by Lexi Ryals
Joey smacks me on the forehead.
“Ah!” I shout.
“Ha!” Joey says. “Never gets old.”
Me and Parker are sneaking through the living room. I’m carrying the TV from the garage—boy, this thing is heavy—and Parker is dragging a lightweight inflatable chair. Our bro cave is going to have all the fixings for the ultimate hangout spot. We’re moving slowly and quietly, since Mom and Dad are watching a movie on the couch, eating popcorn from the family’s old-timey popcorn machine. Hopefully they can’t hear us over their crunching and munching. Parker and I creep behind them and freeze when they start talking.
“Is it just me or is Liv moving home going to be harder than we thought?” Mom asks Dad.
Dad puts his arm around Mom’s shoulder. “It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll make it work. We just have to have eyes in the back of our heads.”
“You’re right. Sure, there’s four of them and we’re outnumbered. But we’re smarter than they are,” Mom says pretty confidently.
“Unlike the Johnsons next door. I’m pretty sure it was their jerk kid, Ernie, who hit me with a glob of mashed potatoes earlier,” Dad says, shaking his head.
Me and Parker exchange glances. I think we both know that Ernie isn’t the culprit. I shift the TV under one arm and grab the popcorn machine with the other.
I nod for Parker to keep moving. We creep upstairs like ninjas.
Our bro cave is going to be so cool! Especially with the popcorn machine!
Today is my first day at a regular high school. Ever. I’m nervous, but I don’t let it show. Of course, as soon as I arrived, I was swarmed by fans of my show, Sing It Loud! So I’m doing what any good star who wants to make friends would do: I’m posing for pictures and signing autographs. Then I remember what time it is. I only have five minutes to find my locker before the bell rings. Eek!
“Boom, boom, boom—send!” I say to the crowd of fans. “You guys are so sweet. Thank you so much.” I spot Joey and hurry over to him. “I so wasn’t expecting that,” I say to him.
“Sorry no one’s paying attention to you,” Joey says sarcastically. “That must be hard.”
“Okay, back your breath up.” I hand him a mint. “Two questions: Where’s Maddie’s locker? And why is that hamster staring at me?” I point a perfectly manicured finger to a hideous giant gold statue covered in sausage links.
“It’s not a hamster,” Joey tells me defensively. “It’s our school mascot, Paulie the Fighting Porcupine. On game days, jocks rub his tummy for luck and adorn him with bratwurst.”
I scrunch up my nose. “I am soooo back in Wisconsin.”
Just then Mom and Dad come walking down the hallway.
“Oh, no! Mom and Dad! Initiate turtle mode,” Joey says frantically. He flips the hood of his sweatshirt up and pulls it shut so all I can see is his nose. My perfectly fashionable ensemble does not allow for that, so I hold up my gorgeous turquoise leather handbag to hide my face.
I mean, I knew that Dad coached the girls’ basketball team and that Mom was the school psychologist, but knowing it and feeling the shame of them walking past me in the hall are two completely different things.
“Think we’ve embarrassed them enough?” Mom says loudly.
“Not quite,” Dad says, looking over at Joey and me. Then he pulls Mom in for a very public kiss on the lips. I try not to scream. Ugh. So so so embarrassing.
“Don’t look directly at them,” Joey whispers to me, looking as horrified as I feel.
I spot Maddie at her locker down the hall and hurry over to her before Mom and Dad can do anything else. I tap her on the shoulder. She glares at me. Uh-oh.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I say. I really do feel bad about it. I hate fighting with Maddie. “I wasn’t trying to get you all grumple-stiltskin,” I add.
Maddie’s face softens. “It’s cool. You were just excited to show me your video.”
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Yay! Maddie and I are friends again. “I’m glad we’re okay,” I say. I smile and then pull out my phone. “Did you want to see it again?” I say, shaking my phone and laughing.
Maddie laughs, too, and says, “No.”
I giggle. There goes that idea!
A tall handsome guy wearing a basketball letter jacket walks over to us. “S’up, Rooney?” he says, looking right at Maddie.
