Joyous, there are two things that must be said about this Secret. One is that I have not told you before, even though I’ve wanted to so much, but you have to understand that this was always Mamma’s Special Time, the one thing I had which I thought no one could take from me, either by sharing or stealing. Every person has a right to that, I truly believe, and it was the same as your park days when you still go by yourself to think and play and remember and love where you are and what you are doing. I know how much you cherish your park days and, for me, being a member of The Church Of The New Apostolic Creed was like that exactly, so I do not believe I could have survived without it. It was one of my great happinesses and hopefully will be again because the Church helped me to balance out the sadnesses that we all have to experience, such as the death of dear Thomas Bowen and, in a funny way, the recent accident. So I am sorry for not having told you before but I’m sure you can understand why this has been so.
The second thing is I want to share how much I learned at The Church Of The New Apostolic Creed. I never before suspected about another way of thinking about living like they offered. As a young girl you know I went to church because that is where I met Thomas Bowen but it was more an expected thing and I will admit that I didn’t listen too hard. We just went because that was what people expected, as I said. Of course, I knew the main stories of the Bible like genesis and Joseph’s coat and the wise men and Moses and the red sea but these stories were never connected in any way that made sense to me. It was all too much like another country’s history from far away and irrelevant. Now this has all changed and I found that after some years of chatting and praying I had and still have a wonderful thing inside me called Faith. You see, Joyous, I have had so little to believe in over the years since Thomas Bowen did the poorly judged whip-around and I started to have The Weight and Sammy-K became victim to the Fear then the accident. There have been many gaps in my gift of life and The Church Of The New Apostolic Creed filled them in a wondrous fashion. I used to love to be in that white building looking around me and seeing beauty and happy faces and people who would say to me, Welcome, Margaret, it’s good to see you, and, The Lord loves you and believes in you, have Faith. The Weight doesn’t matter, we love you for who you are. I also loved singing the songs which are so simple and true with inspiring words and I loved being part of this Faithful community and hopefully I will be back there soon, as you will see. This was very special to me, Joyous, as you are, which is why I know you will understand. The Faith is a wondrous thing and explains much of how the world goes which, at 54 years of age, and in these circumstances, I definitely need. I also learned some good quotes to get me through the tough times such as: Be still and know that I am God, which is from the psalms and is of great comfort. And, I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me, from Philip and, Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God, from Matthew, my favourite. And this is what makes me think of you, Joyous, because you are the most pure of heart person I have ever known.
Let me tell you, though, one of the biggest things I learned from the Faith is to do with the Soul. As one of our elders, Mr Jonathan McDowd married to Alice, often said, A body will age and eventually pass on but a good soul is goodness in the world forever. That thought gave me such strength, Joyous, and continues to, and one of the reasons for this is that I know how decent and caring is your soul. I think back to when ignoramus people called you a simpleton that they didn’t know the truth, for you are not a simpleton but simple in a good way that is being a straightforward and caring soul, a beautiful soul, that will definitely be goodness in the world forever. So this is of great comfort to me to know that no matter what, I have raised a child whose soul is as good as anyone else’s and oftentimes better. So The Church Of The New Apostolic Creed gave me faith in your Eternal Well Being and for that I am truly grateful. I know that when you do break free and become the independent person I have always wanted you to be, you will always have a wondrous everlasting soul to support you and help in times of sadnesses both big, like the passing of Thomas Bowen, and small, like some days in the past.
My Special, I hope you can understand all this and are not too disappointed in me having such a Secret for so long.
With all my love, Mamma
JOYOUS
Go back, you say, mister, go back. Yes, it is truesome that Joyous has never been having of too many friends because of not understanding always which is a hard bit and mainly because of trust and not many people do offer or just plain give. Mamma is often saying that trust is a turnabout thing and not always being given but easily offered if only you are taking the time and effort please, Joyous, it’s what I want. So this is why I did trust Moonbeam when she first was coming into the working shop and did be sitting alongside me and sewing with her long white fingers on the pin-cushions because she did have the dandiful way of looking and listening, the gentle way of trust like Sasha when I am holding out the reward biscuits. Except Moonbeam’s eyes are more darker and staying there on my face like a bird’s, the ones in the park that are sitting on the bench with crusts and being a good friend, so Joyous did know then how beneficial she would be.
Also because Moonbeam didn’t be doing like the others, Sammy-K and the cruel boys from school and Troy Smee and Matthew Berrings and the Crew-cut Kid and others I have been meeting in different places and moments of time. She didn’t be saying, Joyous is stupid, Joyous is a Retard and a Mong Spazzo, Joyous is a Dumb-dick, which are not words I want to use but that is what comes from their mouths so it is a righteous story. Those are the sayings of people without trust and using words that are sometimes fast and hurtful, sometimes wet and ploppy. But Moonbeam was straightaway kindness and she was calling me Joyous in the truesome manner which is my proud tribute name of my dadda’s honkingly good philosophy or she was calling me big guy which is in fact, being 190 centimetres in tallness and 108 kilograms on Mamma’s special scales and also a man. Or she was calling me legend which is a word about a hero and greatness because I did find it in Mamma’s book of pages and some legends are Don Bradman for the cricket and Phar Lap for the race. So I did be knowing from the very beginning that Moonbeam was the googlish offerer of trust not like so many others. So when she was saying my name Joyous meaning Joyous Bowen, first and only precious son of Thomas and Margaret Bowen now Margaret Kray, it was like the warm wave washing inside of me and it did give my big guy legend heart lots of oompapa and being cool.
