hmm?”
“Are we going to be okay?” A small sob escaped my lips.
I heard Blake sigh heavily as he pulled me closer to him. He pressed his lips firmly against my neck.
“Of course we are,” he said quietly.
“No matter what happens?”
“No matter what,” he answered.
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