Maddie stops laughing and starts spinning her charm bracelet around her wrist. She has a really weird look on her face, and she leans back against her locker with her arms crossed over her chest. “S’up, Diggie?” she says in a trying-to-be-cool voice that I immediately know she uses just for him. She gives him a painfully tense smile. Honeybee needs to learn how to ease up!
“Ooh, so this is Diggie,” I say, smiling, looking back and forth between them. It’s no wonder she looks so nervous.
“Live and in person for your viewing pleasure!” Diggie says in a loud, booming voice, like one of those guys on ESPN. When he sees my confused expression, he switches back to his normal voice. “I want to be a sports announcer after I play pro ball, so I’m just practicing.”
I clap my hands and squeal. “Fun! How would you introduce me?”
“Okay,” Diggie says. Then he looks down and back up and booms, “If you’re seeing double, do not adjust your screens. It’s the incomparable, the unstoppable, if she were popcorn, she’d be poppable, Liv Rrrrrooooney!”
He is adorable, and perfect for Maddie. I elbow her and say, “Um, approved!”
“So, Rooney Classic,” he says with his eyes on Maddie, “what are you doing later?”
“Um…stuff,” Maddie says, trying to act nonchalant.
She should seriously leave the acting to me.
Diggie nods, a little disappointed. “Got it. Peace out, Rooneys!” He walks down the hall.
I turn to Maddie and throw up my hands. “‘S’up’? ‘Stuff’? That’s how you flirt?”
“Liv, flirting’s a game. If Diggie knows I like him, I lose the advantage. And if I lose the advantage, I lose. And I don’t lose. Bam! What?!” Maddie says.
There she goes getting all “sports rage” on me.
But she has it all wrong. “Okay, stop with the sports nonsense and listen to me. If you want Diggie to ask you to the dance, you need major help,” I tell her.
“No.” Maddie shakes her head. “I do not need your help getting Diggie. Do you hear me? Do not help.” She marches off to class.
But there is no way I’m not going to help her. After our huge fight last night, I need to do something super sweet and nice for her. Plus, I’ve never heard such a clear cry for help. I mean, seriously? Besides, I know just what to do….
Eek! Well, look at the time! I am going to be so late for class.
Since Maddie isn’t planning to go back to her locker anytime soon, I know I’m in the clear to put my plan into motion. After class, I tie my hair in a ponytail, slip on Maddie’s spare pair of glasses (She must have really bad vision; these things are intense!), and shrug on her purple basketball jacket, which I found in her locker. The jacket’s actually kind of cute…in a sporty jacket-y kind of way. Though it could use some gemstones.
Joey walks over just as I am checking my hair in Maddie’s ridiculously tiny locker mirror. She needs a full-length one stat! One with bright lights around it.
I try out my impression on Joey. “S’up, Joey? It’s me, Maddie.”
He doesn’t even give me a second look. So I grab him and whisper, “It’s not really Maddie. It’s Liv!”
“Liv, what are you doing?” he says.
“I got off on the wrong foot with Maddie, but I’m going to fix that in a way that only an actress like me can. I’m going to land her a date to the dance!” I say.
“Man, I wish I had a twin brother that would help me land a date to the dance,” Joey says as he walks off, right past Diggie. “I would call him Michael.”
“Yo, Diggie. S’up?” I say in my best Ma
ddie voice.
“S’up, Rooney?” he says with a smile.
“Stuff. So, what do you say, you, me, dance, this weekend? Bam! What?!”
Diggie looks down at his hands. “Oh, wow. This is kind of awkward. Um, I just don’t feel that way about you. So…sorry.” He walks off before I can reply.
I’m kind of shocked. This is so so bad. Maddie is going to kill me.
“Michael would’ve nailed that,” Joey whispers to me, appearing out of nowhere.
So my entire kid-sized head is in the fridge. What can I say? I’m thirsty!
“Hey!” says Joey, entering the kitchen.
I close the fridge door and look at him.
“There is some major twin drama going down,” Joey says gleefully. “It is the perfect opportunity to complete the bro cave! Think big. Shock me!”
I think about it and say, “Maybe we should…take a car and drive to Vegas!”
“We are not driving to Vegas!” Joey says, exasperated.