So that is the reasoning why Joyous was wriggling to go when Moonbeam said we could take a blue bus to the country to see Mamma’s farming house and maybe the church where she did be meeting Thomas Bowen. And not to leave Mamma whom Joyous does love more than trees or ducks or Sasha or even the bright stars in winter, but to see the farming house and maybe the church because I am liking of churches for their quiet-time and pretty colourful windows and places to be sitting in peace and I am liking of farms for their kingdom trees and duck family, and because Mamma is wanting Joyous to be a man with having some independence.
But also, mister, because Joyous could be seeing that Moonbeam was in long sadness with wet eyes and she was telling of bad chats in the house her home and escaping for travel so this was when I did decide to be a good friend. Because Joyous is understanding of good friends being beneficial like Mrs Swain in the special room and Mr and Mrs Ickiewicz until the cigarettes to sell to snotty kids and one other person and that was being my friend Roscoe who Joyous did know from his first days in the working shop a long time before now.
Yes, I do recall Roscoe well who was not a speaking man on account of his sore mouth and muscles not working after the disease since being a child but, mister, Roscoe was a kindness like Moonbeam and he would be nodding when he did see Joyous and making pleasure noises like the gar-gar and boh-boh which was his manner of being dandiful.
So Roscoe and Joyous did become honkingly good friends and doing stuff together like the TV at lunchtimes and some painting of walls with Joyous being the
handsman and Roscoe being the boss-man and later he did be sitting with all ears and more nodding while Joyous was telling stories about Mamma and Thomas Bowen which was googlish. Some days if the sunshine was being out, Mr Santorini would be saying, Joyous, why don’t you take Roscoe for a walk out the back and I was doing like he said in the old yard with plenty of room and smooth pathways for Roscoe’s wheelchair and we were two best mateys working things around which was like my dadda said to be.
So Joyous was very sadly when Roscoe left for other places in hospital but Mr Santorini did be helping by saying, You were a good fellow, Joyous, being his special friend, so I was understanding of being a trusting friend and beneficial no matter what. When Joyous did receive the letter from Mrs O. Hamilton who was being Roscoe’s mamma, it was feeling funny because she was saying, Dear Mister Bowen, thank you for being my son’s friend. Mr Santorini told me how nice you were to him and I am certain that you made his brief time on God’s earth all the better, so thank you, once again. Then Mr Santorini did be explaining to Joyous about Roscoe passing to heaven and I did feel some crying about Roscoe but Mamma said to be a brave hero-man, he is happy now, his pain is over so that is what I was doing and still today, although thinking about Roscoe from time to time and hoping he is googlish in heaven with the gar-gar and boh-boh.
So that is why I am deciding to go with Moonbeam to Kinsville because she was needing the good friend and this was chosen to be Joyous. And please, mister, no more talking for now because you are saying again about Sammy-K and it is enough to be making Joyous having the tightness feeling sick on the insides. It was always being a hard piece to be working things around a little with Sammy-K and his angered hands and the smell after drinking like fruit left outside in the bins of the corner shop and gone brown and rotten with flies buzzing. But it was more harder and not to be understanding in that rainy afternoon of change when Joyous was coming back from the park and did be seeing Sammy-K down at the bottom and then be seeing Mamma at the top with white face and hurting eyes.
And I do recall Sammy-K was to be looking like Roscoe but without the nodding or good sounds, no gar-gar and boh-boh, and Joyous was feeling a funny feeling all through my body in that moment. But not to be thinking of it, never since, and that’s the plain and simple kookity end of that.
JOYOUS and MOONBEAM
Joyous.
Moonbeam!
Hi.
You are being back at the park, favoured of all places of Joyous on a Tuesday day!
Sure am, big guy. How are you?
Joyous is to be fit and fiddling.
Good to hear. No Sasha?
Sasha is nearly better not quite. She will be bounciful soon.
Well, that’s great. Things are going along okay for you, aren’t they?
Yes, things are going along okay for me aren’t they. But Moonbeam –
Mm?
You are having the reddish eyes of tiredness.
Yeah, well, no surprises there. Bad night. I ended up going out and … anyway. A story for another day. I’m glad you’re here, Joy-ous. Thought I might’ve been too early.
Joyous is early to bed and being early to rise.
And healthy, weal–. Healthy and wise, anyway. Look, I can’t stay long but –
Moonbeam, I am liking of your new back-packer.
Yeah. It’s my father’s. I borrowed it. I’ve only got my schoolbag and this was – I needed something with a bit of size. Got some clothes and things. Sleeping bag, couple of books. They weigh it down but, hey, a girl needs her books.
Why is Moonbeam …?
