“How dare you mess up his life!” Zabreena spits. She steps forward, but this time I hold my ground. This is my territory—my neighborhood. Locking my jaw, I refuse to show her how much her words scare me.
“Cat got your tongue. Don’t you care that his father’s about to disown him after your little stunt?”
“What?” I’ve made his life worse.
Rebekkah lets out an ugly laugh. “You think you know him because he flipped by accident. Remember, that was an accident. He would never have revealed himself to an aeronaught if he’d fed like he was supposed to.” Her stare reminds me of frozen ice.
My heart is thundering inside my rib cage. She continues, “He’s going to be our Sire, and nothing you show him about this corrupt world will change that. Stay away. You will never understand him like I do—like we do.” She looks for support at her sides. They all bristle in agreement. “We’re his. Not you. Celand and her pathetic human phase was one thing and look where that got her. But you … you need to stay away and let him take his rightful place.”
“Wait, I haven’t seen Rocks since I drove up to visit.”
Rebekkah looks disgusted. “Don’t try to tell me you haven’t been in contact using that device you gave him. Trying to lure him back with your technology. He admitted that he’s been helping you. I know so don’t lie to me.”
I would kill right this second for a puff of my inhaler. Instead, I concentrate on my heart rate. It needs to slow down and more oxygen needs to get into my lungs. I open and close my fists behind my back. My mind is reeling from her words. I was his secret and now that his secret is out, it’s putting his position at the colony in jeopardy.
The little one with the head wound speaks. Her tone is harder than steel. “Rockland doesn’t need to be out alone risking his neck for a naught. He needs the protection of his wing. You want to see him dead like the others?” As tough as I can tell she’s trying to be, there are tears welling in her eyes.
What is she talking about?
“I told you he isn’t visiting me so how can he be risking his neck? And what does ‘dead like the others’ mean?” I demand. I look at the gashes on her head and arm.
There are rumbles of disgust from the group in front of me. I’ve shown them my lack of knowledge. The boys at the back aren’t focused on me but seem to be watching the sky. I automatically look around myself, but what I’m scanning for I have no idea. Are there real monsters that come out at night?
“Six dead,” Scarface informs me. The starry-eyed girl slips her other hand into Rebekkah’s. “And eight wounded. No member goes out alone from now on. You want Rockland to become a number flying to Watkinsville? Your pathetic crush worth his life?”
I gasp and they hear it. My eyes dart back and forth. Even I can’t really name what I feel for Rocks, and “crush” seems so simplistic. But what rips through me is that he told them my secret. I can’t focus on that now. “You don’t know anything about me.” It sounds as weak in my ears as I’m guessing it sounds in theirs.
Rock is risking his life by helping me find Josie. I have to put an end to that.
I can almost feel the chill of her eyes on my skin. Rebekkah frees her hand, her gaze narrows. “You don’t know anything about him. You think you do, but you’re totally blind.” Her smile makes my heart rate spike. “How pathetic. Hairclips and earrings do not mean he’s yours. Rockland and I have grown up together, and our union is expected—it’s a given. It’s the way nature intended. He doesn’t get to pick and choose like you naughts and your fleeting love affairs.”
I know Rocks cares. I’m learning that he probably shouldn’t, but I won’t let her tarnish our friendship. When I make him laugh in my room, that is real.
“Nature has nothing to do with y’all. I know so don’t lie to me either. Rocks is free to be friends with, or date, whoever he wants.” I match her scowl. He wouldn’t give me hairclips if he didn’t want to be my friend. I have to believe in him and ignore these girls. “His mother chose who to marry.” The second I finish speaking; my gut knows I shouldn’t have mentioned that.
“Oh, isn’t she sweet,” Starry-eyes says. “She thinks we fall in love and get married.”
Scarface swoops in. Her face shows smug triumph. “Newsflash, naught. Camazotz don’t mate for life. They fuck the strongest, hottest male. It’s about blood and keeping the colony strong. Rocks has got a lot of females waiting in the wings for his special attention.” They all laugh at their little bat joke.