“Fine!” I say, annoyed. I look slyly at the fridge. That would be a nice piece of machinery to have in the bro cave. “I do get a little thirsty eating all that popcorn,” I say, tapping the fridge. “Maybe we should take this with us.”
Joey smiles. “Now that little rat brain of yours is clickin’.”
Rat brain? Hey, I’ll take it!
Bro cave is complete! But it was a little trickier dragging a two-hundred-pound fridge up the stairs than one might think. Here’s a tip: Take the milk out of the fridge before you start moving it. And the eggs.
Now Parker and I are back in the kitchen, filling ice trays at the kitchen sink to carry back upstairs. We really should start a business making bro caves.
Dad walks in. “Hey, fellas, I need to talk to you,” he says.
Me and Parker exchange looks. We are so busted.
“It’s been an honor, soldier,” I whisper to Parker, taking his free hand.
“Are you guys holding up okay? I know your mother and I have been a little distracted with Liv and Maddie,” Dad says, looking concerned. He places a hand on the wall where the fridge used to be. He doesn’t notice the gaping space where the fridge usually is. We may have gotten away with taking it after all.
Me and Parker breathe sighs of relief.
“We’re cool,” Parker says.
“You just keep taking care of those two troublemakers,” I tell Dad. “Don’t give us another thought.”
Dad grumbles and strolls into the living room.
“You’re the best!” I call after him. Once he’s gone, I sigh again.
Back to business.
“Now let go of my hand!” says Parker.
“Shhh!” I say. “Let’s go.”
After school, Mom calls a family meeting. Ugh. Family meetings are the worst. Mom created family meetings as a “forum for everyone to share their feelings.” So boring. Luckily, Dad added a shot clock. Each person gets ten seconds to say what’s on his or her mind; then Dad blows an air horn to signal time’s up. It might sound silly, but it totally makes those meetings more fun! Not to mention it kind of makes me feel like I’m on the court with seconds left before the buzzer. Sigh.
Usually I have a sense of what the family meeting is going to be about, but this time I am totally in the dark. When I come into the living room, Liv is already seated on a chair next to Mom. Joey, Parker, and Dad plop down on the couch as I take a seat on the chair across from Liv. She looks really nervous. That’s is a first!
“Liv has something she wants to talk about,” Mom announces. “So go ahead, honey. We’re listening.”
This is weird. I thought Liv hated family meetings as much as I did.
“Um, I was just going to have a private chat with Mom. But since we’re all here, let me just say it is snap-tastic to be home with my fam.” She snaps her fingers. “I missed you guys so much. So very, very, very, very, very, very—”
Dad blows the air horn.
We all flinch.
“Much,” Liv says with a smile.
“Wait, honey, that’s what you wanted to talk about?” Mom asks, taking Liv’s hand. “It’s sweet and all but a gross misuse of the family meeting.”
Joey nods. “Yeah, I thought you were going to tell Maddie—”
Liv grabs the air horn from Dad and blows it in Joey’s face.
“That you talked to Diggie—” Joey continues.
Liv blows the air horn again.
“About the dance—” Joey says.
Liv blows the air horn again and Dad snatches it from her.
“Liv,” I say, “what is he talking about?”
Liv looks so guilty. She takes a deep breath and blurts out, “Maddie-I-pretended-to-be-you-and-asked-Diggie-to-the-dance-and-he-said-he-doesn’t-like-you-in-that-way-ha-ha-ha! It-feels-good-to-get-it-off-my-chest-who’s-next?”
“What?” I can feel my face getting hot and red. How could she do this to me? She’s been back a day and she’s already made everything all about her and now she’s ruined my life. I just want her to go away and leave my life alone!
Parker speaks. “Hang on, Maddie, my turn. What I want to know is why I can’t poop with the door open? Literally everyone in this house has changed my diaper. What are we running from, people?”
I ignore him and stare at Liv. “You pretended to be me?” I say.
“Maddie, I promise I was just trying to help you,” Liv says.
“You were not trying to help,” I say. “I told you to leave Diggie alone! But the great Liv Rooney had to come in and try to fix my life. Well, guess what? My life doesn’t need fixing. It was so much easier being your sister when you were two thousand miles away! Ugh! I wish you never came home!”