Joyous, I’m going – I’m travelling. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
Yeah.
But why is Moonbeam going I’m travelling?
Oh, you know. Gotta get away for a while. Things are … it’s … I mean, nothing’s changed. Nothing. It’s getting worse, actually. Particularly last night.
Does Moonbeam want to be telling Joyous about the last night, her best friend?
Best friend. Jeez, you are, aren’t you? Fancy that, big guy –
Legend.
Okay, legend! And best friend. Wow. Bracks would be –
Joyous will be missing Moonbeam on the going I’m travelling.
Yeah. Yeah, I’ll miss you too. Seriously. It’s just that … okay, this is what happened. Last night we sat down together, me, Mum and Dad, first time in ages and I thought, hey, maybe this is it. Starting over. But it wasn’t, not at all.
Mm.
Joyous, they’re getting divorced. My bloody parents are getting divorced.
What is …?
Splitting up. End of the marriage, forever. End of everything, legally, emotionally, whatever. See you later.
See you later, alligator. In a while, crocodile.
Yeah. It was awful. They looked so defeated. Even her. I mean, normally she’s certain about everything – I’m right, you’re wrong, end of story. But last night was silence followed by bombshell followed by more silence. Hea-vy. And the clichés. They had them all, had them down pat. One after the other, cross them off. We still love you, Ashleigh. We’ll always love you, no matter what. We’ll make sure it’s as painless as possible. Time with both of us. We may no longer be husband and wife but we can still be friends.
Friends are being dandiful –
What a crock! As if that’s going to happen. All that stuff, those promises, will be straight down the gurgler as soon as there’s the slightest disagreement, which there will be, because that’s how it is, how it’s always been, ever since – anyway. Sorry. I don’t need to burden you with all that. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be gone. Travelling. For a while.
Where is Moonbeam going I’m travelling towards?
Not sure. Anywhere, as long as it’s away from here. There’s a northbound bus at nine thirty. I’ll start with that. Been saving some money so …
Joyous is liking of the buses. Blue ones are bestest, with the sun shining into the windows to make rainbows and clean seats with no bad writing or rip-tears.
Oh, Joyous. Hopefully mine will be blue, just for you.
A bus to the northbound.
Yeah. Hey, maybe I’ll see your farm. The bus goes that way, I think. Goes inland a bit, stops at all the little towns. Maybe I’ll see the farm and the church.
The farm and the church?
Yeah. Kinsville – was that it? I’m sure the bus goes there.
Moonbeam will be seeing Mamma’s farm?
Maybe.
A bus to the country northbound to see Mamma’s farm. At Kinsville, with the duck family?
Like I said, maybe. Hey, you’d love that, wouldn’t you, big guy?
Joyous would so much be loving the bus and the farm and the river and the ducks on that day to be dandiful! You would.
You would.
Mm.
Hey, Joyous, I’m thinking – I mean, it’s not that far, not really. You could always come for a look, I suppose, just for an hour or two then –
And Mamma’s church where she did be meeting Thomas Bowen!
Yeah. Guess so. If it’s still –
With birds of prettiness and grass and Joyous is walking between the trees with cool shadows and the brown leaves tickling in his toes!
Sounds good, doesn’t it? Joyous, the thing is, please understand, you’ll have to come back today, no questions. You’ll be coming back but I’ll be staying longer …
Joyous is being understanding and of the no questions. Oh yes, indeedy-do!
Cool.
Moonbeam?
Mm?
Lollipopsicle?
Oh, ta. Lemon, please.
Lemon is special and beneficial, for going travelling on a bus to the northbound to be seeing Mamma’s farm.
Perfect. So … I’d love you to come with me, of course I would, but as long as we’re clear, you’ll have to get the afternoon bus back on your own. Okay? On your own, while I … work things around
a little.
Like my Dadda Thomas Bowen did write, honkingly so.
That’s it. You definitely want to come, big guy? You okay with this?
Yes, Moonbeam, it is an okayness and beneficial. A blue bus to the northbound to see Mamma’s farm and the ducks and the church of meeting.
Well, it’s quarter-to. I guess we should get going.
Yes, Moonbeam. Cool.
ASHLEIGH
It’s funny how, just when you thought it was gone for good, happiness can touch you in odd places and moments.
On the bus I looked across, saw him sitting up, excited like a little kid as he stared out the window. And it made me happy. As if, before that, I’d been drowning, not knowing which way was up, not knowing where to swim, then I saw Joyous and my head broke the surface and I breathed. I survived.
He couldn’t believe we were sitting on the back seat. Bad boys, he kept saying. Only for bad boys. Nah, I told him. Cool kids sit up the back. And there’s no one on this planet cooler than us, legend.
I think he liked that.
Check that experience against the night before. It was a wipe-out. I should’ve known something was wrong when they came to my room together and gabbled on about dinner, sitting down, having a family discussion. Should’ve known but of course you hang on to every last scrap of hope. We’re hard-wired to do that, we humans. The parachute is in shreds, you’re falling hard but the whole time your head is thinking about the last shiny, fluttery piece that might actually save your life.
Joyous and Moonbeam Page 7