I’m going to hurl. I sense the hotdog that I shouldn’t have eaten at the back of my throat. All I can taste is sauerkraut.
“He’s ours, bitch,” Scarface announces before licking her lips. “Last full moon, we hit it so hard. Tell him to stay away if you know what’s good for you.”
Ours? Hit it? Hit what?
Oh!
Fudge me inside out!
He can’t possibly be dating all of these girls, and that little one shouldn’t even be thinking about this kind of stuff. Even for a guy that looks and smells as good as Rocks, he can’t possibly be juggling four different girls. The ice hockey team at school isn’t even that adept. My gut is screaming that he isn’t one of those boys, but that’s the kicker. He isn’t just a boy—he’s a bat.
* * * * *
I stay in bed all day Sunday. Parents V2.0 take turns checking on me, but I groan and burrow further under the covers. The wounds on that little girl are nothing compared to the ache in my chest.
Rocks and Zabreena. I swallow bile.
Rocks and Rebekkah. Our union is expected.
Girls waiting in the wings. I can’t breathe.
He shared my secret.
Has he been to Watkinsville yet?
He could get hurt or …
Sleep evades me. I’m sure my brain resembles one of those plasma globes—glowing tendrils of electricity buzzing out from every side of my head waiting to make a connection on the outside. Each time I rub my head, it only seems to focus the ache.
I trudge back over every single interaction between us—his looks; his shy smile; his gentle touches; his gifts. Never once did he take it that step further. Rocks has never crossed that line between us. We’re just friends. I can’t be angry with him because my feelings have changed. The tidal wave this is causing inside me is too much. I don’t know what to do. Whatever I’m feeling for him must end as of now. He’s not allowed to fall in love. He has responsibilities to ensure the survival of his colony. And his life is at risk every time he visits me. I can’t do much but I can control one of those things.
His blood will not be on my conscience. Now that I know what he’s risking, I’ll do the right thing. He’s always taken such good care of me and it’s my turn to return the favor. My hand shakes when I reach out to grab my cell.
I can’t be your friend anymore. Keep the phone.
I would never have believed that a text could end a life. That text has ended the only part of my life since the letter that felt right. But was it ever right? Or was it all in my head?
It takes me until Monday morning to finally name the emotion that has confused me.
Hope.
I had told myself repeatedly that Rocks and I were nothing more than just friends, and it’s the absolute truth. We were great friends, and I liked him a lot. What my heart had recently admitted to my logical brain was that it had hope. Hope for us. Hope that one day we would find a place where we both belonged—together.
The girls and I are on our way to the parking lot. I’ve called an emergency mall trip as my Monday/Wednesday routine has ceased. Mary Lou is coming in my car, and Brandy is heading over with Tiff. Half of the wrestling team is loitering three cars away from mine.
“Testosterone overload at 2 o’clock,” Lou says, smiling.
Parker makes eye contact and gives me a quick head nod. The guy standing with his back to us, in front of Parker, turns around.
“Hi, Tom,” Tiff greets. Now I know who Wrestler Tom is.
The dark-haired boy smiles and opens his mouth to speak. Parker lunges from behind, and suddenly we’re all staring at Tom’s bright red boxer briefs. Parker has dropped the guy’s gym shorts to his ankles for the world to see—or is it for me to see? He gives me a double finger salute as I continue past them. Lou is trying to stifle her giggle. Wrestler Tom’s cheeks match his underwear, and a punching match begins against the hood of the jeep.
Brandy has to grab Tiff’s arm and pull her toward our cars.
“Didn’t I tell you,” Lou says.
My lungs constrict. Before I can stop myself, my brain compares the midnight boy that bounces Mini on his hip to the jock, who just pantsed his friend, whom I have a date with.
* * * * *
Wednesday afternoon I stop at Sephora. The girls have commitments and new polish never fails to cheer me up. I know protecting Rocks from killers is the right thing to do, but I’m a little crushed that he never replied to my text. It stings to know that he never really believed I was going to keep him after all.