“Maddie!” Mom says, clearly appalled at my outburst.
Liv looks like she is going to cry. “Fine!” she yells. “I’ll go back!”
“Liv!” Dad says, clearly upset by Liv’s reaction.
“Good! Go!” I storm into the kitchen while Liv stomps upstairs.
“So, where exactly did we land on Parker leaving the door open?” I hear Joey say as I slam the door. “I’d like to go on record as having voted ‘no.’”
Me and Parker are hanging in our super cool bro cave. No big deal.
“Liv moving back to Hollywood means all eyes will be back on us,” Parker tells me.
I let this little bit of sad information sink in.
I frown and say, “Which means we have to dismantle the bro cave.” I feel my eyes watering. “I’m going to miss it.” Better act quickly. I pick up the inflatable chair and a set of bongos and head into the hall to take them back down to the garage. It’s only right. I don’t want Mom and Dad getting any more upset today.
But right before I get to the stairs, Mom walks into the hallway. I look around frantically, but I can’t find a good spot to hide. So I set the chair down, sit on it, and start playing the bongos, like this is just another normal day in the life.
“Everything okay, Joey?” Mom asks me.
“Never better, baby,” I say calmly between bongo flourishes.
She nods and heads down the hall to the girls’ bedroom.
“Liv, honey, can we talk?” Mom says, knocking on my door. When I don’t answer, she opens the door and comes in, interrupting my packing.
“Mom, you’re not changing my mind!” I say, pulling clothes out of my dresser and shoving them into my sparkly suitcase. I just got my wardrobe organized and now I have to repack it all. Life is so unfair sometimes.
“Liv, are you sure that moving back to Hollywood is the best idea?” Mom asks gently, pulling my clothes out of my suitcase.
“Mom, I lived with Aunt Dena for four years. It was better for everyone,” I tell her before starting on the closet. I remember how Maddie helped me unpack, and I feel kind of horrible I upset her so much. On second thought, I don’t feel kind of horrible. I remind myself that I was only trying to help her with Diggie.
“I understand, but let’s dialogue i
t out and we’ll all make a decision together,” Mom says, “as a family. We just got you back. I don’t think your dad and I want you leaving again without you really giving this a try.”
“I did give it a try!” I say. “I tried to connect with Maddie, but I just made her mad. And then, when I tried to do something nice to fix it, it just made her madder. It’s like she doesn’t have any room for me in her life anymore and she doesn’t even want to make room.”
“Oh, honey.” Mom pulls me into a hug. “I know Maddie wants you here. It’s just going to take a little time for both of you to adjust. This is a big change. You guys need to talk it out. Running away from this won’t fix anything, I’m sure of it.”
“Well, Mom, I haven’t been this sure of anything since I said teal was going to be the hot color for summer.” I zip up my suitcase and head for the door.
I’m in our driveway shooting free throws, which usually makes me feel better. But it isn’t working, even though I’ve made the last ten shots in a row. That should make me happy, but it doesn’t. I wonder if Diggie is ever going to talk to me again now that Liv’s ruined my chances of ever having anything special with him.
“This girl is en fuego!” says a voice.
I spin around and see that it’s Diggie.
I jump. “Oh, uh, h-hey,” I stammer.
Diggie rubs his face nervously. “Maddie, I need to talk to you. I want you to know why I said no about the dance.”
“Well, this couldn’t get any more awkward,” I say with a nervous smile.
Joey appears, pushing Parker on a box carrier. They pass by Diggie and me. Joey says, “Out of our way! We have got a bro cave to dismantle!” before disappearing with Parker around the corner.
“Whaddya know? Got more awkward,” I say jokingly.
“I said no because I knew it was Liv,” Diggie says.
“What?” I ask him.
“Yeah, she didn’t do that cute thing you do with your charm bracelet when you’re nervous,” Diggie says, looking down at my wrist. I’ve been spinning my charm bracelet around and around without even noticing this whole time. I drop it immediately, but I know that I am totally blushing. I laugh and snort. So not cute.