Six dead.
I can’t comprehend the chaos amongst The Fold. Do the police know? I must pay attention to that man who loves to read the headlines.
Three bottles of glitter and four new season metallic colors later and I’m pushing open our front door.
“It’s my pleasure, you darling boy. Have more.” She practically sings from the kitchen. “See,” she laughs, “I’m not the only one who thinks you look hungry.”
My heart stops, then starts, and stops all over again. I eye the stairs and wonder if I can sneak up.
“Nee!” Mini announces. Blast that kid and her radar. She can’t even see me. Her highchair is two rooms away around the corner of the doorway to the living room. I shake my head.
Entering the kitchen, I soak up the details. Mini is not in her highchair. She’s in his arms, feeding Rocks fistfuls of carrot cake. Her chubby little fingers are covered in cream cheese frosting and she misses his mouth more times than she gets it. Cake is everywhere, including down the front of his vest but nobody, least of all Rocks, seems to mind.
Rocks’ hair is covering his eyes. I never anticipated how much it would hurt laying eyes on him again. God, I’ve missed his calm spirit.
“Hi,” I say. Kelly gives me her evil eye. Please tell me he didn’t blab that I told him to stay away. “I’ll meet you upstairs.”
The ten minutes it takes for Rocks to join me is agonizing. My hands are sweaty. He walks in but doesn’t sit in his chair. He leans against the window frame and crosses one heavy, unevenly laced boot over the other.
“I want to know why.”
“Why what?” The tidal wave is about to flood the shore. I want to keep my friend, but I want him alive and well more. The Band-Aid must be ripped off.
He huffs but plays along. “Why you can’t be my friend any longer? What’s going on?”
“Where’s Jeremiah?”
That catches him. His face contorts in what I can only guess is confusion. “Jeremiah?” he confirms. Rocks has no idea about my visitors.
“Your bat buddy.”
Rocks narrows his eyes at me. I wish I could do this without hurting him.
“I know about the buddy protection program. If you’re here alone, you’re breaking new rules,” I state.
He groans, rubbing his forehead and moves to sit on the bed. Once he’s facing me, he asks, “Who told you?” His voice is quiet.
“Oh, your girlfriends!” I pull my best not impressed face. I know I’m acting less mature than Mini, but it cut deep that he never told me himself. He never really explained that marriage wasn’t a colony option. It made my hope seem stupid—not that marriage ever crossed my mind—but where Rocks is concerned, I already feel stupid enough on my own.
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“No, not just one from what I can gather.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” His shoulders sag a little. There are dark shadows under his eyes that I’ve never noticed before.
“Your obscene little harem. You know the ones or are there so many that it gets too confusing for you? I know for a fact that you have a Camazotz-friend? Lady? Whatever! I know. Okay.”
“Well, can you inform me of the identity of my new love? I’d sure like to know who she is.”
“Sca—Zabreena.”
Rocks winces. “She is not my girlfriend.” He actually looks genuinely disgusted by the concept. “Is not and never ever will be.” Disgust is morphing into anger.
“I don’t believe you. She told me you two were practically … bumping uglies on the last full moon.” My ears begin their burn. Thinking about him having sex is not helping.
“Bumping what?” His voice has risen to that ‘I have no clue what insanity is passing through your lips’ level.
FUDGE!
“You know?” My vague hand gestures make him wrinkle his nose and frown.
“No.”
“Sex.” Ears—flame on. Not only can I feel them burn but his eyes flick to the tips of them and then back to my eyes, but what I don’t expect is that he smiles—his really cute smile. The one I love that makes me want to say yes no matter what he asks. The one that makes the betrayal I felt at him sharing my secret vanish. The one I’m going to miss so much when we’re done.
Rocks looks at his feet before flicking his hair out of his eyes. “Connie, you gotta believe me. I’m not having sex with Zabreena. Will. Not. Happen. Okay?” Then his smile widens even more, and his eyes sweep briefly down my body. “Can’t understand why it’s called ‘bumping uglies’ though. There’d be nothing ugly to bump on you.”
My jaw has dropped wide open, and I’d bet my eyebrows are high enough that I could add them to my ponytail. How did we get here? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, and I can’t think about it with him sitting on my bed, looking and smelling the way he does. This is not an even playing field.
He reaches over and runs one long finger over my knee. It tickles through the denim. “Please don’t believe a word Zabreena tells you. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. You have to trust me.” He gaze is intent. His joke from earlier forgotten.
“I did and you told them all my secret. How could you? My best friend doesn’t even know about Josie, and you told the Camazotz that hate me?”
He pales. Another secret I wasn’t meant to know. “I didn’t tell them about Josie—” I turn my back on him and walk to Feathers’ cage.
“Do not lie to me.”
“I’m not. I swear to—”
“They know you’re planning a flight to Watkinsville for me.”
He breathes out heavily. “Yes, I told Rebekkah about my plans. She’s worried. It’s chaos. But I didn’t tell her why. I would never betray you—ever.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I turn and watch him. He flicks his hair back and meets my eyes. Nothing to hide. I nod, relieved that he didn’t sell me out. He holds out a hand, and I take it sitting back at my desk.
“She said there were six deaths.”
“Seven now. One of the injured died yesterday.” My mind flits to that little girl. How could anyone hurt her?
“I’m really sorry. Did you know them?” I can barely hear my own voice.
He winces and nods. “We’re one big family. The whole colony feels every single loss.”
“How?”
“Owl attacks.”
I lurch back. Not witches or werewolves or any other dark, sinister monster my imagination had conjured up. “Oh, like mother nature?”
“Connie, the owls that are attacking aren’t usually found in our area in those numbers. That’s why we settled here. The Sire is trying to get to the bottom of it. There’s no doubt this is an assault on the colony.”
This information makes my blood boil. “And you’re not supposed to be out alone anymore,” I yell. “What are you doing?” He’s not going to get attacked because of me. He said I can trust him, but can I really?
“
I can take care of myself.”
I tear my hand away from his. The contact is fogging my brain.
“Just like Celand?” I checked his family tree the second I got home last Saturday night. Celand is his oldest full-blooded sibling. Rocks never mentioned any of his siblings being dead.
Rocks sucks in a loud breath. He stands, walks to the window and scans the sky. “That has nothing to do with this.” He still isn’t facing me. He is keeping secrets from me just as I suspected.
“Tell me.”
“No.” He turns. The hard look from when I accused him of being a monster is back. “I said it’s got nothing to do with this.”
Just like his sister … the jeers from the carnival night come back to me. Her pathetic human phase …
“How about us?” My voice is louder now. I can smell a rat or in this case, when a usually sincere bat is hiding the truth. “Why are you risking your life to be here with me?”
“Drop it.” His eyes are hard and void of emotion.
I stand and try to puff myself up. I want to tear out my hair. “Fine. I don’t really care because I’m dating now, so whatever.” When the words are free, I’m shocked. It’s the closest thing to a lie that I’ve ever told him.
It’s technically not a lie, just a version of the truth, but I want him to think I have a secret too. My hand settles over my stomach, and I try not to grip it too tightly. I don’t know how much longer I can prevent myself from collapsing onto the floor.
“Connie, you’re not listening to me. I’m not dating those girls. I, we, I thought we … You’re dating?” He drops onto my bed, confusion replacing the anger in his eyes.
“Whatever, Rocks. Yes.” Looking at him makes me want to cry. I look away.
“Yeah, well, I guess what I thought doesn’t really matter then.” His fingers twist together and it reminds me how my intestines feel.
I don’t see why I should be the only open book. I can’t stop him from keeping secrets, but I can stop him from putting himself in danger. When I see his current body language, I wonder if my hope wasn’t that stupid.
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